Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Quick update.

Can you see me?

I'm here, posting from my phone.  Hope this works.

All ok, 26 hours without power.  Sandy can go fuck herself.

Work is closed, obviously.  Might be closed for the rest of the week.

Lots of uprooted trees that fell onto power lines around here.  It's crazy.  I've never seen anything like this before.  Never on Long Island.  Damn.

Hopefully, order & power will be restored soon.  This sure blows.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Day 1,127 - F*!)#@ You, Sandy!

I'd really like to give this storm the finger & tell her to go Eff off.  Seriously, my previous panic about it has now turned into sheer anger.

Work closed today.  There is a small, tiny possibility it might also be closed tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath.  We'll see.  If I don't have power, taking a cold shower in the dark will totally suck.
There are worse things in life, I know.

I stopped watching the news reports, I just couldn't take it anymore.  Whatever's gonna happen will happen & there's not a darn thing I'll be able to do it about it.

As of now, I still have power.  It's almost 3:30 PM here in NY, and the winds are picking up.

I ran to the store today again to get last minute thingys.  Apparently, I was not the only person doing this.   All the gallons of water were completely gone.  Ditto certain brands of peanut butter too.

Because work was cancelled, I got in my workout earlier than expected and got it done & out of the way.  I popped in Cardio Core Circuit with Cathe Friedrich.  This DVD is freaking tough.  My stamina suffered big time.  Cathe is freaking insane, man!  I do have to say that she gave me some great ideas for cardio moves in case the power's out tomorrow and I can't use my treadmill nor the DVD player.  Good thing I have equipment here at home.  I added 15 minutes of strength/cardio moves to get my calorie burn up.  Side knee repeaters, speed rope intervals, jogging in place, lunges, shoulder press, upright rows, and lat rows (I used my 12s for these 3.)  Burned 672 calories.

Lots of sweat was earned today.

Still unsure about going to my folks later if my power goes out.  I don't want to be driving in this crap, that's for freaking sure.  I may just stay put & suck it up, like everyone else will be doing.  I have candles, flashlights, extra batteries and matches.  And non-perishable food that I hate having in my house.

So not right.

I've cleaned & vacuumed my living room and kitchen.  I like that everything is in order.  If work is closed tomorrow too, I'll probably just find something else to clean around here.   Like my bedroom.  What else am I gonna do, right?  Might as well be productive.

OK - staying put for now.  Hope everyone is well.  Screw you, Sandy.   You're just pissing me off.

Good choices and be safe!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Day 1,126 - Hurricane Prep.

So, the hurricane has completely and officially freaked me out.

I am worried.  I will be staying at my parent's house tonight.

I got y workout in - it was a hard workout, and I don't even care enough to tell you guys about it nor to post a sweaty pic.

They're saying we may have to evacuate.  We won't do that.  Not even with the flooding that's possible.  We live on the North Shore of Long Island, and the storm will hit at the peak of high tide tonight.  The waves caused by this I don't even want to imagine.  The water levels will rise like a bitch.

And I can't talk about the winds and the wind gusts.

I'm worried about this like you would not believe.  There's no way I'll be able to evacuate two dogs, my mother with heart problems, and my Dad with Parkinson's.

So we're just going to wait it out.

Holy shit, I am freaking the f*ck out.

Monday is supposed to be the worst of it.  The worst will last til Tuesday night into Weds.

So not going into work tomorrow.

All my shopping & prep are done.  As much as it can be done.  We may be without power for up to a week, possibly longer.   Awesome.

East coast peeps - stay safe!

I'll try to update, but I will need to conserve the battery on my phone.

I hate this feeling of impending doom.  It's just awful.

Of course, I'm hoping that in the end, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but that's not what I'm hearing.  So, we'll see.

Deep breath.  This too shall pass.


It's 9:30 PM, no rain yet. I'm back at my place, watching Walking Dead.  I'll be sleeping in my own bed tonight.

I'm still worried, but apparently, that can happen tomorrow.  For now, I guess.

I am not as panicked as I was earlier.

Workout was 35 minutes inclined treadmill, then The Firm Total Muscle Shaping with Stephanie Huckabee.  673 calories burned.  Sweaty pic will still have to hold off for now.

I made oven roasted butternut squash "fries" today with a little bit of olive oil, sea salt & chili powder.  Absolutely delicious.   A little bit of grilled chicken breast, and I was satisfied, and more than full.

Let's hope it holds off as long as possible, because that'll mean I'll have power longer.

Sorry for being all over the place.

Stay safe!

Day 1,125 - WI Results.

Last week's Weight:  157.2 lbs.
This week's Weight:  155.6 lbs.

I lost 1.6 lbs. this week!  I.AM.IN.THE.ZONE.

And it feels great, it really does.  :-)

I was up & moving & at 'em from 8AM this morning.  I had to WI, I had to come back & shower & change, pick up Mom, then drive an hour to get to Westchester.  And I was running late, which meant an annoyed phone call followed from my brother 15 minutes after I was supposed to be at his house.


I pulled an Andretti the rest of the way there.  Don't try that at home, people.  Seriously, you do not want to be on the Sprain Brook going 100 90.  Freaking dangerous.  Really stupid, to be honest.

I was in a rush from the moment I set foot out the door.  I was rushing to get out on time, I was rushing to pick up my Mom, I was rushing to get Sonia's hair ballet-ready, - Holy cow!

We spent the day with my bro & the kids.  SIL was working & she was on call too, so she wasn't able to go.  After the adorable little recital, the girls changed into their Halloween costumes.  Sonia decided to be Superman this year.

I love how she can go from being totally girl at ballet, then be a total tomboy when it comes to costumes.  It's way too big for her, but who cares.  Look how beautiful she is.

Afterwards, me, Mom & Sonia went to get our nails done together.  It was nice, the three of us just hanging out.  3 generations of the women in my family.  Pretty awesome.  Sonia got flowers on her manicure.

After lunch, Mom & I headed back to Long Island.  I dropped Mom off, then went to Macy's.   Just to browse - not to buy anything since I am on a budget.  This is what I wore today.

That corduroy button down shirt I bought from Victoria's Secret years ago, and have never been able to fit into.  When I bought it, I was just starting to gain back the weight I had lost in college.

It fits now.  It fits like a glove.  So do those brown knee high boots and the jeans.

It makes me crazy that my thunder thighs have NOT shrunk.  And that they still rub together.  Ooh, it makes me mad, you have no idea.  Grrr.  More high step ups are in order - that, and heavy leg press, too.

I was exhausted when I got back home, but I promised - FORCED myself to get in at least 20 minutes of some kind of activity.  Something, anything.

So I did my own little made-up workout.  Speed rope intervals, calf pumps, push ups, CrossFit type squats, and lunges.   I did that circuit 5 times, and got a tiny bit of a sweat on.  I forgot to strap my Polar HRM on, but I didn't care at that point.  I was happy to just have gotten something done, you know.

Yes, I look tired, goofy, and my hair looks like a sack of laundry.

Ask me if I give a flying fuck.

The answer is no, by the way.  A resounding NO.  :-)

I am so damn close to my goal, and nothing like a little fatigue will stop me from getting there.  Persistence means something, people.

I am off to bed before I pass out.

Good choices!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 1,124 - Last Chance Workout.

Yesterday, one of the girls I work with left early.  She & her boyfriend live together and have been together for the past 10 years or so.  Her boyfriend's mother had been hospitalized the last few weeks with cancer. Around 3 yesterday, she got the call from her boyfriend - who's been a complete wreck.   The poor woman had been having trouble breathing, and she couldn't speak either.  She died very early this morning from a massive heart attack.  Her poor body just gave out.  Very sad.

When I heard the news, I texted her, passed along my condolences, and offered to help in any way I could.  She responded with her thanks.  I can't imagine how crazy this time must be for them right now.  Damn shame.

Right after that, I immediately called my Mom and told her I loved her.  :-)  We talked for a bit, which was nice.  Even though I was at work.  Shh!  Don't tell anyone.

My brother had called her earlier, and my 4 year old niece (well, she will be 4 in December) has a ballet recital tomorrow morning that we're going to.  I had wanted to bring her here to get our nails done and take her over to Mom & Dad's, but this is cool.  We have to leave early in the morning, which means missing my morning Bikram class, which kinda breaks my heart, but I'll get over it.  This is ok too though, I just want to see the kids and hang out with the family.  So does my Mom.

Don't think I'm not getting a workout in tomorrow.  You bet your asses I will.  I'll do that when I get back.  I would of course prefer to get it done & over with in the morning, but no biggie.  I am NOT about making excuses and filling MY space up with bullshit.  I'm not interested in that jazz.  I work my ass off.  And hard work shows and it pays off.  Hard work is worth it.  I'll never say it's easy, because it definitely has not been easy for me.  But man, I am SO much happier now at this point than I can remember being in a long time.  Because I knew I had to put in the hard work, even though I kicked & screamed the whole way.

This last year has shown me what I can do, what I am capable of doing - even and especially when I have self-doubt.  And believe me, I do.  I doubt myself a whole lot.  I'm human, not made of steel. There are times when I wish I was (who doesn't), but such is life.  I struggle, too.  I am NOT perfect, I don't proclaim to be, and I've never said I am.  Lord knows I'm not perfect.  I fuck up all the time.  I say the wrong things, react the wrong way, I shut the people I love most out of my life sometimes, I'm stubborn, and I admit all of this.

I'm working on it.  Everyday, it gets a tiny bit better.  Everyday, I get a tiny bit better.  Tiny bit.

Ugh, this freaking storm.  Sick of hearing about it.  I'm prepared as much as I can be.  I'm thinking of staying at my folks.  We'll see.

Bad crap always seems to happen at this time in the year.  Mom was hospitalized Halloween weekend last year, which was when her A-Fib was discovered.  No me gusta Halloween time.  Don't even ask me about Halloween candy this year.  It aint happening.  I don't care how many kids live in my condo complex.   I think they'll survive just fine if they don't get Halloween candy from me.  Seriously.

Hmm.  This is getting depressing.  That was not my intention.  On to different things now.

I don't know why I'm so over the place today.  Shrug.  I like to keep it interesting every now & then, I guess.  ;-)

Procrastinated & procrastinated to get the workout in.  In the end, I kind of made up something as I went along.  Knocked out 30 minutes on the inclined treadmill, running for about 12 minutes.  I added some plyo squats, lunges & crunches afterwards to get my calorie burn up.  406 calories burned.

Sweat is beautiful.  Sweat is sexy, people.

I know I am beautiful when I sweat like a pig.

Muchas gracias to  Jen whol told me how to get the logo thingy on my sweaty pics.

WI tomorrow, and I'm super confident about it too.  Tomorrow will be another day that I inch my way closer to goal.

Bed is calling me.  Hope my East Coast peeps stay safe and are prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best.

Good choices!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Day 1,123 - Tough Thursday.

The Boss came back from an overseas business trip, which meant today was slightly crazy.

I was more busy than usual.  I was given something to do that I had never done before, and of course he needed it ASAP.  Of course.

That's how it goes, right.  No worries.  Homegirl got it done, but man!  Soooo did not need the extra BS today.  Well, who ever does, right?

Whatever.   That's kinda what you have to do at work.

The forecast peoples are calling Hurricane Sandy a "Nor'easter on Steroids."  I've also seen the term "Frankenstorm."   No es bueno.

Awesome.  Just what the East Coast needs. Storms/blizzards/weather catastrophes don't occur too often here, which means we are always woefully unprepared for them and for the aftermath.

Last night, I headed out to get some supplies, like batteries, bread, milk, cheese, eggs, and water.  And canned goods in case the power goes out.  Having that kind of stuff in my house leaves an extremely bitter taste in my mouth.  I don't like having it around.  It is just for emergencies ONLY, and I'm stashing it in a closet, not in my pantry/cupboards.

Canned soup?  Ick.  I couldn't bring myself to bring home canned veggies.  Gag me.

Today at lunch, I ran to the drugstore to get extra flashlights and a touch light.  Just in case.  Because you never know.  I already am pretty good on candles & matches, so now that's covered.

Now we wait for this damn storm.  I am hoping it won't be as bad as they are predicting.  Sigh.

Bikram tonight.  I needed it.  This day just had me beat.  When I walked into the studio, Tommy was at the desk.  He said something like, "I never see you now!"

Wasn't I standing in front of him?  Apparently, the fact that I dropped from my monthly unlimited plan to a 10 class plan didn't sit well with him.  He was like, "I kinda take that personally.  I like having you in class since you always follow directions and hardly ever move out of turn."

I know homeboy was just messing with me - it was kinda funny though.

My usual spot was taken by the time I walked in, so I had to put my mat on the other side of the room.   Right underneath a heating lamp.  Bearing down on me the entire 90 minutes.  Damn, it was extra hot, but it still felt great.

Since I was already out, I decided to run to the store again, because God forbid I should run out of milk or eggs or something next week and not be able to go.  I also got stuff to make a nice roast chicken meal in the oven on Sunday - yellow pepper, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, red onion, garlic, sweet potato and butternut squash.

I am stocked up, locked & loaded for this damn thing.  Gallons of water were also picked up.

Healthy day in the books, food all logged, requirements in, and I am hitting the sack now.

East Coast peeps - pick up your necessities now!  Or super early tomorrow morning before everything runs out this weekend.  Flashlights, candles, matches, batteries, canned things (it hurts me to say that) eggs, bread, milk, protein, fruit, veggies, extra fuel for generators, water, extra fuel for a gas grill if you have, peanut butter, etc.  Anything else I left off this list.  YOUR WELCOME.

Good choices!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Day 1,122 - Eating Clean, Eating Better.

Rest day for me today.  Bikram tomorrow night.

I ordered this book on Amazon last week, and it arrived today.

I've been meaning to buy this book for a while now, I just never got around to it for one reason or another.

I am very interested in seeing just how "dirty" I've been eating compared to how much cleaner & better I could be eating.   I already eat plenty of fresh fruit & fresh veggies, only lean proteins, olive oil or flaxseed oil, nothing white, and low fat dairy.  I wonder if whole wheat pasta & brown rice are ok.  Oh man, I'm gonna have to give up cheese, aren't I?   Sigh.

Hell is a place where there is no cheese.  Or, there is cheese, and every time you reach for it, it always moves just slightly out of reach, driving you mad.

Well.  There are worse things in life.  Some people don't even have enough to keep the basics in their home.

I'll start reading this weekend and let you know my thoughts.  I'm already considering eating this way for a week and seeing how it goes.  As it is, I eat pretty cleanly already - with certain exceptions.  I do put light brown sugar in my Farina in the morning.  That will probably need to be eliminated, if I'm thinking correctly.  Hmm.  I suppose I could use honey instead.  Or some all natural nectar?  I'm not sure what's considered "clean" in that context, but I'm a smart chick.  I can figure something out.  Fresh blueberries or raspberries would probably help in that regard.

Quick trip to the dermatologist after work.  It was more than time to get laser on my face.  This is what happens when you have olive skin and are of Hispanic descent - you have sideburns and a fierce 'stache that have no business being on ANY woman's face.  I was also breaking out a little, which she cleaned out pretty quickly.  So my face is a little red right now, but that's the price I pay for beauty.  Hehe.

I have to share this story that for some reason I didn't write about when it actually happened - at the Yankee game in July!

So, the parking garage across the street from Yankee Stadium was filling up pretty quickly, and we (Wendy & I) were lucky to even gain entrance to it.  In fact, it was so full that I had to park the car on the side, not even in a spot.

The parking attendant waved us down, and when I saw that all the parking spots were pretty much full and he was directing cars towards the side, I asked him (when he came over to the rolled-down window) "So where am I going here?  What am I doing?"

Parking attendant:  (leaning down on the window and with a shit-eating grin on his face:)  "Well, that depends.  Have you been a good girl or a bad girl?  Please tell me you've been a bad girl."

Me:  Mouth gaping open.

Wendy had been on the phone with her husband, and when she heard what the guy said, she literally stopped talking mid-sentence, turned her head to gawk at him, completely open-mouthed.

I could hear her husband on the phone saying, "Honey?  Are you there?"

Yeah. That shit happened.  He did say that.  Hand to God.

Me:   (Extremely confused and uncomfortable look on my face and looking around:)  "Umm.... I don't....what....WHERE AM I PARKING???"

He directed me where, still with that stupid ass look that kinda made me want to knock his head into something hard, and then went to help the car about to park behind me.  When we were getting out of the car, BFF turned to me and snarled vehemently, "OK, What the FUCK WAS THAT?"

Girlfriend doesn't cuss nearly as much as I do.  I gave her this look between shock, disgust and disbelief.  Was that guy for real just now?  Euuww, I felt kinda dirty.  I neglected to mention he looked like a pervert.  And totally was one, too.

Me:  "I don't freaking know.  Seriously though - WTF??!"

We totally laughed about it later.  I mean, really?  Snort.

Just a little something to have a laugh about.

I mean, it's so ridiculous that it can ONLY be funny, you know?  Right?

Good choices!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day 1,121 - When Life Tries to Give you Lemons...

Take the lemons and stomp the shit out of them.

My right knee was trying to tell me a little something today.  It was a tiny bit achy, which happens from time to time.  It's not constant, it's not dull, it just likes to show up every now and then.

Shrug.  Whatever, man.  It's not crippling or anything, just annoying as hell.  No time for that, you know.  I have things and workouts to get done.

Not to mention awesomeness, weight loss success and heavy strength training to pursue.

After a quick, 12 minute warm up on the inclined treadmill, I decided to pop The Firm Time Crunch Workout in my DVD player.  Two Master Instructors lead the workout - Susan Harris & Kai Soremukun.  It had been a while since the last time I did this DVD.  I really wanted to obliterate my back and arms today, so I added sets of tricep kickbacks, heavy lat rows, French press, delt flys, rhomboid pinches, and standing lateral arm extensions.  Some squats and lunges were also involved, as well as weighted side bends, crunches, and high knees.  I burned 409 calories.

I've decided to adopt a tough as nails, stronger than any kind of BS life can throw my way kind of attitude.  After my Dark post last week, I took a long, hard look at myself and at my life.  Being physically strong is great and aesthetically pleasing, but I know I need to be mentally strong - and tough as nails - mentally.

If I'm going to change the outside, I MUST change my inside.

I will never conquer my inner demons unless I work on that.  Part of that is reaching out more.  Opening up more.  As much as I hate talking about my crap, I know that it will only aid in my growth as a person.   Part of that is also doing stuff I normally shy away from, like just hanging out more w/my peoples.  Even if it does involve going out to eat.  You all know how I can't stand that.  It's a waste of time, money & calories.  BUT - and here's the rub for me anyway - I can still do that, and have a great time enjoying the company as I eat my salad with the grilled protein of my choice and drink my water with fresh lemon slices.

So that's what is in my future.   That is what I am choosing to focus on.  Growth and strength mentally and physically.  I will transform my body with my heavy strength training while transforming my mind by stepping out of my comfort zone by growing as a person.

Sons of Anarchy is on later.  I do enjoy me some Jax Teller.  Yes, I do.  :-)

Joel McHale, though?  Seriously?  Could be kinda interesting, though.  Keeping an open mind about that one.  For now.

Good choices!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Day 1,120 - All Out, Full-On Beast Mode.

I've been thinking about my dark post the other day.  Everyday since then has been just a tiny bit better.  Thank goodness.  It did help to release some of it & talk about it (however vague I was about it.)  I am still a work in progress.  I can't be a better person if I hold onto to bad crap.  That's only going to hold me back and I can't have that.  I absolutely forbid it.  It will hold me back weight-loss wise and growth wise, too.  If I allow it.  Which I'm not.

I am stronger than that.

And I also know that I am very lucky.  I have a roof over my head that I own, I have steady employment with a steady paycheck. Clothes on my back, healthy food in my home, and good health.  Time to stop whining like a little bitch.  Seriously.

I texted my BFF today that I hope we get together soon because I missed her. & I felt lonely. You have NO idea how hard that text was for me to send.

And you know what?  She texts me back right away.  That's all it took - I just needed to reach out and actually freaking tell her.  And she tells me that all I ever have to do is pick up the phone & call her.  Why is that so freaking hard?  Ugh.  And that yes, we will get together soon.  Hopefully this weekend, depending on her schedule.  If not, next weekend.  That made me really happy.   I love that girl.  I have no idea how or why she puts up with me sometimes.

We talked about, it felt good.  We both confided in each other about some things.  :-)

All we can do is try to be better than we were yesterday.

OMG - Walking Dead.  Not going to spoil it for my overseas friends or for those that DVR'ed & haven't had an opportunity to see it yet - but I will say I'm surprised - and kinda good - with how the episode ended.

Except to say this - if that had been me, at Karl's age, and I didn't listen to my parents or spoke to my mother the way he does now - holy Jesus I would've gotten a well-deserved slap right across the face.  Note to Karl - in the face of the Zombie Apocalypse, it MIGHT be a good idea to listen to your parents when they tell you to do something, mkay.  Like, I don't know - stay put & don't make a sound because there are Walkers all over the place.  That's it, that's all I'll say about it.  ;-)

I really needed to let out some aggravation today.  And I also wanted to go heavy with the weights today.  I always feel pain when I lift heavy or do heavy lower body work.

Today, I needed and wanted to go full-on beast mode.  After a quick, 10 minute warm up on the inclined treadmill, I decided to do The Firm CrossTrainers Strength with Pam Cauthen.  I added extra sets of clean & press, deadlifts, military press, heavy squats, hammer curls and delt flys.  My shoulders were on fire.  So were my glutes.  357 calories burned.

Room for improvement and definition?  You bet.  Does anyone need to ask if I believe I'll get there?  Bitch, please.

Of course I'll fucking get there!  Who's gonna stop me?  NO ONE.  ;-)

I'm hacking away at all the nonsense I don't have time for.  Scale is already down from Saturday.  This week will be a great one.  Of that, I am certain.

"Success is what you attract by the person you become."  Jim Rohn.

Awesome day in the books.  Food is tracked, under my points goal for the day, and got in all the requirements.

Bed soon to start another day.  It will be awesome.  I will make it so.

Good choices!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 1,1119 - Sunday Cinderella Thingys.

I did lots of things today.

I left the house early (early for me on a Sunday morning) to hit up Trader Joe's before I went to the morning Bikram session.  I picked up Ezekiel bread, chicken, their all natural crunchy peanut butter, and some bananas.

When I got to the studio, I asked the guy manning the smoothie station if I could use their fridge to store my chicken.  He said no problem, which was cool.  Trader Joe's balsamic grilled chicken breasts are the bomb diggity.

The morning Bikram session was packed.  You know the story - made the studio feel like it was 200 degrees in there.  I don't think I've ever sweated that much, that quickly.  Man.  It was unreal today.  Bikram is definitely not for the faint of heart.

Just a quick point or two about it - it is as much mental as it is a physical yoga practice.  Any Bikram instructor will tell you not to keep wiping away the sweat - you will sweat and continue to sweat no matter what.  Don't drink water out of turn and stick to the 4 designated water breaks.  No unnecessary moving.  Stay still in between postures and just return to your breathing.  Lay still during savasna.

You would be utterly amazed at just how difficult following all those instructions are during a Bikram session.  I'm guilty of not following 1 or 2 of these listed things from time to time.  Even the most seasoned, the most disciplined of people have a difficult time doing that.  That shit be hard.

I worked my ass off, and felt great afterwards.  I walked out of the studio feeling like a fucking warrior, like I could do anything.  Because I can.

I made turkey veggie chili today in my crock pot.  I used lean ground turkey, 2 cans of diced tomatoes, a cup of chicken stock, fresh zucchini, broccoli, carrots, a red pepper, scallions, fresh garlic, and a small red onion.  I seasoned the turkey with a little salt & poultry seasoning.  Then I added to the mixture Italian seasoning, cumin, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, and just a dash of red pepper flakes.  It's tasty, and packed with fresh veggies.

I thought in a fit of momentary madness of buying oyster crackers or Saltines to pair it with the chili, but thought of better of it.  I don't need more processed food crap in my life.  Ezekiel toast will do just fine, thank you very much.  Good thing I bought it today.

I spent most of the afternoon doing the Cinderella things today.  3 loads of laundry done, folded & put away, cooking & food prep accomplished for the week, and I cleaned & scrubbed down my bathroom.

Solid, on point day done.  Tracked my food intake, stayed within my points, and got in all the requirements.

I am soooo looking forward to The Walking Dead tonight.  I deserve an hour of couch time to myself.

Good choices!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Day 1,118 - WI Results.

Last week's weight:  159.8 lbs.
This week's weight:  157.2 lbs.

I lost 2.6 lbs. this week!  Happy Kelly.

I seem to be slowly coming out of it.  Whatever "it" is.

Headed to the 10 AM Bikram session with flamboyant instructor.  Chris tends to move pretty quickly through the session, more quickly than any other instructor I've taken class with at the studio.  Which made it even more intense.  I ALMOST puked during the second set of camel pose.  I struggled during the second half of the floor series, especially during triangle pose.  I kept feeling light headed, but that was because of the quick sequence.

I worked my ass off, and sweated like a mofo.

I'm smiling, but inside I was dying!  So glad when the class ended.  LOL.

My BFF called today, and I wanted sooo badly to open up to her a little, and I just couldn't do it.  Like a moron.

I swear, I don't get it myself.  I say how I'm lonely and how I miss talking to her, and on the rare occasion that she calls and genuinely wants to know about me - I tell her nothing.  Argh.  WTF is wrong with me?

Part of it was I didn't want to hear how I should join this dating site or that one when I tell her I feel lonely.  Another part is I know she'll never understand certain aspects of my life.  So I didn't say anything.  Idiot.

Today was better.  Appetite still low, but maybe that's a good thing, considering.

Shrug.  It takes time, right.  Right?  We can all hope.

Anywho, I'm choosing to focus on the good things today.  I ate well, tracked everything, and got in the requirements.  Didn't hit my points goal today, but I'm ok with that.

Sexy instructor is leading the morning sessions tomorrow.  I will be there.

Good choices!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 1,117 - After the Dark Comes....

In Spanish, the literal translation for giving birth - dar a luz - is "to give to the light."  I have to give a little more of myself to find the light.

Well.  Oh my.

So apparently, there appear to be some people who don't mind listening to my shit.  Ok, then.  Wasn't expecting that.

And apparently, I am not the ONLY person who's constantly apologizing for bothering people.  Good to know.   :-)

I am VERY shocked at just how many feel like me.  Very shocked.

It's lonely being me, I admit that.  Today, I don't feel quite so lonely.  Today is not so dark.  (Even though it's been raining here all day, but that's so besides the point.)

I'm broken, and I'm damaged.  But I'm still here.  Still fighting.  Because I know there's more in store for me.  Better things.

And I'm not alone.  None of us are.

I read every single one of your comments, and have even personally responded to some of them already via email/text/Twitter.  First, I'm humbled.  Really, I am.  When you feel so alone with yourself and your thoughts, it's an extremely moving and touching thing to read that - hey, you're not alone, girl.  You're not the only one who has these thoughts and these things in your head.

My point yesterday in writing what I did was not to garner sympathy, people.  I want to be VERY clear about that.  I honestly needed to get some of it out before I went completely nutso.  That was all.  That was it.

I warned you guys I was a little batshit crazy.  ;-)

And I feel better now that it's out.  It's not all out, but I released some of it, and that felt really good.

I can understand why it would seem that I am NOT an introvert.  Robby brought up a very good point.  CurvyFitGirl is my extrovert - Kelly is the introvert.  To be honest, I had never thought of it in those terms until she mentioned it.  I don't deny that I write and am one way on my blog & Twitter, and a little different (ok, more than a little different) in real life.

If you knew me in real life - I am actually shy.  Painfully shy.  I have made strides in that area, but some of the old me still remains.  As in, looking at the floor when I walk-not making eye contact kind of shy.  That might appear to be snobby to some people, like I can't be bothered to really look at them.  But honestly, it's just the same old fat girl mentality - I think it would be better if people didn't notice me or really look at me.  I know just how horrible that sounds, believe me.

CurvyFitGirl is not always like that.  And I know that conflicts with everything you've seen from me lately.  Let me try to explain it this way.  CurvyFitGirl is just one part of me - there is more to Kelly than just my blog.  I am an onion - many layers.  :-)

As for losing blog readers - shrug.  No control over that.

I wish I had someone who was DYING to meet me.  Who would say, I don't care how far away you are, I'll move heaven & earth to be with you right now and just kiss you right now.  Right now.

Today was better.  Still not much of an appetite, which is shocking for me, or for anyone with a food addiction, for that matter.  It was better today though, slowly coming back.

You know its funny, I went to bed last night still upset and woke up this morning feeling better, less heavy.

I need to learn to talk about my shit more often, it would seem.  Working on that.

Speaking of heavy, I've been putting off doing a heavy leg workout for a while.  It's my least favorite body part to work - after my midsection.  I did 25 minutes on the inclined treadmill where I ran for half that.  Then I did The Firm Parts Standing Legs.  Burned 508 calories and I'm already feeling it in my glutes!

Pouring sweat like a mofo.  That felt good.

I am going to make a conscious effort to talk about stuff I don't want to talk about more.  That's hard.  It's dark.  And that sucks.

But I'm a real person with ups and downs like anyone else.   And like anyone else, I need to let it out or I will allow that crap to just fester into something even uglier than it already is.

I have WI tomorrow.  I feel good about it.

I'm making turkey chili in my crockpot tomorrow.  I'm actually using my crockpot for the first time tomorrow, even though I've had the thing for over a year.  It's still in the box.  Highlight of my weekend so far.  :-)

Looking forward to that, actually.

Good choices!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Day 1,116. - Dark.

Ok, Marisol.  Here it is.

Today was not a great day emotionally.  I'm going to purposelly be a vague here, so apologies in advance. I made assumptions about something someone that I really care about that I guess I shouldn't have.  The reason behind said assumptions isn't appropriate to put on here.  There are some parts of my life that I consciously choose to keep private, as most bloggers do.  The assumptions I made sent me into an emotional tailspin.

I lost my appetite today.

Just no desire to eat.

As it is, I barely ate today anyway.

I didn't finish my Trader Joe's steelcut oats that I brought with me today because it just tasted like cardboard.  Thought the stuff came sweetened already - nope.  I tried cinnamon, honey and a Splenda packet.  Major Fail.

I tossed about a third of my lunch because I just didn't want it anymore.

Man, it hit me hard, the loss of appetite.  And when that happens, I KNOW I'm in a bad place.  A really dark place.  

Right now, I'm in a dark place.

Sometimes I think about putting more stuff - more dark stuff on here - but then I second guess myself and I don't do it.  There are two reasons behind it.  The first is I don't think anyone wants to hear it.  The second is I don't want to be a Debbie Downer all the freaking time. (Not that I am, but I have good & bad days like anyone.)  And who wants to keep reading a blog that's depressing?  At some point, wouldn't you just get sick of reading it?  I think I would.

I am an extremely introverted person.  I keep A LOT of shit to myself.  And anyone who knows me in real life knows I HATE talking about my shit.  I mean, I absolutely can't stand it.  A few months ago, my BFF & I had like a 4 hour chat fest that lasted late into the night.  We cried, we laughed, we talked & talked like we hadn't talked in a long time - it was great.  I also told her that there are things about me that I feel I can't ever share with her.  Like my food/weight issues.  She'll NEVER understand that about me even if I talk to her about it every 5 seconds.  How could she?  She doesn't have the same issues with food that I do.  She's never been 130 pounds overweight in her whole life.  She'll never have to lose an entire person to get to a "normal" size.

And it doesn't matter that she tells me over and over again that she NEVER saw me as anything other than just Kelly.  That tendency to be private  and keep my shit to myself is still there.  It will always be there.  Even with her.

As it is, she's so busy with work that we barely talk now.  That makes me sad, because there are times I want to pick up the phone & call her, but I don't because I know she works crazy ass hours and is probably exhausted.  And I don't want to bother her either, spending what little free time she has with her husband that she never gets to see during the week.  So that phone call never gets made.

That's another thing - I always think I'm bothering people if I talk to them or ask them for help.  So more times than not, I don't ask.  Or I'll keep saying "Sorry for bothering you" or "I'll stop bothering you now" over and over to them that that in itself becomes a huge bother. To them.  It's annoying, really annoying, and then I feel like I need to stop talking because I think to myself that I just can never say anything right.

That anything I wind up saying will be completely wrong or it will come out the wrong way.

So then I just shut up, shut my mouth, and say ok - peace out and bail. Simple solution.

My coworker reads my blog every now and then, so I think she'll see this.  She doesn't know that I spent a good deal of today just crying at my desk and wiping away the tears.  Or maybe she does know and is too tactful of a person to approach me about it.  It's possible that my red eyes and constant blowing of the nose were dead giveaways.  All because of something that I should not have brought to work with me.  And I know that, because I know better.

It is a STRUGGLE for me to be outgoing.  Any natural introvert will tell you that. I've made some really great strides this past year, but I'm still struggling.

And yes, I've been struggling lately and I'm not talking about it.  I always think that no one wants to hear it.  Always.

That 8 pound gain that I still can't talk about?  Struggle.

That lonely feeling that's always there but ignore as much as possible nor talk about on here?  Struggle.

It's very lonely being an introvert.  I think to myself sometimes how different my life would be if I had been more outgoing in my 20s.  I wonder how different I would be if I had actually dated in my 20s.  When people talk about their exes, I have close to NOTHING to add to that conversation.  Absolutely nothing.  Close to ZERO experience with men.  I was so morbidly obese in my 20s, it just never ever occurred to me that any guy would be interested.  I mean, why would they be?  I've talked about that on here before, I won't get into that again, because it's just way too depressing and repetitive.

And because of that, I get lonely.  A lot.  REAL lonely.  Something else I don't talk about.  And I don't know what to do about it. I  know what I should do, what I need to do, but then I don't want to do it.  It's insane, isn't it?  I mean, I'm doing it to myself.  Why?

I done told you guys I had issues.  And yes, I do know it would be a great idea to start therapy, I would probably benefit greatly from it, but I don't know where the fuck to start with that.   That's not a call for pointers, I know what I need to do.

Now do you see why I don't talk about this shit?  It's freaking exhausting.  Not to mention depressing as hell.

Oh, and I hate talking about my shit.  So, there's that.

Bets on how many readers I'll lose now?  Shrug.

Well, now that I've been all gumdrops, rainbows, and sugarplums on you guys and now that you all know just how fucking crazy I am, tell me something that made you smile today.

I could use it.  :-)

Good choices!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Day 1,115 - Back to Bikram.

I loved reading all your comments on my CrossFit experience and decision!  Keep em coming, I'll continue to keep an open mind.  :-)

Today I'm REALLY feeling that upper body workout, especially in my shoulders.  Damn.  Them chin ups - even with that strap around my foot - be hard, kids!

I decided to sneak in some activity in the empty office.  I did a plank, lunges, side bends, and crunches. I also banged out 50 crunches before I left to go to work this morning.  I've been sadly lacking in the working the core department, and I need to get on that crap already.  Hence, the crunches today.

I am REALLY going to try to do that as much as possible.  Shoulda been doing it already, for that matter.

My thoughts are kinda all over the place tonight.  So I apologize in advance if I sound a little too much like Buddy the Elf, or if I have ADD.

I bought my crockpot a year ago, and have never used it.  In fact, it's still in the box, good as new.  Yeah, I NEVER took it out of the damn box.  This weekend, I will be using it for the first time ever.  To make turkey veggie bean chili.  I'll post the recipe this weekend after I make it, since I'm kind of making it up as I go along, borrowing from different recipes I've found online.

I'm curious about one thing though - do you pair chili with a grain like brown rice or whole wheat pasta or a baked potato?  That's what I'm thinking of doing, buying a few fingerling potatoes to pair it with the chili.  Or do you just eat it solo?  I've never had chili before, hence my ignorance.  But I'm willing to try new things, like new recipes that I've never eaten before.

I'm thinking I need to use my crockpot more, especially with the weather changing to frigid now.  My next recipe will be a beef or chicken veggie stew, I think.

I went back to Bikram tonight with flamboyant instructor.  Sexy instructor took class, as he was teaching the next session.  It was pretty awesome.   Flamboyant instructor helped me with my form during triangle pose, which kinda hurt - which of course was the point, right?  To push your body past what you perceive to be its limitations.

This session was no joke.  I was sweating pretty much right away.  See?

Excellent day in the books.   Really happy with that.

It felt so good to be back at Bikram.  It really did.

Do what you love - life is too short to do otherwise!

Good choices!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day 1,114 - About CrossFit....

So, one last thing about CrossFit, and then I promise I'm done!

I spent most of today thinking about my decision, and here's what I've come up with.

I'm not going to pursue it.

I tweeted about it today, and I got lots of different opinions.  They were mostly split:  "Give it another shot before you decide because you will love it!" to:  "If you don't love it, then don't waste $ on it.  Only do something that you love, like the way you love Bikram."

So that is exactly what I'm going to do.  Life is too short to do something that you don't love.  Especially when it means taking on another financial responsibility, which I just can't do right now.  Bikram is expensive, but I absolutely love it, and I just refuse to give it up.

Speaking of which, my condo's management company will be mailing me the deposit check that they stubbornly held in escrow for the last year this week.  We're talking about over $4,000 of MY money.  And you know, I had to get a little aggressive to get it back.  They were going to send it out next week, but I wasn't trying to hear any of that.  Don't tell me it takes a week to write a check and then mail it out.  Bullshit.  Not when you're dealing with my money, bitch.  I don't think so.

I delayed my workout tonight as much as possible.  Sigh.  My plan was to do a little cardio then heavy lower body.  But that soooo did not happen.

Instead, I spent an hour on the inclined treadmill, running for 15 minutes.  I burned 513 calories.

My sports bra was soaked in sweat.  It felt pretty great, I can't lie.  Even though I went kicking and screaming to the treadmill.  LOL.

Sons of Anarchy tonight.  I'm way too excited about it.  :-)

I'm selling this pair of black, drawsting pants from Silhouette for $25.  This includes shipping.  Continental North America only.  Size XL.

Gently worn, from a smoke free, pet free home.  Serious bidders can email me.

I will of course iron them before I send them out.  :-)

Sons of Anarchy awaits!!

Good choices!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Day 1,113 - Me & The CrossFit.

Ok.  Where do I begin?

I need to state first that I was so excited and scared at the same time.

I can't articulate precisely what I was expecting, but I think I can say that I did have high expectations of me walking in there and just loving it.

Loving everything about it, the atmosphere, the Box, the people, the workout - everything.

Let me tell you about the Box first.  So, I walk in, I walk up to the reception area and I introduce myself, and then I say,

"It's my first time here."

The receptionist's face lit up and she gave me this huge smile.  I had to fill out a form and then I talked to the coach, Steve.

He was very nice and very helpful.  He walked me through the workout, helped me with my form, and gave me some useful pointers.

Apparently, I've been doing kettlebell swings all wrong this whole time.  I held my arms too stiffly, instead of letting them hang loose.  And you're not supposed to use your arms all that much, since your momentum is coming from your lower body.  Major fail.

The workout consisted entirely of upper body - tricep pushups, kettle bell swings, chin ups, and bar overheads ( I don't know what the correct term for this last one is, so this is what I'm calling it.)

Umm - that shit was hard yo.  I couldn't do the chin ups unassisted, I had to have one of those belt thingys that you stick your feet into.  And Steve had to help me get my chin up above the bar, because I don't have the necessary upper body strength for that.  That really frustrated me.  I guess I thought of myself as a stronger person than I am physically.  Talk about a sobering reality check.

My upper body will be super sore tomorrow.  I'm already feeling it in my shoulders.

Quick snapshot in the box's bathroom.  You can't see it here, but my shirt was sweaty.  As was I.

My verdict?  I'm struggling with this.

I thought I would walk out of there and LOVE it.  I thought I wouldn't be able to wait to go back again.

Instead, I'm feeling a wide variety of mixed emotions.  I liked that it was hard, I liked the coach who was genuinely nice, but I guess I'm just not a gym person.  It's a miracle that I love Bikram, now that I think about it.

I think I'll revisit CrossFit in a few months and rethink the whole thing.  Maybe the timing's not right.  Or maybe we're just not a good fit.  And that's ok.

I'm glad I tried it though.  It was hard, people!

I'm really disappointed that I didn't love it.  I had this pre conceived notion that I would.  Sigh....

I want to hear about your experiences with CrossFit, if any.  What did you think?  Let me know.

Good choices!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Day 1,112 - In Which I Make a Big Announcement.

No, I'm not pregnant or engaged or anything like that.  :-)

My big announcement is this:

I've decided to start CrossFit this week.  I'm calling them tomorrow morning to set it up.  There's a box (apparently, I now have to learn an entirely new language) that's close to me that's not too crazy expensive.

Unfortunately, it means that I have to cut back on Bikram, which REALLY breaks my heart.  I can't give it up completely, I just can't bring myself to do that.  I don't want to give it up completely.  It's done so much for me, and I love it.  So I've decided to do it once a week, which will really cut down on  the expense.

CrossFit be expensive, yo.

Umm, I hope I don't die.  I'm shaking just thinking about it.  The demonstration at Fitbloggin was nothing compared to the real thing, I'm sure.  And the demonstration was freaking hard!!

I'll give you guys more deets as soon as I know all the things.

I changed it up a little with the workout today.  I started with 21 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm TransFirm Your Trouble Zones with Kelsie Daniels.  It's the kettlebell workout.  I added my one pound weight gloves because I never use them.  They made a difference.  My arms are sore.  And I burned 573 calories.

So umm, The Walking Dead tonight.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  :-(  No me gusta.

Don't even get me started on the Yankees right now either.

I don't wanna talk about it.

At least my Jets won.  Sigh.....

Need to hit the sack.

I can't believe I'm doing CrossFit.

What the fuck am I thinking?

Good choices!

Day 1,111 - WI Results & Boots!

Last week's weight:  162.6 lbs (yeah - I gained a ton of weight last week because I was an asshole.)
This week's weight:  159.4 lbs.

I lost 2.8 lbs this week.  After acting like an asshole last week.

Note to self:  Stop acting like such an asshole, mkay?  Thanks.

After WI, I stayed for the meeting for a bit, then headed to the 10AM Bikram session.  With sexy instructor.  I worked my freaking ass off.   It felt awesome.  I felt awesome.

I am pretty awesome.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Don't ask me why I have crazy runaway bride eyes here, I just do.  But can you see the sweat pouring down my chest?  Sheesh.  Bikram aint no joke, people.

I needed to head to Target because I needed to pick up some household stuff - Downy, Shout, and a car charger for my phone.  I decided to put on my skinny jeans (size 10 Chubby!) from Old Navy and a pair of knee high, brown leather boots that I bought last year and never got to wear because they wouldn't fit over my huge ass calves.  But guess what?

They fit this year!

Holy shit!  I look like I'm going riding, don't I?

I feel so normal sized.  I love that feeling. :-)

Good day eating.  Tracked all the things, got in the requirements, and went over my points by 4.  I'm ok with that.

Watching the Yankee game, then bed.

Good choices!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Day 1,110 - 2 Last Chance Workouts!

I am no longer feeling icky or yucky.  I'm better.  Which is a good thing.

I took the day off from work today so that I could have a nice, long three day weekend.  Double good thing.

My email was hacked today, sending spam emails to my peeps in my address book.  Bad thing.  Problem solved, but still annoying.  My brother texted me saying he got a weird email from me about mango diet supplements.  Yup.  Talk about annoying.

If you're one of my peeps that got spammed - I'm so sorry!!  Feel kinda embarrassed about it.  :-(

To make up for not working out yesterday (like an ass), I figured I should make up for it.  Hardcore.  So I got in 2 last chance workouts today.  Like a crazy person.

I started in the morning with 50 minutes of inclined treadmill, then I did The Firm Parts Upper Body.  I heavied up the weights just slightly, which totally killed me, but in a good way.  I burned 814 calories.

Did some house chores, then went to Bikram in the afternoon with sexy instructor.  For some reason, every single time I take class with him, I start sweating almost the second I walk into the studio.  Either he raises the heat more than any other instructor, or he just raises the heat.  Winky face.  ;-)

Drenched in my own sweat & funkiness.  Nothing could be better.

I actually feel ok with the 2 workouts, but I know I could never sustain that long term.  I don't know how Tony (Anti-Jared) does it every single day.  I'd pass out.  Or die.  Possibly both.

Food intake was spot on, got the requirements in, and did the tracking.  I'm good to go.

We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.  I'm hoping I won't want to take my hammer to it and smash the living bejesus out of it.  Right, Jack?  ;-)

I tweeted that even at this point, with all this weight lost, I still can't cross my legs properly. The thunder thighs prevent me from doing so.  The thunder thighs prevent me from getting my foot all the way behind my calf whenever I try to do Eagle in Bikram.  So I tweeted about it, then tweeted this pic of me trying to cross my legs.

Yeah, I've got the stretch marks and the folds going on.  See how there's still a slight gap?  At least, I see it.  My Tweeps - all 3 or 4 of 'em - tweeted me back that it looked like I was crossing them all the way to them.  I don't see it at all.  The thigh should be way further across the other thigh.  In my opinion.  And don't get me started on the wrinkles behind my knee on my top thigh. Shrug.

Body dysmorphia episode here, or do you guys see what I'm seeing?

Better mood since my Yankees won tonight & are now moving onto the ALCS against the Tigers.  Gonna wrap up now.

Good choices!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day 1,109 - Not Quite Right.

I was all set to go to Bikram when I started feeling sick.  Like icky.

Not quite right.

So I'm taking a Get Out of Blogging Free card.

Sort of.

Thanks for all the nice comments on my back yesterday.   Lifting does a body good.  I just wish I could say the same about my lower body.  Cellulite likes to cling stubbornly to my thighs and hips.   It just refuses to go away no matter what I do.

Anywho, I'll have more tomorrow when I'm feeling more like myself.  Expect double the effort, for sure.

Good choices!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Day 1,108 - LIFT HEAVY!

Dear ladies,

I've been working out with weights of different, various sizes for years.  Forever, it feels like.  Unfortunately, I was so overweight and stuck at a big weight for a long time, so you couldn't see any of my muscles (I say any as if I'm ripped like a body builder.)

But here is a tiny example of what happens after hard work, some time (OK, a LOT of time), blood, sweat & tears.

Ladies, don't be afraid to lift heavy, mkay.  I mean it.  You're not gonna bulk up unless you inhale tons of protein and spend like 10 hours in the gym a day.

Start light, do lots of reps.  You won't be sorry.

I don't go to a gym, and I don't have weight machines at home.  I use good ole fashioned dumbbells.    I have pairs of hand weights ranging in weights from 3 lbs-20 lbs.  I started small, of course, because at 270+ pounds, I wasn't lifting anything heavy, much less a pair of 15s or 20s.

Full disclosure:  I struggle lifting the 20s, and the 15s too.  I can lat row the 20s, barely.  Sheesh.

Ironically, I chose to do heavy legs tonight, but I got the idea to post a back pic from Chubby.  I don't know why I didn't start this before.  Thanks for the idea, mama!  Yeah, I'm totally copying you and I feel no shame!  (Well, maybe just a lil bit.)  ;-)

I started with 33 minutes on the inclined treamill, then I did my own legs workout.  Heavy high steps on the Fanny Lifter, lots of lunges, squats, dips, courtsey dips, outer thighs, plie squats, side lunges, and dead lifts.  I pretty much have the routine to Firm Standing Legs in my head, so I just copied as many of the moves in sets as I could remember.  I burned 624 calories.

I was a sweaty mess.  This workout was no freaking joke, yo!

Ate well, tracked all the things, got in all the requirement thingys, and met my points goal for the day.

Jewlz, this is my F4 Polar HRM.  It's berry colored.  I've had it forever, and I'll keep it until it just dies.

Love the color.  :-)

Who saw Sons of Anarchy last night?  OMG, I just about peed my pants!  How freaking funny was it, right?  Oh Tig - you are some kind of freak!  What did you think, Draz?

Gonna watch the rest of the Yankee game & perhaps Duck Dynasty if I can stay up.  Yes, I watch that show, leave me alone.  ;-)

Good choices!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Day 1,107 - Bikram.

Drive by post because it's late, I'm watching Sons of Anarchy, and I'm tired.

Jewlz, I replied to your comment, but if you don't see it - I have a Polar F4 Heart Rate Monitor, or HRM, for short.  I've had it forever, I never work out without it.  I've never had a BodyBugg, I love my Polar HRM way too much.  It gives you an accurate count of calories burned during a workout, which is how I measure how many calories I burn during any given workout.

If you don't have one - get one.  Get Polarized, you won't be sorry.  You can find them on Amazon in different colors.  Mine is berry colored.  :-)  I love pink & red.

I know I got Kimberlynn and Liz Polarized.  Ask them if they are satisfied.  :-)

I headed to the 6PM Bikram session.  No sexy instructor this time.  I was ok with that, though.  I still worked my ass off, and sweated like a pig.  Oink.  Take a look.

I don't want to talk about my Jets and Yankees losing last night.

At least the Jets showed up.  Kinda.  Sigh.

Bed time now since I seem to be dozing as we speak.

Good choices!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 1,106 - Snap Back To Reality.

Oh, there goes gravity, oh, there goes Rabbit...

Seriously, I can rap that entire song until we're all sick.  But I won't, I'll let Em have that one.  ;-)

Anywho, today was a major reality check.  Back on the scale, back to work, (even though it was a holiday - if I work today, I'll get another paid day off.  I'm thinking of taking it on Friday, which would give me a nice, 3 day weekend.

It was so dead wt work today, which gave me some time to get in some activity.  I made up my own little circuit - full body squats, push ups, crunches & mountain climbers.  30X each, I repeated this 3 times and it left me nearly out of breath!  I'm not kidding.  That got my heart rate up and pumping!

I may incorporate this more into my daily routine.   I may change it up also, like substituting jump roping in place or jumping jacks for some of the moves.

I decided to tackle No More Trouble Zones with Jillian Michaels today.  Hadn't done that DVD in a looong time.  Oh my, those Surrenders are something else.  I had completely forgotten all about those.  Ditto the lunges and squats.  Sweet Jesus.  I wanted to up my calorie burn & get in a longer workout, so I hopped onto the inclined treadmill for another 26 minutes.  I burned 568 calories.

Sweat don't lie, my peeps.  Neither does a bright ass lime green sports bra soaked in my own funkiness.  Snort.

I don't care to watch my beloved Jets get crushed on MNF by the Texans, so I'll watch Andy Pettite be all clutch against the Os tonight instead.  Thank God for the Yankees.

It aint easy being a die hard, life long Jets fan, I'm telling you.

Today was good.  Tomorrow will be better.  :-)

Good choices!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Day 1,105 - When Life Gives You Lemons...

Go to The Gap and try on a pair of skinny jeans with your knee high boots that didn't fit over your calves last year.

Screw making lemonade!

Oh, and remember to yourself that one of the Yoga guys from yesterday greeted you with a resounding "Hi there, gorgeous!"

Those jeans were $70.  There was no way I was buying those.  They were cute tho, I'll give 'em that.

Ok, I'm admitting of contemplating trying the ole CrossFit thingy a try.  Unfortunately, it would mean giving up Bikram, because there's no way I could afford to do both.

Thinking of possibly giving up Bikram BREAKS my heart.  Really wish there was a more cost effective CrossFit studio near me.  Otherwise, I'd have started it already.  Sigh...

Those jeans were skin tight.  But they fit!

How's that for lemonade?  ;-)

Good choices!

Day 1,104 - WI Results.

Remember this post from JackSht?

That is EXACTLY how I feel about my WI today.

That is EXACTLY what I feel like doing to the damn scale.

It's really my fault though.  I don't want to talk about it.

I don't really want to talk about my WI.  I'd rather bash something with a hammer like Jacky did.

I went to Bikram after WI to try to sweat out my frustrations.  It worked, and it didn't.

Some douchebag who thought he knew better than the flamboyant instructor placed his mat next to mine.  Just a mat, no towel on top of it like everyone else who takes Bikram does.

Did I mention that said douchebag wore khaki shorts during class?  Yes, khaki shorts.  I'm not kidding. WTF?

Onward & forward.

I'm thinking of trying CrossFit.

I need to start - REALLY START - the next phase of my weight loss.

Here's to nothing.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Day 1, 103 - Just a Simple Day.

Super quick post.

It was a simple kind of day.

The end of the work week, no pressure.

The kind of day where you just want to go home after work and relax.

The kind of day where you get a really sweet, thoughtful card in the mail from one of your favorite bloggy people who's become a real life friend that totally puts a smile on your face.

The kind of day where you don't work out and realize the world will not collapse or fall off its axis because you didn't.

Just a simple day, enjoying the last of the nice weather, enjoying the crisp feel of autumn in the air.

WI is tomorrow.  I'm expecting the same kind of number as last week.  I'm ok with that.

I haven't been able to fit into this button down shirt and skirt in about 10 years.

How's that for ya?

Good choices!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Day 1,102 - All Over the Place.

This week at work has been tough, what with deadlines and all.  I literally felt like I was all over the place.  It should be pretty much over now and things should be returning back to normal, which I'm grateful for.  At least, I think it will be back to normal.  Fingers crossed.

You all know I'm a die hard, life long Yankees fan.  I love baseball, I'm a big fan of the game.  So when something like the Red Sox situation transpires (yeah, I also note the irony, believe me), it kind of makes me shake my head. (I warned you guys I was all over the place today!)  Bobby Valentine was set up to fail while the ink was drying on his contract.  When you hire a guy like that, someone who's abrasive and snotty, who speaks first and then thinks about it later, you have to expect a lot of things - good and bad.  You have to allow him to do his thing because a lot of the times, he's usually right.

He wasn't allowed to hire any of his coaching staff, except for one coach, I believe.

His bullpen coach didn't talk to him.

His BENCH coach didn't talk to him.

None of the players wanted to play for him.

Tough.  These guys are supposed to be pros.  They get paid millions, and not for nothing, they have a responsibility to the fans.  Suck it up, do your job, and STFU already.  Don't just give up.  I mean, they basically didn't show up the last month of the season!  They wanted to make their skipper look bad - on purpose.

They also gave up on Francona last year, too.  How disgusting.  Anyone seeing a pattern here?

That would NEVER happen with the Yankees, or any well-run organization, for that matter.  That entire line up needs to be shaken up & moved out.  That whole organization has been in complete dysfunction for over a year.

And with that, I will get off my baseball soapbox.

Bikram with sexy instructor tonight.  Studio was packed, which means I was sweating from the second I walked in there.  No Tebow look alike sighting tonight, although he was there last night.  No, he did not place his mat next to mine.  :-)

Solid day.  Tracked all the things, got in all the requirements, and stayed within my points.

Oh yeah, congrats to Miguel Cabrera on winning the Triple Crown thingy.  It's only been like, 50 years since anyone's done that.  So.  Yeah, kudos.

 I done told you guys I was all over the place today!  ;-)

The Last Diet - thanks for pointing out the discrepancy.  Huge my bad.

Good choices!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 1,101 - Notes On Yesterday.

I appreciate and read all your comments.  Love you guys, love the genuine, honest sentiment behind them.

Here's the thing.  Yesterday I tweeted about how I started comparing my body to this fitness model's physique.  The tweets I received were pretty much along the lines of your comments.

Chubby - you hit it right on the mark.  We are women, we've always compared ourselves and our bodies to other women, and we will continue to do that until forever.  That's just what we do.  At least, most of us females do that.  Right?

But I want to make something VERY clear.  Mkay?  It does not give me any pleasure nor do I derive any joy from thinking that there are women people out there who WISHED they either looked like me or had my body.  The implication is that there are people out there with an even worse case of body dysmorphia than myself.  That there are people out there who have it far worse than myself.

I am not that person.

No.  No.  NO.  NO. NO.  It should not be like that.  It should never be like that.  And I'll tell you why.  People should not be thinking that.  If you want to tell me that I'm an inspiration or that I inspire you to be healthier and fitter, that's one thing.  It's a completely different thing, actually.  But, for the love of all that is holy, please don't wish nor want to look like me.

Instead WANT to look like yourself - a smaller version of yourself.  WANT to be healthier than you are now.  WANT to be healthy and fit.  WANT to do all the necessary things it will take to be healthier, to be smaller.  (That last part is challenging, I know it is.)

That means changing the way you eat.  Eating real, whole and nutritious food.  (Read: as unprocessed as possible, people.)

That means incorporating more physical activity in your life.

That means challenging and pushing your body AND your mind what you perceive to be its own limitations.

That means changing the way you think - especially about food.

That means doing research and soaking up as much information as possible.

In order to achieve something extraordinary, you have to think outside of the box.  That's how I've lost 117 lbs.  That's how I've maintained it, and that's how I continue to keep losing and will continue to keep losing.   Right up to hitting my goal weight.

Does that make any sense?  I truly hope I'm getting what I want to say across.  I hope it doesn't sound mean since that is NOT my intention.

I OWNED today.  No question.  Hit the 5:30 Bikram session (sans sexy instructor) and sweated & worked my ass off.

P.S.  The Bikram instructor tonight was this chick who looks like she used to be a swimmer.  As in, not an ounce of fat on her body either.

But I was too busy concentrating on my form during postures to even think about any comparisons.  :-) Oh, and she actually knew my name, which really surprised me, since tonight was the first time I had ever been to one of her classes.  That was actually kinda nice.  Kinda forces me to not hate her.  ;-)

What is up with me being so chatty Cathy lately?  Hmm...

Not watching the debate tonight.  I'd much rather watch my Yankees catapult themselves to the best record in baseball while the O's lose and therefore ensuring home field advantage throughout the post season.  I gots priorities, people.  That's how I roll.

Solid day.  Tracked all the things, got in all the requirements, and stayed within my points.

I am much better than yesterday. Tomorrow will be better also.

Aspire to be healthier, fitter, and better individuals.  That's what I wanted to say.  In a condensed version.

Good choices!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Day 1,100 - Body Image.

So this morning at work, I'm messing around on FB (what else would I be doing at work?) and I come across a photo of a lady from Live Strong Live Lean who looks like she spends hours in the gym working out.  She's lean, toned, muscular, not an ounce of fat on her.  It's obvious she works hard for that body.  I'm not going to post the photo since I don't want to and I'm not sure if I can legally.  She was perhaps in her late 30s-mid 40s maybe, but her physique was flawless.

Yes, I know they do the photoshop thingy, but man!  This chick was no joke!

And instead of looking at it awe and drawing determination from it, I immediately began comparing my ransacked body to hers.  Instead of of wanting to be more focused on strength training, I compared my body to hers.

My post-100 pound loss body.  With all the lumps & bumps.

Big mistake.  I know it was.  Couldn't help it.

How is it possible to get that ripped a stomach without working out for 10 hours a day and doing thousands of crunches?  I've worked my ass off strength training and mixing it up with yoga & cardio and all I see is loose skin in my worst body areas.

When did I allow it to get to the point that a simple freaking photo could do that?  Because I am the only one in control of my mind, not some stupid photo.

I'm having a bad body image day.  That damn photo didn't help.  I always have certain thoughts in the back of my head.  I admit to having body dysmorphia.  It blows.  I don't talk about it a lot.  I look in the mirror and have horrible self-body image.  I don't see myself as others see me.  I know that stems from insecurity and low self esteem.  I am trying real hard with that.

Those capris are from Banana Republic and a size 8.  They are a little tight around my hips.  Please excuse the ballet flats.  I kinda just grabbed the first pair of shoes that I could find that would be suitable for the rainy weather.

I'm down about 6 pounds from my photo on the sidebar from 6/30/12.  Maybe I should update the current pic.  I think I'll do that this weekend.

I banged out some crunches, which was the extent of my activity.  Abs are sore.  I decided to take today as a rest day. Back at it tomorrow.

It had been a while since I've posted a decent full body shot with proper lighting, so I figured I was due.

Lots of water today, tracked everything, got in the requirements, and went over my points by 2.  I'm ok with that.

Bikram the next two nights.

I'm sure the rainy weather didn't help my mood.

It will be better tomorrow.  I am going to make tomorrow better.

Good choices!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Day 1,099 - Snacky Monday.

Oh, Monday.

How I hate thee.

I hated Monday even more so today because I felt snacky.  Like, really snacky.

Good thing I never keep trigger foods in the house.  I admit though - there are days when I wish I still did.  They don't arrive often, but man. . .  let's just say it would be nice if Cool Ranch Doritos and Wavy Lays could be around (or that I could be around them) without it being such a damn issue all the time.

I've decided to try to build up my lower body more since I feel like my upper body is way more defined than my lower body is.  This is what happens when you carry your weight, your loose skin, and your fat in the lower body.

Workout tonight was kinda blah.   I started with 23 minutes of inclined treadmill then I did The Firm Bust & Butt.  Kinda blah.  I burned 408 calories.

I wasn't really happy with my workout tonight.  But at least I did it.  And it's over now.  My heart wasn't really in it, I admit that.  I only did it because I knew I had to.

Just finished watching the #RHONJ reunion.  WOW.  How delusional is Teresa?  I mean, seriously?  Who turns around a discussion about someone's autistic son to make it all about her?

Teresa Guidice.  That's who.  Delusional.  Team Melissa all the way.

Tracked everything, got in the requirements, and stayed within my points.  Barely.

Hitting the sack now.

Good choices!