Day 1,026 - Static Standstill & Booty Shorts.

I'm all out of focus this week.  And that's my fault, not anyone else's.

I could say it was because I switched birth control this month and my body is all out of whack.  And if I read that on anyone else's blog, I would be the first one to call bullshit.

I could say that it's because I haven't been getting enough sleep.  And if I read that on anyone else's blog, I would say, then go to bed a little earlier.  Plan & prepare better.

I could go on & on, but my point is this - Isn't it easy to make all these excuses and NOT take responsibility for your own actions?

I will NEVER do that.  My focus is just not at 100% right now.

No one forces any food down your throat - you do that all on your own.

I am at a standstill right now.  I feel like I'm static. Or at an impasse or crossroads or whatever you want to call it.

And that is my fault.  I know what I need to do.  I've just been too damn lazy to do it this week.

The workouts aren't a problem, it's the food intake.

I need to be a little hard on myself.  Because this whole losing weight thingy can be hard at times.  Especially now.  NOW.  When I'm so damn close to my goal.

When I'm physically stronger & more fit than I ever have been in my adult life.  I mean, I can actually see some - not a lot, but some - cuts on my arms and shoulders.  Take a look.

Tiny, baby, bicep muscle.  Not quite a gun show, but getting there.  Doesn't compare to Linda Hamilton's arms in T2, or Tara's arms.  Girlfriend is pretty ripped.

See people?  I'm not ONLY just about my tatas!  I'm like an onion - lots of different layers.

Although, talking about my tatas is kinda fun. Right?  ;-)

So I'm taking the power back, because this standstill/struggling business is no fun. In fact, it sucks.  Plain & simple.

My first step in taking the power back - stepping way out of my comfort zone.  By wearing those yoga booty shorts I feel so self conscious in.

The inseam on these is 3'.  Super duper short - for me.  You have no idea how uncomfortable I felt in these.  Don't let the smile fool you.  I am insanely insecure inside.  And the anxiety I was feeling.  But I held my head high, & wore them to Bikram anyway.  With the sexy instructor.  Yup.

I had to put on a pair of long pants before I headed out.  The anxiety was just getting to me too much.  My thunder thighs are probably my least favorite body part.  Like ever.  A close second is my stomach, followed by my saddlebags.  You can't see that too much here because the lighting is pretty bad.  But I know it's there.

I got to the studio early, and when I had to take the pants off, I felt SOOO uncomfortable.  I felt like everybody was zeroing in on my thunder thighs.  Displaying major confidence right here.  I kept readjusting them, pulling them down so they would cover as much of my inner thighs as possible.  Which defeats the whole purpose of wearing them.  But if I had tinier thighs, they wouldn't have been riding up like they were tonight.  Grr.

Whatever, I worked hard and sweated my ass off.

That sweat is real people.  Blood, sweat & tears right there.

Hitting the sack early because I've been staying up way too late recently.

Let's do this freaking thing already.  Enough with the bullshit AND the excuses!  

I can't do this static standstill.   It's just not working for me.  It cramps my style.

Good choices!