What I Eat.

Ok, so apparently, you guys are - and have been - quite interested in what I eat.

I never knew this, it's actually  kinda surprising.

FYI -  Anyone that takes the time to read my posts and comment, is free to leave any suggestions about what I could do to A-bomb my way out of this damn plateau.  I'm always open to them, and I wasn't aware that I give the impression to some people that I wouldn't want to hear it.  Leave a comment, a suggestion, or what have you - I'll listen.  I'll read.  Like anyone, as long as it's respectful, I have no problem with it, mkay?

So.  Here you go, here's what I ate today:

Morning starts with coffee that I put half-n-half in & brown sugar. Or sometimes the devil that is Splenda.

Breakfast:
4 oz of 2% Fage yogurt - either honey, strawberry, blueberry or plain. When I eat the plain kind, I flavor it with cinnamon, vanilla extract & a tiny bit of brown sugar. (Yes, I know its evil) Or I'll use a Tablespoon of strawberry preserves and cinnamon and nothing else.
1 hard boiled egg, 1 hard boiled egg white.(I use about an eighth of a teaspoon of Kosher salt for flavor)
1 fresh fruit, like an apple, an orange, or a Bosc pear.
32 ounces of water

Lunch:
1 cup of brown rice (I'll flavor this with soy or teriyaki sauce so it doesn't taste like paper)
If I don't have brown rice, I'll have 1 cup of whole wheat pasta or 1 cup of whole wheat cous cous.  I use instant whole wheat cous cous that I make with chicken stock, olive oil and whatever the salt measure is.  Whole wheat pasta I use a bit of salt & Italian seasoning with a splash of olive oil
3 oz of lean, grilled or baked chicken breast.  Usually grilled.
veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, shredded carrots (or a combo of some of these)
32 ounces of water

Green Monster Smoothie at 4 PM:
1 cup 1% milk
packet of French Vanilla WW smoothie mix
1 cup of fresh baby spinach
1 cup of Dole frozen whole strawberries
32 ounces of water

Dinner:
3 oz of grilled chicken breast (This I marinate with whatever spices I have on hand, vinegar & olive oil)
2 tsp olive oil
mixed greens salad (romaine, spring greens, baby spinach, butter or iceberg lettuce, shredded raddicho, shredded carrots, or some combo of these)
32 ounces of water

This will clock in at about 26-30 points on WW.

I do NOT eat activity points, I don't believe in that.  There's something not right with rewarding yourself with more food if you work out.  It doesn't sit well with me.

So there you have it, folks. I drink lots of water & am constantly peeing.  I'm used to that.

Maybe I need to cut something out.  Maybe I need to add something in.

I don't believe for a second that my body is in "starvation mode."  Not at 5'3 1/2 and 161 pounds.  If I were leaner, if I weighed 140 lbs. and was trying to get another 5 lbs off, then I might, maybe, perhaps believe that. But I just don't think that is the case with me.

I don't spend hours and hours working out and lifting weights.  I work out 6 days a week, for at least an hour.  That's when I work out at home.  When I go to Bikram, it is 90 minutes.

I'm fitting comfortably into size 10 work pants. Ditto size Medium tops/t-shirts.   I can squeeze into some size 8s from different brands and stores, but they do not fit me comfortably.  There is no way I can fit into a fitted, size small blouse.  Even non-fitted.  Aint happening.

Now, I will admit that perhaps I may be building more muscle, and yes, I know muscle is more dense than fat is.  You can see it in my arms and my back.

I cannot say the same thing about my lower body.  Actually, I can't say it about my body from my belly button down.  Lots of loose skin/cellulite/fatty skin there.  I still have saddle bags. My legs from the knee down are pretty ok.  Calf muscles and what not. My lower back is not as defined as my upper back.

If I had the actual balls to post a pic in my bikini (don't worry - that'll NEVER fucking happen, way too self conscious and I don't want people to gauge their eyeballs out) you would see that it's not a matter of me being hard on myself.  Loose skin & cellulite are in the world, on my body, and therefore, a part of my life.

No, I don't believe my body is in "starvation mode."  When I see people commenting on other blogs suggesting that as the reason for the blogger's weight loss stall, I just shake my head in disbelief.  Like I said, if said person was my height, and weighed 140 lbs., I might believe that.  But if said person is my height, and coming in at 215 pounds - NO. That is not the reason that person is NOT losing weight.

It is also NOT about building muscle for that person. Especially if that person isn't doing a whole ton of strength training USING HEAVY WEIGHTS.  Because at 215 pounds, I know for a fact that I was NOT lifting heavy enough on a CONSISENT basis for that to be true.  There was no way I was using my sets of 20s for lat rows, or my 15s for overhead presses.  I couldn't lift that heavy.  As it is now, I struggle when I use those weights. It's hard for me when I do leg presses with my 20s now.  And that's now.  Ain't no way I was doing that when I was way over 200 pounds.

For me, for right now, it is about a number.  It is about getting into a certain, 1 digit dress size.  That is my reality.  Yeah, I know there's more to me than just a number, I know I am more than just a number.  Inherently, in my head, in my mind, I know all that to be true.  But I also know that I have been fighting so hard to get to certain number, and it is not working.  And it is sooooo fucking frustrating.

I am not happy at 161 pounds.  I am not happy with being a size 10.  I want to be leaner.  I want to be smaller.  And yes, by extension, I want to weigh less, and I want to be stronger.

And you bet your ass I want to fit into a size 6.  You bet your ass that shit is important to me.  I've never been able to fit into a size 6 in my whole life, and I refuse to believe that THIS is where it ends for me.  Nope. Not for me.  Not at a size freaking 10.

I am almost there.  It's like I can see the damn finish line, but I can't seem to cross the fucking thing.

I know I have to keep going, I have to keep fighting.  Some people get stuck for 6 months, some get stuck at a year, and then it finally starts to happen again. So giving up is not and will never be an option for me.  I know at some point, it'll start coming off again.

But I'm a spoiled brat, impatient to the core, and I want things NOW.  :-)

Caron over at At Goal Weight Watcher sent me a very thoughtful, very kind email this morning.  I responded Caron - did you see it?

Marisol, I weigh myself once a day, in the mornings, and I use it to gauge any fluctuations. Not using the scale kinda scares me, I admit it.

Today was a rest day, so after work, I tidied up and did some laundry.  It's the folding & the putting away of said laundry that'll get ya sometimes, isn't it?

I kinda let this one get away from me, since I'm never this chatty.

Anywho, that's all I got.