Monday, April 30, 2012

Day 877 - The Goal Goddess Dress.

This is all Drazil's fault.  :-)

She wrote about a certain dress that a certain cast member was wearing on a certain reality competition show.  It piqued my curiosity.  I wanted to see what it looked like.

One of her readers left her a comment saying it was a Vincent Camuto dress and it was available at Nordstrom's.  So I did went to the website, searched around, saw the dress, then I saw this.  This dress.  I want it.  I must have it.
The shirred belted blouson dress in white.  Gorgeous.  Love.  It reminds me of a Greek goddess dress. I must have it.

It's slightly out of my price range (by slightly I mean I so can't afford it) and so I decided that I must covet this dress from afar.

Bummer.

And then, because I couldn't get this damn dress out of my mind, I started brainstorming.  How could I buy it? I really wanted it, could I justify the purchase tho?  And an idea was borne.

Reward points!  Hell yeah - I'm using my credit card points to buy this dress.  I'll be spending about $30 out of pocket for it when all is said and done, which I can totally swing.  And I'm buying it in a size 6.

This is my goal dress.

I am going to bring out my inner goddess.

I had no intention of making this my goal dress.  It was Drazil's - totally her idea.  I wasn't even thinking about that.  I just wanted to buy it and get it in a smaller size.  Then she suggested doing a photo shoot with me wearing it.

So now I have more ideas in my head.  A photo shoot?  When I reach goal?  That thought NEVER occurred to me, and never would've occurred to me either.  She said I should do a photo shoot in the white goddess dress throwing my before pic away.  Or setting it on fire.  Either or works.

So thanks, Draz.  Because I need to feed my shopping habit.  :-)

I woke up this morning with my glutes and thighs sore from my workouts yesterday.  Which I found rather strange because it was strictly a cardio workout.  I guess it was from all those squats and kicks.  That happens, right?

I started with 25 minutes on the treadmill, then I did The Firm Express Sculpt with Kelsie Daniels.  Wow.  This was hard.  I felt it right away.  I added 20 minutes of weight training to up my workout to an hour and to burn more calories.  I went heavy with the weights tonight.  Lunges, shoulder presses, hammer curls, lat rows, chest flys, squats, side lunges, plies, and dips.  When I did my sets of lunges, I felt it in my thighs.  I mean, I REALLY felt it.

Whoa.  I thought I would hurt myself even though I knew I wouldn't, so I just kept pushing.  I used my 12s & 15s for the lunges and squats, respectively.  When I tried to do the dips with my 12s, I felt the twinges.  So instead I just used my own body weight, no dumbbells.  I burned 545 calories.
I am in some pain right now. It hurts to walk.  But that actually feels kinda good to me. When I got up from the table from eating my dinner tonight, I was hurting.  In a great way though.  I know the feeling will pass eventually, but man, I worked my lower body crazy hard tonight.

Solid day in the books.  Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

Who else wants to bring out their inner goddess with me?  :-)

Good choices!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Day 876 - 2 Workout Kind of Day.

Sheesh, this weekend has just flown by, hasn't it?  Today was a busy Sunday.  I was up & at 'em again pretty early, for me.  I had my mother's car, which I had to drop off by 9 AM so she could go to Mass.    Because I didn't do a Firm DVD yesterday, I decided that I could get one in pretty quickly in the morning before I had to schlepp to my parents' house.  I got up, brewed my Hazelnut coffee from DD, and watched Sportscenter for about 10 minutes before I got going.

I did The Firm Express Cardio with Kelsie Daniels.  I'm not really sure why this is entitled Cardio, since the workout requires a medium pair of dumbbells (anywhere between 5-8 lbs, depending on your fitness level.  I used a set of 7s.)  And there are squats involved, which I always thought of as primarily a strength move more than a cardio one. It's a good DVD though.  Kelsie is not as perky or annoying as Rebekah (no WOOOS.  And none of my personal favorite SCREAM IF YOU GOTTA!)  What do you think, Lindsey?  :-)

I added a few extra minutes of cardio since the DVD is only 20 minutes long.  A full minute of speed rope, and a full minute of jogging in place  I love lower body work, in case you didn't know.  I burned 230 calories.  The DVD really got my heart rate up!
I was a domestic goddess today, for some reason, a real busy little bee.  I did 3 loads of laundry, cooked a few meals for the week, and cleaned.  Everything has been dusted, wiped down, tidied, and scrubbed down. I still need to clean my stovetop, but I can do that quickly tomorrow night.  Just wasn't in the mood today.  I went to BJ's (the wholesale place, people, get your minds out of the gutter.  And no, the joke will NEVER get old, mkay?) and stocked up on chicken burgers, Dole frozen strawberries, milk, half & half for my coffee, baby spinach, salads, and some other household stuff.

Tommy was leading the 6PM Bikram session, and after my crazy busy day, I needed to unwind and sweat like nobody's business.  It was definitely feeling like a 2 workout kind of day.  Because I am slowly morphing into someone who was looking forward to working out twice in one day.  (Like a psycho.  Who is this person?  Hehe.)

Because it was such a gorgeous, sunny day here in NY, I had a feeling that maybe the studio wouldn't be packed.  There were still a lot of people, but I showed up about 5 minutes before the session started, and I was still able to find a spot for my mat & towels.  Usually, if I show up that close to the starting time, there's not a single spot to be found, and people have to shift their mats & places around.  I found a great spot in the second row, and no one was in front of me, so I could see myself perfectly in the mirrors.  Tree pose (I think that's what it's called) still makes me want to cry, because I can't get my knee to point down the way it's supposed to in the posture.  I look around at all the other girls/women in the studio, and they don't have NEARLY the same amount of flab on their thighs the way I have on mine.  So damn frustrating.  Sigh.

I'm going to stop right there with that before I slap myself.  If I heard another blogger/friend writing or saying something like that, I'd want to shake them (without physically assaulting them with a b*tch slap like I kinda want to do to myself right now) and say something like, "Why are you being so hard on yourself?  You'd never say that to another person who's trying to lose weight, so why are you saying that to yourself?)

Ugh.

Anywho, that BS aside, I thoroughly enjoyed my epic sweat session.  And they finally fixed the wiring and the lighting in the women's bathroom!  About freaking time, if you ask me.  With what they make us pay, that should've been fixed and repaired  as soon as the problem arose.
Seriously, who doesn't love soaking in their own sweat after working their ass off?  I know I do.  :-)

Solid day in the books.   Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I heard Peyton Manning was at the Rockies/Mets game in Denver today.  So strange to think of him as anything other than a member of the Indianapolis Colts.  Hmm.

Wrapping up because trashy reality TV is a'calling me.  I'm talking about RHONJ & Mob Wives here.  Don't make fun.  I at least I admit it.

P.S.  I love that you guys think Sonia looks like me.  Freaking love that kid.

You know, I used to love the name Isabella, and then the whole Twilight stupidness hit, and now Bella (which I hate) is everywhere.  They're not even real vampires - they go out in the daytime!  Real vampires can't go out in the sun - what craziness is that?!  Real vampires can't procreate either.  At least True Blood keeps it real.  Somewhat.

In case you didn't know, I am a horror folklore purist.  :-)

Chatty, chatterbox I've become.  Guess I'm turning over a new leaf, right?  Change is good, even though I do it kicking and screaming sometimes.

Good choices!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Day 875 - Sonia!

I skipped my WW meeting and WI today.  I'm not happy about that at all.  In fact, I don't feel right about it in any way, shape or form.  It's my first missed WI in almost 6 months.  I'm all out of sorts about it.

However, some things really do transcend everything else, like WI.

Sonia.  :-)

I was up and working out by 8 AM this morning.  That NEVER happens.  Ever.  If it does happen, you can be sure of two things.

1.  The apacolypse is a'coming.  Or Hell has frozen over.  Either or.

2. I will have Sonia all day, so best to get the workout done and over with as early as possible.

Chances are, it will always be the second option, not the first.  Although who knows this year? I think the Mayans are the experts on that one.

I did a solid 40 minutes on the treadmill and burned an impressive 420 calories.
I drove up to Westchester, then drove back to Long Island to take Begonia to Whit
e Post Farm in Melville.  This place is freaking awesome.  There's a nursery, a petting zoo, bouncy castles, a playground, a train ride - basically everything a little kid would love.

I'm going to leave you with some photos of the day.   In no particular order.
Sonia was feeding the baby goats and the adult ones too.  She was a little afraid of them at first, but she warmed up pretty quickly.
Train ride!  She's fascinated by cars and trains and race tracks.  I think she likes the loud sounds those things make.  A woman whose son was on the train asked me which one was my daughter when the ride was over.  I pointed to Sonia, but I told her I was her aunt, not her mom.  The woman looked shocked!  "You're NOT her mom!?  But she looks so much like you!"  My ego swelled with pride.  :-)

P.S.  I decided on my future daughter's name today.  Greta.  It's perfect.  It's not Bella, which I hate, or Liz (another name I can't stand), it's not too common, and it sounds pretty awesome.  Greta Garbo.  It's a name that sounds like royalty to me, without sounding like an old lady, like Alice or Emily.
Pony ride!  Seriously, how can so much adorable cuteness exist in one photo?  I just want to squeeze her cheeks.   :-)
Baby kangaroo hanging out in his momma's pouch.  Today was the first sighting of the baby 'roo.  Apparently, when baby 'roos are born, they like to just chillax inside their momma's pouch.  I think I vaguely kind of knew that.  We got lucky today.  
Sonia Begonia posing with some cartoon character dude.  I don't know what his name is.  Never seen him before.  Sonia didn't look all that impressed.
With Strawberry Shortcake.  She was one of my favorite cartoon characters when I was little.  I remember the evil Purple Pieman and her kitten Custard from the show.  And that's about it. 
Giving Strawberry Shortcake a hug.  When I told Sonia we were going to see Strawberry Shortcake, she thought I meant the actual dessert, not the character.  She said "mmm..." and started licking her chops.   LOL.

I'm so exhausted right now, I barely ate.  My dinner tonight consisted of roasted kale chips, a banana, a glass of milk, a pear, and an arepa my Mom made.  My mother's arepas are the bomb ass p*ssy.  If you've never had Colombian arepas, you are missing out on a special kind of delicioso, I'm telling ya.  LOL.

Solid day.  Tracked everything, got in way under my points, and managed to get in all of my requirements somehow.

Washing up, & then hitting the sack.  I love Sonia to death, but running around after her all day always leaves me exhausted.

Good choices!

Friday, April 27, 2012

Day 874 - Last Chance Workout.

I'm happy I was able to put a smile on some of your faces with my post yesterday.  I aim to please, what can I say?  :-)

I woke up this morning like a fireball of energy.  Don't ask me why, since I don't know why.  I am not a morning person at all.  But for some reason, I was up and out of bed before 6:30 this morning.  And ready for what the day may bring.

Sickening, isn't it?

I packed my yoga bag and decided I would go to the 6 PM Bikram session right after work.  No sexy  instructor on the schedule this time, but I really wanted to go. I needed to go.

I WANTED to sweat my ass off and work hard.

I WANTED to walk out of the studio feeling like I accomplished something.

I WANTED to push myself hard today and feel myself drenched in my own sweat.

I NEEDED to do something really good for me.  If only for today.

I NEEDED to feel healthy today.  My body craved it.

I NEEDED to sweat my ass off.

This whole week has been a bad one for me.  Call it a funk, call it having my head in my arse, whatever you want.  It is over now, and I am putting it behind me.

Please no pats on the back for getting back to reality and getting back on the wageon.  I never should've left in the first place.  If anything, I deserve a good ole fashioned ass kicking.  Or a roundhouse to the gut.  And perhaps a bitch slap.  Whatever you fancy. But don't expect me to fall down so easily.  I always get back up. I am nothing if not resilient.  :-)

Tommy had led the previous session, so he was working the front desk when I got there.  During a lull in the action of checking people in, I asked him about my IT band.  Remember I felt I had tweaked it last week?  So he asked me if I ever felt any pain in my right knee.  Yup, without a doubt.  He said that made sense, since they're both connected.  The advice he gave me was to not push so hard if I ever felt that twinge again.  He suggested getting a foam roller (which I loathe more than anything - that thing really hurts!) and he said to tell him about it if it happened again. He could show me some stretches to make it feel better.   Swoon. . . .

A lady I had never seen at the studio before led the session tonight.  She was nice, I liked her.  Can I just say how great it felt to sweat like a badass?  I so needed that tonight.

They still have not fixed the damn wiring in the women's locker room or bathroom, so once again, I had to sneak into the laundry room to get my sweaty pic.  I am an expert sneaking into a room I'm not supposed to be in kind of person.   LOL.
I've made the tough decision to skip my WI and my WW meeting tomorrow morning.  I have to leave pretty early to get to Westchester to pick up Sonia.   Sonia is way more important.  My plan is to TRY to get a workout in before I leave.  That is the plan, and I'm really going to try to make it happen.  Something short, like a Firm Express DVD, and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  35-40 minutes of intense physical activity is better than 0 minutes.  I'm thinking of hitting WW Sunday morning before Bikram but we shall see.  On that one I make no promises.  I would prefer to stick to my designated WI day.

Solid day.  Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

It feels so good to not have my head in my ass anymore.  No idea.

Need to wrap up since I have to kid-proof my place for tomorrow.  Good choices!  :-)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 873 - Nothing to Say?

This morning at work, I'm screwing around on Twitter, wasting time, killing brain cells as usual.  One of my Twitter gals said she wanted to start blogging again, an idea I fully support.  I suggested to another one of my Twitter gals that she start blogging (she's currently in maintenance mode right now.  How lucky is she that she's done losing her weight?)  Anywho, she said that she should've started blogging when she began losing her weight.  I maintain you blog whenever you want to - at the beginning, middle, or when you reach maintenance.  It's up to you, it's a personal decision.

She also said that she felt she would have nothing to say.  I said to her, are you kidding?  I NEVER have anything to say.  And yet I blog everyday.  I mean, really - think about it.  What do I say on here?  Nothing of value, that's for freaking sure.  I actually feel like I'm running out of things to talk about.

Which is shocking because sometimes I just don't ever shut up.  I was not this person a year ago.    I feel like I'm being Buddy the Elf lately.  Not in a funny, Will Ferrell kind of way.  In an annoying, please just stop talking already kind of way.

I woke up this morning sneezing.  I can't even remember the last time that happened.  Ever since I moved out, away from the Yorkies, I barely sneeze now. (I'm allergic to pet dander, which makes me sneeze constantly.)  I even felt my eyes watering and getting dry & red.  It couldn't be allergies, because I had that damn feeling in my head, the kind of feeling you get when you're sick.  Great.

I convinced myself I was now coming down with something, the world's worst head cold.  I can make mountains out of molehills, anthills, and any other hill you can think of.  Yup, I had built this crap up in my head to the point where I truly believed I was feeling sick.

If you know anything about me, it's that I make the world's worst sick person.  Ever.  I whine and complain about everything.  I piss and moan about everything like a little bitch.  Shocking, I know!  I'm not lying here.  It's the God's honest truth.

By the time I got home, I convinced myself that I was feverish.  For someone who loathes drama & chicks that are drama queens, I was bringing it.  I sat on my couch while I waited for my chicken vegetable noodle soup to heat up in the microwave.  Because that's what sick people eat.  Uh huh.

Needless to say, I think I'll live.  At some point, I realized how ridiculous I was acting.  Ridiculous especially since I realized that I was missing Bikram with the sexy instructor again!  WTF, man?

For someone who's convinced I have nothing to talk about, nothing to say, I've said quite a mouthful, haven't I?

Oh umm, I also went to the doctor after work, just to make sure.  Because apparently I have become somewhat of a neurotic hypochondriac.   He took my pulse, my temperature, my blood pressure, made me open my mouth & say Ahh, the whole 9.  Umm, yeah.  I was a solid 98.8 degrees F.

Sheepish look on my face.  Don't laugh, this is my life now.  I am always freezing now whereas before I used to run hot like a werewolf.  Apparently, because I've lost weight, I've also lost some of my "insulation," as one of my FB buddies put it.  Insulation, hehe.  Those of you have lost your insulation & fluffiness, have you noticed that you're always cold now too?

I got a text from my brother saying if I wanted to take my niece for the day on Saturday he was all for it.  I'm going to take her to White Post Farm out on the island.  It's a petting zoo/farm, and Strawberry Shortcake will be there on Saturday.  It will mean having to miss my WI and my WW meeting on Saturday, since he wants me at their house at an ungodly hour.  And they live an hour away from me.  So for Sonia, I'll make sacrifices like that, because I hardly get to see her and I love her to the point of ridiculousness.

Oh, and for those of you who read Drazil's blog, I was the bloggy friend that texted her about bikini waxes.  It's a special kind of thing when you can text someone you have never met in real life, out of the blue, to get their advice on whether or not you should go for a bikini wax.  It's even better when said person texts you back immediately without even blinking an eye, like it's the most normal thing in the world to talk about.

(What?  Don't judge me.)

Wanna hear something even more freaky? I had no idea she had written about it on her blog, and I text her that it's awesome that she didnt even blink.  As she's responding to me, I happened to click onto her site, and I almost fell out of my chair when I saw she had written about it!   Shivers down the back of my spine.

Dear Universe - I know you're trying to tell me something, but could you be a little more specific next time?

Yeah, that was my day today.  Not bad for someone who's got nothing to say lately, right?   :-)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Day 872 - Feeling Like Myself Again.

Wow, so apparently most of you have thought about having surgery once you get to goal!  I had no idea, but I appreciate the input.  I really felt that I would get some comments being blatantly against it, for some reason.  I thought I would, honestly.  It is such a personal decision though, and I have to consider a lot of other factors as well.

The money is an important one.   Since I do not have the benefit of having a money tree, or a sugar daddy, or a trust fund, the money thing would be a major hurdle.  I don't think I'd want to take out a loan for something like that.  And I think Josie has the right idea, wanting to pay it up front with cash.  I wouldn't want something like that hanging over my head.  And I'd never sell off some of my Apple stock either - I'm riding that shizz out and letting it make me rich!   LOL.

So it's a lot to consider, obviously.  And you know what, David?  Because I'm so far from hitting my goal weight, I don't think I would go in for a consult now.  When I hit goal, or am within 5 pounds of hitting goal, then maybe I'll go in for one. But certainly not now, you know.  I'm still a good 40 pounds away!

I also like that you guys posted your opinions respectfully.  Liz, I will NEVER have a problem with or be offended by someone who disagrees with me in a respectful way.  You are entitled to your opinion, girl.  We all are, for Eff's sake.  And my goodness, 5 surgeries in 28 years on the planet?  You poor thing.  No wonder you feel the way you do.  I'd never want to see the inside of an OR again, are you kidding me?

So I've been in a funk the last two days, I admit it.  And today, it was just so time to snap the f*ck out of it, you know.  I mean, I even skipped Bikram last night with the sexy instructor, so you know it was BAD.  Hehe.  And when I'm in a funk, I let everything slip and slide.  My appearance, tracking, food intake - the whole nine.  I get all out lazy about everything.  The scale was way up this morning, and I felt sick to my stomach about it.  But today, I'm just so over it.  I'm feeling like myself again.  And this afternoon at lunch, I decided to care about my appearance.  I went for a much needed eyebrow & lip wax (I'm ALL about oversharing, apparently), then I took my new black workpants in a size 12 to get hemmed.  The tailor has to take about 3 inches off the length.  They will be ready Monday afternoon.  So no more lazy.  I was purposely busy at lunch, running errands that needed to be run.

I hopped onto the treadmill for 32 minutes, then I did The Firm Express Cardio + Sculpt with Kelsie Daniels.  Colleen had Facebooked something about her little daugther recognizing Blitzkrieg Bop by The Ramones.  So that got me to thinking about what my playlist should be while on the treadmill.  Ramones, Metallica, Johnny Cash, Van Halen, Adele, some Beatles, and AC/DC happened on my iPod tonight.  Don't hate on the man in block just because I'm from NY.  I have eclectic taste, mkay.

 Umm, Kelsie is freaking crazy in Cardio + Sculpt.  I thought I would die during those plyo tuck jumps.  I couldn't complete the 3 of the 4th burst.  It was just too much.  Holy hell & all the saints in heaven!  I burned 463 calories, out of breath, huffing & puffing the whole way.

I look so out of it here, don't I?  I think my eyes might actually be dilated here. LOL.  This is what happens when you don't work out for 2 days straight and your head is in your ass.  Can you believe I'm already starting to feel sore?  Thighs and glutes are feeling it already.  All those dips and power lunges.

Why am I extra chatty lately?  The reason for the non stop chatter escapes me.  I am NOT super chatty in real life at all, it's like pulling teeth in order to get me talking at all, so I don't know what's up with that.

Ok, I'm wrapping this one up now, since I feel like this is as long as a book.  Know what I recently discovered?  Duck Dynasty.  It's crazy how easily I get sucked into awful reality TV.  There is no hope for the human race, apparently.  LOL.

Ok, enough.  Good choices!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 871 - Plastic Surgery - Yay or Nay?

I'm not feeling well today, and I think it has to do with lack of sleep.  I really hope I'm not coming down with something.  Anywho, not feeling well means no workout today.  I really, really hope it's just lack of sleep and not something physical, but you never know.

I was worried I wouldn't have much to talk about tonight (shocking, I know, since I've become a regular chatterbox lately, which is soo unlike me) and then I started thinking about something that one of my bloggy buddies, David, had written about a few weeks back.  He went for a plastic surgery consult, since he's considering it once he reaches his goal.  And that got me to thinking about it at work.

Yes, at work, when I should've been actually working.  Who actually works at work nowadays though?  I mean, really, let's be serious.  :-)

I've talked about my midsection before, and what a disaster area it is.  It will never be flat, not even when I reach goal.  People who have lost more than 100 lbs have tweeted me that their skin shrunk back after a while.  I do not think that will be the case with me.  Not with my stomach or my inner thighs.  It's not gonna happen.  The only way to "fix" those areas would be with plastic surgery.  Tummy tuck and lipo for my thighs.

And yes, I'm totally and whole heartedly admitting that it's a vanity thing.  Sue me.

I'm not against surgery, and I'm not against people who do it once they reach their goal.  It's just that for me, I'm a scaredy cat.  And surgery scares the BeJesus out of me.  Even when I had to go in for my laprascopy to remove the non-cancerous cyst from my ovary, I was nervous and scared as hell.  And that was a "minor" procedure!  The whole thing took maybe 60-90 minutes.  When they opened me up, my gynecologist told me later that the entire left side of my reproductive system was completely damaged due to the weight of the cyst.  My left fallopian tube and left ovary were destroyed.  I can't get pregnant from my "left" side.  However, he did tell me that my right side was perfect.  My right fallopian tube and my right ovary are perfect.  So I can still get pregnant and carry to term.  If I had tried to get pregnant before the surgery, it would've resulted in an ectopic pregnancy, which would've resulted in termination.  All due to my obesity.  Because I didn't want to go to a gynecologist only for him or her to tell me that I was too fat and needed to lose weight.  I will start crying soon, so I need to change the subject now.  I can't believe to this day that I did that to myself.

Anywho, I've been thinking about getting a tummy tuck and lipo on my thighs once I've been at goal for a while.  I tweeted about it, and here's my thought process.  I don't know at this point if I will do it, but there's no harm in considering it.

I realize it's much better to carry around 10 or 15 lbs of sagging skin than 100+ extra pounds of fat.

My sagging, loose skin is my battle scar.  I must remember that.  I must remember that I did it to myself.

Whatever I decide to do, it is my decision to make.  And I do not need anyone's approval to do it.

I've worked my ass off to get to my goal, and I will decide what the prize shall be.  Not anyone else.

Then I started thinking about what happens if I get the tummy tuck, then I have babies?  Jen, one of my favorite bloggers, had a tummy tuck and arm skin removal in November.  She tweeted me that it was the best decision she has ever made.  And having babies post tummy tuck will apparently not affect the "new" tightness around my midsection, Jen told me.  I did not know this.  Hand to God.

But there are a lot of things to consider.  First, the hunt for a decent, above board plastic surgeon.  Then the surgery consult.   Then the matter of financing said surgery.  Then the actual decision to go ahead with it.   Then doing it, and all the stuff that comes along with it, post op.  The swelling, the pain, the not being able to move or do much at all.  Do I really want to deal with all that?  I'm still undecided.

So it's possible that I can go & get my tummy tuck, then have my babies, and it will not affect my skin. Now, whether or not I will need to turn to science to get my babies is a different issue entirely.  Again, something I'm considering, since I do want to become a mom in the worst way.  I've talked about that before here, too.

So I'm up in the air about it, but I'm not against doing it.

What about you guys?  Ever considered it?  Have you done it?   What was your experience post op like?  How did you choose your plastic surgeon?  Let me know!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 870 - I Will Not Forget.

Ever have one of those days when you just want to eat every single thing in sight?

That was it for me last night.  I wanted to nibble.  On everything.  I wanted chips, chocolate, cake, crackers, cheese, anything I could get my hands on.

I don't keep anything like that in my house.  Good thing, right?

However (you knew that was coming, right?) I did manage to have some PB&J on a slice of whole wheat toast, which sent the scale up this morning.  Not a big deal, but definitely not a good thing and not something to repeat again.

I've been drinking extra water today and being super meticulous about my food intake today.

I've worked out 5 days in a row, and my body is telling me to take a break.  So I'm going to do just that.  And truth be told, I'm considering making one of my Bikram days to be an "active" rest day.  I'm not sure how that's going to work, but it is something I'm thinking about.  At least for this week.

I'm going to focus on the positive about me, on the positive changes that have happened in my life, since I really need to do that.  It's important to do that.  Bikram is hard, but that doesn't mean that I'll never be able to master those poses. With time and practice, I know I will, I was just feeling sorry for myself.  I just wanted to wallow for a little, I admit that now.  That's over and done with now.  And there are some things I keep forgetting.

I forget about how awesome it is to walk into any department store and know I can potentially pick out anything I want and it will fit.

I forget how I felt on Saturday when a size Medium, adorable dress fit me perfectly.

I forget how fantastic it feels to be able to shop for and fit into clothes from Victoria's Secret.

I forget how beautiful and sexy I feel when I tried on those fabulous, cleavage enhancing tops.

I forget how amazing my figure is now.

I forget that other women would kill to have my hourglass curves.

I forget how fabulous my tatas are.  (Like I was going to leave that out.  C'mon now!)

I forget that I am beautiful.

I forget that I am confident.

I forget that when I post photos of me in my fantastic new, SMALLER clothes, my confidence and beauty glows and shows.

I forget that I am my only obstacle.

I forget that I am a fighter.

I forget that I am stronger than even I realize.

I forget how far I have come.

But I can promise you something now.

I WILL NOT FORGET.  NOT ANYMORE.  NEVER AGAIN.

Good choices!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Day 869 - I love Bikram, but. . . .

I woke up this morning with my back & shoulders completely sore from yesterday's workout with Cathe. I mean, whoa.  Kickboxing rules, and so does Cathe Friedrich.   Cathe doesn't joke around - and I love that she is not super perky.  She also doesn't "WOOOOOO" all the freaking time like some other instructors in other workout DVDs.  Hehe.  Anywho, all those punches, crosses, uppercuts & hooks = soreness in the upper body and back.   It's pretty awesome.

What wasn't awesome was trying to perform the forward bends during Bikram this morning.  Normally, I don't have any problem performing the forward bend with my knees locked, but this morning, as I was bending forward at the waist, I thought my back would just buckle.  Seriously, I can't remember the last time my back was that sore.  That's when you know that you don't kickbox on a regular basis - the day after performing all that upper body work with all those punches will make your back and shoulders sore.

I don't need to tell you guys how much I'm loving Bikram.  What I don't talk about - what I have NEVER said about Bikram - is that I'm still too big to perform a lot of the postures.  Two of the postures in particular make me want to cry everytime we do them.  The tree pose and the eagle pose.  Here is what they are supposed to look like, and a brief explanation of the benefits of both poses.

See how the knees and thighs are so involved?  My thighs are way too big at this point to perform either of these postures correctly.  Even after having dropped all this weight, I still can't cross my legs all the way.  Because of my thighs.  When I do cross my legs, there is major space between my bottom knee and the back of my top knee.  I can't put my leg all the way around my other leg in eagle pose because my thigh prevents me from doing so.  I can't point my knee down in tree pose because of my thighs.  Ugh.

Maybe one day I'll be able to cross my legs properly and perform those damn poses correctly.  And I do realize that performing the poses correctly has a lot to do with my lack of flexibility, and not just how much weight I still have left to lose.

I'm still working on that.  I am still a work in progress.

Obligatory sweaty pic after Bikram.
Isn't that something?  Even after dropping the weight that I've dropped, even after buying all these pretty clothes in sizes that I haven't been able to fit into in years, even after all that, I'm choosing still to focus only on the negative.  Why the hell do I do that?  It's getting old.  And damn annoying as well.

I went over my points today, got in all of my requirements, and tracked everything.  I'm ok with going over.

Must wrap up now since there are trashy reality TV shows that need watching.  Like RHONJ & Mob Wives.  Don't judge me!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Day 868 - WI Results & CurvyFitGirl.Com!

Last week's weight:  174.4.
This week's weight:  174.8

The bad news is I gained 0.4 lbs.  It's my first gain since before Thanksgiving.   That sucks.  I was more annoyed than anything else.  Not really upset or angry about it - just annoyed.

The good news is I switched my domain name!  So welcome to curvyfitgirl.com.  I'm really happy that I was able to do it.

I know I could've let the annoying gain get the better of me.  I know this could've sent me into some kind of nosedive.

And I have to be honest - I thought about it.  For about a minute.  And then I realized how that would make me feel.  So I decide to be proactive about it.

My plan was to do a quick but aggressive workout in the morning after I got back from WI, then I was going to hit the 5:30 Bikram session.  I decided to deviate from my Firm DVDs, so I chose MMA Kickboxing with Cathe Friedrich.  Whoa.  Cathe is no joke.  She does not mess around.  She has 2 men in her background cast and I have a feeling they are real MMA fighters.   She does a set of high impact, high knees.  My calves were killing me.  In fact, because of the Firm DVD that I did yesterday, I was already feeling it in my glutes & thighs today.  This DVD only intensified the soreness.  I burned 357 calories and I sweated epically.
I was running late for the Bikram session, and I missed it.  When I got to the studio, the studio was locked, and I could see through the window that they were already in the middle of the first breathing exercise.  What a bummer.  I was really, really peeved.  I've never missed a session because of being late.   I really wanted to go tonight because it's supposed to pour rain & thunder tomorrow.  It's actually supposed to start tonight and continue all through tomorrow AND Monday.  Sigh.  There's a 10 AM session tomorrow that I am really going to try to make it to.  There is one at 8 AM, but that is so not happening.

I didn't feel like going back home, and I was too pissed at myself for not planning my time properly, so I hit the mall.  Because now that I can shop in regular stores, I actually kind of like it now.  I went to JCPenney's, and saw these cute dresses.

Adorable, right?  I was torn, I didn't know which one to get.  I was partial to the black and white one.  I tweeted both pics, and the people that responded really liked the purple print.  I can see why they would say that - a little color is always a great thing.  Since they were cheap, I got them both.  Along with a pair of size 12 black work pants from XOXO.  I almost cried when I tried them on and they fit!  I almost cried.  I had to bite down on my lip so I wouldn't actually cry.  Apologies for no picture of them.  I will try to get a picture of them tomorrow, too lazy to do that right now.  Hehe.  I have to get them hemmed because they are about 4 inches too long for me.  Why can't designers realize that not every girl in America is NOT 5'9?  Le sigh.

Anywho, successful shopping trip made me feel a little better about missing Bikram.  Just a little.  :-)

I texted my BFF the pics, saying I had gotten them both.  I also told her, "I feel so girly & pretty."  She texted me back, "Well duh Kelly - you are girly and pretty!"  Sweet.  

I'm not sure if she understood why I said that to her, or where I was coming from.  In fact, I'm positive she didn't understand.  She's never had a problem with her weight or with food.  She's never felt fat or ugly or bigger than a whale.  She's never known the feeling of bingeing, hating yourself during the binge, and then feeling even more disgust and sick with yourself after said binge.  So I don't talk about this with her.  She tells me all the time that I can talk to her about anything, but I know she will never understand THIS.  I mean, let's face it - how could she?  Don't get me wrong - I'm glad she doesn't know that feeling, I hope she NEVER will - I don't wish that on anybody because it's just so freaking horrible. But as much as she tells me that she'll understand or that she does understand anything I tell her about it, my reality with food is astronomically and exponentially different from hers.  It always will be.  

If you've never had a problem with food, then you will never understand.  Bottom line.

Solid day.  Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.  I paid extra attention to how much sodium I consumed today, and I will be doing that the rest of the week.  I expect to see a big loss next week to make up for today.  :-)

I know something great is just around the corner for me.  I can feel it, I can sense it.  I don't know if it's love, a great guy, a new work opportunity, a financial windfall or what - I  can just sense SOMETHING wonderful is gong to happen.

(Please no comments about how he's out there.  If I hear that again, I will be driven to homicide.  I say that with love, mkay.  And yeah, I realize I probably set myself by even mentioning that at all.)

Any of you Yankee fans?  I bleed navy blue blood.  How spectacular was that game today? I had left my house when the Sawx were leading 7-0, then when I was driving back from my shopping trip, the Yanks were leading 10-9!  Epic comeback by my Yankees - what?!  :-)

Good choices!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Day 867 - Curvy. Sexy. Beautiful. & Last Chance Workout.

                               Taken 3/22/12.                                                 Taken today, 4/20/12.

So besides being a chatty Cathy lately, it would appear that I am also becoming a bit of a camera whore. (Seriously, what is going on there?  I'm the girl that hated the camera, and hated talking to people.  And I just realized how awful that last part sounded.)  Hmm.  I don't think that's a bad thing at all.  Right?  :-)

Case in point: the above.  I decided to post these comparison shots, taken a month apart.  I'm not completely sure there is a major difference here, because it has only been a month.  Since I am my own worst and harshest critic, I'll let you guys be the judge of whether or not there is a difference.  There's about a 7 pound difference between the two.

I will say that I think my hair looked better today than it did when  in the March pic.  :-)

Sarah, thanks for your help!  Apparently, I strained my IT band?  Sounds like some kind of thing you'd find in a computer.  So now I must go and buy a foam roller.  I'm not a big fan of those things.  They hurt.  When I used to train with The Sadist, she would make me stretch out on that after every workout with her, and it killed my hips and my thighs!  So, no me gusta, but if I have to and start using it now to prevent further injury, then so be it.

FYI - my IT band (I'm getting such a kick out of using that term now) feels fine.  It's my right knee that hurts a little.  I actually would not be surprised if the pain were the onset of early arthritis.  Arthritis runs in my family.  I'm not sure if hereditary has anything to do with one person getting it or not.

Quite a few people have been commenting on my "tiny waist" lately. You're all so cute for saying that, thank you.  It makes me wish that I had taken measurements to have some comparisons.  Unfortunately, I didn't do that.  I can't help but think that maybe that might've been a good thing in my case, because I feel like maybe I would've turned obsessive about it, the way I'm obsessive with the scale.  (I weigh myself every single morning.)  Maybe I should start measuring once a month or something.  How do people measure the circumference of their thighs?  I've tried to do that in the past, but it frustrated me because I never knew where exactly on my thigh to put the measuring tape. 

Tammy posted a link for this fierce t-shirt on my FB wall about a week or so ago.  She said she had thought of me when she saw it.  How sweet.  I loved it so much that I HAD to have it.  Now.  What do you think?
It's freaking awesome, isn't it?  It is so me, so what I am trying like hell to embrace about myself.  Curvy. Sexy. Beautiful.  The best part is that the lettering is in pink (what!?) one of my favorite colors.  It's a size Medium.  A little tight around my midsection, oh well.

If you are interested in getting the t-shirt, here is the link.

I am trying to be more positive about myself, even though I'm writing that with clenched teeth.  I put up a great front, I know I do.  It's so damn hard.

I decided to really ramp up my last chance workout tonight.  I really needed to bring it. So I started with 35 minutes on the treadmill.  I included 3 sprints (well, sprints for me) at 6.0 level.  The first one lasted 30 seconds,  the second a full minute, and the last 3 minutes.  When I felt like I was gonna die, I had to slow it back down on the final one.  All fine, we must all listen to our bodies.  Oh, my IT band feels fine, and felt fine during the sprints. Then I did The Firm Express Sculpt with Alison Davis.  Rebekah is part of the background cast.  Even when she's not leading a workout, she's still "WOO"-ing in the background.  I wanted to kill her.   Anywho, those 8 second high intensity bursts almost killed me - especially those plyo, alternating lunges.  Sweet Jesus & all that is holy - I thought my thighs would fall off.  I'm not kidding.  I added another 15 minutes of strength when the DVD finished - heavy squats, lunges, military presses, hammer curls, delt flys, and deadlifts.  I love deadlifts.  Don't ask me why.  My sweat tonight was epic.
I was completely soaked from head to toe.  I love that feeling.

Solid day.  Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

WI is tomorrow.  Wish me luck.  I am confident I will see a loss.

Make good choices!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day 866 - Healthy Daily Guidelines & Bikram Again.

Adrienne left me a comment asking me what I meant when I say that I got in all of my daily requirements. I don't think I've ever addressed that, and if I have, I've already forgotten. So here's what I mean by that.

Adrienne, since you also follow WW, you know that they have a list of healthy daily guidelines that you should include in what you eat. Not everyone will get them in everyday. That's what I mean by my "requirements." Not everyone chooses to include these, but I do. Or at least, I make a solid effort to try.

So for me, "daily requirements" are: at least 5 servings of fruit & veggies every single day (more veggies than fruit, but I do eat fresh fruit everyday), 6 ounces of lean protein (turkey bacon, eggs, chicken breast, but I'll throw in a turkey breast burger also since I do NOT eat seafood of any kind and I'll have red meat maybe once a month, if that), whole grains (brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat bread, Farina since I can't stand oatmeal, sweet potatoes, basically nothing white) 2 teaspoons of healthy oils (olive, canola, safflower seed, sunflower seed, and flaxseed) which I have with my salad at dinner, and 2 servings of milk (I have a green monster smoothie everyday.)

Hope that clears that up, doll. :-)

Wanna see what I wore to work today? Ok, twist my arm. Hehe.
Black cotton poplin button down shirt from Old Navy, heather gray trousers from JCPenney's. Apparently, I really, REALLY like the black and gray color scheme.

I'm not sure if you can tell in this photo, but my hair was really curly today. I liked the way it looked. Thank goodness for awesome curling styling products, like Curls Rock. :-) And Frizz Ease.

See what I was trying to do there, Ellie? Just for you. :-)

Tommy was leading the Bikram session tonight, which always helps. I really feel like I'm getting better at holding and doing a lot of the postures. But of course there are still a lot of them that I just can't perform correctly. It will take practice and patience, which I was not blessed with. I want things to happen now. Because I am a spoiled, impatient brat. There, I said it. Don't judge me! :-)

Unfortunately, during the first part of tree pose, I felt that I tweaked something in my right outer thigh. Anyone know what that muscle is called? It's not the outer quad, is it? I feel like it has a specific name. I was trying hard to push my right knee down and bring my ankle higher, which is how you are supposed to perform the pose. So when it was time to change sides, as I was putting my leg down, I felt a tightness there that I had never felt before. I tried to perform the pose on my left leg, but I couldn't lock out my right knee because of that twinge, so I didn't even bother. I certainly didn't want to do anymore damage. :-(

The good news is that tightness, tweakiness feeling did not last long. (I think I just made up a word.) Less than a minute maybe. I'm not feeling it now, which is good. But I guess the lesson to be learned is that my flexibility is NOT where I want it to be right now. I have to work on that, and I thought that by pushing myself tonight, I was doing just that. Unfortunately, the damage I've done to my body with obesity has consequences, and I'm feeling it now. I wasn't feeling it when I was almost 100 pounds heavier, but I am now. Hmm. Go figure. You really do reap what you sow, I guess.

I did work hard though, and sweated like a beast, which I always love. See?
I asked Tommy when they were going to replace the lightbulbs in the women's bathroom and he informed me that it wasn't the lightbulbs at all - it was a wiring issue. They're in the process of fixing it, but as far as I know, they haven't called in an electrician. He told me he spent an hour trying to figure out the problem. Maybe it's time to call in an electrician? Just a thought. I didn't say that to him though. I didn't want to be obnoxious about it.

Solid day overall, in spite of that stupid tweak in my thigh. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements.

I am chatty Cathy lately. What's that about?

Anywho, I must head to bed and probably take some Advil. Good choices!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Day 865 - Unexpected Guest & Bikram.

An unexpected guest walk into my firm this morning!
A red mini pin. He had crossed Northern Boulevard to our building. If you're familiar with Long Island at all, then you know that Northern Boulevard is an extremely busy street. Heavy traffic going in both directions. One of the attorneys had spotted him, I was at the front door, and she told me to let him in. He walked in and was a little skittish, but very friendly. He was not wearing tags. He calmed down after a few minutes, running around the office and sniffing everything. He was so well behaved. The girls came over and he was so friendly with them. I dashed downstairs, grabbed a small piece of chicken from my lunch, and went to entice him with it. We didn't want him to bolt through an open door or anything. Especially since he wasn't wearing ID tags.

The receptionist called the cops, and Nassau County PD responded pretty quickly. Good thing they were both dog lovers. It was very obvious this little puppy dog was very well cared for, he was so behaved! There is a vet located across the street from my firm, and one of the officers said he would take him there to see if the little guy was microchipped. If he wasn't, then he would bring him back to our office, and I volunteered to take him home with me.

None of us wanted the little guy to be taken to a shelter. :-(

Long story short, he was indeed chipped, his owners were contacted, and he was returned safely to his family. Happy endings all around. But man, what a lot of excitement for one morning!

I think you can tell a LOT about a person by whether they like animals or not - especially dogs. I am a dog person, in case you didn't know. :-)

In high school, I worked at an animal hospital, and I remember this story that one of the girls told me about animals. She said she read an article or had seen a TV show about people who flatlined & had come back. One of the people had said that when they were walking towards "the light," the first thing he saw beyond the light was a beautiful green, luscious field with lots of different animals running around and frolicking. Then he said that's when he knew that what he was seeing was a glimpse of heaven, because of the animals. Isn't that something? :-)

I decided to hit the 5:30 Bikram session. Sexy instructor was not leading the session, but I was ok with that. A nice, olderish woman led the session tonight. She was a little too perky, but not to the point where I found her annoying, you know. She was very nice, very sweet. The session was not packed, which was a good thing. It always tends to feel hotter when the studio is packed.

I noticed as I was looking at myself in the studio mirrors - (which is what you're supposed to do, to make sure you're performing the postures correctly and to make sure you that you do NOT bend your knees during the standing postures) - that MAYBE my thighs looked smaller. (My thighs and my midsection are the banes of my existence, I've mentioned that on here before.) It's hard for me to tell and say that conclusively, since I am my own worst and harshest critic, and because I still don't see myself the way others do.

I will be struggling with that last part all my life, I feel. One day soon I won't struggle with that so much. I hope. :-)

I felt no pain during the session, and the 90 minutes seemed to fly by, for some reason. I felt so strong and empowered afterwards.

I truly believe that sweat is sexy. I truly believe that sweat is beautiful. When I am drenched in sweat to the core, I feel beautiful.
They still haven't replaced the broken lightbulbs in the women's bathroom, so I had to sneak into the laundry room again to take this sweaty pic. With what they charge, you'd think that maybe that would've been taken care of already. Just saying. Anywho, I was soaked to the bone, drenched in my own sweat and absolutely loving the feeling!

That doesn't mean that I couldn't wait to get home, take those sweaty clothes off, & shower. :-) I do enjoy being clean. LOL.

There is NO WAY I am going to give up doing Bikram. So not happening. I will deal with any kind of pain that comes my way, and just suck it up.

Thank you all for your sweet comments yesterday! I so appreciate them, and I'm not sure if my gratitude comes across here. I truly appreciate it when someone takes the time to not only read my little blog, but when they take the time to comment as well. You guys rock, absolutely!

I'm starting to feel really girly & feminine. I love picking out new, cute outfits. I used to hate shopping, never went into a store, always bought things online because it would give me such anxiety to physically walk into a store. I didn't want to have to pick something out, try it on, and not have it fit. Now, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. :-) And I must say, it is a wonderful feeling.

Solid day in the books. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I don't know why I'm being so wordy lately. I've become a regular chatterbox, and if you knew me in real life - I am so not that way at all! Hehe.

Going to catch up on blogs, so I'm wrapping up now. Make good choices!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 864 - Curves Appeal & Some Pain.

Ellie made a good point. I had no idea that when I point out something positive in any of my photos, I ALWAYS follow it up with something negative. :-( I swear I didn't even realize I was doing that. That is so off-putting and unattractive. I had no idea that's what I was doing.

Whoa.

She is right, though. I need to let my beauty & confidence shine through. Because I know I am beautiful, even if it's hard for me to believe or say it out loud. Faking it until I make it isn't really going to cut it in this case.

I have to cut it out with that. I wouldn't like reading that from another weight loss blogger. I would point out to her (or him, as the case may be) how far they've come from their starting point, that they're an awesome person. And of course, I would tell them that they are beautiful.

So here's what I'm going to do today. I'm going to tell you guys what I really like about myself.

Gulp. Ok, here goes.

I think I have really nice eyes. When I met Wendy in college, she told me that the very first thing she noticed about were my eyes, and how deeply penetrating & beautiful they are. It's hard for me to tell because it's me, but I think she meant the way they're shaped. Sort of almond-shaped, but not quite. You guys can say better than I could.

I love that my lips are full & sensuous & kissable.

I love that my hair is naturally curly.

I love that my eyelashes are long and thick and curl up naturally & that I NEVER need to use an eyelash curler.

It goes without saying that I think I have fantastic boobs! (Come on, you sooo knew that was coming, right?) Still perky, still awesome, still lifted. LOL (Thank you, birth control pill!)

I know I definitely have curves appeal. I know they are beautiful. I know a lot of girls would love to have my curves.

I love my curves, all my curves - my appealing curves!

Better, Ellie? I love you, come back to blogging soon. Please?

Here is what I wore to work today. I took this photo on Sunday. I tried to take one at work, but the lighting was just plain awful, and I think I look way better in this pic anyway.

My waist looks smaller, right? Love. The striped gray capris & sleeveless blouse from NY & Co. Thank goodness for everything being like 50% off in that store!

I decided to take this photo when I got home from work. My t*ts are totally popping, too! Yeah, I really did just say that. How's that for confidence? :-)
I decided to forgo Bikram tonight. First of all, sexy instructor was not going to be leading the session. Secondly, I was due for a rest day. And thirdly, I've been experiencing some pain lately, that I haven't discussed on here yet.

Pain. Ugh. Bummer. If I'm not feeling it in my right knee, then I feel it somewhere else. I took a long lunch today and headed to the doctor. I decided I couldn't wait until Thursday, which is when I had originally booked my appointment. So here's what the doctor told me.

Apparently, when you're lifting heavy weights, doing a lot of lower body weight training, or holding postures and contracting certain muscles for a long time (like in Bikram) - all of these things can lead to pain. Now, the weight training thing I kinda knew about.

But Bikram? Something that I love doing, something that has helped me clear my mind, and find some sense of peace? The stretching alone, the elongating of my body and the empowerment I have felt after each and every session . . . .

You gotta be kidding me. Practicing yoga can lead to physical pain? Isn't the stretching & the contracting supposed to be really good for your body? What the hell, man? I was so pissed when I heard that, you have no idea.

I felt so frustrated hearing this because I'm doing and have done all of these healthy things to improve myself and my body.

I'm healthier than I was a year ago, even 6 months ago.

I work out like a maniac, I eat nutritious, wholesome, clean food, (fruit, veggies, lean protein, and lots of fiber) I make sure to get in all of my water, I track everything I eat, and I'm experiencing physical pain now. Now. After I've lost nearly 100 pounds. Wow.

The last two nights, the pain was so bad that I barely slept. Sunday night was especially horrible. I tossed & turned for what felt like the entire night.

Wanna hear the most ironic thing about all of this? The thing that upsets me even more?

When I was fatter, I NEVER experienced this kind of physical pain. NEVER.

Now that I'm healthier and smaller, THAT'S when the pain sets in?

Really?

I don't even have the words.

I'm going to take some Nyquil tonight and hope that it knocks me out so I can actually get some sleep. I don't recommend doing that. But tonight, I have to get some sleep.

I will not give up Bikram. I will not stop working out the way I do. So I just have to deal with it. Period.

Even though I'm frustrated, even though I know that pain is a part of life, it still sucks. But I can't let it get me down. And one thing I won't do is turn to food. Those demons are still there, they will always be there, but right now, at this very second, I refuse to give in.

Solid day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

Off to watch Deadliest Catch, Dancing With the Stars & do my food prep.

Good choices!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Day 863.

So this morning, I decided, with a whole boatload of hesitation, to wear a dress to work for the first time ever. I was real nervous about it. I mean, to the point where I was having anxiety.

Yup. Me. Anxiety. Over wearing a dress to work. The girl who says she embraces her curves & her hourglass figure.

The truth is, and I'm going to be honest here - I was scared about what people would think and say when I walked into the office. I truly thought they would think I had no business wearing a dress. I truly thought they would look at me funny.

I thought maybe some people would make fun of me.

I thought people would be mean and say mean things to me.

I know, I KNOW how awful that sounds. Horrible that I would think that, isn't it?

Without any of you saying it, I know how truly awful that sounds. I'm still so damn insecure. I try to fake it publicly, and I guess for the most part I'm partially successful at that. But here, on my space, I'll spill my guts out. That's what it's for.

Wanna know what they did say? How pretty I looked! How pretty the dress was. I posted on FB about wearing a dress to work for the 1st time ever, & my BFF commented that she wanted me to post the pic on FB. Which I did, and I decided to post it here, too. So here it is.

The dress is from NY & Company. Yes, I'm standing on a chair. :-) I was trying to get the full body pic, hence the whole standing on the chair thing. I have a skin pigmentation on my knees that I can't get rid of. You can see that in the pic. Nothing works on it. The only way you won't be able to see it is if I lay outside in the sun and just bake for hours. Probably not a really smart thing to do, but I have a feeling I'll be going to the beach a lot more often this summer.

Don't get me started on the anxiety about wearing a bathing suit in public. That's an entirely different blog post.

Anywho, the positive response I received was truly overwhelming.

My tweeps told me that if anything, I should take more pics because I will want the photos to document my weight loss more. I had actually not thought of that, that I would want more photos for that reason, but it's a great idea. It only makes me wish that I had more before pics. God, I avoided the camera and being in pictures like the plague back then. What a complete 180.

Don't get me wrong - I still cringe taking photos. But I guess it's slowly getting better. I think. Slowly.

I'm sure that if I did some digging, I could probably find some more before pics. I'll try to work on that one.

Anywho, I decided to really push it for my workout tonight. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, and I even sprinted (well, sprinted for me) at the 5.0 level. For 2 minutes. And I sweated like a pig before even starting the Firm DVD. I did The Firm Express Cardio with Alison Davis.

OMG - I thought I would die! Those scissor jacks & power lunges killed me! I really, really felt it in my glutes & thighs again, which by the way are still extremely sore. Holy Jesus, my poor glutes! Well, I guess the soreness is a good thing because my butt is looking a little more lifted lately. And yes, you guys need to know that. Hehe. I wanted to hit the full hour, so I added some cardio/core work on my own. I did 10 minutes of repeaters, high knees, crunches (these included those rope climbing thingys,) deadlifts, and mountain climbers. I really like those mountain climbers. Wonder if my abs will be sore tomorrow? We'll see. I burned 538 calories. See?
Sweat is sexy! So are my collar bones, which you couldn't see a year ago. :-)

Solid day in the books. Tracked everything, stayed within my points, and got in all of my requirements.

I'm alternating between DWTS & the Yankee game. I have eclectic taste. :-)

CHUBBY, where are you? Update soon, please. Hope all is well. I miss you!

Wrapping up. You guys are awesome, thanks so much for reading. :-) Good choices!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Day 862 - More Clothes Pics!

I'm getting dressed this morning, and I happened to notice my naked back in the mirror. I actually thought it looked - dare I say it? Toned. Sculpted.

I thought I could actually see muscles. On my back. I think I have back muscles now.

Whoa.

I would take a photo & post it, but I'm not really sure how I feel about kinda being naked on here. Um, I don't think the world is quite ready for that yet. And how would I take a photo anyway, since it sounds like it would be difficult - trying to turn around without showing anything & one arm/hand holding my camera phone? Too complicated for me.

Well, apparently, I'm not getting those slamming new kicks from Nike. I had no idea that they could mess up my running stride or even potentially injure me. :-( But they're so cute! Maybe I could wear them when I use my treadmill, since I don't run on it. I'm convinced that running for a long time on my treadmill will make me blow a knee out, so I walk at the 3.8 level. Well, we shall see - the jury is still out on those cute sneakers. Honestly, I'll probably wind up getting them, if only to wear out when I don't feel like wearing cuter shoes! LOL.

Speaking of treadmill, I started my workout with a quick 26 minutes on it, then I did The Firm Express Cardio + Sculpt with Alison Davis. I just need to say one quick thing about Alison. She had a baby a little more than a year ago, and her body bounced right back. She looks like she never had a baby. She still has the tiny waist, the ripped abs, the dancer's body - there is NO justice in the world, I'm telling you that right now. Some people have all the luck.

Anywho, my glutes & thighs are super sore from yesterday's work out. Today, with this workout, I felt it even more. Sweet Jesus & everything that is holy - this was a hard DVD! Made even harder with Alison throwing in some "Woos!" Rebekah-style. Alison is not quite as annoying as Rebekah, but she normally doesn't do that in any of her workouts. Not that I've noticed, anyway. I burned 503 calories.
I had to cool down for a few extra minutes to get my heart rate down. So I marched in place until then. Yeah, I was DRENCHED in sweat, people. I mean, this DVD was no joke. Holy crapballs, I was out of breath many times - and this workout is only 20 minutes long!

It was such a nice day today, that I elected to pull this cute little number out of my closet. Teal keyhole dress I bought at Macy's at like 50% off in January. I like teal, what can I say?

It felt nice to feel like a girl. I posted this on Facebook and got some sweet comments. I know I should be really happy with my progress, but looking at this picture, the first thing I notice are my child bearing hips & saddlebags jutting out, especially if you're looking at the right side of this photo. I can't tell you how many heavy squats, lunges, dips, side lunges, plyo jumps, and pliƩ ssquats I've done over the last few months. And yet, NOTHING I've done has made them shrink. I get so frustrated with that part of my body. It's like nothing I'm doing is working to get it smaller.

Sorry for that whining - I realize how unattractive and ungrateful I just sounded. Just needed to let it out. If another person were saying that, after losing nearly 100 lbs., I'd probably want to smack them back into reality. So feel free to do that - I know I deserve it. Just be civil about it, mkay?

Anywho, I went over to the shopping plaza in the next town over to me since I had to return something from Victoria's Secret. The yoga pants I ordered were too long, shame. There was no way I was walking out of there without buying something tho. Hehe. It's supposed to be in the 80s here tomorrow, and close to 80 on Tuesday. I wanted to find something cute to wear to work tomorrow. There's a NY & Co. store located a few shops down, and I found this there.
Heather gray striped capris, and wrap around, side zip sleeveless shirt. The shirt is a medium, the capris are a size 12 and they fit! I took a size 14 into the dressing room with me, but I tried on the 12s first as a lark. I didn't think they would fit! They're a little tight around my hips and thighs (big surprise there) but they zipped up & buttoned! The shirt fit me perfectly. I ALMOST cried in the dressing room when everything fit. I'm totally serious. I just couldn't believe it.

I didn't bother trying on the 14s. :-)

I posted this on Facebook, and one of my old WW buddies said I had a tiny waist! Tiny to what it was before, definitely. I jokingly responded that I was trying to bring the hourglass figure back. Hehe.

That's something I struggle with all the time - the fact that I may or may not have an hourglass figure. For the simple reason that it's soooo hard for me to see myself as others see me. In my head, I still look like the girl in the before photo. Sad, I know. You don't even have to say it.

Solid day. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and stayed within my points.

I've been getting more comments than usual lately, and I want you to know that I read them all and I appreciate them! Does anyone know how to install the "reply" feature? I've seen it on other blogs, but it's not on mine for some reason. When I set up curvyfitgirl.com, I'm definitely having that feature on there! :-)

I'm not sure why I'm being such a camera whore lately. I mean, 3 pics of myself? Even for me, it's a bit much.

Need to do my food prep for tomorrow, so I'm wrapping up now. Good choices!

Day 861 - WI Results & Coming Soon!

Last week's weight: 177 lbs.
This week's weight: 174.4 lbs.

I lost 2.6 pounds this week! The good news is I lost weight this week! The bad news is I lost a Point on my daily points + allowance. :-( Oh well.

More good news: My BMI has now gone from "obese" to "overweight." What?! :-) There is still work to be done. There is still room for improvement. I will not be satisfied until I reach a healthy weight.

And apparently, the people have spoken. Coming soon - www.curvyfitgirl.com! Thanks to all who gave an opinion. I really had no idea that "fit" sounded so much better than "thin." I can be a little oblivious about, well, everything sometimes. I didn't take into account that the word "thin" doesn't necessarily mean "healthy," as some of my Twitter followers had to point out to me. "Fit" just, well, it fits. :-) And we all know why I selected "curvy," don't we? LOL. I've been talking about my curves ad nauseum - I mean, even I'm getting sick of hearing about them. Whatever, I've got them, they are a part of me, and they will always be a part of me.

I have no idea when, where and how I am going to set it all up. I am still brainstorming about what I want it all to look like, the background, the colors, the graphics - and I also want to design an avatar. Again, I have no idea how to do that, how much that particular feature will cost, but I will think of something.

Anywho, when I got back from my WI, I had some coffee & breakfast, then put my running shoes on. I am going to train for this damned 10K even if it kills me. Which it just might. I wasn't even running a full minute when I felt something strange on the bottom of my left sneaker. It felt like I had a post it attached to it. Know what it actually was?

The black rubber part of my sneaker had detached. Awesome. Halting my run was out of the question for me, so I just continued. I got in 25 minutes. It could've been longer, should've been longer, but I just wanted to get home & change my shoes. Which I did the second I walked in. Then I did The Firm Express Sculpt with Rebekah Sturkie. It's a good DVD, my glutes were feeling sore within minutes, but I was ready to KILL Rebekah at the end of this. Way too many "Woos" and she even threw in an "Ow!" for good measure. I think I could successfully argue justifiable homicide with this one. Just saying. I added 15 minutes of extra training to increase my time to an hour, and to up my calorie burn. I threw in deadlifts, shoulder presses, squats, side lunges, and even some mountain climbers. Those, I actually didn't mind doing. I finished with 662 calories burned.
Because my left running shoe falling apart justifies buying another pair of running shoes in my head, I decided to peruse the Nike website. I have been obsessed with a certain pair of sneakers after seeing the commercial airing all over ESPN. Here they are, the Nike Free Run +3 in Hot Punch:
I. HAVE. TO. HAVE. THESE. NOW. Even though I'm not a runner at all. But I so want a bitching pair of sneakers. And I'm a Nike girl. Every single pair of sneakers I've ever owned have been Nikes. I blame Michael Jordan. Anywho, I saw these, and it was love at first sight. I mean, hearts lit up and everything. Don't ask me why. I know they are just sneakers. I'm totally buying them tomorrow.

I had a brief moment today. I had a craving for one of my trigger foods - Cool Ranch Doritos. I was starving, hadn't eaten lunch yet which I was in the middle of preparing, and I just wanted Doritos. I still struggle everyday to make the right choices, food & otherwise. So I tweeted that, and I said that I would just love to dive into a bag of those or a tub of ice cream.

Jen, whom I admire so much, tweeted me back: "Could you stop & get one of those single serving bags & plan it for tomorrow?"

Oh Jen, if you only knew my history with this particular snack. I don't think she reads my blog, and even if she did, that's not the point. I told her it was a bad idea, since it's a MAJOR trigger food. Nothing bad happened though. No binge, no covert trip to the store. Just a craving, nothing else, and I moved past it.

I know it could've been more than just a fleeting moment though. And I am very aware of that.

Solid day overall. Tracked everything, got in all of my requirements, and went over my points by 6. I'm ok with that. I worked out hard today.

Thank you all for your input yesterday. I can't wait to set up curvyfitgirl.com! Soon, I promise!

Thanks for reading - good choices!