Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Day 816 - Bikram And a Major Decision.

Something really aggravated me on Facebook this morning. I won't go into too much detail, suffice to say that what some people consider gorgeous and sexy does not agree with me. Whatever, to each his own. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and beliefs.

Enter Twitter. I released some of my aggravation on there today, which may or may not have been a good idea. If I sounded mean or judgemental, I apologize. That certainly was NOT my intention, since I whole heartedly believe that mean people suck.

Anywho, let me summarize by saying that one of my followers tweeted this to me, which totally was the sweetest thing and made me tear up a little:

"You're somebody's dream girl, you just haven't met him yet."

How sweet, right? Only, my question is: Wouldn't I have met him by this point in my life?

No, seriously. It hasn't happened yet, and I'm really not expecting it to. I've waited my whole life to be someone's goddess, and time is just flying by. So because it hasn't happened yet, then it's just not going to. And by the way, I am MORE than fine with it not happening. It doesn't happen for everyone. That's life. It happens.

So please, no reassuring comments that he's out there, ok? If it happens, great. If it doesn't, great. I'm pretty awesome - with or without a guy. And I certainly don't need one to feel complete.

I will say just one more thing though. I've made a major decision.

If, by the time I'm 35, my situation has not changed, then I'm going to get artificially inseminated. I really want a baby, and the time is just flying by. I don't have forever, so I have decided to take the initiative. I've learned the hard way that I can NEVER just rely on things MAYBE happening - if I want something done, I have to go out there and do it my damn self. I will not rely or make my life dependent on finding someone, since it may not happen. I will have and get the life that I want - even if it means going against convention to get it.

I am way stronger than this. I am way better than this. And I am way ABOVE this. (I've always admitted to being an elitist snob. hehe)

I am a complete person the way I am right now. There is NOTHING wrong with me because I don't have a husband. There is NOTHING lacking in my life because I am not married.

This is why I think people suck sometimes. I made the mistake of posting what one of my Twitter followers tweeted me on Facebook, and I really wish I had NEVER said anything. I'm still not over my BFF giving me that pity look last year at our final fitting for her wedding. And that's exactly what those reassuring comments on Facebook were to me today - pity comments. And yes - she commented on my status today, which was nice, but it just felt like another pity comment. Ugh.

I mean, really? It's the 21st century, and people are still looking at other people like there's something wrong with them because they are single? Seriously? Wow, judgmental much? I hope you understand a little better now when I state emphatically that people suck.

Ok, I'm done talking about this. I was sooo aggravated today, so it was a good thing that I went to Bikram. Towards the end of the session, I was starting to feel nauseous. The final backbend really made me feel sick. That's been happening ever since I've been taking Bikram. Joe came over to me and asked how I was doing. I really hate that. I mumbled, "Fine." And then I closed my eyes as I was in savasana.
But I still sweated like a mofo. Not much of a smile today, I just wasn't feeling it.

I couldn't wait to just get home and shower. Joe insists on saying good night. I really wish he would stop doing that already. I was walking out with the quickness again, eyes on the floor, keys in hand. And he still said good night. I barely turned my head and mumbled good night. I'm not really sure why I don't like him. And I'm really not sure why he insists on saying good night when my body language clearly says I'm not in the mood to talk at all. I sound like such a b*tch, don't I? Sigh.

Good eating day, in spite of the aggravation. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

Need to wrap this one up now. Sorry if this was a slightly angry post, guys. I just really needed to release this aggravation some way, and blogging is my outlet. I'll be better tomorrow. I'm already feeling better. :-)

Make good choices!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 815 - Strength Training.

First, one quick thing. Jennifer asked me about my green monster smoothie. I've posted briefly about this before, a few times, but I'll give you the recipe, mkay?

1 cup 1% milk
1 cup tightly packed fresh baby spinach
1 cup Dole frozen whole strawberries
a cut up banana
WW French Vanilla smoothie mix

Put everything in a blender and let it fly. Jennifer, if you try it, let me know how you like it, or hate it.

Today at work, I was thinking about how I really need to stop delaying my workout when I get home. The sooner I do it, the sooner it's done & over with, right?

So tonight, I made sure to start before 6:30. I did 23 minutes on the treadmill, then The Firm Super Sculpting. I wanted to get my calorie burn up, so I did another 15 minutes or so of strength. And I burned 582 calories.
Real sweat, no joke.

Good day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I need to hit the sack soon. Bikram tomorrow night, and I can't wait!

Make good choices - BELIEVE.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Day 814 - Sonia & Horizon Organic Milk Saved the Day!

My brother texted me today about my adorable niece. I wish I knew how to post a screen grab of my phone and post it on here. It is just too cute for words!

"Sonia has been asking about you all weekend. I asked her if she wanted to go in your car and she said she wanted to go your house in my car."

Heart tug. I freaking love that kid! I texted him back that I would love to her one day this weekend. Seriously, I teared up when I read that text. I can't wait to see her this weekend. She is just so beautiful, and sooo cute!

I didn't do my food prep last night like I normally do because I was feeling tired and just plain lazy. Yeah, I know, I suck at life. So I got up a few minutes earlier this morning and got everything packed. Or at least I thought I got everything packed.

When I went to put my food in the fridge at work, I realized I had forgotten my milk to make green monster smoothie.


Well, now what? I guess I had to make a quick trip to the grocery store.

When I got there, I immediately went the dairy section. I looked for the smallest container of milk they had. But everything was either gallons, half gallons, or quarts. Nothing smaller than a quart.

I didn't really want to get a quart because it would've been a complete waste of money. I had an almost full gallon of milk at home. What I was really looking for was a single serving container. Then I remembered that Horizon Organic Milk sells milk in those little juice cartons for kids school lunches. Problem solved!
I was able to find a single serving carton. Perfect. Catastrophe averted. LOL.

For my workout, I decided I HAD to do core work. Even though I really hate doing that. But I know it's important. I started with 25 minutes on the treadmill, then I did The Firm TransFirm Your Troubel Zones with Kelsie Daniels. They incorporated some standing abs work using the kettle bell, which is great for me. I hate crunches of any kind. But they did about 2 minutes of Turkish stands (I think that's what they're called.) But I decided I needed to do some crunches anyway. I did 20 upper body crunches, then 20 reverse crunches, and I called it a day.

I burned 622 calories. No joking around here.

Another solid day for me. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I am open to love and I deserve to be loved. I know exactly what I want, and I know it will happen.

I am trying to get to bed at a decent time instead of midnight.

How cute is my niece? Seriously. Love. Love.

Be positive, and surround yourself and think positively.

"The image of your goal properly planted and constantly nourished with positive, expectant thought-energy will cause your goal to develop into a burning desire." - Bob Proctor

Make good choices!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Day 813 - Rest Day & Brunch.

I looked at my DayPlanner, where I log all of my workouts & calories burned. Apparently, without me realizing, I've worked every day this week. Your muscles need to time to rest and restore, so today, I took a much needed rest day.

Wendy's going to be away for her birthday, and she loves going out to eat. I mean, LOVES it. Me? I hate it. I can't fucking stand it. And she wanted to meet for brunch.

Brunch. I hate that word. Even the word makes my skin crawl. What a totally unnecessary, useless, and fat-laden meal. Ugh.

FYI - this is the absolute LAST time I am ever going out for brunch. Never.

I decided to tackle this with a plan. I knew it would be a disaster to go to this useless thing on an empty stomach. So I fueled up. Here's what I had.
One slice of whole wheat bread, a little peanut butter, even less strawberry preserves, and an orange. One quick look at the menu told me this place did not have any fresh fruit. Awesome. I hated it already. I am never going back there.

I decided to order as healthy as possible. Three egg whites with spinach and feta, 1 slice of whole wheat toast with a teaspoon of butter. The butter I asked for on the side. The waitress brought fresh mixed berries. Wendy didn't want it. hehe. Here's what my plate looked like.
That omelette you see there? I only ate 25 % percent of it. It wasn't very good. When we got our food, I immediately cut the omelette in half, pushed the other half to the other side of the plate, and then ate half of my half. Thank goodness for that pre-fuel PB&J and orange. The berries and the toast I finished. Not pictured is my glass of water with lemon.

What a complete waste. Never again, I'm telling you.

Anywho, on my way back home, I decided to stop by Crate & Barrel. That place is my new crack, apparently. I wanted to get some accessories since my place is still pretty bare. Here's what I got.
Glass rectangular platter, 2 glass hurricanes & pebbles. The rug that is underneath my coffee table I got today also, but at Bed Bath & Beyond. I thought about getting a tall glass vase also and filling that up with rocks, but decided against it. Next time.

So that was my day. That and Cinderella duties. I had 4 loads of laundry to do. I swear, I don't know how it all piles up in just a week. And I feel like I have no clothes either! LOL.

Good day. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements.

Need to head to bed. I see I've gotten some new followers from my guest post over on Priorfatgirl. Thanks for following! My craziness can be quite entertaining. :-)

Make good choices!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Day 812 - WI Results.

I was down 0.6 at WI today. Really disappointing. I was expecting at least a full pound. Oh well. It will come off next week, you'll see. :-)

I decided to get in a little extra cardio today, since I would be going to Bikram later in the evening. I pulled out a DVD I hadn't done in over a year - The Firm Cardio Party. Not one of my favorites, it's a little cheesy, to be honest. It's led by 5 different Firm Master Instructors. It got me moving, got me sweating, so it did its job. I burned 374 calories.
I got to Bikram a little earlier than usual. I wanted to make sure I got a good spot to place my mat. I noticed tonight that I'm getting slightly more flexible with the poses. Either that, or I am more flexible than I originally gave myself credit for.

During the Standing Bow Pulling pose, the hot instructor, Tommy, noticed I was twisting my hand around my ankle when it should've been straight. So he came over to me, and told me to adjust. He showed me what I was doing wrong, and showed me how to correct it. For some reason, I didn't mind at all when he did that. I think I like him better than Joe, the Weds. night instructor. Don't ask me to explain that, because I can't.
Pouring sweat from every single pore. That tank top is actually gray, not black. It's soaking wet so it looks like it's actually black. Yeah, Bikram is no joke. And I'm kinda loving it. :-)

So today, after the session ended, I decided to take your advice. I walked out with my head high, in spite of feeling disgusting beyond belief. When I saw Tommy at the front desk, I said, "Good night."

Are you guys proud of me? LOL. He responded, "Good job!" He sounded a little too drill sargeant, but I guess because I like him better than Joe, it didn't bother me as much. Hehe.

I think I'm going to switch to the Tuesday night class, which Tommy leads. Seriously, this man is hot. Very, very yummy.

Solid day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and went over my points slightly. I'm ok with that.

Ok, I need to wrap this one up now. I've rambled on for way too long. Thanks for reading Make good choices!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Day 811 - Last Chance Workout.

What a rainy & miserable day it was here in NY. Bummer. Hope where ever you guys are, the weather was nicer.

My right knee was feeling a little off, a little funky. So I decided not to run on the treadmill today. I don't want to take any chances. If I decide to do the fun run on Sunday, then I don't want anything bad to happen. I haven't decided if I'm going to do it or not. I'm still up in the air about it.

Instead, I walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes, then I did The Firm Time Crunch Workout. This workout is lead by 2 instructors - Susan Harris & Kai Soremukun. It had been a long time since I had done this DVD, and for some reason, I forgot that it was a shortened workout, like the title suggests. Yeah, I wasn't thinking ahead, for some reason. So when the DVD was over, I added another 20 minutes of heavy sculpting to get my calorie burn up. Lunges, curtsy dips, shoulder press, hammer curls, leg press, and squats. In the end, I burned 626 calories.
Sweating like a pig. LOL.

Got another solid day under my belt. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements.

I'm feeling confident about my WI tomorrow. I know I will show a loss.

Need to wrap up now. Thanks for reading. Make good choices!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Day 810 - My First Ever Guest Post!

I am sooooo super excited to announce that I have written my first ever guest post for one of my favorite ladies! Jen's blog was one of the first weight loss blogs I ever started reading. Long story short, social media (Facebook, Twitter & the blogosphere) gave us our common connection.

When I decided to try Bikram Yoga for the first time, it was because of her. If you don't read her, you are missing out. I love her, love her blog! :-)

Here is the link to my post that Jen was gracious enough to allow me to write for her blog:

If you guys have ever thought about Bikram, I encourage you to do it. It's awesome - I love it!

I've decided to start kicking up my workouts with running on the treadmill now. Don't ask me why. I am NOT a runner. I am a wanna be runner.

So today, I decided to run on the treadmill. For 2 miles. Straight. I was in the zone today, for some reason. It helped that I was jogging at a slow-ish pace - 4.5 for the first mile, then 4.7 for the second. It took me about 30 minutes to run that, with a 2 minute warm up. I was pouring sweat when I got off. I needed to get some sculpting & light cardio in, so I popped The Firm Boomers with Jayne Poteet in the DVD player. I heavied up my weights.
Can you see the sweat all over my face? More importantly, can you see my COLLAR BONES?! Squeal! :-)
Yup, I burned 727 calories. I'm not messing around here. :-)

Solid day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points. I needed to be solid after the cupcake fiasco yesterday.

Don't forget to check out Jen's blog! (Ok, I'm done plugging my guest post now. hehe)

Need to wrap up & hit the sack. Make good choices!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Day 809 - Bikram and The Damn Cupcake.

I got a few comments asking about my watch/HRM, and how I use it to calculate how many calories I burn during a workout. I use a Polar F6 Heart Rate Monitor. It's a 2 part device: one of course is the berry colored watch you saw yesterday, and the other part is an expandable strap that goes around your body - specifically your chest. In the watch, you plug in your personal information (age, sex, height & weight.) I bought mine on overstock, but you can buy them on Amazon, or the Polar website. I want to say you can get them in any sporting goods store, but don't quote me on that since I'm not positive.

Anywho, you guys know I have a sweet tooth, right? I make no secret of it. I mean, who doesn't like things like brownies or cake?

Today on Facebook, Crumbs posted their cupcake of the week: the Tiramisiu cupcake. It looked sooo good. A co worker & I decided to split one. (I'm pleading temporary insanity on this one.) I normally would never eat anything like that - especially during the week. So, WTF was I thinking? I wasn't - bad choice - never happening again. Just thinking about makes me want to vomit.

Big mistake. Huge.

So we split it, didn't finish all of it & neither did she. What a disappointment. I forgot to mention that said half cupcake was consumed about an hour before my Bikram class. And it was very rich and very heavy.

And it just sat there in my stomach. I felt sick, bloated & gross. That damn cupcake made me want to puke my guts out.

In fact, with about 15 minutes left in the class, I had to stop because I really thought I was going to hurl and embarrass myself in front of everyone. In the handful of classes I've taken, I've never felt that close to throwing up. NEVER. There were also more people than usual, which made the room feel about 80 degrees hotter than it actually was. If you know anything at all about me, it's that I have a strong constitution, meaning I don't get sick very often. It takes A LOT for me to feel like I need to throw up. Even gross horror movies don't affect me this way.

Sweet Jesus and all that is holy. It is not physically possible for me to have sweated as much as I did. I'm glad I went and sweated it out. I needed to do that, I really did.
I managed to break a smile. Every single part of me was sweating, which was great. In spite of me wanting to hurl & feeling gross, I still smiled.

As I was leaving the studio, I noticed Joe at the front desk. He was on the phone. I figured I could make a quick getaway since I was still feeling nauseous and gross and really not in the mood to talk/chit chat. So I walked with the quickness, looking at the floor like I always do. Just my luck. As I passed him, he finished his phone call, and said to me, "Take care." With a slight grin.

Blimey. Now I had to say something back. I mumbled, "Good night," with a half smile, and picked up my speed even more.

Sorry Drazil. I just was NOT in the mood. I really just wanted to walk out of there and be left alone. I was soaked in my own sweat, I was dehydrated and thirsty with my extra water in the car, and I felt like I was going to hurl. Wow - I sound terrible. I can only imagine how my body language (head down, eyes on the floor, and walking with the quickness) must've looked to him. Shrug. Oh well. Too late now. I'm not really sure if I cared, actually. (Yeah, that sounds awful. I did care, and I do care. Must work on this body language thing. So unattractive.)

But seriously kids, don't try this at home. I'm also not looking for encouraging words here - what I consumed (that damn cupcake) was wrong. Just plain wrong. It should not have happened, and believe me, I paid the price. My body felt different, and it needs healthy, whole and fresh foods, not stupid crap. And it will not be happening again. It was just stupid, plain stupid.

I tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and went over my points because of that damn cupcake. Ok, I'm done talking about it now.

I am open. It's going to happen because I deserve it. I know it, and I believe it.

I'm curious - how do you guys rebound? For me, I MUST jump right back in. I cannot wait for the next day - it has to be immediate. If it's not, I could spiral, and I just refuse to do that. Let me know, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Wrapping up now. Thanks for reading. And make good choices!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Day 808 - The Workout That Almost Wasn't.

Today was one of those days.

You guys know exactly what I'm talking about.

You change into your workout gear, you pop the DVD in, and...


It's just not there for you today. You're just not feeling the workout.

That was me tonight. I literally hit the stop button after the first 5 minutes. And then proceeded to sit on my couch still in the workout gear. And watch TV. And tweet & Facebook about said feelings.

So what happens when you tweet and Facebook about your lack of desire to workout? You get a whole bunch of tweeps and Facebook buddies telling you to go get off your ass and just do the damn thing already.

That was me tonight.

Gotta love social media. And I do, man, I really do. Thank God for all of you, I'm serious. I totally needed the kick in the ass to make me get off said ass and just do it already.

I decided to actually run on the treadmill tonight. Yes, run. I made it to 3.5 miles before I thought I would die. I don't run very fast. I run more for distance than speed. But let me tell you something. My endurance and my stamina (which are pretty much the same thing) have increased so dramatically that it took me by surprise. However, I'm not fully there just yet. I was starting to feel that overexertion pain in my side around the 3.5 mile mark, so I just decided to slow it down right there and walk the rest of the time. In 60 minutes, I made it over 4 miles.
Sweating like a pig. I mean, I was drenched. Can you see the hazy look in my eyes? Can you see the sweat around my neck, face & upper arms? Every single part of me was sweating. Not as bad as Bikram, pretty damn close. And I burned 743 calories.
The proof: I really did burn that much.

That was the workout that almost wasn't. I'm so glad I did it. I'm even more glad that it's over now!

I didn't eat like a dick today. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and tracked everything. Good to go.

I am open. I believe. I am hopeful. I deserve it, I know exactly what I want and that's why I know it will happen.

Need to hit the sack right now before I pass out. Make good choices!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day 807 - Holiday.

I decided last night at the last minute to take the holiday off today. We had the option to work if we wanted to, then we would get an extra day off. But I still have left over vacation days from last year, so I decided to take the holiday.

I ate like a dick after I posted last night. I wanted everything that I didn't have in my house. Instead, I settled on PB&J. What I really wanted was pizza, lots of cheese, & potato chips. I still get those cravings sometimes. It's not ok with me that I caved & had some PB&J. And I'm also not looking for "It could've been much worse, you're ok," comments. It happened, I dealt with it, I've moved on.

So I knew today I had to get in a killer workout. I started with 25 minutes on the treadmill. Then I did The Firm Low Impact Aerobics with Janet Jones-Gretzky. One of the ones from the 80s. Old school workout here, with lots of moves that kind of scared me, I'll be honest. There's a segment towards the end where they do floor work, working the lower body. One of the moves involves leg shoot outs with a dumbbell cradled in the back of her knee. Scary. That segment was a long one - about 20 minutes. Instead, I focused on heavy weights: dead lifts, lunges, bench press, military press, hammer curls, dips & lots of squats. I worked out for an hour & a half, and I burned 821 calories.
See the sweat pouring from my face? Yup - that was no joke.

I had a lady bits doctor's appointment today. That sure was a lot of fun, lemme tell ya. Yup. Couldn't wait for it to be over so I could go to Target. I finally got some wall frames. See?

This is a set of 2 shelves that I have to put up on my walls. I have no idea how to do that. I guess I'll figure it out. I mean, how hard can it be, right? I love the scroll design - my furniture has a lot of scroll motif, so this was perfect.

I'm looking at Pier One for some cool decorative ideas. I want to get a mirror to put on my living room wall, and maybe some vases with pebbles in them. Playing around with ideas here.

Much better day today. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

Yawn. Need to finish this one and head to bed. Work tomorrow.

Make good choices!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Day 806 - On Being Standoffish.

Well. Hmm. Not really sure where to start with this one.

I've gotten a LOT of feedback on my natural inclination to be standoffish. I think I need to be more clear about it. If I know you, if I'm friends with you, I'm not standoffish. I'm not, I swear. I am not a bubbly person, like Kenlie is, by any means. She's one of my best friends, but we couldn't be more polar opposites. She's more outgoing & loves attention - I'm way more reserved, serious and a little shy.

We were on the phone earlier talking about this. She couldn't believe that my inclination was to look at the floor when I was walking out of Bikram. It's a defense mechanism of mine, which I touched on yesterday. I'm insecure, and I've admitted that. I'm probably the most insecure person I know. Which is one of the reasons why I don't like attention. I don't feel comfortable with it, and there are times, a lot of times actually, when it's hard for me to believe that the attention I may get (especially from men) is positive.

As my body is changing, I expect certain things to change about me also. But it's not going to happen overnight. And man - it's freaking hard. There are times when I still see myself as that same girl 84 pounds ago.

Why can't the mind catch up with the body? It took me forever to accept that I might actually have an hour glass figure. (I'm still fighting with myself to accept that, instead of seeing the spare tire and the child bearing hips. Yeah, I know I've got a lot to work through.)

I know I should just hold my head up the next time I'm leaving Bikram. And I will. Ok, Draz? I promise! hehe It's just . . .the last thing I want to do after sweating every single ounce of fluid out of my body is stay and have a conversation. Honestly, I just want to get the hell home, peel off my sweat riddled clothes and shower.

So I need to work on some things. I've been thinking about what to write all day today because I knew I wanted to talk about this. I'm not sure if I articulated anything very well, since it's almost midnight and I'm exhausted.

Yawn. I have a feeling I"m going to read this over tomorrow and be like, I must've been on crack or something when I wrote this. hehe.

Ok - need to hit the sack. Make good choices!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Day 805 - WI Results, Greenery & 2 Workouts.

I lost 3 pounds this week! I weighed in 187.4 pounds. That brings my total loss with WW to 75 lbs. Look what I got today!

The 75 charm to put on my WW keychain.
The 75 pound magnet that now has a prominent place on my fridge.

If you look at my weight loss ticker at the top of my blog, it says I've lost 84 pounds. That is true - I have lost 84 pounds. Before I joined WW, I lost 9 pounds on my own. And then I just stopped losing it on my own. That is why I joined WW in the first place.

I had a busy day ahead of me, and for some reason, I decided to get in 2 workouts today. My first workout was a DVD I hadn't done in forever and a day - The Firm Cardio Overdrive with Alison Davis. I don't really like this workout because I feel like it's too dancey. Especially the end - the cool down is a little too dance-ish for my taste. But, for some reason, this workout really got my heart rate up - and quickly. Maybe I should start incorporating this DVD into my regular rotation. Hmm. I burned 456 calories.
I am so glad to know that I am not the only person who hates doing ab work! LOL. I know it's important, believe me. But that doesn't make me hate it any less. This particular DVD has a standing ab section, which is perfect for me. Standing crunches, lunges with oblique twists with light hand weights - perfect.

I've been thinking lately that I really need to get around to buying plants for my place. I've been here almost 3 months - what exactly am I waiting for? I was just being lazy about it, I know.
Ivy and some yellow colored flowered plant. I don't know what the name of it is. If any of you know what it's called, please leave me a comment and let me know. K, thanks.

African violets. I love these. The flowers are so pretty.
I have no idea what the name of this plant is. I got it because it reminded me of aloe vera, which is one of my favorite plants ever. The tag on the bottom of the pot said it was a succulent plant. I have no idea what that means. Again, if you know the name of this plant, please leave me a comment with its name.
Two cactus plants. I kept hearing that it's always a good idea to keep cactus in your house. I'm not sure what they're supposed to do, maybe keep spiders at bay or something. Shrug.
Baby aloe vera plant and jade, for good luck. I've heard jade is supposed to bring blessings and good vibes to your home. And of course to the person. LOL. And aloe is my very favorite plant, so I had to get it. At some point, I will have to repot all of them in bigger pots, with really good quality potting mix soil.

Did you like my greenery? I love it all!

I couldn't wait to go to my Bikram class. I really, really enjoy it. And apparently, I am more flexible than I've given myself credit for. There are poses I can't do - like the toe stand. That pose is just crazy. Major flexibility is involved there. And get this - Joe, my Wednesday night instructor, attended the class as a student tonight! LOL. Man, he is hot. The instructor tonight was no slouch either. Tommy is pretty sexy too. Maybe later, I'll be able to finagle pics of them. If I wasn't so standoffish, I'd ask them to pose for a pic with me. Maybe later. Check out my sweaty pic.
Pouring sweat, drenched to the core. I really need to get my eyebrows waxed tomorrow.

I left the class looking down at the floor again. Tommy was at the front desk talking to Joe. I think they both wanted to say goodbye to me, but I was walking with the quickness. Tommy actually paused for a second while he was talking to Joe, and I think he wanted to say something to me. Shrug. Oh well.

Hope you enjoy the pics people. And if you know what the names of those plants are, please let me know.

I am open. I have hope. I know great things are in store for me soon.

I've rambled on way too long - sorry! Make good choices!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 804 - Last Chance Workout.

It was a much nicer day here in NY. The sun came out fleetingly, which was nice after all the rain yesterday. My mood improves dramatically when the weather is nicer. Bonus.

No Bikram for me today. I have it on the schedule for tomorrow night. I'm ok with that. Twice a week is really good for me, I feel. Especially with the hot male instructors doing the classes - win! =)

My last chance workout today was a mixture. I started with 22 minutes on the treadmill. I wanted to work upper body today, so I decided to do The Firm Parts: Upper Body Split. I'm still trying to get used to the heavier dumbbells I bought this week. It's challenging, but so totally worth it.

The reason why I don't do this particular DVD is often is because it's odd. They throw in cardio segments in the middle of the sculpting, which I don't like. In fact, I didn't perform them at all. When those segments came on, I did other sculpting moves, like delt flies, or heavy hammer curls, which is my personal favorite move. Then, after the cardio segments, they also throw in 2 different core sections, which I really can't stand. An upper body workout should focus on just that - the upper body. No cardio, none of this core stuff.

But I made a resolve to myself - and here on this blog to all of you - that I would start doing the ab sections on every single DVD I happen to choose to workout to that day. So I kept the upper body work continuous. When the sections came on, I just continued to perform my upper body moves (French press, military press, ribcage pullovers, hammer curls, tricep kickbacks, and bench press) but I promised myself that once the DVD was over, I would go back and rewind and do the core sections. There were 3 total - I made it through 2 of them - barely. My abdominals were on fire! Holy Jesus and all that is sancrosanct - that was some hard shizz. I'm not kidding. I gritted my teeth throughout, but I did it. And I burned 548 calories.
I'm looking all out of sorts here. I recognize this, believe me. It felt strange to actually do core work! LOL. I really wish the arm folds would just go away already. Sigh.

Solid day in the books. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I'm feeling confident about WI tomorrow. I know the scale will reflect my efforts this week and show a nice loss. :-)

I need to start writing my posts earlier in the day, because lately I've been waiting til almost midnight, and it's been killing me. No mas of that from this moment on.

Hitting the sack now. Make good choices!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Day 803 - Get Tough!

RIP Gary Carter. The former Mets catcher succumbed to brain cancer today. Sad. When the Mets won the World Series in 1986, I kinda/sorta remember it. I was just a kid, only 7 at the time. I vaguely remember Carter running into Jesse Orozco's arms in a bear hug after the last out was recorded. I'm a die hard Yankees fan, I bleed navy blue blood, but this is still sad. :(

Anywho, onto happier things now. It felt weird working out at home today, after going to the studio for Bikram the last few days. In fact, I started my workout late because I felt a little out of sorts, getting out my equipment and moving my furniture around. LOL.

I started with 22 minutes on the inclined treadmill. Then I whipped out my brand new, heavier dumbbells, and I did The Firm Parts: Standing Legs. Umm, I am already feeling it in my glutes and thighs. Get Tough is a line that one of the instructor says during a very difficult set of heavy hover squats. I used the 15s for that. And it nearly killed me. I'm not kidding. I was trying to get tough, and I have a feeling my lower body will feel like jelly tomorrow. I burned 683 calories.
You can't see it in this photo, but my sports bra is completely soaked. Doing lots of lunges, squats, and leg presses with those damn heavier weights really got my heart rate up. It also really made me sweat like an oink-oink. Whew, I was so happy when it was over! LOL.

Solid day in the books. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

Patience is a virtue. I must be patient. I am open. I believe. I deserve it. Love is heading my way. I feel it. If I can visualize it, I know I will get it. The world is at my fingertips.

Good choices people! And remember to be positive! :-)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Day 802 - Bikram Again.

Honestly, my bloggy peeps are just off the hook! I love you guys, seriously. Thank you for your kind comments on my post yesterday. I can't formulate properly just how much your sweet comments meant to me. I hope "thank you" will suffice! :-) (Sorry, that's all I got.)

By the way, I can't wait to read your own "goodbye letters" to all plus size clothes and stores either.

I went to Bikram again tonight. It was so much fun. I'm loving it now, which really surprises me. It's taken me quite off guard, since I can be loathe to try new things. I've talked about that to death, so I won't get into that again now. Joe was the instructor again tonight. He is so cute & sexy! hehe. He only got on my nerves slightly tonight. At least he didn't talk to me during the class. Afterwards though, when I was leaving the studio, he was at the front desk and he saw me, and he said something like, "Great class today," or "You did great today." I can't remember now exactly what he said, since I was looking at the floor when I was walking out.

I was soaked to the bone in my own sweat, I was exhausted (still felt great), but I really just wanted to get home, take the sweaty clothes off, and shower. I didn't really feel like sharing warm fuzzies. So I looked up at him slightly and gave him a half smile. I said, "Thanks," before making a mad dash for the door in case he wanted to keep talking.

I know, I know. I need to stop being so standoffish. It makes me look snotty & bitchy, and I'm really not THAT person, but I can't help it. (Yes I can, I know I can.) It's a defense mechanism stemming from way back. If I'm standoffish, then you won't approach me, then you can't make fun of me for being fat. Sad, I know. I hadn't even finished typing the words out and I knew it was just sad.

But, like I said, I felt great, I really did. I felt like freaking stealth ninja fighter, sweaty clothes and all.
Even my toes were sweating, if you can believe that. (Toes can sweat, right?)

Solid day in the books again. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I am open. I am hopeful. I know love is just around the corner for me. If I can visualize what I want in my life in my head, I know I can get it.

I really need to get to bed now. Sorry for the fly by post. Make good choices!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dear Lane Bryant, I Don't Need You Anymore. (Day 801)

Dear Lane Bryant,

I don't need you anymore.

I am not upset at all by this break up. It's been a long time coming. For the last 8 years, when I was morbidly obese, your store (and all other plus size stores) were the only places I could shop for clothes that fit me. I hated that I had to do that. I really did.

I am still obese. I am still fat. I am NOT OK with that. I am fighting everyday to get to a normal, healthy weight. And very soon, this year, I know I will get there.

But I don't need you anymore. And I have to admit, I really love that.

You have served me well in the last 8 years. I haven't loved all of your clothes, but I didn't care about the style or what the clothes looked like, as long as they fit me. If I could wear them to work, I bought them.

But in the last month or so, I have been able to do something I haven't been able to do in 8 years: walk into a store, pick something off the rack, and try it on. And have it fit! Like on this day, when I tried on a cute trench coat in a size Large, and it fit me perfectly.

Or here, when two wonderful and extremely important things happened. The first, was hitting One-Derland. And staying there. The second, being able to see my hour glass figure for the first time, and not just a bunch of flab and fat.

One of the best things about this journey, and saying goodbye to you - Lane Bryant and plus size clothes forever - are of course the clothes NSVs. NSVs that have moved me to tears. Such as this one, where I picked out a size Medium dress and it fit!

The black Victoria's Secret shirt dress in Medium that was tight around my chest, but fit everywhere else!

So you see Lane Bryant, it's not me, it's you. I just don't need you anymore.

I have changed. My body has changed, and it is still changing. And soon, I will be at goal.

Right now, and of course for the rest of my life, I don't you need you.

And I never will. Again.

So Happy Valentine's Day, Lane Bryant. I don't need you anymore.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Day 800 - More Bikram!

So apparently, Bikram yoga is my new obsession. Don't ask me why, it just is.

I went today after work. It was a different instructor this time - a woman. And the class was a little more packed. I got there early and made sure to get a spot.

I think from now on, I'm going to do Bikram twice a week - Wednesdays and Saturdays. My first instructor, Joe, was there. He was at the front desk. He is so sexy! Just saying. So he sees me, and he says: "Hi! 2nd class?"

Me: "Hi. No, it's my third."

Joe: "That's great. How do you feel?"

Me: "I feel great!"

And I really do feel great, I'm not kidding.

So, I went and this is me in the car afterwards.
Holy Jesus. Every inch of me was covered in sweat. I tried to take a sweaty pic in the bathroom, but there were too many people in there. And I didn't want to look like a freak snapping a pic of myself. LOL.

I feel so great. I feel so awesome.

I can do anything. I am open. I believe it will happen. Anything I can visualize, I will achieve. I just know it. Great things are just around the corner for me.

Good day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and went over my points. I'm ok with that.

Tomorrow, I have a VERY special post planned. I'll be posting it earlier than usual - that's how special and important it is. :-)

Make good choices!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Day 799 - Heavying Up the Weights.

So apparently you guys didn't like that I did 2 workouts yesterday, since I didn't get any comments on that post. :-( Boo. Unlike.

Anywho, so today I went to Sports Authority and bought 3 new dumbbells. A pair of 15s, and a 12 to go with the 12 I already had. I've been thinking of heavying up my weights for a while now, I just never got around to buying more. I've been too lazy, I'll admit it. But it was time, more than time, so off to buy new dumbbells I went.

I get to the store, pick out my weights, then when I was paying for them, I noticed that one of the 15s had a crack in it. So I went to get another one from the shelf. As I was picking one out and making sure that it had no cracks, a male customer, who was standing by the same section, looked at me, and said, (Are you ready for this?)

"Do you know anything about those weights?"

I whip my head around and gave him an Are You F*cking Kidding Me With That Question look, and said: "YES!"

So he mumbled something like what sounded like an apology. His face got all red, and it was very obvious that he was embarrassed. I was so stunned, and so taken off guard that I didn't know how to react. Normally, I would've just told him "Hey, f*ck you!" But like I said, I was just too stunned. Whatever, douchebag. (Trying to keep it PG here, but it's hard.)

These are what I bought today.
I wanted to make sure that I had the heavier weights before I did my workout today. Bikram left my lower body really sore yesterday, so today I wanted to concentrate on my upper body. I started with 22 minutes on the treadmill, then I did The Firm Parts Upper Body. I added another 10 minutes with the weights, and I burned 578 calories.
Can you see the sweat on my (cough, cough) collar bones?! I love that I have visible collar bones now! Not loving the folds in my upper arms though. And I almost have cheekbones.

Solid, healthy day in the books. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements.

I am open, I believe. If I can think and visualize what I want in my head, then I know it will happen.

Need to wrap this one up now, since I need to hit the sack for work tomorrow. The weekends go way too quickly for my taste.

Make good choices!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Day 798 - WI Results and TWO Workouts.

I stayed the same this week. 190.4 lbs. Shrug. It should've been a gain. I've been paying for how I ate on Super Bowl Sunday all week. Definitely NOT ok, but I've learned my lesson, and it's time to move on.

I knew I had to step it up today. My workout had to be all out and hardcore. After I got back from WI & had some coffee & breakfast, I did 18 minutes on the treadmill. Then I did The Firm Lower Body Sculpt with Lisa Kay. I hadn't done this workout in forever - really long time. For some reason, I really wanted to work my lower body. Actually, I do know the reason. I really, really want to get rid of my thunder thighs and saddlebags. After the DVD was over, I decided to do some more lower body work. So I did more squats, side lunges and heavy lifts. I burned 507 calories.
Yeah, my hair is looking all kinds of messy in this one. No biggie. I should look like crap after a workout, right?

I putzed around my house for a bit, and then on a whim, I decided to check the hot yoga class schedule online. There was a class at 5:30. I rushed to get dressed, grabbed my water bottles, towels, and yoga mat, and ran out the door. Then I noticed my gas tank was practically empty. I'm talking, dangerously empty. Great. I had to stop and get gas because I did not want to risk running out of gas on the highway. Which mean wasting what precious little time I had to get to the studio. But good luck was on my side because when I got there, the class hadn't started yet. Score!

I had a different instructor this time, but he was hot! Seriously, what is it about hot yoga instructors? This guy was ripped like Joe, my first instructor. Delish! LOL. I'm not kidding, by the way. Those guys were sexy.

The class was a little more packed than on Weds. night. And I poured sweat like a mofo. Again, I'm not kidding. Just check out my sweaty pic.
Every part of my body was sweating. If it's possible for hair to sweat, then my hair was sweating. And my clothes were completely soaked through. Love, love, love that! I felt like a total ninja warrior. I felt like an effng badass!

But the best part was that I noticed something about my body. I AM flexible. I was able to complete that pose that I couldn't before - it's called the bow pose, where you lay on your stomach, lift your chest, legs, thighs and neck off the ground, and grab your ankles from behind. I didn't execute the move perfectly, but I could grab my ankles, and I couldn't before! Major, major NSV!

Solid day in the books. I'm determined to show a major loss this week. I tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I've decided to do hot yoga twice a week for the time being. Once the summer rolls around, I won't do it, I don't think. Or we'll see. Maybe I'll feel differently. But I'm in love with Bikram now, it's seriously become my new obsession, and I really look forward to continuing it. I feel so great afterwards.

I am open. I deserve it. Everything I've ever thought I wanted is within my reach. If I can think it, if I can visualize it in my mind, then I know it will happen.

Need to wrap up now. Thanks for reading people - and make good choices!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Day 797 - Last Chance Workout!

I'm still paying for over indulging on Super Bowl Sunday. Ugh. Such is life. I made the food choices that day that I've been paying for all week. Not ok by any means, but I've been working hard all week. It also didn't help that TOM was this week. Shrug.

Can I just say that I freaking love hot yoga now? It has become my newest obsession. I'm not kidding. It's supposed to snow here tomorrow, but that will not deter me from getting to the session tomorrow night!

My workout tonight was badass. I mean, it was hardcore. I knew it had to be if I'm going to show any kind of loss tomorrow. I started with 33 minutes on the treadmill. I ran for a few 4 minute intervals. Then I did The Firm Ultimate Calorie Blaster with Stephanie Huckabee. She really enjoys those step ups on the the Fanny Lifter in this one. Almost killed me, I'm not even kidding. Now I remember why I don't do this particular DVD very often. It's tough!

After all that cardio, I wanted to get in a little sculpting. I was riding the endorphin high, people. What can I tell you? I did about 15 minutes of heavy squats, lunges, clean & press, and military press. And I burned 863 calories.
Yeah, I was soaked. Not as soaked and drenched as I was after hot yoga, but you get the idea. This is what burning a crap load of calories feels like and looks like.

Good day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, but I did go over my points. I'm ok with that.

WI is tomorrow. I'm not as overly confident as I was about it last week, but I will accept whatever my results are.

I am open. I am positive. I know it will happen for me because I deserve it. Happy, wonderful things are in store for me just around the corner. I just know it. I just feel it.

Wrapping up now. Make good choices!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Day 796 - Rest Day.

OMG people - I am sore from hot yoga yesterday. Specifically, my neck and my inner thighs. I'm not kidding. I can't even cross my legs!

I took a rest day today. I think I needed it.

I'm debating about whether to go to hot yoga tomorrow night. I'm thinking of doing my regular workout instead, but I'm undecided. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on hot yoga at all. I'm just thinking of switching days. We'll see.

I will say that I felt like such a warrior afterwards. How could I not feel that way? I was drenched in my own sweat, I made it through something I never imagined myself doing.

And that rocks my world!

Not a whole lot going on today. I need to comment and catch up on some blogs. Getting late, so I'll be back later with more interesting things to talk about. Promise.

Make good choices!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 795 - My First Ever Hot Yoga Class!

OMG. I did hot yoga and survived to tell you guys about it!

So I got there early, like everyone says to do. I changed at work to ensure I'd save extra time. I got to the studio, and the instructor, Joe, was at the front desk. He was cute by the way. (More on him in a bit.)

There were a range of different people in the studio, with lots of different fitness levels. Men & women, young & old. And everyone I talked to, Facebooked, or tweeted to, about hot yoga was right - NO ONE was looking at me. Everyone just concentrated on themselves and their poses. Major relief.

The studio was hot. About what I expected. I was sweating within 5 minutes. I'm not kidding.

There were a lot of poses I couldn't perform. Like the one where you lay (lie?) on your stomach, lift yourself up, and try to grab your ankles. Yeah, that was NOT happening. Joe, the instructor, came over to me and whispered, "Think you can grab your ankles?"

I shook my head no. I'm just not that flexible enough yet. I thought that would be the end of it. But instead, he whispered to me again,

"Not even if I help you a little?"

I looked at him, and whispered quietly, "No." And I turned my gaze away.

I thought that was a little weird. And I found it slightly annoying, too. I'm ok with accepting my limitations. I know what my limitations are. I just want to learn on my own. Some people would welcome the help. Some people would not be ok with accepting their limitations and would want to push harder. Apparently, I am in the minority on this one.

I'm ok with people helping me, if I ask for it. Because it was my first class, I kinda just wanted to be left alone, you know. Let me learn on my own, please. If I want/need help, believe me, I will ask for it.

Normally, under any other circumstances, I would've pushed. I have pushed myself in the past, and I will continue to do so in the future. Pushing myself was me going to Bikram yoga in the first place. Especially since I NEVER thought I'd do it. Or even like it.

Which brings me to my final analysis. I LOVED IT! Annoying instructors & all! :-) I will be going back on Friday night. This is definitely I would like to continue.

I sweated through my clothes. I think my eyeballs were sweating, too. Is it possible for eyeballs to sweat?
Soaked to the core. This was taken in the women's bathroom of the studio. Can you see the sweat pouring down my neck? I couldn't wait to get home & shower! But I have to say, I felt like a warrior!

Solid day today. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I can't wait to get to bed now - hot yoga was trying, exhausting, but freaking awesome!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 794 - Trying New Things.

Before I moved out on my own, I was really averse to trying new things. I mean, I would try new things, but I'd never be completely open to it. It wouldn't be voluntary. It would literally be kicking and screaming.

But lately, I've been open to a lot of things. To trying new things. Which I guess has a lot to do with losing weight and slowly gaining back some self-confidence. Like hot yoga. Which I'm going to try for the first time ever tomorrow night. I keep hearing about it on Twitter and on other people's blogs, and I've always been curious about it. It's just something I'd never imagined I'd be doing - or be able to do, for that matter. More about it tomorrow, after my first session, I promise.

Today I felt so much better than I did yesterday. I actually went to bed last night at 11, which is super early for me. And I got a full 8 hours of sleep - which NEVER happens. Sleep is the bomb diggity, people.

So I decided to really up the intensity with my workout today. I did The Firm Calorie Explosion with Alison Davis. I did the warm up, hit the pause button, then went onto the treadmill for 22 minutes. Then I went back to the DVD, which is insane. Lots of high intensity moves in this one. Like the squat tuck jumps. Insane. I sweated like a pig, burning 736 calories. See?
I look dazed and confused here, don't I? LOL.

I am open. I believe. I am positive. I deserve for wonderful things to happen.

Solid day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

How do you guys feel about trying new things? Open? Kicking & screaming? Reluctant? Changing your views on it? Let me know.

Ok, I'm watching Teen Mom 2 (one of my guilty pleasures) then I'm heading to bed. Don't judge - I know some of you watch some pretty sketchy things, too. :-)

Make good choices!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Day 793.

I definitely over indulged yesterday. Not a good thing at all because I woke up feeling sluggish & lethargic. I felt lie that for most of the day, until lunch. I went out into the sunshine and felt better. Thank God I made Wendy & Carlton take home all the leftovers. And I dumped whatever they didn't take. Never again. I'm definitely not entertaining for a looong time. I couldn't sit still. I kept getting up and making something or doing something in the kitchen. LOL.

So this is what the office manager brought in for me today.
3 little red velvet cupcakes from Baked by Melissa in Manhattan. Because that's what I totally needed after my eating yesterday. I had told her about this place because she told me she was going into the city over the weekend. Each are about 100 calories each. Still, no es bueno. I had one, then gave the rest to my co worker, which she promptly inhaled. LOL.

I knew I had to get in a super hardcore, super kick ass workout today. I started with 23 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Super Cardio Mix. An oldie, but goodie. I really wanted to get my calorie burn up, so I did another 10 minutes or so of cardio after the DVD ended. I wound up burning 715 calories.
I need to start getting to bed at a decent hour. Midnight is NOT cutting it. Tonight, I want to be in bed by 11, at the latest. Let's see if that happens.

Much better day today. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements. I think I downed about 200 ounces of water today, and I was peeing nonstop.

I am thankful. I am hopeful. I will find love because I am open and I deserve it. It will happen.

Need to do my food prep for tomorrow. Thanks for reading. And make good choices!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Day 792 - My 1st Ever Super Bowl Party!

Can I just say that it's more about the Patsies getting beat than it was about the Giants winning tonight. So, I'm glad the Patsies lost! LOL

So here's me getting my game gear on.

Before I could get ready though, I had to workout. Started with 22 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Lower Body Split. Lots of lunges & squats in this one. I burned 833 calories.
I knew I had to get in a kick ass workout today because I skipped it yesterday. And I was having a party for the Super Bowl today.

I'm going to leave you with pics of the eats I had at my shindig.
Whole wheat pita pizzas with tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella & turkey pepperoni.

Chip & dip platter.
Veggie tray. Not pictured is the ranch dip.
Cheese & cracker board. Cheddar cheese slices, grapes, crackers, and herbed cheese.

I made Wendy & Carlton take home all the leftovers. I can't have that stuff in my house. The left over dips I just dumped in the trash. So no bad food in my house now.

I'm exhausted, been a long but great day, and I'm done.

Good choices!