Monday, January 31, 2011

Day 420 - #7DayChip.

I am addicted to Twitter. I make no secret of that. In fact, I love social media. It has been source of colossal help to me on this journey. I've met & befriended such great people on Twitter, through my blog, and on Facebook. Especially Twitter though.

A few days ago, I noticed a trending topic on Twitter - #7DayChip. It reminded me of rehab, or AA, where you get those chips for staying sober. This piqued my interest. I wanted to know more about it.

Kenlie wrote a post on it, and you can find it here. Basically, it just means that you are committing to eating healthily, without overeating or bingeing, for 7 whole days. I think I really am going to also post pics of my meals from now on, or at least I will try to.

It's no secret I've been struggling lately. I think I'm going to do this. I need it. In fact, I will commit to this, starting right now, but tomorrow will be the first day.

Oh, and there's more snow predicted for tonight, tomorrow & pretty much the rest of my life.

Ok, wrapping this one up now. Thanks for reading. And let's all make good choices.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day 419 - Back to It.

It's not a secret that I've been royally struggling this week. I've been eating my feelings, I admit. And it's awful. I felt awful, and it's been showing on the scale.

Today was the first day in a whole week that I felt back to normal. And I actually ate normally too.

You know what else I noticed this week? I don't feel like blogging or talking to anyone when I'm struggling. I just don't want to deal with anyone during those times. It's like by not dealing with people, then it doesn't make overeating real. It's shame, really. Isn't that something? Hmmm.

Oh, and I worked out for the first time since Monday. It felt so great, it really did. I sweated and everything. I got in about 55 minutes of cardio. I started with 25 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Cardio Sculpt Blaster with Lisa Kay for 562 calories.

I needed that workout today, I really did. I'm glad I did it. I was sweating like a pig.

Food was good today. I got in all of my requirements. I've been thinking that maybe I need to start posting photos of my eats, just for fun. But I know myself, and I'm so lazy. We'll see. It's a just thought for now.

OK, that's all I got. Thanks so much for reading. And let's all make good choices.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Day 418 - Better.

OK, so here's where I'm at right now.

Today was better than yesterday.

I am slowly getting my head out of my ass. I am starting to make better decisions and choices.

I actually got in all of my requirements, all of my fruits & veggies, my healthy oils, and my proteins.

No workout today, and I feel really guilty about that. I'm getting in my workout tomorrow, come hell or high water.

Oh, and on a brighter note, I was able to reattach the strap to the watch myself. So I will have a working HRM tomorrow. I'm also not as sore as I was yesterday. Thank goodness for that.

I'm making better choices, and I hope all of you are too. I'm on my way back now.

Day 417.

I can't sleep.

My neck & back are sore from all the shoveling. And we're supposed to get more snow this weekend and on Weds.

I can't take this crap anymore.

The watch band of my HRM is broken, and I'm getting it fixed today. I really need it.

Gonna try to sleep a little.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Day 416 - Snowed In.

I had a whole post and Blogger didn't save it. How annoying

Another foot of snow got dumped here on Long Island. I did not go to work today. Instead, I spent the majority of my day shoveling. For 3 hours. My plow guy never came to plow my driveway. So I had to do it. And now, I'm in some major pain.

Kenlie is hosting a Valentine pair up, because we should all have Valentines this year. If you'd like to be paired up with a fellow blogger, visit her blog and sign up! I have already.

Thank you for your comments on my post yesterday. Your encouragement means so much to me, I can't even tell you. It's moved me to tears, it really has. I love you guys!

It was a better day today. Except for the shoveling. Enough with the snow already. Ugh.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 415 - More Snow, Again!

More snow predicted for overnight.

I'm so angry at having to shovel another foot of snow that I don't have anything else to say right now.

More tomorrow.

I'm kinda struggling right now. And I'm getting kind of sick it too. Ugh.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Day 414 - Julia.

There are some things that transcend blogging.

There are some things that are more important than listing whether you worked out that day (I didn't) or whether you stayed on program that day (Nope, today was bad.)

I have met some amazing people through social media, and now, I can't imagine my life without certain bloggy/Twitter people. Julia is one of those people.

If you don't know her, if you don't follow her on Twitter, if you've never read her blog - get to know her. She's amazing, she's lovely, young, strong, and determined, and she's lost 145 pounds all on her own. She did it the old fashioned way - hard work, portion control, and working out. Who knew that stuff actually worked?

Yesterday, Julia unexpectedly lost her mother. I cannot imagine what she must be going through right now. But I do know that anyone suffering a huge loss would appreciate all the support the online world has to offer.

Julia, I've said this to you already, but I am so very sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling right now, the kind of pain and shock you're in, but please know this - I've been thinking about you and your family. If there's anything you need, I'm here.

Take a moment and visit her blog if you haven't already.

And if you're able to, go tell your mother you love her. NOW. RIGHT NOW.

I'm going to tell my Mom I love her right now.

And if you're struggling like I am right now, give yourself a kick in the ass, tell yourself to get your head out of the sand, and go back to doing what's worked for you in the past and stop messing around.

Because some things transcend blogging.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 413 - Doctor Appointment.

I had my twice yearly appointment with the gynecologist today. I go back again in 6 months.

I don't normally talk about going to the gynecologist, but it's a very personal matter for me. I hadn't been to the gynecologist in about 4 years before 2008. It's important to go every year, or every 6 months, depending on how old you are, and I'll tell you why.

In October 2008, I spent about 3 days in the ER with a ruptured ovarian cyst. I was getting ready to do a workout DVD, when I felt a cramp in my side. I didn't think anything of it, until about 15 minutes later, when I was on the floor, in the fetal position, in major pain.

I had never felt pain like that in my whole life. I thought I was dying. With the pain that I felt, I wish I were dying. It was my mother who suggested we go to the ER. She thought it could be appendicitis. I never would've thought of that. I'd probably would still be laying on the floor, if not for my Mom.

I had 2 cysts on my left ovary - one ruptured, which caused the pain, and one was bearing down on my ovary. The cysts were just fluid, not solid masses, which means they were not malignant. Here's why I got them in the first place. I gained a ton of weight quickly, which messed up my cycle. I stopped getting my period. I wouldn't get it for months at a time, and that fluid a woman sheds every month had built up and formed cysts. I was in such horrible pain for a week. In the ER, I had 3 pelvic exams in a 12 hour time span. You don't even want to know how horrible that was.

I stopped going to the gynecologist because I knew what he would tell me. He was going to tell me I needed to lose weight and I just didn't want to hear it. So what happens when you don't go to the gynecologist and there's a problem with your period?

You wind up in the hospital for 3 days because you were a stubborn jackass.

My other cyst didn't go away, even with being on the pill, which my new gynecologist put me on immediately, and in July 2009 I had to have a laparoscopy to remove the cyst. Know what the doctor told me during my follow up visit?

The cyst had completely weighed down and destroyed my left fallopian tube. And I had endometriosis. Which meant that my left reproductive side was now garbage. He told me that I could never get pregnant from my left side. Bad left ovary, bad left tube.

The silver lining? He told me my right side was perfect. Perfect right ovary, perfect right tube, no PCOS, and no more ovarian cysts. Finally, he told me that he would have no qualms about me getting pregnant if I ever wanted that.

That was the lesson I had to learn. If you're a woman and you're reading this and you've never been to the gynecologist: GO! Don't be afraid, just go. Mothers, if you have daughters that are 16 or older: TAKE THEM TO THE GYNECOLOGIST. Fathers, if you have daughters, talk to your wife about getting them to the gynecologist. NOW. I mean it. It's not a bad thing, it's a necessary thing. Don't be embarrassed because of your weight, or because of your hang ups. Every woman needs to go and get a pap smear every year. And a breast exam if you don't perform self exams on your own. Talk to your daughters about what to expect during the exam. Tell them what the exam is for. It's not the most pleasant thing to deal with, but it's over pretty quickly.

The whole exam lasts maybe 5 minutes, if that. And if I had just gone 7 years ago when my cycle started getting all skippy, maybe this could've been avoided. Maybe both of my ovaries would still work. But I'll never know now. At least one of them works.

Go to the doctor. Get physicals, get yourself checked out. Get bloodwork every year. If you feel something is up, listen to your body, go with your gut instinct. Because you never know.

Ok, my preaching is done. If I have reached just one person and convinced them to go to the doctor, then relating my horrible experience was totally worth it.

Make good choices people!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Day 412 - Trying on Dresses.

I went with Wendy to meet her other 2 bridesmaids for brunch. I had only met one of them before, Gigi, during Wendy's makeup consult. Debbie seemed nice. And they are both a size 4.

We headed over to the bridal shop to try on dresses. When the girl helping us asked for their sizes, Debbie & Gigi piped up "4".

I was so embarrassed to have to say "16" when it came to me. Just one more aggravating, heartbreaking thing to add to my already shitty day. I went into the dressing room, closed the door, and just shook my head. Amazingly enough, I didn't cry or anything, I didn't feel like crying, I guess I just felt frustrated. And this will sound awful, but I can't wait for her wedding to be here & done with. I will never agree to be in a bridal party again.

I decided to order my dress in a size 14. I'm gonna make this work. I'm gonna make that dress fit.

It's not Wendy's fault or anything. I mean, she's not being a bridezilla by any means, I'm just annoyed. At myself. At people who are a size 4.

I worked out today for the first time in almost a week. I felt ok, I don't think I'm as congested anymore. I did The Firm Ultimate Fat Burning Workout with Alison Davis. I wanted a little more of a calorie burn, so I went on the inclined treadmill for an additional 10 minutes. I wound up burning 477 calories. It felt good.

I stayed within my points today, and I got in all of my requirements. I tracked everything in my journal also.

Ok, I'm wrapping this one up today. Thanks so much for reading. And let's make good choices.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 411 - Slowly Feeling Better.

So most of my congestion is gone - almost. But now I'm coughing and I can feel mucus. Awesome.

At least I can breathe through my nose somewhat more than I could yesterday.

WI went well today, I was down 3.4 lbs., so I'm heading back to One-Derland. Slowly, but surely.

Still no workout, but I'm planning on definitely getting one in tomorrow morning. I have to, enough is enough.

I've got a big day tomorrow. Wendy is paying for a bridesmaids brunch in the city, and then we are heading on over to the bridal store to look at dresses. It's going to be freezing tomorrow, I'm talking 20 degrees or less. And I have to head out, still sick, in this freezing cold weather. I love Wendy to death, she's my best friend in the whole world, but I can't wait for her wedding to come and go already.

OK, that's all I've got for now. Oh, except this - food was ok today. Not the best, but no bingeing. Just a little overeating. I went over my points, but I did get in all of my requirements, and I tracked in my journal. So there you go.

Thanks for reading. And make good choices, people!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 410 - Still Sick, Part 3.

Thank you for all the "get better" comments! You guys are great!

I am feeling a little better though.

I can now breathe through one of my nostrils. And I can taste my food a little better today.

My head still feels tight, but not as tight as it did yesterday.

Still no workout, but I'm definitely working out tomorrow. Without a doubt.

WI tomorrow, and I think I will be fine. Considering I spent the majority of this week sick as a dog, I'll take any loss, no matter how small.

Ok, I don't have much to say, so I'm off to wrap this one up now. Thanks so much for reading. And make good choices!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 409 - Still Sick.

I'm still sick. :(

And I got nothing else to write about.

This cold has really knocked me off my feet. The only good thing is that since I can't really taste anything, I don't feel like overeating. In fact, the only thing I really feel like doing is sleeping.

Work was hell today. I felt horrible, looked horrible. And one of my coworkers told me I looked pale. I've got olive toned skin, so you can only imagine how pale I am.

I tracked everything in my journal, and I almost got in all of my requirements. I was short 2 fruit/veggies servings.

No workout today since my head felt like it was going to explode. I really hope that tomorrow will be better. Ugh.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 408 - I'm Sick. :(

I hate being sick. I am the world's worst sick person ever. For real.

I whine and complain about everything like a little bitch. I'm the first to admit it.

My head hurts, my throat feels dry, I can't really taste anything, I can't stop sneezing, and I can't breathe out of my nose. Oh, and my ears keep popping. Awesome.

Yeah, lots of great memories are being made right now.

See what I mean? I can't handle being sick. I'm a little bitch right now, I really am.

I called in sick to work because I didn't really sleep last night, and I felt like hell this morning. I went to a walk in medical center, and the doctor prescribed the Z pac for me. Hopefully, I will feel a little better tomorrow. This sucks, it really does.

No workout today, but I stayed on program. Got in all of the requirements, and I tracked everything in my journal.

I'm going to bed early tonight. Hope I will be able to sleep since I couldn't last night.

Before I go, I saw Heavy the other night, and I kinda liked it. The woman, Jodi, got on my nerves though. Her complaining got on my nerves. (Look who's talking, I know, I recognize the irony, believe me.) I'll keep watching, for sure. I can't remember the guy's name, but he kinda broke my heart. And the trainers were pretty good - this is definitely not a Biggest Loser rip off, thank God.

OK, I'm wrapping this one up now. Let's make good choices people.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 407 - Tough Tuesday.

Last night, I started feeling a little under the weather. My throat felt dry, and I had my humidifier on. I also drink a ton of water everyday, so the only thing I could think of was that I was starting to get sick. Today, I've been sneezing and my nose has been running. I started taking Vitamin C, took an Airborne today, and I will take some Nyquil tonight. I hate being sick, it royally sucks. I very rarely get sick though, so I really can't complain all that much. In the last 4 years, I've only gotten sick twice. I am made of steel! LOL.

Today I decided to do a workout I hadn't done in a while - 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels. I did the warm up to Level 1, hit pause, then went onto the inclined treadmill for 25 minutes. I went back to DVD and completed it. It was as tough as I remember, but my stamina & endurance have increased so much since I last did this DVD. I burned 474 calories, and I am more than happy with that number.

It was a good day today, I have to admit. I stayed completely on program & within my points, and everything I ate I logged in my journal. I got in all of my requirements also - a great day, for sure.

Ok, I am off to watch way too much TV, so I'm going to wrap this one up now. Thanks so much for reading. And let's all make good choices people.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 406 - Manic Monday.

I went into work today because if I work on a holiday, I get an extra day off. And honestly, the weather is still pretty awful. There's still piles of snow everywhere that won't melt because it's freezing outside. So what would be the point of staying home? I was busy today, which is good because that made the day go by quick. Not quite frenzied, but definitely Manic.

I got in a great workout today. I started with 26 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Super Cardio. That's a long, tough workout DVD. I've done it before, and it still gets me out of breath. Yes, it's an old mansion Firm DVD from the early 90s. Yes, the music is cheesy, as is the workout attire. But is it a great workout? You bet! And I burned 787 calories, sweating like a farm pig the whole time.

I'm still getting responses from my post about whether guys can fall in love with fat girls! I love it - keep them coming! That has to be, by far, my favorite post I've written on my blog. Day 399 - what else can I say? The response has been varied, mostly positive, some not so much, but that's ok. Everyone is different, and so we're all going to have different opinions. I will say that writing it has really opened up my eyes. I felt different after I wrote it - it's the funniest thing. I can't even describe it. It was a good kind of different, though. I guess I was nervous about the response, but also majorly curious to see what you guys thought. So if you haven't checked it out, please do so, and let me know what you think.

My glutes, thighs & hamstrings are sore from yesterday's workout. I will probably still be sore tomorrow. That's ok though because I think I actually like that feeling. My God, I sound like the Sadist, don't I? :o)

Anyone going to watch Heavy tonight on A&E? It's on at 10 PM, and I'm curious. I'll let you know what I think of the show tomorrow.

Ok, time to wrap this one up now. Thanks so much for reading. And let's make good choices.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 405 - Hatred Fueled my Workout Today!

OMG - my Jets just defeated the hated New England Patriots! Suck it, Tom Brady! LOL

Ok, back to the business at hand. No, seriously what a great game! Did anyone see it?

Ok, for real now. I had a super great day. Totally on program. I did a super hardcore workout this morning, to start the day off right. I did the warm up to a really tough Firm DVD, then hopped onto the inclined treadmill for 35 minutes. I wasn't going to do the treadmill that long, but I was thinking about today's game, and I just got angry. I am a diehard Jet fan, which means I automatically hate the Patriots. I mean, I REALLY hate them! I can't stand Tom Brady, and I hate Bill Belicheck with a passion. I don't even care if I misspelled his name. My heart rate went through the roof just thinking about it, and I needed to workout my frustrations on the treadmill. Good thing! The tough Firm DVD in question that I did today is Calorie Explosion with Alison Davis. My God, I thought I wasn't going to make it! I finished with 1,036 calories burned. You read that right. I burned a whole crapload of calories in my workout, because hatred fueled it today! hehe

After my workout, I showered, dressed, had breakfast, and I decided I needed to head out and get a mani & pedi. It was super relaxing (I've been saying the word super way too much today) and my toes really needed it. hehe.

I'm still trying to calm down from the game. I swear all the blood just rushed to my head as the final 3 minutes unfolded. Phew. . . . ok. Still so hyped up!

This week, this week is going to be awesome, I can just feel it!

Did y'all check out Julia's post about the question I posed earlier in the week, about whether guys can fall in love with fat girls? If you haven't, go check it out right now! It's an excellent read, and she is one of my favorite bloggers.

I have to thank my new followers! Thank you guys for letting me share my journey with all of you. And I look forward to reading more about you and your journeys as well!

Ok, Big Love comes back tonight, so I am wrapping this one up now. (I spend way too much time watching TV, it seems.) Thank you guys for reading. And make good choices!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 404 - Babysitting Sonia again.

I watched Sonia today, left my house crazy early, and I am exhausted. Taking care of her was great. She's such a good little girl. We played, I read her 2 Curious George books (one in English, one in Spanish), we watched some Tom & Jerry cartoons, and then it was time for her nap.

I didn't get to work out because there was some drama. When I drove back home, my brother rode with me. My Dad can no longer drive and hasn't driven his Jeep in a few months. My brother found a guy willing to buy it that lives by him, about 25 miles from my house. So on the drive back to his house, guess what happens. Flat tire, ripped the hub and no jack - it was bad. He had to drive to a 24 hour mechanic to buy a used tire. I was worried, and it wasn't til just now - 8PM - that he called and said he had made it back home safely. He had left my house a little after 4:30.

I have such a headache, I am so tired, but through it all, it still has been a pretty good day. Everyone is fine, safe at home, bad car and all, and it could be worse.

I stayed on program today, went a little over my points, but nothing terrible. I was snacking at my brother's house today, mindless snacking. But, I still managed to get in all of my requirements.

Ok, wrapping this one up now. I'm so glad this day is over. Thanks so much for reading. And let's make good choices people.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 403 - Better Late Than Never.

This morning, the Sadist texted me that she was feeling a little under the weather, and she had to cancel our training session. Feel better soon Lisa!

I think her cancelation gave me an excuse not to work out. I usually get my workout in right before dinner, since that's when my energy level is at its highest. Today though, I just couldn't get motivated. But y'all know what I'm going to say next. I knew I would feel so guilty if I didn't. I had a light dinner, waited for it to digest, then went to work. Hey, better late than never.

When I put my workout gear on, I was still undecided about which DVD to do. So after my 31 minutes on the inclined treadmill, I did The Firm Fat Blaster, since I really like that workout. After the DVD, I did a set of pushups, and my total calorie burn was 630 calories.

I have to leave really early tomorrow in order to babysit Sonia. I was supposed to meet Ena, but I had to cancel on her. I feel really bad about that, but family comes first. Sorry Ena, maybe next week?

It was a great on program day. I got in all of my requirements, and I tracked everything in my journal.

Well, since I need to be up crazy early tomorrow, I'm going to have cut this one short. Thanks for reading peeps. And make good choices!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Day 402 - I Can't Think of A Good Title for This One.

I got into work this morning, logged onto my email and I was shocked at what I read. My boss had emailed the entire firm that one of our former coworkers, Maria, had passed away from ovarian cancer yesterday. What a horrible thing. I wasn't very close to her really, but it's still sad. I knew that she had been battling the disease for a long time. I feel terrible for her family. She was married but had no children. What a terrible way to start off your day.

I was busy today, which just made the whole day fly by. Thank goodness for small miracles, I guess. It was 1:30 before I knew it.

When I got home from work, I was undecided about my workout. I knew I had to, I just wasn't sure which DVD to do. In the end, I decided on The Firm Power Half Hour with Emily Welsh. I did the warm up, hit the pause button, then did 27 minutes on the inclined treadmill. I went back & finished the rest of the DVD. I burned 531 calories.

I know I say this every time, but it felt so good to workout. I felt great when I was done and I was stretching, just great. My body craves exercise, it craves movement. The past week, I really haven't been doing a whole lot. Yesterday, I shoveled & did my step DVD. Today, another workout.

Tomorrow, training with The Sadist. Things are looking up.

It was a good day, horrible news about Maria aside. Got in all of my requirements, and I tracked everything in my journal. I went over my points a little, but I'm not worried about it. C'est la vie.

Ok, I'm wrapping this one up now because I'm running out of things to say. Thanks so much for reading. Make good choices people.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 401 - Snow Day! Oh, and I signed up to run a 10K.

Long Island got hit with about 18 inches of snow today. But I have to say that it wasn't terrible. Certainly not as bad as the blizzard we got right around Christmas. I still had to shovel, but I'm actually not sore. It took me about an hour a half, but like I said, it wasn't all that bad. I just hope the roads will be halfway decent in order for me to get to work tomorrow. I've got a short commute, which is pretty awesome, but I take side streets, which aren't always so reliable when it comes to being plowed. So we'll see about that.

I got in a pretty great upper body workout today with the shoveling - I was sweating & everything - but I decided I needed to do a little extra something. So I pulled out my step bench & an old DVD that I absolutely love - Step Reebok with Gin Miller. It's from the 90s, but it's a great workout. I burned 336 calories. Kinda low for my taste, especially since I always churn out high calorie burning workouts, but I also have to factor in the shoveling, so I'm ok with that number.

Well, I have finally done it. Today, I signed up to run my first ever 10K race.

I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't high on crack or anything, so I can't use that excuse. I don't know how I will get through it. I may have to walk some of it, although my goal is to run the whole thing. I ran my last 5K race that I participated in, which was the Turkey Trot (and I scored my personal best timing, might I add.)

Which brings me to training. I've never done any training for any of the 5Ks I've participated in. I just did it, and that philosophy will probably not help me this time around. I am going to be forced to train. I am going to have to ask The Sadist for some kind of written out training plan. I am dreading that. She's probably going to start me out running 10 miles or something crazy like that. I can see it now (You can do this, Kelly!) while I just want to hurt her very badly.

I'll keep you updated on that one.

Patrick gave me the Stylish Blogger Award. Thanks Patrick! I'll get to that this weekend, I swear. (Rachael Ray, Patrick? Seriously? Gag me.)

It was a good day, I got in all of my requirements, and I am easing myself back into working out again.

Alright, I need to catch up on my DVR, so I'm wrapping this one up now. Thanks for reading. And let's make good choices people.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day 400 - Great Response!

Hey guys! Just wanted to drop a quick line.

I am overwhelmed by the response. You guys are great!

I absolutely loved hearing what you guys thought. I loved all the input, all the feedback. You guys have given me lots to think about.

I've decided I'm not going to focus on love or finding love or anything like that for now. I need to focus on me right now, on getting healthy and staying healthy.

And - I need to start being serious about training for the 10K!

I'm really worried about that. I feel like I've got the stamina of a dead horse. Although when I do work out, I do so pretty aggressively, with an incredible calorie burn. But training means I will eventually have to start running outside. Ugh. I am NOT looking forward to that at all.

There's a huge blizzard heading by these here parts tonight & tomorrow, so my office decided to close tomorrow. Which is great, except I have to shovel. So not wanting to do that either.

OK - running out of things to talk about, so I am going to alternate between watching Teen Mom 2 & Lights Out. Let's all make good choices people.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 399 - Can Guys Fall in Love with Fat Girls?

I said yesterday that I was thinking about posting something "special" on Wednesday. Well clearly, I couldn't wait that long.

As I've embarked on my journey and I've lost weight, I've started thinking about my personal life, (read: love life, or lack thereof).

When I was in high school, guys didn't look at me as the girl they wanted to go out with. They either made fun of me, or thought of me as one of the guys. I followed basketball, baseball & football, so I could talk shop with them. Or I made myself into the funny chick, making jokes & stuff. But they NEVER looked at me romantically.

In college, I lost weight and got down to my smallest, 150 lbs., and things changed. I dressed differently, acted differently, so guys looked at me differently.

I always got the "You have such a pretty face!" Or even better: "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight!"

How many of you have had that said to you? How many of you wanted to smack the sh*t out of those people when they said that to you?

I've had boyfriends here and there, but nothing at my heaviest.

Here I am, down 70 lbs., a little older, a little wiser, and now I find myself wondering: can guys fall in love with fat girls?

Let me be clear about something before I continue. I am in no way saying that by being fat, I (and for that matter, other fat peeps) don't deserve love, or to find love. Being fat does not make me any less human than anyone else. It does not mean that I think I am any less important or less-deserving than rail thin people.

Of course I want to find love. Of course I think I deserve love. Of course I hope I'll find it one day. I know in my heart I deserve to be loved, and I hope that guy comes along one day. Because I know I deserve someone really special.

Before I lost weight in college, the summer before my senior year, I met this guy, and I thought he was great. I thought he could be "the one." After a month, he just disappeared. And you know, when he finally decided to resurface, he fed me all the cliches in the book: "It's not you, it's me," crap, crap, crap. I attributed it to my weight. And I went into the worst depression of my whole life after that.

I don't normally get too personal on here because there are somethings I don't find appropriate to put online, and sharing that story was huge for me.

P.S. We met online, on AIM, if you can believe that. Which brings me to something else. I'm not against meeting people online, as long as they are not psychos! Whether it's Twitter, Facebook, or Blogger, it's fine with me to meet people online - I don't think there's anything weird about it.

So maybe I won't find someone right this second, or next week. But I'm hopeful that he's out there.

I want to know what y'all think. Especially from the guys! (I say that as if I have any guy readers!)

Thanks for reading, people. Good choices!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 398 - Babysitting Sonia.

My brother called me this morning and asked me if I could babysit Sonia. Of course I could!

She slept most of the time. I watched football. hehe. But when she woke up, we played, I read her a book, I cooked her some lunch, and we just had fun! When I left, she gave me a hug. :0) She's never done that before. She is starting to really like me now! I freaking love that kid!

I worked out in the morning before heading to my brother's house. I started with 26 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Parts Upper Body. I burned 562 calories. I had some trouble keeping my heart rate up, which explains the relatively "low" calorie burn (low for me).

I have an idea for a blog post I'm thinking of writing for Wednesday's post, but I'm still thinking about it in my head. So I won't say anything solid until I am actually prepared to write it. It will be most definitely eye opening - at least for me.

I had a good day. I went over my points a little, but I got in all of my requirements. And everything is written down in my journal.

It's shaping up to be a good week. Work tomorrow, though. :( How annoying.

P.S. Anyone see the Jet game last night? How awesome was it? I swear I almost had a heart attack though. hehe.

Ok, wrapping this one up now. Thanks so much for reading. And let's all make good choices.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 397 - Back to Working out.

I went back to working out with The Firm today. It felt good, it really did.

I started with 25 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Tough Tape with Tracie Long. I burned 636 calories.

It felt good to sweat. I'm sore from yesterday's training session with Lisa, and I have no doubt that with all the leg presses, lunges, and squats I did today, I will still be more than sore tomorrow. They really like their leg press in this DVD.

I needed this workout today after the last couple of weeks I've had. Enough is enough.

My birthday was last week, and tonight, Wendy took me to Peter Luger for a belated birthday dinner. It was a lot of fun. I ate well, no dessert, and we split everything. The steak was good, maybe a little too undercooked for my taste. I'm a medium, well done kinda girl, and the steak was at just about medium. Shrug. Oh well.

I decided not to go to my WW meeting today. I'm ok with the decision. Just ok. I should've gone to WI, and I know that. But it was my decision not to go, and I'm owning up to it. Today has been a different kind of Saturday for me than other Saturdays. No overeating, no eating crap. Smart choices foodwise for me today.

A much better day for me today. I'm really hoping that this will be the foundation for a great week.

Off to watch the NFL playoffs. Thanks so much for reading. And let's all make good choices.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day 396 - Personal Training with Lisa, aka The Sadist.

There has been more snow for today, but fortunately it's not sticking, and there's not much accumulation expected. Thank goodness for small miracles.

I worked out with the Sadist today. Always such great times. We tried some new things today. Walking lunges with weights, squats with overhead press, ladder work. I was sweating within 5 minutes. She even made me do the dash - you remember that from when we were little in school? Where you run, touch a spot on the floor, run back & repeat? Yup, she made me do that.
Lots of fond memories were made today. Oh, and I'm already feeling it in my butt & thighs. And ab work. Can't forget the ab work.

By the way, I absolutely hate foam rolling.

Today was a better day for me. I even tried a new fruit - a pomegranate. But I made such a huge royal mess. I tried eating the seeds, but that didn't work. I wound up throwing it away, extremely disappointed.

Anyone have any tips on how to eat pomegranates? I've read that some people cut it up, then soak it? I'd love suggestions.

Wrapping this one up now. Stay tuned next week - I may have something really exciting to tell you guys about!

Good choices people!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 395.

I'm going to register for the 10K this weekend. It's not til May, so I have plenty of time.

More snow expected round these parts tonight going into tomorrow. I am so sick of snow. I need to consider moving to Tahiti.

I didn't work out today. I feel bad because I know I should've. Getting back to it tomorrow.

Not much to say tonight. Not one of my best days. Ugh.

Ok, more tomorrow, I promise. Let's get back to it.

Let's make good choices people.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day 394 - Ok, 10K.

I've decided to do go ahead and do it. I'm going to do my first ever 10K on Sunday, May 1, 2011.

I have no idea what I am getting myself into.

I have no idea about the training involved.

I have no idea if I'm going to do any training at all.

I have no idea if I can run the whole thing.

I don't know if I'll be able to finish.

But I do know that I am going to try to do this. Because believing you can do anything is half the battle.

I am going to do this with my new found friend, Ena Gordon. Who decided to step out of her comfort zone and out of her shell. (Is it ok to say that, Ena?)

This got me to thinking. Stepping out of your comfort zone is done by people all the time, people more courageous than I. I'm at a point in my life where I am unsatisfied with my current career. I must finish my thesis, without question. I have to decided what I really want to do. It would be so awesome if I could figure this all out right now, but of course it doesn't that work that way. Maybe I need to switch careers. Maybe I could be someone who makes their living off their blog. Maybe I could help other people.

Maybe I could leave NY and move to Hollywood. A girl can dream, right?

Maybe I need to stop talking about it and just do it already.

Life is all about changes, folks. It's time I make a few good changes of my own. Signing up to do a 10 K when I am still unsure of my own body's physical abilities will be part of that change.

Step out of your comfort zones every now and then, people. You'll be glad you did.

Meeting people from the blogosphere will be huge for me., just because it's something I never would've thought of doing before. And I do plan on doing that. Ena will be the very first person I'll meet from this blogging community, although I don't think she blogs. I can't wait to meet fellow bloggers, and people from Twitter. Suzanne, if I ever get to Canada, I'm looking you up for one of those fabulous walks! :)

Meeting people is just the first step.

This year. . . this year is going to be different. Anything is possible, and I'm looking forward to it.

Let's all make good choices people.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Day 393 - I have 100 followers!

And I love you all! (No really, I actually mean that.) :0)

I've been blogging for a while, and it still amazes me that I have any readers and followers at all. I'm being serious about that.

Today I received an email from a local reader named Ena Gordon. With her permission, I'm going to post it here:

Hi Kelly,   I am a reader of your blog,  I don't comment as of yet ( I don't have an id).   Your post today got me to thinking, since I am a fellow LI maybe we can be  running buddies, and do the 10k at the LI festival of races together in May and  then the Diva's Half in October.   I am sure we can set up a virtual way to  train together along with some in person runs.   I will tell you a little about myself so you don't think I am a weirdo of some  sort.  I just moved to LI from CT a year ago.  I work in The City, I am trying  to lose about 80 lbs (I will be no speed demon).  I enjoy reading your blog.   You can find me on Facebook Ena Gordon.

Think it over and let me know,   Ena Gordon

A running buddy?!  I couldn't believe it.  Here is my reply to Ena:  

Hi Ena.   Thanks so much for your email, and for reading my blog!  It  still amazes me that people read it.  I am not a runner, nor a speed demon like you say, and when I wrote that I was  thinking about completing a 10K or maybe even a half,  I was just kinda  spitballing.  I'm not even sure if the half marathon is feasible, but it's still  a goal.  I think it would be a nice idea, so let's see, shall we?  Also, do I have your permission to include your email to me in my post tonight?   If not, I understand, but let me know.  Happy training!  Kelly

Ena, I don't think you are a weirdo.  I admit that I was surprised when I received your email but in a good way.  First, I am humbled.  Humbled because you are willing to take time out of your life to help me with my training.  Me, a total stranger whom you have never met and don't know at all except through my blog.

I am honored, truly I am.

Alright Ena, let's do this!  :0)

This got me to thinking.  At some point, I would absolutely love to meet some of my favorite bloggy friends.  Like Kenz, Suzanne, Julia, Stephanie, Mary, Jack, Jen, . . . the list goes on & on.  Maybe next year I'll do a roadtrip or something and meet some of my favorite bloggy peeps.  How cool would that be?

I decided to do a new Firm Express Workout.  I did Cycle 1 - Ignite: Cardio, with Emily Welsh.   The workout is 20 minutes long, with a series of 8 second "cardio blasts", followed by 12 seconds of recovery after each blast.  It's a nice little workout, but since I didn't do the treadmill prior, I had trouble getting my heart rate up.  So when the DVD was done, I stepped for about 6 minutes, which got my calorie burn up to 175 calories.  I'm ok with my workout today.  Tomorrow, I'll do a longer one.

So what do you think people?  If you had an opportunity to meet one of your readers, would you?  Let me know!   And let's all make good choices.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 392 - Change, maybe?

I've been thinking about change lately. Not just the physical transformation that a person goes through on a weight loss journey, but all the changes that come along with it.

Specifically, I've been wondering about changing my workout time - from after work to before. This may be hard for many reasons. The major reason is that I am NOT a morning person.

Ok, so maybe that won't work. I am trying to be more open minded, something I was not 70 pounds ago. In fact, I want to find a 5 mile race in the spring and run the whole thing, like I ran my last 5K, the Turkey Trot.

I do want to try new things - a 5 miler, a 10 K, maybe even - dare I say it? - a half marathon. I don't think I 'll do any specific training for these things, because I didn't when I decided to do a 5K. I just went balls to the wall, and that method worked for me. It won't work for everyone, and I'm not saying that training isn't important, because of course it is. I believe that as long as you're consistent in your exercise, you'll be ok. A good routine of cardio & sculpting will get you there, in whatever training you're doing. Now that I think about it, if I do decide to do a half marathon, I may have to do some actual training, with a running schedule and everything. Hmmm . . . this is definitely going to require some more thinking on my part.

This is not part of any kind of resolution list. I don't make resolutions for the simple reason that I hate resolutions. But I do think goals are important. Having goals makes you want to fight for something, doesn't it?

Heres to the fight, people! Let's all make good choices.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Day 391 - Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery.

Everyone knows I absolutely love Jack's notecard posts. And everyone also knows that imitation is the best form of flattery, right? Right Jack? So here goes.

(Uncle Sam wants you!)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day 390 - It's My Birthday!

Happy New Year, bloggy friends!

So one day you wake up and you're 32 years old. And you think to yourself, how the @!$#% did that happen?

Well, it's my birthday today, but I don't feel any special, I don't feel any older - it's like it's just another regular day for me.

My brother & Sonia came over, and that was really about it today. We played & ran around after her - I just love that kid so much. I didn't leave the house, didn't feel like running around doing errands. Tomorrow I'll have to go to the store, maybe get a mani & pedi. We'll see.

I indulged way too much today, and I'm really feeling it. Oh, and I didn't work out today either but I will rectify that tomorrow, I swear. My glutes, thighs, and now my abdominals are sore from yesterday's workout with Lisa. Thanks Lisa - you truly are a friend (sadist).

Anywho, this last week has been bad for me, horrible if I'm to be honest. I can't stop eating, and I need to cut the crap out now, before it gets any worse. RIGHT NOW.

I plan on getting in a nice, long workout tomorrow, and dust myself off. I can't change what I've done the last week, but I can absolutely control what I will do tomorrow, or even 5 minutes from now. Enough is enough.

I'm going to wrap this one up now. Thanks so much for reading. And let's all make good choices.