Thursday, January 31, 2013

Bikram Questions & Mouth Breathers.

I've gotten tweets/emails/messages from overweight people asking me about Bikram.

Keep in mind, I'm still a novice at it.  I'm definitely not as flexible as I'd like to be.  And there are certain postures that I still can't perform correctly because my stomachs and thighs prevent me from doing anything about it.

They are curious about it, interested in trying it, but are way too self conscious to actually go to a class because of their weight.  They are deathly afraid that people will laugh at them or point at them or what have you.

I started Bikram last year at 200 pounds, and let me tell you something.  No one laughed at, made fun of, or pointed at me.  No one.

Know why?  Because they were too busy caring about themselves more.  They were too busy concentrating on themselves and performing the postures correctly.

We all have to start somewhere.  We all start where we start.

The important thing is to just start.

At some point, I realized that I had to let go of certain insecurities if I was ever to move forward with my weight loss, and if I wanted to grow as a person.

If you want to try something, no matter where you are in your weight loss, just fucking do it already.  What the heck are you waiting for, written invitation?

Life is meant to be lived, not consumed by how other people view you.

Ok, rant over.  That one kinda got away from me.

One of my pet peeves is placing my mat next to a person who breathes uncontrollably through their mouth during Bikram.  The instructor tonight kept repeating her instructions to breathe in & out of our noses after the initial breathing exercise.  Breathing through your moth gets your heart rate way up, makes you gasp for breath, and sends you into panic mode because you start feeling like you can't actually breathe.

I had a mouth breather right behind me tonight.  Chris took the class too, and he had another mouth breather right next to him.

Both of them men.  Both sounded like they were smokers.

Both couldn't follow simple instructions, and it caused a distraction.

Ugh, mouth breathers.

I still worked hard.  And for the record, the class tonight was filled with people of all different sizes, different ethnicities, and different fitness levels.

Hmm.  I was kinda harsh tonight, and that's not how I want to come across.  It's coming from a good place, I assure you my intentions are good, not mean.

Want to try running & you're morbidly obese?  Try it, do it.

Want to go to a Bikram or any yoga class?  Try it, do it.

Want to join a gym?  Try it, do it.

Life is too short.  The only person watching you & judging you is YOU.

Chew on that.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Mas Update.

Interesting comments and suggestions from everyone - thanks so much!

Renee, I do go to the gyn every six months, and the last time he did blood work (last year) all my numbers looked good and significantly better.  You do have a point though.  It never hurts to be careful.  I see him in March and I will be asking him for a script for blood work.

Jewlz - I was eating 3 fruit servings a day, and I'm going to cut that down to two now - a banana in the mornings with my breakfast and the strawberries in my smoothie.  Also, I had been adding light brown sugar to my steel cut oats or my Farina hot cereal.  From now on, I'll be using just honey and cinnamon.  I do have raisins that I could use also but I'm not going to go crazy with that.  4 or 5 of them just to give the tasteless cereal some flavor, in combination with my banana, should be more than enough.  That's actually what I did today with my steel cut oats.

I'm also being very conscious to have something to eat as soon as my workout and stretching are done. I hadn't been doing that at all, and like you said, it's possible conservation mode was kicking in.  So today, after my legs workout, I had 2 ounces of grilled chicken, and a part skim string cheese with a ton of water.

I'm going to make an extra effort to up my calories by eating the CORRECT calories. An extra 3 or 4 ounces of lean protein a day (especially as my recovery fuel) followed by a good carb such as Ezekiel toast like Kelliann suggested is what I'm thinking.

Tomorrow after Bikram, I'm bringing some grilled chicken breast (I really need that damn scale to get here already) and a Bosc pear with a whole ton of water to have immediately after.

So when I say I'm upping my calories/Points a bit, I'm trying to be smart about it.  I'm attempting to keep everything 90-95% clean.  Adding another vegetable like dark leafy greens sounds like a good idea too.  Another healthy veggie can't be a bad thing.

Today was legs day.  I completed a 45 minute workout of my own.  Warmed up for 3 minutes doing marching, jump roping in place, and jogging in place.  Then it was onto my own little circuit of my imagination - ass to grass squats, lunges, dips, leg press, calf pumps, plie squats, and side lunges.  341 calories demolished and crushed.

So I'm not going to be changing things up radically - just radically for me.  Stuff that I haven't been doing, should've been doing, and am now making a point of doing.

I always knew that switching things up is really good for you every now and then - I just never thought I would need to do it.  Shrug.  It happens.  And I'm gonna bust out of it.

More protein & good carbs.  Pretty simple.

Food prep then off to bed.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Basics and an Update.

I feel a little sheepish.  And more than a bit stupid.

I'm eating way too much sugar.  Duh.  No wonder.  No freaking wonder. Fruits need to be cut down ASAP.

I've also been doing the whole weigh-by-eyeball thing, which is clearly NOT working.  So after talking to Dani last night (more on that later) I decided it was time - more than time - to get a kitchen scale.  Found a nice one on Amazon and it'll get here this week.

I always measure things like brown rice/cous cous/whole wheat pasta using my measuring cups.  It is imperative for me to start weighing my protein.  And Tammy, I do ocassionally eat lean steak or pork tenderloin.  I had grilled steak this weekend, as a matter of fact!  Love me some steak.

Dani told me last night that when she had back surgery, she was laid up for a good 6 months, completely unable to work out at all.  Nothing.  And she knew that her food intake had to be perfect.  It was the ONLY thing she could control.  So she was meticulous/ana/Adrian Monk/ about it because she still had to lose weight to get to her goal.  And she did - she lost 10 pounds while she couldn't work out and could only control her food.

I need - MUST - get back to the basics.  Measuring and weighing everything.  You would think that someone who's been at this for as long as I have would've known to get a damn kitchen scale by now.

You'd think I would know to limit fruit/sugar and maybe get in more lean protein.  Shaking my head.  More like smashing my head against my granite countertop.

So, that's what I'm doing the next few weeks to shake things up and hopefully move me past this freaking plateau already. Just the most fundamental of things, which should've already been second nature to me by now.  Upping protein intake and no mas sugar. I'm thinking 3 weeks into that, I should be seeing results.  Fingers crossed.

As for the morning Bootcamp thing, still thinking about it. I haven't ruled it out completely.

My one saving grace is that I have been able to maintain my weight loss and not gain back an astronomical amount of weight.  I have been clinging to that for dear life. You guys have NO idea.

I also will be very conscious to get in some protein almost immediately after I'm done with my workouts.  I don't normally do that. (Don't yell at me!) Today I brought about 2 ounces of grilled chicken breast to have after I got out of Bikram.

Supertothemax flamboyant instructor taught the class tonight.  It was interesting. But I worked hard & sweated a whole bunch.  He kept us a little longer, which was tough.  It was already about 300 degrees in there. Shrug.

Ok - onto my update.

I'm speaking at Fitbloggin this year!  God help us all.  :-)

I'm really excited about it.

I submitted an idea to Roni who runs Fitbloggin to speak about a topic that I unfortunately know a whole lot about.

Losing the emotional weight.  What happens to you when you go from your Before to your After.

Yup - that one's going to be a doozy.  Dani will be speaking with me since she's lost a whole ton of weight and went through some things and learned some things from it.

I have to fine tune the final details and send everything over to Roni. Also need to talk to Dani a bit more about it, but other than that - I'm pretty much set.

Seriously, why am I such a chatterbox lately?  I'm starting to annoy myself.

Kitchen scale is coming this week, I think.  Such a basic thing in weight loss and I never bothered to get one.

Ok - I am off to bed soon, lovies.

Monday, January 28, 2013

What I Eat.

Ok, so apparently, you guys are - and have been - quite interested in what I eat.

I never knew this, it's actually  kinda surprising.

FYI -  Anyone that takes the time to read my posts and comment, is free to leave any suggestions about what I could do to A-bomb my way out of this damn plateau.  I'm always open to them, and I wasn't aware that I give the impression to some people that I wouldn't want to hear it.  Leave a comment, a suggestion, or what have you - I'll listen.  I'll read.  Like anyone, as long as it's respectful, I have no problem with it, mkay?

So.  Here you go, here's what I ate today:

Morning starts with coffee that I put half-n-half in & brown sugar. Or sometimes the devil that is Splenda.

4 oz of 2% Fage yogurt - either honey, strawberry, blueberry or plain. When I eat the plain kind, I flavor it with cinnamon, vanilla extract & a tiny bit of brown sugar. (Yes, I know its evil) Or I'll use a Tablespoon of strawberry preserves and cinnamon and nothing else.
1 hard boiled egg, 1 hard boiled egg white.(I use about an eighth of a teaspoon of Kosher salt for flavor)
1 fresh fruit, like an apple, an orange, or a Bosc pear.
32 ounces of water

1 cup of brown rice (I'll flavor this with soy or teriyaki sauce so it doesn't taste like paper)
If I don't have brown rice, I'll have 1 cup of whole wheat pasta or 1 cup of whole wheat cous cous.  I use instant whole wheat cous cous that I make with chicken stock, olive oil and whatever the salt measure is.  Whole wheat pasta I use a bit of salt & Italian seasoning with a splash of olive oil
3 oz of lean, grilled or baked chicken breast.  Usually grilled.
veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, shredded carrots (or a combo of some of these)
32 ounces of water

Green Monster Smoothie at 4 PM:
1 cup 1% milk
packet of French Vanilla WW smoothie mix
1 cup of fresh baby spinach
1 cup of Dole frozen whole strawberries
32 ounces of water

3 oz of grilled chicken breast (This I marinate with whatever spices I have on hand, vinegar & olive oil)
2 tsp olive oil
mixed greens salad (romaine, spring greens, baby spinach, butter or iceberg lettuce, shredded raddicho, shredded carrots, or some combo of these)
32 ounces of water

This will clock in at about 26-30 points on WW.

I do NOT eat activity points, I don't believe in that.  There's something not right with rewarding yourself with more food if you work out.  It doesn't sit well with me.

So there you have it, folks. I drink lots of water & am constantly peeing.  I'm used to that.

Maybe I need to cut something out.  Maybe I need to add something in.

I don't believe for a second that my body is in "starvation mode."  Not at 5'3 1/2 and 161 pounds.  If I were leaner, if I weighed 140 lbs. and was trying to get another 5 lbs off, then I might, maybe, perhaps believe that. But I just don't think that is the case with me.

I don't spend hours and hours working out and lifting weights.  I work out 6 days a week, for at least an hour.  That's when I work out at home.  When I go to Bikram, it is 90 minutes.

I'm fitting comfortably into size 10 work pants. Ditto size Medium tops/t-shirts.   I can squeeze into some size 8s from different brands and stores, but they do not fit me comfortably.  There is no way I can fit into a fitted, size small blouse.  Even non-fitted.  Aint happening.

Now, I will admit that perhaps I may be building more muscle, and yes, I know muscle is more dense than fat is.  You can see it in my arms and my back.

I cannot say the same thing about my lower body.  Actually, I can't say it about my body from my belly button down.  Lots of loose skin/cellulite/fatty skin there.  I still have saddle bags. My legs from the knee down are pretty ok.  Calf muscles and what not. My lower back is not as defined as my upper back.

If I had the actual balls to post a pic in my bikini (don't worry - that'll NEVER fucking happen, way too self conscious and I don't want people to gauge their eyeballs out) you would see that it's not a matter of me being hard on myself.  Loose skin & cellulite are in the world, on my body, and therefore, a part of my life.

No, I don't believe my body is in "starvation mode."  When I see people commenting on other blogs suggesting that as the reason for the blogger's weight loss stall, I just shake my head in disbelief.  Like I said, if said person was my height, and weighed 140 lbs., I might believe that.  But if said person is my height, and coming in at 215 pounds - NO. That is not the reason that person is NOT losing weight.

It is also NOT about building muscle for that person. Especially if that person isn't doing a whole ton of strength training USING HEAVY WEIGHTS.  Because at 215 pounds, I know for a fact that I was NOT lifting heavy enough on a CONSISENT basis for that to be true.  There was no way I was using my sets of 20s for lat rows, or my 15s for overhead presses.  I couldn't lift that heavy.  As it is now, I struggle when I use those weights. It's hard for me when I do leg presses with my 20s now.  And that's now.  Ain't no way I was doing that when I was way over 200 pounds.

For me, for right now, it is about a number.  It is about getting into a certain, 1 digit dress size.  That is my reality.  Yeah, I know there's more to me than just a number, I know I am more than just a number.  Inherently, in my head, in my mind, I know all that to be true.  But I also know that I have been fighting so hard to get to certain number, and it is not working.  And it is sooooo fucking frustrating.

I am not happy at 161 pounds.  I am not happy with being a size 10.  I want to be leaner.  I want to be smaller.  And yes, by extension, I want to weigh less, and I want to be stronger.

And you bet your ass I want to fit into a size 6.  You bet your ass that shit is important to me.  I've never been able to fit into a size 6 in my whole life, and I refuse to believe that THIS is where it ends for me.  Nope. Not for me.  Not at a size freaking 10.

I am almost there.  It's like I can see the damn finish line, but I can't seem to cross the fucking thing.

I know I have to keep going, I have to keep fighting.  Some people get stuck for 6 months, some get stuck at a year, and then it finally starts to happen again. So giving up is not and will never be an option for me.  I know at some point, it'll start coming off again.

But I'm a spoiled brat, impatient to the core, and I want things NOW.  :-)

Caron over at At Goal Weight Watcher sent me a very thoughtful, very kind email this morning.  I responded Caron - did you see it?

Marisol, I weigh myself once a day, in the mornings, and I use it to gauge any fluctuations. Not using the scale kinda scares me, I admit it.

Today was a rest day, so after work, I tidied up and did some laundry.  It's the folding & the putting away of said laundry that'll get ya sometimes, isn't it?

I kinda let this one get away from me, since I'm never this chatty.

Anywho, that's all I got.

Sunday, January 27, 2013


Or, at least, I am trying to think a little more clearly than yesterday.

I know this calls for something drastic.

I have to do something.  This calls for some kind of drastic change.

Tara took the time today to talk to me via Skype about it, which I really appreciated.  She thinks I need to stop concentrating on the number and focus more on how I feel in this new body.

I can appreciate what she's saying.  Yes, I'm smaller than I have been in a while, I'm getting stronger lifting heavy, my clothes feel a little loose, but I'm still 20ish pounds overweight.

I need to evaluate some things.  Tara thinks I may not be eating enough, and she suggested upping my calories.  Like astronomically.  Which scares the shit out of me.  She believes what may be happening is that I'm not eating enough of the right things, and so my body is holding on to what it shouldn't be.

There's a bootcamp place by my house that offers morning classes (like, crazy early, before work kinda early) 3 days a week.  I'm thinking of doing it for 3 weeks to shock my body.  If I like it, I'll continue it and just cut down on my at home workouts, to like once a week.

We'll see.  Right now, it's still something I'm thinking about.

Got on the treadmill for an hour this morning to release some of the negative BS I was still carrying around with my from yesterday.  539 calories burned.

 Lots to think about, lots going through my head right now.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  159.4 lbs.

This week's weight:  161 lbs.

I gained 1.6 lbs this week.  And for the life of me, I don't know why.

This is getting old.

I'm pissed.

I've been meticulous, mucho vigilant and yet ...

Yes, I know it's 1.6 lbs, not 50.6 lbs.  That's not the point.

If I had been scarfing down bags of Fritos & chocolate cake, I would understand the gain.  I would know the reason behind it.

I'm doing everything right.  My clothes are fitting looser.

I'm lifting heavier.

I'm seeing more muscle tone now than I ever have in my whole life.  Especially in my arms, which some of you lovies have complimented me on lately.

I tried a hot vinyasa class for the first time today that left me sore all over.

All those things are great.  Don't get me wrong.

But that scale.  That damn scale. . .

This plateau.  This motherfucking plateau. . .

I have to figure it out.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Not Much to See Here.

Ever feel like you don't have a whole lot to say?

Tonight is one of those nights.

It snowed here just as I was pulling into my parking spot.   Looks like it'll be sticking around for a while since it is currently about 12 degrees out.


Did my own little workout thingy.  23 minutes on the treadmill, then 25 minutes of strength.  I did a circuit of squats with overhead press, deadlifts, and dips with frontal arm raises.  My back felt ok, better than yesterday, but I didn't want to aggravate it.  370 calories.

WI tomorrow.  I'm hoping the roads won't be so icy or treacherous to get to WW.  It's going to be a nice WI, so I plan on getting my butt there.

Sleep lovies, stay warm tonight!

Thursday, January 24, 2013


For the life of me, I cannot get warm enough.  Not lately.  Not ever, it seems.

Ever since I've lost weight, I'm running cold.

Like constantly.   At close to 300 pounds, I was constantly sweating.  Always hot, even in my freezing cold office.

Always getting those rocking sweat stains on my shirts in the under arms area.  Ya'll know what I'm talking about?

Now, it's like a complete 180.

Now, I have my floor heater blasting at work, and I'm wearing my pretty pink scarf at all times.

I'm always freezing.

The frigid weather the last few days ain't helping.  It's in single digits in the mornings and the evenings.

Holy sweet hell, I cannot wait for Spring to get here already.

I wanted to get some more movement in during the day, so at work I did some crunches, lunges and ass to grass squats.

Like a genius, I managed to tweak the right side of my back during the ass to grass squats.  Awesome.

Why is it always my right side?  If it's not my right IT band, then it's the right side of my back.  I've noticed that my right IT band always hurts just for a second when I'm coming out of tree pose in Bikram.  Not so much on my left side.

Speaking of yoga, I went tonight, and I'm not getting any closer to wrapping my foot around my other calf in eagle.  I die a little inside everytime during that damn posture.  Seriously, it I cry just a bit afterwards.  It is so freaking frustrating.

Managed a half ass smile there.

Still working hard, tracking and doing all the things I need to do, don't want to do, but know that I have to do anyway.

I'm just so ready - MORE than ready - to get these last 20ish pounds off.

I'm feeling ok about WI on Saturday.  Not as super confident as I was last week, but I'm still ok.

I am still a work in progress, and I am progressing.  Every single day.  :-)

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!

First, quick recap of my boring, routiney kinda day.

Woke up with morning with my arms really sore. Thighs & glutes not so much, which makes me think I'll probably do a really heavy legs workout on Friday.

I'm really feeling it in my triceps - holy hell.

Ain't nothing wrong with that - I don't mind at all.

Went to Bikram tonight, prepared to sweat my arse off.  There were a whole bunch of high school little girls there.  They were part of one of the local basketball teams here, which was kinda nice.  Teammates bonding.

It felt nice going into the hot studio because it was freezing cold today.  The temperature this morning when I left for work was 13 degrees.  I'm not kidding.  That is no joke, yo.

I leave you all with this comedy gold.

Enjoy.  :-)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Tough Tuesday.

So I previewed Amy Dixon's Breathless Body DVD over the weekend.  It's a Tabata style DVD.  Meaning if you try to do this, you will die.

Ok, not die, but possible do some bodily harm to yourself.  Like pass out from how freaking tough it is!

I was gonna do it, I swear to God I was going to, and then my eyes fell to an old school Firm DVD that I ain't done in forever and a lifetime.  Low Impact Aerobics with Wayne Gretzky's wife, Janet.  She used to be a gymnast, I think.

I hit the inclined treadmill for 20 minutes, then did the DVD.  When it was time for the cardio sections, I substituted ass to grass squats, heavy deadlifts, heavy squats with upright rows, and dips with frontal sweeps.

524 calories burned.  Lots of hard work & sweat.

Thanks for the kind words those of you who listened to Heather's interview/podcast with me on her site!  I appreciate it.

I've been getting compliments on my arms lately.  Especially when I posted that tank top pic.  Lifting heavy will get you nice arms.  Remember to strength train as early as you can in your weight loss.  I was working with weights from Day 1.  Light weights, of course, from 2 pounds and up.

I've never regretted that. I do have a teeny amount of bat wings/loose skin.  I know, I know - you are always your own worst critic.

Anywho - do weights if you don't already!

Food prep then bed.  Nite, ppl!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Half Size Me Podcast.

Heather over at interviewed me for a podcast a few months ago.

It's up now on her site.  Here it is.

Heather lost half her body weight and has maintained her loss for what seems like forever.  Talk about a rock star.

Anywho, check it out, if you'd like.  The podcast is an hour and 15 minutes long.

Let me know what you guys think - I'm curious!

And yes, that is really me, really my voice.  I don't sound like any of the Mob Wives, sorry!  ;-)

Not much to report today.  It's a holiday, Inauguration Day, and I took a rest day.

So I dusted and vacuumed.  I feel so much better and think more clearly when my home is nice & neat & organized.

I don't get Hoarders.  I really don't.  I understand it is a mental disorder - those people are broken.

I'm digressing. My point was anytime I watch that show, I immediately start going through my papers and start chucking things.


It is bedtime lovies, and unforch, I go back to work tomorrow.  Boo.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Tough Sunday.

As in, tough Bikram Sunday morning class.

I went to the 10 AM class with Tommy.  At about 9:50, the entire studio was packed. Wall to wall  I'm not kidding.  I've never seen it that packed in my life.

People were literally on top of each other.  Which made the studio feel the way it would in hell.  One of the ladies there remarked, "These are all the New Year's resolutions people."  The new year started 3 weeks ago.  It'd make more sense if it had been this packed on Jan. 2.

Well, whatever.  I literally felt like I would faint at some point.  Even some of the regulars were having trouble.

It was very hard today. But I pushed through it. I normally walk out of class feeling powerful, but it was different today.  It wasn't a good feeling, having felt that I barely survived something that I almost always enjoy otherwise.  Today felt like a tremendous chore.

Did a little tidying up, cleaned & scrubbed the bathroom, then watched a little of the foosball. The Patsies & Bellicheat lost, which made me a tad gleeful.  Ok, more than a tad.  That look of disbelief on Brady's face when he was picked was just priceless.  Love.

Yawn.  Bed time, folks.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

WI Results.

First, RIP Stan Musial.  Sad day for baseball.

Now, back to the business at hand.

Last week's weight:  161.4 lbs.
This week's weight:  159.4 lbs.

I lost 2 pounds this week!  See?

Proof be in the pudding, folks.

Happy Kelly.  :-)

I truly feel that I am BACK now.

So I've decided to post a pic of my WI from my Weight Watchers book every week from now on.  It'll definitely help with accountability.  And since I'm a big believer of not filling my space up with BS, I figure these weekly pics are a great example of that.

Can't get any more non-BS than pics of my WI.  Oh my.

I didn't stay for my meeting since I had to go to the store to get eggs, milk, salad things, and half-n-half. I also had an appointment I needed to get to (nussing appointment, Draz), but I had to workout before that.  Otherwise, I'd never do it, and that would've been no bueno.

Warmed up for 12 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then did Part 2 of The Firm 3-in-1 Bootcamp.  Lots more heavy strength.  It does my body good, apparently.  Maybe the scale will move down consistently.

507 calories burned.  Lots of heavy leg work in this one.

I have a feeling I'll be quite sore tomorrow.

Bring it.

Almost 3 weeks in, and I am working it.  Killing it.

The focus is there.  The focus is back.

2013 will be my year. I know it.  I can feel it.

Lots of great changes ahead for me this year.  I'm talking, colossal changes.  I am open to all of them.

Ask. Believe.  Receive.


Friday, January 18, 2013

"Your Body Composition Has Changed."

One of my favorite Twitter/Bloggy/Facebook ladies, Tammy, tweeted me a link to this funny but supercute tank top.  And it arrived today!

Can't Ban These Guns.

For the record, I don't own any firearms. Never have, never had any desire to.

I posted it on Facebook because I thought it was hysterical.  Then Josie, who blogs over at and who I saw at Fitbloggin in September commented thusly:

"Girrrl - you have slimmed down!"

The tank top is a size Small. A bit snug, not skin tight.

The ironic thing about Josie's comment is that I haven't lost any weight since September. And I told her that.  Her reply?

"Your body composition has changed."

So I guess all that lifting and weight training is paying off?

I just wish the damn scale would start moving in the right direction again.  Like, with the quickness.

Speaking of which, this has been a great week, and I am confident it will show on the scale.

More strength on the menu tonight. A quick 12 minute warm up on the inclined treadmill, then The Firm 3-in-1 Bootcamp Mix, Part I.  322 calories burned.

Really looking forward to WI tomorrow.

Has my body composition changed significantly?  More muscle than fat?  I'd like to think so, I really would.  But for my height, my weight is high - too high.  So I'm not sure just how much of it is muscle & how much of it is fat.

Anywho, I am off to get some sleepies.

WI tomorrow - looking forward to it.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

LA, Te'O, & Bikram.

Umm, the Manti thing. Bizarre.  I'm sure we'll be finding out more details in the next couple of days.  I'm sure there's more to that situation.

Wouldn't surprise me in the least if he was complicit in this whole charade.

As for Lance - I mean, come on.  Right?  Who's NOT doping in cycling?

I'll tell you who I believe can NEVER ever test positive for juice - Derek Jeter. And not just because I'm a die hard Yankees fan.

But because he's the epitome of class on and off the field.  Is he overrated? Depends on who you ask on any given day.  His defense can be better.

His 5 - FIVE - rings ain't overrated.  That's for freaking sure.

One more thing about Lance - when he was accused of juicing in the past, God help that person.  He not only went after them - he made it his mission to take them down.  Destroy their careers.  He attacked on vicious levels.  Because he could.

It takes a certain kind of narcisistic personality to convince yourself that what you are doing is NOT wrong when the rules say you are, and that therefore, not only are you right, but you are righteous.  They believe that so wholeheartedly that if he were to take a polygraph at the height of the accusations while he was still cycling - he'd pass with flying colors!

For the record, I think the quicker PEDS are legalized, the better.  Then we can stop hearing about this nonsense.  Then everyone can be on an even playing field.  Because juicing/doping is rampant in pro sports.  Even I'm not naive enough to think otherwise.

What marquee, elite athletes aren't doing this?  If you want a leg up on the competition, you're gonna juice.  A first round, early draft pick won't need to do it, maybe.  But a 5th or 6th rounder needs to compete hard against the other guys to get a roster spot, and so the cycle goes.

What's the point of confessing now?  Maybe Livestrong had something to do with his decision.  I'm sure there's a book deal eminent.  Another one.  And maybe we'll be hearing about it in this fluffy Oprah interview where the real questions will not be asked and real answers will not be given. Or shortly thereafter. Who knows.

Moving on.

Bikram again tonight.  Right after work.  The instructor was a lady, Janice, that I've never taken class with, but she was very nice.  She also teaches the morning hot Vinyasa classes, which is why I had never seen her before.  She instructs during the day when I'm at work.  She was very soft spoken, and I had to struggle to hear her.  And I've got Superman hearing too.  She helped adjust my feet and hips during standing separate leg head to knee .  And I didn't mind it!  The instructor I couldn't stand, Joe, hasn't been around much since the Sandy.  I used to cringe everytime he went near me.

Anywho, I may take her next Vinyasa evening class again if she happens to be teaching it.  I'm very curious about that.

I'm curious to know what you guys think about the Manti Te'O & Armstrong situations.  You guys already know what I think.  Lemme know!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Hump Day Things.

Today after work was spent running around doing things.

I had a hair laser appointment right after work that I had to run to.  Facial hair is what happens when you are dark skinned like moi.  I feel it's just better to get that crap lasered off than it is to get waxed.  It lasts longer - I go in for touch ups every 2 months or so.  With waxing I'd probably need to do it ever 2 weeks.  Forget that man. Yeah, it gets expensive, but you know what - I'm freaking worth it.  Aint "nussing" wrong with that.  Right, Draz?  :-)

The things we women do for beauty.  You don't hear about men doing this kind of thing.  Do ya?

Ok, maybe they get things like their back waxed or lasered, but whatever - aint the same thing.

Then it was back to my place for a super quick dinner and I was off again.  Hightailing it to Bikram because I  wanted to get to the 7:30 class.

My back and arms are sore from KickMax w/Cathe Friedrich.   Still.  I did that DVD on Monday and I am still feeling it.  That DVD is no freaking joke, people.  I think I may start doing more hammer downs since they incorporate the entire side.  Damn.  2 days out and still sore.

It slushed/rained here last night, which made for an interesting commute home.  It is freezing cold out.  Yeah, I know it's winter and it is supposed to be like that, but man, I really want Spring to come around soon.  Like now.  That would be nice.

The studio was packed, which of course made it feel like 300 million degrees in there.  As long as I get a few minutes to adjust to the heat, I am ok for the most part. But every now and then, I do get overwhelmed, like anyone would.

Sweated my arse off, worked hard.

Still making good food choices, still tracking and still doing all the things necessary for weight loss success.  I am confident I will see another loss this week. I eat boring food, and I make the same, like 12, things over and over, but I know it's healthy and I am doing the right thing.  For me and my body.

I know that eating the stuff that got me to 271 pounds won't do me any freaking good. Nope.

That's why I'm choosing to eat clean 90-95% of the time.

It is not always easy.

It is always worth it.

Because I deserve to have more and BE more than about inhaling a bag of Cheesy Poofs.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Hanging w/BFF.

Not much to report.

Took a rest day, and I needed it.  My back and arms are sore from KickMax yesterday.  Holy hell, all those punches, all those hammer downs - man!  That's some tough shizz, yo!

Dinner with BFF tonight.  I really wasn't in the mood to leave the house (I seriously need to get over myself) but I went & had a nice time.  Stayed later than I intended to since I do have to get up for work, but it was nice to have a nice dinner of grilled chicken and salad and chit chat.  She didn't have any chicken in the house, just meatballs and fish, so I brought my own grilled chicken with me.

BFFs can do that with each other- she didn't think it was weird at all.  :-)

We chatted, we caught up and it was good.

Quiet evening, it's raining outside, and there will be some snow tomorrow.

I'm hoping to get to Bikram on time tomorrow after my doctor's appointment after work.  We'll see.

It's nice to know that dinner can still be healthy even when I don't prepare it.  This is life, and this is what happens.  Dinners out happen, just enjoy it and be smart about it.

Monday, January 14, 2013

More on Goals & Major NSV!!

But first, major NSV for me today.  I wore a size 8 pair of work trousers today!  They zipped up, they buttoned up, and while they weren't skin tight, they were quite snug.  I didn't care.  I could fit into them!  However, I'm not completely naive either.  Just because they zip up and button up does NOT mean that they actually do fit.  A little more work, a few pounds down (I'm thinking about 7), and they WILL be fitting me perfectly.  Soon.  Very soon.  I just know it.

Second, what a great weekend of great football.  With the exception of the Patsies/Texans game, every game went down to the wire and the results were unexpected.  Pretty awesome, I have to say.

I'm completely done with The Biggest Loser.  I forgot it was on last night. Eh.  Mob Wives is better mindless entertainment, in my humble opinion.  :-)

I've been working diligently on my goals - ALL my goals - as we sit a full 2 weeks into the new year.  It takes 30 days to form a good habit (I've heard that a lot lately) and one of my goals is to be more organized.  Especially with my home.   I make a conscious effort to keep it neat, tidy and clean.  It's depressing to keep a messy abode, don't you think?  It's nice to come home to neatness, tidiness and organization.  I love it when my house smells like Clorox, I gotta tell ya.

Remember a little while ago I mentioned a blogger who took something like 5 or 6 hours to make a pot of soup?  I have a feeling this blogger may actually be a compulsive hoarder, and that means depression plus a whole slew of other issues.  That's not my problem, I got plenty of my own crap to deal with, but that episode brings up a good point.  Procrastination.

I'm trying not to procrastinate when I get home from work to get the workout in.  I always make sure to get it in no matter what time I start.

I've been laying out my work clothes that I'm going to wear the next day the night before, instead of just haphazardly picking something from my closet in the mornings.  It makes me feel like such a grown up!  Meal prepping the night before is a big thing too for me.  It gives me a few extra minutes in the mornings to enjoy my nice mug of fresh coffee.

Which reminds me of another thing.  Now, whenever I was my dishes, instead of letting them sit in the dish rack all day and letting them air dry, I dry them immediately and put them away immediately in my cabinets.

It's the little things, people.  And that's probably more than you guys ever needed - or  wanted - to know!  :-)

Ooh, glutes and chest are sore from the last two strength workouts.  I love it, I have to admit.

I decided to do intense cardio today.  I fished out KickMax with Cathe Friedrich.  Oh man, that one is tough!  Those tuck jumps and plie jacks almost killed me.  Not to mention the leg conditioning drills at the end.  I added my weighted Firm boxing gloves which are pink and weigh 1 pound each for some extra oomph.  I burned 426 calories and I was dripping sweat Crisco!

Ok, I am off to do the food prep and the laying out of the clothes things.

How are you guys doing on your goals so far?

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Shoppy Sunday.

Super quick post because it's late and I need to get me to bed.

Opted for heavy legs tonight.  16 minutes on the treadmill, then I did The Firm Lower Body Sculpt I with Lisa Kay.  It had been forever since I had done this DVD so I fished it out and decided to give it a whirl.  I did 15 extra minutes of deadlifts, heavy squats, and side lunges.  548 calories burned.

My sports top was completely soaked in sweat.  I could've wrung it out is how soaked it was.

I cleaned the house, scrubbed my kitchen, and did some prepped some meals for the week.  I needed to get out of the house, so I went over to Mom's for a bit.  Then onto Trader Joe's and The Gap, where I I did a little shoppy shoppy.  I bought these bootcut jeans.

I never wear jeans. I don't think I look good in them.  When I told BFF I had bought a pair today, she exclaimed, "Good!  The last time I saw you in jeans, they were way too big on you!"

Love her.

These were on sale, they fit me like a glove, and just for shizz & giggles, I decided to buy the same pair in the next smaller size.  Why not, after all?  Ain't nothing wrong with a little incentive.  The smaller ones I can get over my hips and to my waist but that's about it.

It's gonna take work to get into them.

I'm not afraid of hard work.

Off to bed now, kids!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

WI Results + 2 Workouts.

Last week's weight:  163.8 lbs.
This week's weight:  161.4 lbs.

I lost 2.4 lbs this week!  FUCK YEAH!

My focus this week was on getting in extra protein.  Not a lot more, just an extra ounce with lunch and dinner.  Eggs & egg whites with breakfast, along with Fage yogurt.

My focus in general was just laser sharp this week.  So yeah, that helped.  :-)  Food was spot on and tracked, workouts were consistent and hardcore, and I kept coming in at right at Points goal.

This morning, after WI, I decided to do a heavy arms, chest & back workout.  I popped in The Firm Parts Upper Body after I warmed up for a few minutes by jogging in place & speed roping in place.  I decided to challenge myself a bit more with this one.  I pyramided my weights up for every single move in the entire workout.  And I added a few extra moves as well - 3 sets of bench press using my 20s, 2 sets of hammer curls where I alternated between my 10s & 12s, and a set of rhomboid pinches with my 8s.  A really quick, great 40 minute workout, 357 calories burned, and lots of sweat!

That was in the morning.  Then in the evening, I went to the 5:30 Bikram session with sexy instructor.  It felt nice to get that extra stretching in.  I almost died during camel pose, which is kind of the point of that posture.  You're very vulnerable in that posture, with your chest, ribcage and heart completely open  in a deep back bend.

I'm not really sure what possessed me to get in 2 workouts today.  I think it had to do with my awesome WI today - I just wanted to keep the momentum going, you know.

It helps that I'm feeling pretty great right now, too.

When you're in the zone (and I'm really hoping I am now after months of messing around with the same 5-10 lbs.) how do you keep the momentum flowing and going?

Friday, January 11, 2013

Friday Night Shenanigans...

included a tough CrossFit-style leg workout tonight.

I'm a party animal, what can I say?  ;-)

Shape Magazine is a great publication that I've only recently come to love.  At 271 pounds, I wasn't reading fitness/healthy magazines, I can tell ya that much.  I decided today to subscribe to it.  I can't wait to start receiving it.  Hopefully soon.  I like that they have different workout ideas and healthy,  recipes.

I was browsing through their FB page came across a really good leg workout.  CrossFit style.  Mixed with some old-school moves. It included ass-to-grass squats, lunges with a single weight raised above your head, sumo squats with side lunges, high step ups, curtsy dips, heavy squats, plie squats, and leg press.

Oh my.

After a quick 12 minute warm up on the inclined treadmill, I got to work.  Let me tell you, I am feeling the pain already.  Glutes got hit really hard tonight.  Lots of sweat produced also.  I kinda love it.  409 calories burned.

I look so sleepy here.  I have been making an extra effort to get to bed earlier than I usually do.

Tonight is no exception, since I have WI tomorrow.  I am confident I will show a loss.  I'm feeling really good about it.

And those are my Friday night shenanigans. Workout, sweat, a healthy dinner of mixed greens, a little olive oil, and grilled chicken breast.

What are you guys up to tonight?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

About Personal Appearance & Active Rest.

Normally on a rest day, I don't have much to talk or blog about.

That kinda applies now.  :-)

I think it's just as important to take care of our outward appearance as it is to take care of the internal.  Some days I just feel lazy about that.  I don't always wear makeup and when I do I keep it minimal at best.  Lipstick & mascara are as far as I'll go.

P.S. I don't believe it's narcisstic at all to take just a bit more care in how you look.  What's wrong with that - we all should take better care of ourselves.

Somedays it's just easier to throw on a pair of yoga pants, a t shirt and a hoodie.  I forget that I have awesome new SMALLER clothes like skinny jeans or cool blouses I picked up at NY & Co.

I'll wear sneakers instead of my new, knee high killer stiletto boots. Or heels.  The last 2 weeks, I've been making a conscious effort of putting more effort into small things like that.  Putting product in my hair, making sure I'm wearing nicer clothes, a little makeup - it's not a bad thing to care about things like that.

The bad thing is when you stop caring. When you stop giving a crap.  Because then you allow other things to slide. And that is no bueno.

I read somewhere that the majority of people with heart disease have horrible oral hygiene - bad teeth, gingivitis, etc.

Makes sense, if you think about it.  Bad nutrition, you start getting lazy, and then you no longer care about flossing nor brushing your teeth.

So on that note, I decided to care just a bit more and get myself a manicure.  It had been a while.  Why not, after all?  There are several nail salons within walking distance of my complex, so I thought to myself, why not make it an active rest day and walk there. Half a mile there and back, a nice shade of sparkly red on my nails, and I got some activity in.

All in all, a good day.  An active rest day.

And that's pretty much all I got for tonight.

Do you guys take rest days, or do you work out every day?  Thoughts on personal appearances?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hump Day!

Lots of different opinions and point of views.  I love it!

People watch for inspiration.  Or the drama factor.  Or a variety of other reasons.  Nothing wrong with that.  Whatever gets them moving onto a healthier life.

My issues with it are pretty simple.  Unrealistic, rapid massive weight loss.  I have to think that that kind of rapid, big-scale weight loss can't be healthy for you.  Like your heart and your bones/joints.  But what the heck do I know.

I don't believe weight loss should be sensationalized.

I think you just need to dig in, grit your teeth, and just do the damn work already.  It's the "work" that can be tricky for a lot of people.  People really need to educate themselves about food, nutrition, and fitness.

Real people that lose a lot of weight and keep it off successfully don't normally go on reality shows.  Right?

Read food labels, eat nutritious whole, real foods, and move your body with cardio and weights.   That's what I do.  I eat 90-95% clean and it's helped me so much.  Thank you, Tosca! It's why I've been able to maintain a substantial amount of my weight loss.  (Yes, even though I've been toying with the same damn 10 pounds for a while.  And believe me - I have been rectifying that!)  Helpful information is out there, and you just have to work a little bit to find it.  Don't rely on and pin all your hopes in applying to a reality weight loss show.

This is sounding way too preachy for my taste.  No me gusta.

On a lighter note, how the heck did NO ONE get elected to the Baseball HOF today?  Piazza is probably the second best offensive catcher in history (behind Bench, of course) and he doesn't get to Cooperstown?  That I know of, there haven't been significant rumors about him like there has been swirling around Clemens & Bonds.  Hmm.

Guess Palmeiro will never make it, then.  Lying under oath to Congress will proly do that.

Bikram tonight.  They switched instructors at the last minute on the schedule, so instead of Chris, it was a lady that likes to talk way too much between postures.  Which means the session way much longer than expected.  I was getting a headache.  Tommy & Chris will occasionally run just a few minutes late, but this lady was unbelievable.  The girl next to me, when the instructor started rambling, whispered "Oh, for fuck's sake already!"


I had to laugh at that.

Still worked hard.  Still felt good afterwards.

Lemme know your approaches to fitness/healthy eating.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

About The Biggest Loser.

Oh, I have issues with this show.

Now more than ever.  There is nothing sensationalistic at all about this show.

I'm done with it.

I know some people find inspiration from the massive weight loss and all that.  I just can't.

Especially now that there are children on the show.

I have more to say but I'm going to cut this one short.  Late night and I have work tomorrow.  Blah.

Cardio was on the agenda tonight.  Treadmill, then The Firm Calorie Killer 2.  403 calories burned.  Not one of my favorite DVDs, and I have to remember that.  I still managed a smile afterwards.

Barely.  Even through all the sweat.

Exhausted, so I am high tailing it to bed.

What do you think about BL?

Monday, January 7, 2013

One Week In.

The first week of the New Year has come and gone.  Hope everyone is staying strong and committed to fitness.

I got some great feedback on my post yesterday - thanks for all the comments.

It is so important to put yourself first when you're trying to lose weight.  You cannot do it for someone else.  You cannot do it for any reason other than you.  YOU.

Ok, done with that particular topic.  For now.  :-)

Yesterday's Bikram class left my lower body sore as all hell.  Glutes especially - I kinda love it, I have to admit. I concentrated on full body strength today.  I warmed up on the inclined treadmill for 21 minutes, then I did The Firm Tough Tape with Tracie Long.  I had forgotten about all those leg presses.  I used my 20s for that.  OMG, I thought my thighs would just explode, I'm not kidding.  I was feeling it the second I was done.  Holy cow.  Burned 480 calories.

Anyone see Biggest Loser last night?  Or tonight?

I'm not sure how I feel about little kids being on the show.  I get where they are coming from with that - they're attempting to tackle child obesity.  But there's something about it that is not sitting right with me.  Bad taste in my mouth from that.  Shrug.

2013 has some big changes ahead for me.  Good changes, I know.  I can feel it.

Who knows?  But I am going to remain open and positive about it.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Be Your #1 Reason.

Not much to see here, folks.  Just a boring Sunday.

I started it out with a morning Bikram session, which was pretty excellent.  Flamboyant instructor noticed how tight my back was during tortoise pose.  He leaned his hands and knees against my back to stretch it out and stretch my vertebrae muscles (that can be stretched, right?)

Oh mylanta, I worked my butt off and sweated like a dawg!  And I loved every second of it, too.  :-)

Yup, that sweat ain't no joke, people.

Another day of healthy eating in the books, with everything being tracked and logged.

With activity done, because that is so important in this here weight loss thingy, you know.

I've been trying to lose weight forever - my whole life, really.  I've known people - lots of great people - who are in the same boat.  And I've given all the reasons you can think of for wanting to lose weight.

I've also heard lots of people give different reasons for why they want to lose weight.  I'm sure you've heard them, too.

"I want to look good for my wedding."

"I want to do it for my kids/family."

"I want to look good for my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife."

"I want to look great in my bikini this summer."

"I want my ass to pop in a pair of jeans."

Here is what I think.  You don't have to agree with me, and that's fine.  It's my blog and my space and writing my opinion is what this is for, after all.

Losing weight for any reason other than doing it for yourself is the WORST reason to lose weight.  The absolute worst reason.


Because you will gain it back.

Wanting to lose weight so you can be around for your kids and family is an admirable reason.  I can't deny that.  But with this - it's ok to be selfish.

Be your #1 reason to lose weight.

Do it for you.  Do it because you have to. Do it because you're tired of being obese and feeling and thinking all the crap that goes along with it.

Be your #1 Reason.

Period.  End of story.

I am my #1 Reason.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

WI Results.

Previous week's weight:  160.0 lbs.
This week's weight:  163.8 lbs.

I am up 3.8 lbs and 9 pounds up from my lowest weight of 154 in October.

Ok.  I am eerily calm about this.  Calm because I know it's doable.  Not impossible.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not thrilled about the gain at all, but I was expecting it.

And so it begins.  To be honest, it really began this week.

It is manageable.  It is doable.  It is not impossible.

Reaching 137 pounds is NOT impossible.  Just have to keep on grinding, keep on grinding.

Mom came over and we cooked in my kitchen together.  She taught me how to make arroz con pollo.  It was fun.  Quality time in the kitchen with Mom.  :-)  I just hope my arroz con pollo comes out as great as hers every time I make it from now on.

A little tidying, then BFF came over for a while.

We are good.  I am so grateful for that.  I am so grateful for her.

I wore black yoga pants today.  She complimented my perky ass.  BFFs can do that with each other.  Seriously.

We chatted, we caught up, and we are fine now.  :-)

Happy Kelly.

Rest day today.  100 crunches done just to do something.  Just to get the blood flowing for a little bit.  Glutes and biceps are sore, especially my biceps.  This morning, I really felt it.  Push ups - like the modified ones I did last night - are no joke!  Neither are hammer curls & cleans & presses.

Food is logged and tracked, water consumed, and I'm on the right track.

A little football watching tonight, a little chatting with someone special later, then bed.

Back to the grind tomorrow.

Friday, January 4, 2013

My Weight Goal.

I weigh in at Weight Watchers tomorrow morning.  It'll be my first WI of the year.

Full disclosure: I will be up a few pounds from my last WI.  Like 3 pounds.

I'm not thrilled about it.  Not at all.  And in the spirit of my No BS mantra, I will not be offering up excuses.  I made some bad food choices last week.  Plain and simple.

So I'll have an idea tomorrow of how it is, and how and where I go from there.

I was thinking about what I said about my weight goal the other day, about how I increased it by a few pounds.  I said 137 probably wasn't sustainable for me, and in that moment, I felt it to be true.  I thought it was a pipe dream.

But you know what I realized?  That I had given up on achieving my dream before I even got there.

And I don't want to be the weight loss blogger that doesn't believe she'll ever get to goal.  Because that's basically what I said.

Nope.  Not me.  I'll get there.

And more importantly, I WANT TO GET THERE.  And I believe and I know I WILL GET THERE.

I'm going to update my ticker above after my WI tomorrow.  I'm not going to like that it'll show that I'm a little further away from goal than I was a few months ago, but it is what it is.  That I don't like doesn't matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things.

It's what I'm going to do about it from now on that does matter.

My glutes were slightly sore today, so today I thought I would do a mixed circuit with a little more upper body emphasis.  I warmed up for 17 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I did pushups, ass-to-grass squats, hammer curls, upright rows, bench press, military press, and delt flys.  I repeated that 3 times, and worked up a good sweat.  357 calories burned.

My hair is looking like a hot mess.

I don't even know what to say about how tired I look.  :p

Too funny, I know.  I can poke fun at myself - it lightens the mood!

You don't always have to be so serious all the time.  It's ok to be silly every now and then.

Like when I giggle like a 12 year old when I say I have to make a quick trip to BJ's.  (Hehe.)

Workout done, tons of water consumed, and healthy eating.

So far, so good.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

3 Days into the New Year.

How's everyone doing so far?  Are you guys sticking with your fresh starts/resolutions/new goals?

Some of you never stopped the whole healthy living/healthy eating thingy.  It's just easier to stay on track, isn't it?

Would that I could remember that every single time I want to derail and leave the station.

This is gonna be a quick, drive by post because it's getting late.  And getting more sleep is one of my goals. (Not resolutions.)

Food was on plan and has all been tracked.

Workout was tough - I haven't done the treadmill in a while and it showed.  I was huffing and puffing about 5 minutes in.  20 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then The Firm Maximum Body Shaping with Tracie Long.  466 calories burned.

Food prep is done.

Becoming more organized, tidy, and decluttered works.  I love it.

How are you all doing 3 days in?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Just Keep Chipping Away.

Holly is one of my favorite people, favorite ladies, favorite bloggers.  Talk about a strong lady.

I've been complaining & whining ad nauseum about stupid crap in my life lately, and I've spent way too much time feeling and being angry.

That's not a way to live.  When you're like that, you're not living.  You're existing.

You're wasting your life.

And for what?  What's the point of that?

I don't have a legit reason to be angry.  Holly did, and she choose to fight for and find her happiness instead. Read up on her story and you'll understand what I mean when I say that.

Just keep chipping away.  Decluttering.  Anyone that has a significant amount of weight to lose, you know where I'm coming from with that.

Sometimes, that's all we can do.  Just keep chipping away at the extra weight.  Declutter the negativity that we feel about ourselves that we then project onto other people.

Like the damn walls we I put up. (Like when I was unforgivably rude to my best friend in the whole world who has only ever loved me and only ever seen me as "Kelly" and not as her fat friend. Not as the rest of the world always saw me.  Not as how I always saw me.)

I'm going to keep chipping away.  Decluttering.  Working hard and chipping away at all the barriers and finding whatever it is that I need to find.

I also need to chip away at my own bullshit meter.  For real.  Keeping the BS around ain't helping me, nor is it doing me any favors.  It is hindering my progress.  Hence the reason why I've been stuck for several months now.  I've actually been believing my own BS.  Shudder.

Like when I say - and have said - that my body seems to like these last 10 pounds I lose & regain - BS!!!  Oh my Lord, I can't believe I actually allowed myself to believe that nonsense.  My happy weight is not 150-160.

My happy weight is my goal weight, which right now is set at 142. A 2 or 3 pound flucuation below or above that is ok with me. For now.  I'd be at a healthy weight and have a normal BMI for my height at 142 pounds.

Full disclosure: I read on another blog about "goal weights" and how the blogger thinks it's impossible that they will ever reach their particular goal weight.  I suffered from that disbelief myself.  For a very long time.

Which is exactly why I've been stuck. Other than believing my own nonsense, of course.

Why set yourself up for immediate "failure" by choosing not to believe in yourself?

Why was I so afraid of success?  Of successful weight loss?  I should be embracing it! Not believing it's impossible.  That's just silly otherwise, because then why am I trying to lose weight if I think I'll never get there?

Just silly.

It is NOT impossible.  Of course it is not.

So chipping away at the scale, one single pound at a time.

Living and practicing healthy habits.  Going back to what works.

Like sweaty pics!

Bikram tonight, and it felt a little easier than yesterday.

Tracking my food intake, eating well, and reaching out to the people that I care about.

All things I have done today.

And I am feeling lighter already.  :-)

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Begin Anew.

Happy New Year, people!

I was in bed last night before midnight and slept like the dead.   Such a party animal, right?  :0)  I really needed it, though.  I am finally starting to feel like myself again.  Stupid bug.

I hit the 9:30 Bikram session with a new instructor.  The studio was packed, and I REALLY struggled today.  She is very nice, but she tends to be a little too chatty before she starts class, which means that she always runs way over.  Today she ran over by a good 10 minutes or so.  I almost died.

Sweated like a beast though, and when it was all over, I felt great.

I headed to my Mom's afterwards, where there was a hot, homecooked meal that was delicious and healthy.  Roast chicken, cauliflower & broccoli, and red skinned potatoes.

I'm not a food porn chick, but since it's Mom food, I couldn't help it.

January 1 is a fresh start for a ton of people.  Clean slate, begin anew, all with good intentions and the making of the resolutions.  Typically, people don't stick to them, like myself in the past, which is why I don't believe in making them.  But you don't need a new year to make a fresh start.  You don't even need Mondays, to be honest.  You can begin anew anytime, like right after you finish messing up.  In other words, you can begin anew immediately.  Right now.  This very second.

That's why I think goals are different, a little different.  Just my opinion.  Especially short term ones.  Today, I committed, or set a goal, to make it a healthy and great day.  And it was.  It was perfect, for me.

My goal for the rest of this week will be the same.  A few more consecutive days of being healthy and resolving to putting myself first.

And everyday after this week will have the same goal.

Ain't nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

I am going to hit goal weight this year. THIS YEAR.

I no longer want to be stuck.  I want to work hard and get there.  I deserve it, and it's within reach.  I can feel it.