Thursday, February 28, 2013

Slow Progress Is Still Progress.

I've been thinking about my last few WIs.  The last few weeks, I've felt like a total failure.  And I've said some really awful things to myself.

Things I'd NEVER say to anyone else with WIs that resemble mine.

Things that would NEVER cross my mind with another person in my WL situation.


I would tell them what all of you have told me.

Any loss is great.  And it's still a step in the right direction.

So why am I so quick to label it as failure?

I done seen this on the Book of Face today.

How apropos, right?

One thing I'm not is a quitter.

Nor a liar.

What I am is smart enough to realize that every day, I choose to recommit to a healthy life.

So.  I am choosing fitness and health every single day.  It's something that Carla posted on a vlog a while back.  Every day, she chooses fitness.

Every day, there are choices to be made.  Every day, I can either choose fitness and health or not.

Every day, I can choose that I am worth the effort, or not.

Today was a rest day, but I made an extra conscious effort to move more around the office.   More going up and down the stairs.  Just more active.

I had a derm appointment after work today, then I had to pay my VS bill, which was due today!  I can't believe I waited til the last minute to do that.  I'm usually pretty on time with paying my shite, but I guess it will occasionally happen to the best of us.  No biggie, done & paid, no late fee on my next bill.

Would you believe I am STILL feeling all those pushups and ab exercises from two days ago?   Sore as hell, I'm not kidding. That's just crazy, yo.

TMI alert.  Know how I have a history of bad acne?  I've got cystic acne scarring all over my face.  The last 2 weeks I've gotten 2 growths that I thought were pimples on my right side, my right oblique.  Today, I went to the dermatologist to get them looked at.

She told me they were cysts, not pimples.  They might just be hair follicles that got aggravated from my sweaty ass workouts.  They might be a result from the excess sweat from Bikram or Bootcamp.  Oh, and that they could be community-acquired-bacterial-something something.  So she drained them both, which hurt like a bitch, took a sample, and injected them with anti-inflammatories to make them shrink and go away.  She put band-aids on them because they were bleeding.

Yes, it's gross.  Which is why there won't be pics of said drained cysts.  It's on the side of my stomachs with my stretch marks on display, so nein.

So I go back in 2 weeks when the results come back and so she can check the area.  I'm not worried about it.  I have topical things to put on them to treat them.

Anywho, that's all I got.

Commit everyday to health and fitness.

Remember you're worth so much more than any binge, any fake ass trigger food, and move a bit more than you normally do.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

A Tweak Here, A Tweak There.

Mah people - I understand your points.  I get it.  It's all about tweaking my food intake.

Could I stand to 86 the sugar?  Yup.

Could I stand to lose some of the grains?  Yup.

I'm Colombian, born & raised on things like arroz con pollo, and almojabanas.  Pollo is great, white arroz not so much.  Ditto almojabanas.

I'm not going to die if I get rid of the strawberries.  Or the honey.

It also does not mean that I'll never eat a sweet potato again.  It does not mean that I'll never have a half cup of brown rice again.  (Umm, does it?  Eh.)

Playing around with my food intake, as long as it's healthy and I'm not overdoing it or underdoing it, will be key.  80% nutrition is losing weight.

The next few weeks are going to be all about tweaking my food intake.  And probably testing my patience.

It's going to take time. I know it is.  I don't like it, but that is the reality. I can't expect the 2 pound losses on a weekly basis anymore.  Which kinda sucks, but what can you do. As long as it comes off tho.

I just want it to come off.  Of course, I'd rather it all come off in the next 2 months, but that's not going to happen.  And if that did happen, the weight would probably just come back.  I know, even if I can't stand to admit it, that slow weight loss means more permanent weight loss.

I sure as hell don't want this crap to come back, that's for damn sure.

So while I have not been losing the amount of pounds I would like, I still am losing something (my mind, maybe.)  I am losing inches.

Like tonight at Bikram, I noticed or thought that my waist was a tiny bit smaller.  And I am my most harshest critic.  Was it smaller, or was it wishful thinking?

When people tell me they notice that I am "smaller", I should just accept that as not only the truth, but a great thing as well.  Instead of automatically thinking, well, the scale is not moving.

This whole patience thing is annoying.  And I realized today that anytime I set up a number goal, like losing X amount every week, it NEVER happens.

Which is why "all or nothing" does not work for me.  That's why the small losses have rubbed me the wrong way.

Gradual change over time works for me.  And it's been working for me.  The proof of that has been the last five weeks.  Five consecutive weeks of weight loss.   That hasn't happened in a while.

So instead, I'll just say THIS YEAR I will reach goal.  Not by a specific month or date, just THIS YEAR.  Even at increments of less than a pound per week, goal will still happen this year.

The scale has remained consistent all week.  I am actually ok with that.  It means there will still be a loss come Saturday morning.  I tend to lose my weight at the end of the week.

Small goals.  Right now, as I've said before, next small goal weight is to reach 155.  After that, I'm taking it one pound at a time. I'll just tick them off as I get closer & closer to goal.  The pounds will come off.  Gotta trust the damn process.

I'll just have to see what I - and my body - are comfortable with.

And I have to be ok with small losses.  Because yes, they do add up.  And they all count.

Guess who wore booty shorts to Bikram tonight?  *This girl!!!

And I was comfortable in them!  Still a bit self conscious, but not as much as I had been a few months ago.  Did they ride up a little?  Yes.  Was I ok with it?  Yes.  Why?  Because they weren't riding up as much as they had been just a few months ago.

That, people, is progress.  And proof that I am and have been losing inches.

I worked hard, sweated my ass off, and felt great.

And I'm feeling sore after class.  That hasn't happened in a while.

Right now, the "more protein, less whole grains" is working.  I'm feeling good about it.  But I reserve the right to change other food things later. This week, it's less grains.  Maybe in a few weeks, it'll be less sugar.  Maybe it'll be something else.

Gradual, small changes.

Tis ok, Ileana?  Si?  No?   :-)

Hmm.  I did not mean to be this much of a chatty Cathy tonight.  So I'ma wrap this one up, watch Duck Dynasty while DVRing Psych and get food prep done.

#Quack.  :-)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 1 of Experimentation.

With food things, nothing that might be thought of as recreational.  ;-)

I'll get into what I ate today in a second, but first, I have to get something off my chest.

How would you handle a person who's in no position to give you a backhanded compliment but then does it anyway?

I'll explain.

So let me pose something hypothetical to you. This lady, who's an overweight single mom, struggles with her weight a whole lot, can't commit fully to a healthy food plan, takes her daughter to an ice skating party, and sees an old friend she hadn't seen in a while.   Last time she saw her, they were both pretty overweight.  This time, old friend has dropped a massive amount of weight, and she is out on the rink skating with her young son, laughing, having a great time, etc, while overweight single mom is on the sidelines.

Long story short, the old friend had WLS, is down about 80 pounds, is probably doing all the right things a person does when they have this surgery, and is having fun and enjoying life.   Overweight single mom is happy for her, and wishes she could be out there skating, too, and THEN - she notices her friend's arm.  Saggy skin, it looks kind of old, and the friend's face looks older too.

Backhanded compliment much?  Either your friend looks great now and you're truly happy for her, or you're trying to deflect your own feelings about your own weight gain onto your friend.

I don't understand how people can take another's person situation and then turn back it around so that the attention is back on them.   It was not about overweight single mom, it was supposed to be about how great her old friend looks now.

My point?  A true friend would NEVER think/feel/write/say any of those things about another friend.  My BFF would NEVER say something like that to me, much less think it.

"Wow, you look fantastic!!  Oh, but you have saggy, old skin."

Can you imagine?

That's insecurity right there.  "You're so pretty now, but too bad you look like you've aged 10 years."

Shaking my head.

People - if you have friends that have turned their health & lives around, have lost an incredible amount of weight, don't try to minimalize it by adding in a backhanded compliment.  Just be happy for them.  Congratulate them on how great they look and how strong they must be.  A lot of people can't get their shit together long enough to attempt something even half that daunting.

Ok, so my eats:

Breakfast:  3 TBSP Farina made with 2/3 cup water & 1/3 cup 1% milk.  Flavored with honey & cinnamon.  In this I added 1 TBSP of ground flaxseed.  1 hard boiled egg, 1 hardboiled egg white.  Banana.

Snack:  2% Strawberry Fage with 1 tsp chia seeds.

Lunch:  1/2 cup lentils, 3 oz of chicken tenderloin, roasted brussel sprouts, 1 chicken sausage link, and a partskim cheese stick.

Green Monster smoothie at 4 PM.  WW smoothie mix, 1 cup of 1% milk, 1 cup of fresh baby spinach, 1 cup of frozen strawberries

Recovery fuel after Bootcamp:  2 ounces of grilled chicken breast.

Dinner:  4 grape tomatoes, mixed Spring greens salad, 2 tsp olive oil, Jennie-O turkey burger.

1 Gallon of Water through out the day.

Bootcamp after work.  Tonight was lots of fat burning cardio.  Almost died, I'm not kidding.  The "warm-up" itself is pretty intense.  25 minutes of jumping jacks, sprints, pushups, squat thrusts, touchdown squats, shuffling, burpees, tire runs, and pike jumps.

Holy hell.  I don't even want to talk about the 3 rounds of circuits we did.  But I will.  :-)

Bear crawls, walking lunges, jabs with 5 pound weights in each hand, kettle bell swings, walkout pushups, incline push ups, mountain climbers, Russian (or is it Turkish?) twists with an 8 lb medicine ball.

Kill me now.  434 calories burned.

Sweating like a pig.  Honestly, the warm up alone is fucking intense.

Day 1 of low whole grains.  Not doing too bad.  No headaches, which I've heard can be common.  Tomorrow will be the same thing.  Grains with breakfast, then nothing after that.

Ileana, I did go to Trader Joe's today, got some things, but of course forgot two things - the Stevia, and the olive oil spray.  I have a Whole Foods near my job and I'll run in there real quick to see what they've got there.  And that cranberry juice is mucho tart!  Thank you so much for the suggestions!

Shaking things up with the experimenting.  Not bad so far.  :-)

Monday, February 25, 2013

Experimentation of the Food Things.

Yeah, I got nothing for a title.

I'm looking at all the suggestions, taking everything into account.

Melissa - that was such a sweet comment!  Thank you!  Umm, if your daughter does actually read me, fair warning: I like to drop the eff bomb every once in a while.  I don't always keep it PG-13 around here.  ;-)

Ileana - I don't drink juice and the Stevia thing makes me a bit wary.  I do have to admit that I don't know a whole lot about it, what is it exactly?  What is it supposed to do for your body?  Is it a sweetener, like Splenda?  Artificial sweeteners make me wary.  And regarding cranberry juice, the last time I had cranberry juice was in college because I had UTI.  Hmm...

It's interesting in your comment you did not mention grains.  I've been seriously contemplating cutting out grains for a week, or even the 2 days before WI just to see how it goes.  I would be eating lean protein, lots of fresh veggies, strawberries, Green Monster smoothie, & a whole ton of salad.

I drink a gallon of water every single day.  No bananas?  Really??   That's my favorite fruit ever.   I actually had a banana tonight with 2 ounces of grilled chicken breast as my recovery fuel after Bootcamp tonight.

No bananas for a week won't kill me, I get it.  Neither will no whole wheat grains for a few days.  It's all part of experimenting to shake things up.  I have to read your comment again and make a list for my Trader Joe's run.

No dairy will be tricky for me.  I like my 2% Fage yogurt because of all the added protein in it.  And I do use 1% milk in my green monster smoothie.

Again, I'm ok with the experimenting of the things.  The only thing that is an absolute no no for me is seafood.  I don't eat seafood of any kind.

Never.  Ever.


Bootcamp tonight.  Lots of shoulders, tris, bis & chest work.  With sprints of cardio.  Jumping jacks, suicide runs, squat thrusts, burpees, V-sits, reverse crunches, and high knees.  Holy hell.  372 calories burned.

The trainer noticed my HRM had a reading of 134, & he remarked, "C'mon, feel the burn!  134 is in the fat burning range!"

He had the nerve to read my HRM.  Douche.  :P

He's actually pretty great, but sometimes he can be too perky.  Like when he has us doing all those damn burpees.  But I digress.

So.  This week is all about the experimentation of the food things.

Let's see how it goes.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Process.

I hit the morning Bikram session, first time in over a week.

It felt great.

I loved going back.

It was hard.  I had to get my body accumulated to the heat like a first timer would.

I was sweating before the first breathing exercise was even completed.

That tells you something right there.


Raise your hand if you're sick & tired of me whining, pissing & moaning:

*Raises hand.

I have to just accept this slow ass weight loss.

I have to accept that maybe, just MAYBE, I might, perhaps, be losing inches.

Even though the damn scale is quite content to be an asshole in its snail-like movement.

I had coffee with the BFF today.  It had been about a month since we had seen each other.  Possibly longer.  It was nice, we chatted, we caught up, we BS'ed.  I actually did not have coffee.  It was almost 1:30 in the afternoon, and I didn't want to get jittery.  Or even worse- buy decaf!  Ick.

We did not discuss my weight loss.  Neither of us brought it up.  I've discussed the reasons behind why that is.  It just feels weird to talk about it with her.

Afterwards, I hit up the grocery store (I swear I make 4 or 5 trips to the grocery store a week) to get bananas, Golden apples, some chicken breast, and Ziploc bags.  I also filled up the tank since I was riding a tad bit too close to E.

When I got home and put the stuff away, I texted BFF.

"I have to ask, and there is no right or wrong answer.  Did I look any different to you?  Smaller, bigger, leaner, pudgier?  Be honest."

This is what she sent me back:

"You look the same since I last saw u. Face got smaller. And overall tighter. But overall the same. If that makes sense."


*Bangs head against beautiful granite countertop.

Yesterday, I tried on a button down shirt that had been tight everywhere a few months ago.

The damn thing fit perfectly.  Meaning everyone who told me I may not be losing pounds but I'm definitely losing inches was right.  Just snug across the chesticles, but nothing like before.

I do so hate being wrong.  BUT, here's another thing:

Why do my work pants feel the same?  They don't feel looser.  They feel the exact same, they don't fit me any differently at all.

I'm losing weight everywhere except in my gut, tush & thunder thighs?   Is that even possible?  I don't get it.

Shouldn't it be that inches are being lost everywhere?

I know there's a science behind this.  I know there's an explanation somewhere out there for this.  So if anyone's got a clue, please to fill me in.

Fair warning - I am SO not in the mood to hear that the last 20 lbs are always the hardest & slowest to come off.  Or that I workout too much.  I work out 5-6 days a week.  I may just shank someone. Mkay, Drazil?  ;-)

I do appreciate all the comments & suggestions lately.  I have changed my workout routine with the new Bootcamp to shake things up.

I have upped my daily calories/Points by eating more lean protein than I had been throughout the day.

I have included a recovery snack that I eat within 5-10 minutes of having completed a workout.  These have been 2 or 3 ounces of lean protein, like grilled chicken breast or lean roast beef with a part skim cheese stick.

I have been weighing & measuring everything.

And yet, in 2 weeks, I've lost less than a pound.

Frustration, aggravation and anger are just the tip of the iceberg in describing how I feel.

At least.  At least, I have not derailed.  At least, I have continued to LOSE something even though it's not the damn pounds.  At least, I have not resorted to old habits or just said Fuck it all.

So here's the thing:  whining & complaining like a little bitch is not helping me.  That's not to say I won't probably feel aggravated every once in a while, but I won't make it sound like it's the absolute end of the world.

I wish I could say that I was at my "happy weight" but I can't.  Because I'm not, I know I'm not. I'm not happy being a size 10.  I'm not happy being at 157ish pounds.

I'm just not.  I'm not satisfied.

So.  No excuses.  No trainwreckery bullshit.  No bullshit, period.

Onward & forward.  I have to trust in the process.

The process works.

Karen, thank you for reaching out.  Thank you for suggesting I buy Refuse to Regain.  I'll be reading it and letting you know if I have any questions.

I got this.  I do.  I have to be patient.  I've waited this long to get here.  A little bit more won't matter.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  158.2 lbs.
This week's weight:  157.8 lbs.

Loss of 0.4 lbs. this week.

2 weeks of busting my ass with Bootcamp for less than a pound.

Guess how I feel about that.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Keeping Frustrations and Disappointment at Bay.

I'll let you guys in on a lil somethin' somethin.

Sometimes, every once in a while, I get so frustrated with this whole damn weight loss thingy, that I just burst into tears.

Not in a 2-year-old-baby tantrum kind of tears.

Not in a cry-so-hard-that-you-start-hicupping-gasping-for-breath kinda of tears.

Just tears.  Tearing.

I quickly wipe them away and talk myself down.  Now, I'm a smart chick, mkay.  (At least, I'd like to think I am.)  And I know that pissing, moaning, & crying about it won't get the weight off any faster.

This 7 month plateau has been trying.  And this morning, the scale was a bit less of a douchebag than it was last week.  It still did not show a number that would've satisfied me, but it was slightly - only SLIGHTLY - less than it was last Saturday.

Ok, yeah, the scale is just an asshole and I should quit obsessing over the fucking thing (blah blah blah), but man - could it maybe stop being this much of an asshole already?

Speaking of crying because we totally were (see what I did there?), after tonight's Bootcamp, I totally felt the frustration bubble up again.   I still can't do a full, normal push up on my toes.  I still have to do them on my knees.  When I tried to do a full push up from my toes with my hands on the Bosu, my chest moved down maybe an inch.  If that.  Even though my arms look ripped, I'm still not as strong as it would take to get my chest all the way down to the floor.

Oh, and then he spent the last 5 minutes of class doing strictly abs.

My absolute worst body part/muscle.  It was awful.  And the frustration surfaced.

Briefly.  I think that part of my frustration is that I'm not getting the kind of results I was expecting with this Bootcamp.  Almost 2 weeks in and I'm disappointed.

A 0.2 lbs loss in my first week of Bootcamp?  Yes, I was disappointed. Extremely.

I need to give it more than 2 weeks, I know that, and yet, I can't shake this disappointment.

361 calories burned tonight.

I have a very, shocked, WTF-just-happened-to-me kinda look going on here, don't I?

It was quite a workout, I'll give him that.  But those last 5 minutes pretty much killed me.

Stupid core work.

Well, it's gotta be done, right.

Most days, I'm fine. I don't focus on my frustration or disappointment, and I'm good.

Other days, not so much.  Especially the day before WI.

One silver lining?  I had no desire to go to the fridge and seek out an old, former comfort.  There's nothing in there that would qualify as comfort food, anyway.

We'll see what happens tomorrow.  I know I will show a loss, but how much of one is yet TBD.

Just gotta keep on keepin' on.  Chin up & suck it, buttercup.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Digging Deep.

Oh mylanta.  Would you believe I am feeling sore from those weighted upper cuts from 2 days ago?

Yep.  The sides of my back are sore as fuck.  It feels like I did lat rows all day with 50 pound weights.

Don't even get me started on how my hamstrings and glutes feel.  Or my midsection.  You know, that part of my body that I despise with the fury of a thousand burning suns?  Yeah.

I'm in some pain right now, people.  I can't lie.  I was talking to someone today that made a funny, and when I attempted to laugh, I done felt the soreness in my stomachs.

This Bootcamp works your midsection every single day.  Today was no different.  So umm, yay?

The schedule on the website said it was supposed to be cardio leg toning.  What a bunch of baloney.

Instead, he decided to torture us with a full body workout today.

More skaters, more jump ropes, burpees (HATE), jump squats, sprints, running tires, mountain climbers (What is it with him & working the damn midsection????), high step ups, plank rows, roll-out crunches using that rollert thingy, kettlebell squats, wide squats, lunges, and crunches.

My.Sweet.Lord.  George Harrison aint got nothin.

I was dripping sweat after 10 minutes.  And that was just in the warm up.  321 calories torched.

The scale is still being somewhat of a douchebag this week.  It can be frustrating as hell to know that you are working your ass off, sticking to eating whole, nutritious food, feeling sore in muscles that you didn't even know existed only to have the scale act like an asshole.

Go by how your clothes fit.  Look how far you've come.  Did you have muscles like that a year ago?  Were you as strong 3 years ago as you are now?  You're 20 pounds from goal, not 120 pounds. Think.  Focus. Throw the scale out!

Listen, I know all that to be true, minus the last one. The reason I can't throw the scale out - at least not right now, or possibly ever - is that I know myself.

I know I would get too complacent, too full of myself (Snort!) and too willing to ride my own coattails.

So.  Scale stays.

For now.

I have to trust in the process.

Gotta dig deep.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Sometimes Words are Unnecessary.

Sometimes words can get in the way.

And do all the wordy things that don't do justice to something important.  Like taking care of myself.


I could tell you how I've lost over 100 pounds and gained some bitching muscles in the process.

Or I could just show you.

I could tell you about how I worked my ass off at Bootcamp this morning.

Or I could just show you.

I could tell you how Walking Dead is one of my favorite shows and how Daryl makes cross bow wielding trailer trash look sexy.

Or I could just show you.

Namaste, people.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Kicks & Nugget Pouches.

So.  Who woulda thunk that talking about chompers would elicit such a response?

I love it.  :-)

Adrienne, the dentist I saw yesterday was the second opinion.  He has no affiliation with my original dentist.  Original dentist doesn't take my insurance, and that's the reason why I stopped going to him.  I really like him, but not enough to shell out $$ when my insurance will cover me at another dentist.

Oh, and just for good measure, during the cleaning, he took that instrument thing, the one that looks like a pick (I don't know what it's called) and pulled out a morsel of chicken stuck between my bottom wisdom tooth and my regular teeth and showed it to me.  Awesome.  I was mortified.

Way to be classy there, Kel.

Must've missed that spot when I flossed.

If food is getting stuck there, that will most def cause decay, which would be no bueno for me and my other teeth.

Anywho, I'm thinking of April/May.  Thanks for telling me about your reactions and your experiences with this.  I'm really hoping I fall into that 1 day of discomfort, fine afterwards category.

Really enjoyed reading about your doctor, Paula.  Talk about disturbing.  That was just horrible.  :-(

Moving on to ME.  Because what else would this blog be about??

Bootcamp was interesting tonight.  Almost didn't go because I got a bit too comfy on the couch doing the whole couchazzing thing.

Getting my butt off the couch felt like a chore.  Didn't wanna go.  Was so not in the mood.  And it was raining.

And I realized I was making every excuse in the book that got me to 270+ pounds.

Oh reality & conscience.  Sometimes I'd like to kick you both in the nugget pouch.  Just to see what it would feel like.

Off too Bootcamp I went, where he decided to make it a Tabata workout.

I wanted to die.  Jump squats, burpees (lots & lots of fucking burpees), push ups, squat thrusts, mountain climbers, (almost died doing these damn mountain climbers) running high knees, full body crunches, jumping rope, skaters, jumping jacks, deep lunges, freaking a lot of jumping, knee raises, and quick upper cuts using a resistance band.

Holy sweet hell.  Did I mention I was pouring sweat after the WARM UP????

My glutes and abdominals are on FIRE right now.

When I was doing the full body crunches, I struggled, paused for a second and took extra longer to pull my knees into my chest.  Bootcamp drill sargeant saw me, and said, "It's ok, let it burn!"

Someone else I wanted to briefly kick in the nugget pouch.  He's a nice guy, but tonight he was on something.  That workout was fucking insane tonight.

Jesus Mary & Joseph & all the things that are holy.

Drenched to the core in sweat.  403 calories burned.

Speaking of core, I have never worked it as much as I have this past week.  I kinda want to stop doing that because I hate it with a passion.

I needs to hit the hay.  I can't feel my upper arms all that much right now because of those upper cuts.  It's gonna hurt to brush my teefs.

Hmm.  So that was my day.

P.S.  If you don't buy it, then you can't eat it.  Simple as that.

Monday, February 18, 2013

When You Can't Think of a Good Title...

Umm, yeah.  I got nothing.

My job offers us the option of working certain federal holidays in order to receive an extra paid vacation day.  That's what today was.  I worked a half day and headed to my dentist appointment.

It was a last minute thing, but something I had been putting off.  Got that done, and apparently, I really need to get my wisdom teeth removed.  I still have all 4 of them.

And they are all impacted.  Awesome.

I don't feel any pain from them at all.  But they're causing my teeth to shift.   I had braces when I was a kid, so my chompers are all nice and straight.  For now.

I'm thinking it'll be good to just get them all yanked at the same time & get that crap over with.  I am NOT looking forward to that, but I must do that this year.  What a pain in the ass.  My entire face is gonna be swollen like Rocky in all 6 or 7 movies.

Well, whatever.  So that is something to do in the next few months.  I wonder how long I'd need to take off from work.  Probably at least a few days, if not an entire week.  Everyone reacts differently.

Bootcamp was on the menu tonight.  We paired up with a partner to do our circuits.  Lots of pushups, burpees, bear crawls, suicide rund (freaking hate those things), walking lunges, jump squats, and those rope things.

Ouch.  My bis, tris, & abs are all on fire right about now.  Good times.  I burned 368 calories.

I'm rocking the crazy cat lady hair look.  It's all the rage now, savvy?

And yeah, I'm totally loving the visible collar bones action.  I worked my ass off to get those things.

Anywho.  I'm not really sure why this became about my chompers.  Hehe.

Ppl - if you've had all your wisdom teef removed, please to let me know what to expect.   I know I'll probably doing lots of mushy food like yogurt, oatmeal, smoothies, clear broth, etc.  I'm thinking of doing this in April/May.  Sooner, the better.

Cauliflower pizza: yay or nay?  Discuss.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

What weekend?

I swear, weekends always just seem to fly by.  They go way too quick.  No me gusta.

I woke up this morning with an unexplainable, exuberant amount of energy.  I was up and doing laundry by 8AM.  2 loads done, folded and put away.

While the clothes were drying, I wiped down the counters, cleaned my stovetop, and scrubbed my bathroom.

No pharmaceuticals were consumed or laced in with my coffee.  Certainly no *pizza was bought, obsessed over, fawned over, stared at, and then miraculously forgotten as it got cold in the fridge.  Bad Kelly. Very, very bad.

Simple thing to learn from that.  If you don't buy it, you can't eat it. Think about it, draw your own conclusions.

I was icky and sweaty from all the cleaning, so after a quick shower, it was time for breakfast to feed my stomachs.  1 egg, 2 egg whites, 2 slices of Ezekiel cinnamon raisin bread with WW cream cheese, a chicken sausage link, and Fage 2% yogurt that I flavored with honey, cinnamon and a teaspoon of vanilla.

Before lunch, I dusted and vacuumed my bedroom and living room, then got some more eats in:  brown rice, broccoli, and Jack Daniels pulled BBQ chicken breast.  It was my first time ever trying the Jack Daniels chicken.  Not bad, I have to say.  But not something I'll be buying on a regular basis.  It's quick and convenient, but it is always better to prepare and cook your own meals.

Snack was my green monster smoothie.  Dinner was a Jennie-O turkey burger with baked kale chips with olive oil.

Tons of agua was drunk throughout the day.

I wanted to pamper myself so I went to the nail place and got my nails & toes did.  Then it was off to BJ's (hehe) to get some supplies:  2 huge bags of baby spinach, chicken burgers, chicken breasts, milk, frozen strawberries, carton of 18 eggs, and cooking spray.

Jewlz asked me what I've done specifically to up my calories.  Basically, by intaking extra lean protein with every meal.  I've also added a post-workout recovery snack, which I had NOT been doing at all after my workouts.  I took a rest day today, so I didn't have one.  Tomorrow after Bootcamp, I'll take an ounce or two of left over roast beef with me to eat the second the class is over.  Maybe a part skim cheese stick as well.  Or it'll be a slice of Ezekiel bread with a Tbsp of Trader Joe's natural crunchy peanut butter and strawberry preserves and 2 ounces of lean chicken breast.  Lots of water to go with recovery snack as well.

More protein and recovery fuel.  2 simple changes.  Viola.

By the way, I've really been feeling those boxing moves in my back and in my sides all day from yesterday.  Lawdy, that workout was no joke.

I don't love Bootcamp.  It's growing on me.  I doubt I'll come to love it the way I love Bikram, but that may change in the next 3 weeks.  It may not.

Holy sweet Jesus.  Walking Dead was the bomb diggity tonight.  Didn't see that shit coming.  I won't spoil it, but if you've haven't seen it yet - DAMN!

Daryl makes white trash redneck look all sorts of sexy.  The cross bow helps.

Seriously, where did this weekend go???

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Guns, NY Style & WI Results.

Did I mention that I can fit into my new awesome size motherfucking small tank top from Strong is The New Skinny?

That's how we do guns in NY, ya'll.

Blood, sweat, & tears went into making those.  That shit wasn't easy, but so freaking worth it.

Ok, so WI results.

Last week's weight:  158.4 lbs.
This week's weight:  158.2 lbs.

So I lost 0.2 lb this week.

I'm trying real hard not to be disappointed about that.  Truthfully, I was expecting and hoping for more. There are several good things about this.  One, it's a loss, and NOT a gain.  Two, this marks three consecutive weeks of weight loss.  That has not happened in about 7 months.  I am on the downward trend again.  And that is super important.

I hit the 10AM Bootcamp class right after WI.

It was brutal.  No stations today, just straight up, insane cardio moves.  Sweet hell.  Static squats, lots of jump rope, jumping jacks, high knee repeaters, shuffling, boxing moves, planks, push ups, plyo alternating lunges, burpees, squat thrusts, pike press, crunches, mountain climbers, and freaking running.

Non stop for 60 minutes.  I thought I was gonna die.  And I forgot to bring my HRM again, like a maroon.

Barely coherent expression.  I felt like I had showered in my own sweat.

Good times.

I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing the last 3 weeks.  More protein intake and eating recovery fuel almost as soon as I'm done working out.

I'm really hoping to show a bigger loss next week.  So, fingers crossed for that one.

Next mini goal is hitting 155.  Feels like it's going to be excruciating to get there, but not impossible.  Just freaking hard.

No PEDs were consumed during the making of my guns.  ;-)

Friday, February 15, 2013

Bootcamp, Day 3.

So, this whole Bootcamp thingy may be starting to rub off on me.

Don't get me wrong - this is probably the hardest fitness endeavor I've ever done.  I'm sweating and out of breath in the first 3 minutes of the warm up.  I'm not kidding.

It's hard & tough as nails.  But so am I.  It pushes me WAY out of my comfort zone.  But that's exactly what I need right now.  Exactly.

Lots of mixed body fat burning moves today.  Holy hell.  Pushups, rope pulls, burpees (evil things), situps, jumping jacks, high knees, running lunges, jump squats, and I can't even remember what else.  It doesn't matter.  I will not be able to move my arms or my shoulders.

My hair is a total trainwreck, as you can see.  And I have a somewhat dazed, psychotic expression on my face.  It might be because I was feeling slightly crazed by the insane workout I just finished.

I forgot to bring my HRM monitor, so no calorie burn count.  Major bummer.

I'm really hoping  to see a nice little loss tomorrow.  My weight has fluctuated this week, which I'm not happy about, but I think I'll be ok tomorrow.  Any loss, no matter how little, will be ok with me.  I just don't want the damn number to climb up.

Anything but up.

Ok, I am going to read some blogs then hit the sack.

A girl needs her beauty sleep.  :-)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

So, about Paleo...

Interesting comments on my post yesterday.

Lots of differing opinions about what constitutes Paleo and what doesn't.

I don't eat this way, I don't follow this plan.  I don't know everything about this plan except what most people know.  Lots of protein, veggies & some fruit.  I don't know which legumes and grains are out.

Those who do follow Paleo & have success with it - I salute you.  My point in bringing up the "Paleo" baked desserts was to ask why those can be considered Paleo since cavemen & Neanderthals didn't have access to things like mixers & ovens.

I'm not knocking the plan.  If anyone is going to follow a plan, great.  Just do it the right way without adding or modifying it to the point where it's no longer the plan.

And I'm done with that.

I prefer cleaner eating.  Your body needs some healthy grains, and some legumes.

Ok, so back to me.  :-)

Hit Bikram tonight.  I've noticed that the soreness isn't quite so bad today.  Good thing, because some of those postures really stretch your body out, and then you wind up feeling it even more.

Big surprise that the studio wasn't quite so packed tonight.  I've heard it's some kind of useless holiday today.  As if today is the only acceptable day of the year to be with your loved ones/significant other more so than any other day of the year.

No chocolates/cake/candy/junk in my house.  Tis fine.

Bikram suits me better.

My hair is all kinds of crazy curly right now.  Hehe.

So I'm thinking of foregoing Bikram next week and doing strictly Bootcamp Monday-Friday.  I have Bootcamp scheduled for tomorrow night & Saturday morning.  Sunday will be a rest day.

That is my plan so far.  I'm wondering what kind of results I'll get.  So far, I'm down a pound, according to my scale.  Which is fine by me, although a little more wouldn't hurt either.

A little bit of cut up, fresh fruit with a drizzle of honey sounds pretty good & healthy to me right about now.   Perfect dessert.

But it's late & I need to hit the sack.

What did you guys do tonight?  And why am suddenly talking about dessert?  :-)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Bootcamp, Day 2.

I was in a shitty mood today.  Work was annoying, which is old news.

And then I took something meaningless and made it into a big deal in my head.  Because I internalize everything, think & analyze things to the point where there's nothing left of it, and put myself in aforementioned shitty ass mood.

For no good reason.  Just because.

The absolute last thing I wanted to do today was go to Bootcamp.  I swear I was in such a foul mood that if anyone had looked at me the wrong way, I would've taken their head off, ninja style.

I'm not kidding.  And it was all my fault.  Because I make things into a bigger deal in my head, and then don't talk about it.

Why the hell do I do things like that?  It serves no purpose at all.  Nothing good comes from that.  And it's a complete waste of time and energy.  Not to mention that it's completely stupid.

I was THIS close to blowing off Bootcamp, but I already paid for the damn thing.  And I was not going to just throw good money down the toilet.  I might as well go buy cupcakes or chips and scarf them down.  Or make meals that I believe are "healthy" or "Paleo-like" but actually loaded with fat.

Ain't no such thing as "Paleo custard" or "Paleo pumpkin muffins/pie/cake."  That's another thing.  I always get puzzled and become very confused when bloggers post Paleo inspired "desserts." I always understood Paleo to have real ingredients and not things like flour, yeast, butter, sugar, or any ingredients that would be used in baking.  I don't know a whole lot about Paleo/Primal eating, so forgive my ignorance.  I just thought real ingredients constituted Paleo?  But what do I know?

Sorry about that tangent.  My point was, that I'm worth so much more than fat-laden meals and desserts.

Ok, so I went to Bootcamp.  Still in a completely foul mood, might I add.  The warm up was brutal.  We did more skaters.  I made a point of using my heels instead of the balls of my feet for landing and going into the move.  Lots of high knees, squats, jumping lunges, burpees, and jumping jacks.  Then we began the workout.  4 stations, which were the circuts, 2 moves for each station, performed for 1 minute each.  We had to pair up with a partner.

Of course, I get paired up with the most athletic girl in the class.  Awesome.

She was nice though.  I think her name was Stephanie but now I can't remember.  One of the circuits was wrapping a belt around your waist, you start sprinting, and your partner adds resistance by attempting to hold you back with the belt.  So I took off at an all out sprint, and she was like, "God, you're strong!"


The hour flew by.  I'm not kidding.  I was shocked when it was over and time to cool down and stretch.   I was sweating so much that my tshirt was completely soaked through.  I need to get more tank tops.  Sheesh.  I burned 508 calories.

Completely drenched in my own stench.  I could wring that shirt out, it was so soaked.

And.  I felt better afterwards.

(Now is not the time to say I told you so.  I will reach through the internets and go all ninja on you. Or Apache warrior.  I do own a hatchet and a cross bow.)

Ok, so there you have it.  I literally worked out my nonsense and felt all the better for it.

P.S.  I am currently wearing my brand new Strong Is The New Skinny tank top.  It's a size motherfucking small.  SMALL.

Ask me how that's making me feel right now.  ;-)

Can't be fitting into a SMALL anything eating chips, cupcakes or "Paleo" desserts.

Ain't nothing that feels better than wearing tiny clothes.

And that will get rid of just about any shitty mood.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Much Needed Stretch.

I so needed this Bikram session tonight.

I mean, it was much needed.

Super duper, extra flamboyant instructor Rob led the session tonight, and normally, his larger-than-life, out-there personality would begin to rub me raw, but tonight...

I didn't give a crap.  I just wanted to stretch my muscles (the ones that I didn't know existed) and relax after that tough, grueling Bootcamp class yesterday.

And make no mistake - I was extra freaking sore today.

Whereas just my lower body was in pain, today I felt it even more in my upper body than yesterday.  Holy sweet Seamus, this is no joke.

Anywho, worked hard in the Bikram, and felt a tiny bit better.  Just a tiny bit.

Lent starts tomorrow.  Which means no meat and on Fridays for the next several weeks.  I'm all stocked on beans, part skim cheese, quinoa, eggs, cheese tortellini, garden veggie burgers that do NOT contain soy but probably taste like paper, natural crunchy peanut butter, and lentils.

The tuna salad whole wheat veggie wrap from Trader Joe's is kinda good, even though I stopped eating tuna years ago.  I don't eat seafood at all, so Lent always presents somewhat of an annoying/difficult time for me.

I'm not super religious, but not eating meat on Ash Weds. & on Fridays during Lent is such a habit that's been ingrained in my head since I was little.

 And I know it would make my Mom happy, so there you have it.

2nd class of Bootcamp tomorrow.  Pray for me.  They've got fat burning lower body on the schedule.


I do feel so much better after all the stretching today.  Hopefully tomorrow won't be so bad.  We shall see.

Bring it, Bootcamp!

Monday, February 11, 2013

First Day of Bootcamp

So I went to Bootcamp for the first time today. . .

and all I got was a butt-kicking, super sweaty workout.

I'm still deciding whether or not I liked it.  More on that in a bit.

First, I decided to take a full body pic today, my first day, and then compare it in a month's time.

In a month, when Bootcamp is up and done, I'm going to take a pic in these same clothes and then compare them side by side.  We'll see if there's any major difference.

I was dreading walking in because I did not know what to expect.  I had an idea, of course, but we all know that preconceived notions are not always true.

Ok, so I walk in, and the girl has me fill out some paperwork, pay up front, and then she told me to pace myself.

Yup, this was going to be interesting. The warm up was jumping jacks, high knees, sprints in place, and speed rope.  Then he had us do suicide runs, skaters, pushups, spiders, burpees (evil fucking things) and tire runs.

Jesus Christ.  I was sweating halfway through the warm up.  My outer knees were sore as hell from yesterday's Tabata workout.  Ditto my quads and glutes.  This did not bode well.

Next, there were 4 "stations" that we had to rotate every 3 minutes.  High box climbs, crunches with glute bridges, bear crawls (This ain't CrossFit!!!), walking planks, running ladders (I think that's what they're called), mountain climbers falling into pushups, upright rows with a resistance rope or band, pullups using something called an Equalizer, diamond pushups, and more freaking burpees.  434 calories burned.

I'm 3 hours out from this damn Bootcamp class, and I'm already feeling it in my biceps and triceps.  ALREADY.

It was hard.

It was brutal.

WTF??  What the hell have I gotten myself into?

What in the name of all that is holy and sancrosanct gave me the brilliant idea that I should do this?

Why didn't anyone try to convince me otherwise?

Why do I look like an epic hotmess in this pic?

Where is my common sense?

Why do I keep asking pointless questions?

"Nussing" makes any sense lately.

I will not be able to walk tomorrow.  Those skaters were totally killing me.

I will not be able to raise my arms over my head tomorrow.  Way too many pushups, pullups, and upright rows were done tonight.  That is wrong, just wrong.

I'm not sure how I will survive the next 4 weeks.  I am planning on going Mondays, Weds., & Fridays. Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays I'll be going to Bikram.

God help me.

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Yesterday was an unexpected rest day.  I had planned on going to Bikram in the morning yesterday, but the studio canceled classes until the late afternoon & evening.  I didn't want to risk driving in that crap in the dark, so it was a no go.

More than made up for it today!

I decided to do Breathless Body with Amy Dixon.  Oh my Lawd.  Deep exhale.  It was hard.  There were 3 different levels to these Tabata drills: beginner, intermediate, & advanced.

Ain't no way I was going to do the advanced level.  Not fit enough for that - yet.

Amy was a good instructor.  Not perky, but encouraging.  And you could see the sweat poring off her - she was working hard too.  Fo sho.

Lots of dips, squats and lunges in this one.  Now imagine that repeated over and over again.  My booty and thunder thighs will be feeling it tomorrow.  Thanks, Tabata!  Truthfully, I am already feeling it now somewhat.  I suspect it will be much worse tomorrow.  Bring it, DOMS!  I burned 535 calories.

So tomorrow after work, I start the 4 week Boot Camp by my house.  Should be interesting.  And painful.  I suspect lots of pain will be involved.  Hopefully, the shedding of the pounds will also be involved in the next 4 weeks.

We shall see.

I was wavering on doing this thing up until even yesterday.  But, someone I was talking to about it said something wise. (I said that through gritted teeth, btw.  Don't like admitting this person can actually be right sometimes.)  What's the worst that could happen?  What if I lose more weight with this change of routine coupled with the addition of certain calories?  And, what if I find that I really like it?

Gah.  I hate it when certain people can be right.  It means admitting that I might actually, in some cases, be wrong SOMETIMES.


Here in Nassau County on LawnGuyLand, snow isn't too too bad.  Roads are ok, Suffolk County is in worse shape.  I'm glad its over, and I'm glad I was prepared.  Hopefully that's the last blizzard for a while.

Ok, so I took measurements today of my waist, my bellybutton, and my hips.  Let's see if in the next 4 weeks those measurements change, eh.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  160 lbs.
This week's weight:  158.4 lbs.

I lost 1.6 lbs. this week!  Fuck yeah!

So umm, that whole eating a little more was kinda true.  Who woulda thunk?  Not me.

It stopped snowing around 4AM here, but the roads were pretty bad.  I'm not complaining though. Never lost power, didn't have to shovel, and Eastern LI & New England got hit way worse than me.  We got anywhere from 6-8 inches, which was still a pain in the ass, but not nearly as bad as the 32 inches in Commack.  So I'm good.

My regular WW center was closed.  All the meetings were cancelled because of the weather.  I called the customer service number and found that there was only one center in the area that was open.  So I went, de-snowed my car and had to clear a small path for it (with no shovel, might I add, because that was the ONE thing I didn't prep for) and was on my merry way.  The roads in the morning were kinda iffy, even though the plows had already been through once.

Highways by me were ok.  Further east, not so much, from what I was seeing on the news.  Cars were completely stuck in the snow in the middle of the LIE.  Scary pictures.

I won't post any here since I'm sure the internets are oversaturated with those kinds of pics today.

Hope everyone is good & safe & warm!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Frenzy Before the Storm.

Nothing calm about it.

People are completely freaking out around here.

The gas lines this morning were so much worse.

My BFF went to the store last night (she doesn't do the whole prepare for stuff when you first hear of impending natural disasters) and she told me that not only was it a madhouse, almost everything was gone.  Shelves completely empty.

Apparently, the new credo round these here parts is panic to get all the things as soon as you hear about a major storm headed our way.

I am sooooo glad I got all my stuff before most people were up and out of bed.  Gas tank filled up on my lunch hour the other day, and there was only 1 car in front of me.

I have plenty of food things.  Healthy stuff, nothing processed, packaged, or preserved to death like I'm sure most people have.  I have a feeling that the snack shelves in the stores are completely barren.  Because, you know, that's the kind of food you want/need to have on hand when a huge storm is being hurled your way.

I'm good as long as the power doesn't go out.  It's going to be freezing this weekend.  I don't mind not being able to go out much, but I really REALLY want to make it to WI. The scale showed I'm down a full pound, but getting to WI will be tricky.  I'mma figure it out.  ;-)

They're saying the snow will start to taper off around 7AM, but that doesn't mean it will be safe to go out.  At some point, I'm going to have venture out to clean my car off.  And dig it out.  Awesome.  I do have a feeling they will be plowing all night tho, on the roads and around my development.

Work let us out early, thank goodness.  We got to leave at 2 before the worst of it started coming down, and it was already starting to get bad.

I got a new Firm DVD in the mail yesterday, and I was actually pretty excited to try it. It had previously been available only on VHS - they only just converted it to DVD.  The Firm Cardio Step Mix.  I used my 8 inch step and got in a major calorie burning, no BS, no-using-the-storm-as-an-excuse workout.  535 calories torched!

So, workout done.  Check.  Healthy things in the house.  Check.   Full tank of gas.  Check.

I'm really hoping the WW center will be open tomorrow.  Fingers crossed since I know my WI will be a great one!

Stay safe, peoples in the Northeast!  No frenzy, no panic, no eating crap you'll regret after the storm passes, puh-lease.

Thursday, February 7, 2013



We are naming BLIZZARDS now?!!  Seriously?

Disgusted.  Whateva.

I made sure to hit the store this morning to get all the things - milk, Ezekiel bread, fresh Kale, salad, Fage yogurt, frozen broccoli, eggs & chicken breast.

At lunch, I went to fill up my tank (I was riding dangerously close to E), and I couldn't believe there were lines.  Very reminiscent of post-Sandy world here.  Shudder.

I'm guessing people are taking this blizzard more seriously than they ever took Sandy.  Good thing, I suppose.

As far as I'm concerned, Nemo can go fuck himself.  The gall, naming this damn, highly inconvenient blizzard after a cute little fishy.

Hit the 6PM Bikram session after work.  Since I'm hearing forecasts anywhere from 8 inches to 40 inches, it's looking like Saturday morning Bikram might be out.  The studio may not even be open tomorrow.  Everyone is pretty much playing it by ear.  My neighbors to the North - New England - will get the worst of it.  Sorry, Dani!

I was getting a headache towards the end of class.  Thank goodness I had plenty of extra water, grilled chicken breast and a cheese stick as my recovery fuel.

Driving back home from the studio, the lines for gas were much worse.  At least 7 or 8 cars deep, and that was just on the grounds of the gas stations.   The lines were stretched onto the street - the whole scene was just un-freaking-real.

It would not surprise me one bit if the snack aisles in the stores were completely cleaned out because of Nemo like they were with Sandy.  Not my problem.  None of that stuff in my house.

I'm hoping they'll be plowing the streets Friday night into Saturday morning so that I can get to WI.  Normally, that's what they do round these here parts.  Anywho, I still have an entire day to go before that happens, so best not to obsess about it.

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Ever Have One of Them Days...

where out of no where, you just feel hungry all day?

Where you want to eat all of the things?

THAT was today for me around 3.

Just hit me out of no where.  Very unusual.

Until I realized what week this was for me.  (You're on the pill, Kelly.  You kinda knew that already. Pay attention!)  The joys of being a woman, right?

I had access to some peanut butter, and my co worker gave me 4 Trader Joe's multigrain water crackers to spread it on. What the heck is a water cracker anyway?

I also had a Bosc pair and my green monster smoothie, and called it a day.  Raging hunger satisfied until I could get to Bikram.

Not clean at all since I don't eat crackers unless I have that dreaded stomach virus, and the peanut butter was Skippy.  Ick.

So now, I have to have a plan in place for if and when this happens again.  Need to have string cheese or my Trader Joe's natural peanut butter around.

Josie, the very lovely YumYucky, said it was no wonder I felt that way, with all the heavy weight training I've been doing lately.  Yeah, yeah, I know - I should've been eating more lean protein for a while now.

Tomorrow, I'll be bringing extra chicken breast with me & the string cheese.

I think what I'll do is save my Fage yogurt to have later in the day.  With a teaspoon of ground flaxseed mixed in it.  That's what I'll be doing from now on.   Lots of water to go with it, too.  Good plan.

Plan, plan, plan.  Prepare, prepare, prepare.  Those are never bad things.  You certainly never want to say that you didn't pack any healthy, nutritious snacks because you just "didn't feel like it" or "didn't have the time" or any other myriad of excuses that could potentially derail you.

Been there, done that.  I know EXACTLY what that is.  And where it's coming from, too.  Unfortunately.

Headed to the 5:30 Bikram session right after work.  I was surprised to see that Tommy was taking class and NOT instructing.  His name was on the schedule.  He placed his mat next to me. Very nice.  Unfortunately, we had another mouth breather in the front row.  Eh.  Oh well.

Worked up an awesome sweat, and I felt invigorated afterwards.  So glad I went today.

Sweat don't lie, ppl.  Neither do cameras and scales.

Nor my popping collar bones, apparently! (I secretly love that I can see em now!  Guess it aint that much of a secret now, is it?)

What do you guys have on hand for the 3 o'clock hour?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Oh, Excuses.

Kelliann, today while I was waiting for a whole bunch of stuff to print at work, I did full body crunches.  The kind where you lay your palms flat on the ground facing you.  I like to sneak in some activity at work, too! :-)

This is what I wrote on FB today:

I get it. I really do. I've been there, with the excuses. But if I am honest with myself, (and I am) I must call out my own BS. No more, "I'm too busy, I'm too tired, I got small kids, I have no time, etc." Excuses got me to 270+ pounds and morbid obesity. Action & determination will ultimately get me to my goal.

I look back at that time and realize how crappy and awful I felt.  And it would've been so easy to have just done nothing about it.

For that matter, it would be SO easy now to call my progress thus far (I never get to use the word thus in a sentence) a victory and call it a day.

In fact, due to a temporary lapse in sanity, I almost did before the holidays.  Almost.  I was getting sooo frustrated with this damn plateau, (I still am aggravated about it, but I understand now why I've been at a standstill) and I almost did it.

But. I knew I wouldn't have been happy about it.  I knew I would've been lying to myself.

I used to say to myself that I was way too fat to start working out. Excuse.

I used to think that people would laugh at me and point at me if I walked at the high school track near where I grew up.  Excuse.

I used to be tired all the time and then used that as an excuse.

Oh, excuses.  If I wasn't smart enough or careful enough, I would've actually started to believe them.

When I read on other blogs or hear from people that aren't where they want to be weight-wise and they give all these reasons excuses for their own struggles, I wonder a few things.  First, I wonder how honest they are being with themselves.  I know from my own struggles that I lied to myself a lot.  See example above. I used to think I carried my weight well.

5'4, almost 300 pounds, and I carried it well?  Seriously?  Yup.  Pants on fire & everything.

Then I wonder how honest they are being in general, period.  Now if that's case, as I suspect it is, that is not my problem, because that is something only within their control, not mine or any of the readers.  They're lacking certain things, like the conscious & physical effort it takes.  Again, not my problem.

I do not have a problem with people who stumble, admit what they've done, and keep working.  They never give up.  I can - and do-  respect that, because that was me.  I know exactly what that is, and I understand it completely.

I've decided to start the 4 week Boot Camp that's right by my house.  I'm starting next week because of the whole being on a budget thing. Monday, Wed. & Friday Bootcamp. Tues, Thurs and/or Sat/Sun it'll be Bikram.  Rest day will either be Sunday or Saturday, depending on when I go to Bikram.  3 days a week of intense body weight & suspension training.  What the heck is suspension training anyway?  I have this image in my mind that I'm going to be suspended midair by ropes and I have to do the whole climb-the-rope thing.  Umm, I'm scared.

It'll be a challenge, but it'll be worth it (I hope.)  Since I'm paying for it in advance in cash, I will have no choice but to stick to it and actually go.  It's less expensive than CrossFit & Bikram.  Imagine that.

I'm going to take measurements this weekend since I haven't done that since 2007 or 2008, I think.  I was still pretty heavy, if not at my heaviest, the last time I took them.  I have them lying around somewhere.  Must dig them out.

Beast upper body today.  Did my own 5 minute warm up of marching in place, jogging, speed rope, and alternating high step ups.  Then The Firm Upper Body Split.  The only moves I added to this were 3 sets of chest press, 2 sets of pec flys, and 2 extra sets of push ups.

Oh my Lawd.  I will not be able to move, lift or pretty much feel my arms at all tomorrow!  405 calories  done.

No more excuses.

No more "I've got a headache" or "I'm too tired" or "I'm too busy w/kids/family/work/life, etc."

You make the time for what's important and you don't proffer up excuses.  Throw the excuses to the damn curb already. Or in the trash.  That's where they belong anyway.

You put yourself first while caring for others.  Yes, it is hard, but it can be done.

So there.  ;-)

Monday, February 4, 2013

Motivational Monday.

Rest day today.  My glutes and thighs are thanking me.  On to other things.

Motivation is a tricky slope for me.  And I'll tell you why.

I find it to be fleeting.  Temporary.  One of those semi, sort of feelings that tend to go away after a while.

Like making New Year's resolutions.  Those never seem to last very long, do they?

Determination and consistency have helped me and have worked for me.

Today, I saw this motivational photo on Facebook.  The Firm had posted it on their page.

If I had said to myself when I first decided to lose weight that I'd never be able to do it because I had so much to lose, I never would've come this far.

If I had said to myself, "Man, you pretty much have to lose half your body weight.  You have to lose a person!", I'd never have been able to start.

If I thought to myself for one second that it would take me FOREVER to get there, I never would've started.

I would've just stayed fat.  That would've been much easier.

Well, tough.  I started where I started.

I had to lose as much as I had to lose.

Just because it was a lot didn't give me the right to wallow & whine & piss & moan.

Pissing & moaning were not going to help me.

Wallowing & whining helped get me to 270+ pounds.

Complaining about how much time it would take me to shed the weight would not get it off my body any quicker.

Whining about how much I had to lose would not make me have to lose any less.

I had to decide that I had had enough.

I could and did set small goals.  Focus on 5 pounds at a time.

Then, when those 5 pounds were gone, focus on the next 5 pounds. Repeat.

My next goal is 155.  Exactly 5 pounds from where I'm at currently.

Setting small goals would and did and have helped me immensely.

So while it does matter how much weight you have to lose, it does not matter how long it takes to get you to goal - as long as you get there and never give up.

When you have a lot to lose, it can get overwhelming.  But if you allow it to overwhelm you, you give it the power.

I had to decide to take the power back.  That shit was hard.  But doable.

Don't focus on the time.  You're only wasting it if you do.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

BEAST Leg Day.

Oh man.

I really hammered my lower body today.

I mean, obliterated.

Holy hell & everything else that is sacred.

Simple warm up of 16 minutes on the inclined treadmill, then I dug out The Firm Lower Body Split.  Tons of lunges & dips.  Heavy squats as well.  When they broke into the short cardio intervals, I did deadlifts, extra squats, and side lunges.  The leg presses just about killed me, but I literally pressed on.

If I ever want my ass to get some shape, blasting my lower body be mad necessary, yo.  576 burned.

BFF is still under the weather, so they didn't come over.  Bummer.  Was looking forward to a little bit of company.  Oh wells.  No biggie.

Simple dinner of grilled panko bread crumb chicken breast, dark greens with a little bit of olive oil, and a single serving of pita chips.

No snacks (excluding the pita chips), no dips, no cheese & crackers, no pizza, none of that.

I've been using my brand new Ozeri kitchen scale constantly since it arrived on Saturday.  I love it!

Power outage??!!  Ain't nobody got time for that!

Food prep is done, 2 loads of laundry done, folded, and put away.  Dishes washed and put away.

I'm not really caring who wins tonight.  Puppy Bowl is my thing.  I like to watch for the commercials, but otherwise, I don't really have a vested interest in the game.

How did you spend tonight?  Hopefully in a healthy manner.

It's just an evening.  It's a game.

It is NOT a reason to scarf crap down your throats, people.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  161 lbs.
This week's weight:  160 lbs.

I lost a pound this week!  The proof:

Interesting WW meeting today.  My leader talked about how when she was losing weight, she stalled for about 4 months losing the last 10 pounds.  She's lost 100 pounds and has kept it off for 15 years!  That last 10 was hard because she was afraid of "stopping."  Her own leader suggested setting a new goal for herself.  Instead of losing x amount of pounds in a week, why didn't she set her goal to NOT gain any more weight?

That was all she needed, a new goal.  Hmm....

I motored to the 10 AM Bikram session, and I'm so glad I went. It was awesome, the studio was packed, and I pushed myself past my comfort zone in certain postures.  Ooh, I'm hurting.  Feeling it in my hamstrings in particular.   I think the balancing series really got me.  But that's a good thing, so I'm not complaining.  Camel pose, on the other hand - wow.  Couldn't bend all the way back, but I still felt like I was going to pass out.  Which is the whole point of that posture, you're supposed to feel uncomfortable.

My Superbowl plans are quiet.  BFF & her husband were thinking of coming over, but she's sick, so that's probably a no go.

I will not be eating junk.

I will not be bringing junk/crap food into my house.

I will not go to bed Sunday night feeling sick to my stomach.

I will not wake up on Monday feeling disgusted with my food choices.

I will not use the game as an excuse to participate in the gorge fest that will be happening in other households.

I will have some turkey chili with some toasted pita bread and salad.

I will watch the adorableness that is the Puppy Bowl, because I love dogs.  And puppies are cute as hell.

We all get busy, we all have crazy schedules sometimes, life pulls us all over the place, and sometimes awful shit happens to really great people.  And when things like that happen, it's easy to forget important things and lose focus on what should matter.

It becomes easy to start dishing out excuses for one thing or another.

I'm going to leave you all with this little gem.  Something to ponder as you DON'T allow yourselves to get sucked into the junk food fest that is the Super Bowl.

And P.S. - Full disclosure: I am the first to admit that I have been guilty of doing this in the past, but no longer:


No mas excuses.

Friday, February 1, 2013


This past week I've been feeling great.

I've been feeling strong.

Funny how just a little bit of tweaking to my food intake will do that.  :-)

Today was a full body strength kind of day.  Legs, thighs, glutes, bis, tris, chest & shoulders kinda day. I opted to skip the treadmill entirely and did just my own little 4 minute warm up.  Then I pulled out The Firm Total Muscle Shaping with Stephanie Huckabee.  It had been a looong time since I had done this one.  During the cardio intervals, I did heavy strength moves.  Extra squats, lunges, shoulder press, medial delt curls, deadlifts, and ass to grass squats.  I continued with that even after that the DVD ended.

I really wanted to get in that hour workout.  A one hour workout is 4% of your day.  That was a photo on Facebook.  How true it is.

Everyone has an hour.  At least an hour to dedicate to themselves.

In my hour, I burned 448 calories.

I'm already feeling it in my biceps & glutes.

I've been feeling strong.

I love feeling strong.

I love being strong.

I love looking strong.

Have a feeling the soreness will be even more noticeable tomorrow, when I go to WI.

Which by the way, I know will be a good one.  Mixing things up, experimenting & what have you seem to have done the trick.  (Fingers crossed!)

Why does my hair look like I just rolled out of bed?  Why do I look like such a hot mess?  Why do I look sleepy? Can you see my collar bone and my shoulder definition???

Do you love all my questions?  Hehe.

OK, bed time.  I need to get my sleeps in!