Sunday, March 31, 2013

Feliz Pascua!

Hey ppl - feliz Pascua/Bunny Day/Resurrection, etc.

So.  Did we all remember to stay away from the peeps, chocolate eggs & all the things that are completely unneccessary?

I don't remember my parents giving us Easter candy as kids.  I do remember dying eggs in those PAAS kits.  That was fun.  And Mom would always make lamb, and there would be rozcon for breakfast, which is kinda like king bread, but not as gross, with those jelly beans baked in.  Eeuww.  Our rozcon is a bread ring with guayabana baked inside, which is a fruit preserve.  Still not healthy, since it's a sweat bread.

I think the whole roasting ham thing is an American tradition, but I'm not sure.

I went out for a quick 35 minute run around the ole neighborhood.  It was a chilly 39 degrees or so when I headed out, which was perfect.

When I got back, huffing & puffing, I cooled down, did the steps in my building for a few, then hit the deck for 25 pushups & 25 crunches.

My pink Yankees tshirt was soaked - can you see?

Wow.  Walking Dead.  Without giving it away, it's about freaking time, Andrea.

And now, I need to hit the sack.

Stevia does not like my stomachs.  I tried, Ileana.  That shizz just didn't agree with me.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

WI Results.

Ok, here's the deal:

Up 2.6 lbs.

Ok, I'm writing stream of consciousness right now.

This is what happens when you eat like an asshole when you're away on vacation.  Well deserved, and there's not going to be any attempt at making excuses.

I have no excuse.  There is no excuse.  Note to self: stop BSing around when you're within spitting distance of goal.

Knock that shit off.

So let me tell you what I've been doing to reign in the damage.  Because it was MUCH worse when I weighed myself on Monday, the morning after I got back.

No whole grains.  At all.  No Ezekiel toast, no whole wheat pasta, no quinoa, no brown rice, and no steel cut oats.

I feel ok with it so far.  This coming week, I'm cutting out dairy. (Gasp!)  That one is going to be interesting & tricky, but you gotta do what you gotta do.  So no more Fage yogurt, milk, or string cheese, or cheese of any kind (hell is a place where there is no cheese) - for now.

This is not a permanent change, it's just something I'm doing to get the heck to goal already.  The tweaking with the extra protein intake and the no whole grains has worked so far.

So trying to cut out one more thing seems like the next logical step.

At some point, I'll reintroduce both those things into my food intake.  At some point.  Again, I'm still playing around with the tweaking of the things, so nothing is written in stone just yet.  I'm making a point of listening to my body a lot more closely now, so if something doesn't feel right, then I'll remedy it.

Like this damn pins & needles thing in my left foot.  Looking into seeing a sports MD soon, but of course when I'm looking up doctors, it's starting to feel a little bit better.  Hey, if it goes away, great, but you never know.

So I stayed for my meeting for just a bit, then I hit the 10 AM Bootcamp session.

Lemme tell you guys something right now.  There are no appropriate words to describe the sheer, tortuous hell he put us through this morning.

I was sweating after the first 5 minutes in the warm up.

Fifteen minutes in, Crisco and lard were pouring out from my ankles.

I'm not even trying to be funny with that.  This shit was intense, balls to the wall, fat-burning cardio.  I'm going to try to remember everything we did, but my head was so foggy from the fatigue that I make no promises.

Speed rope intervals.  Sprints.  Laps around the gym.  High knees.  High kicks.  Jumping jacks.  Plank jacks.  Ass to grass squats.  Jabs & crosses.  Jacks with overhead punches.  Shuffles.  Skaters.  Fast feet.  Touchdown squats.  Lunges.  Bear crawls.

I can't relieve this again.   I haven't even mentioned the V-ups, bicycle crunches, burpees, Russian twists, crunches, mountain climbers, and isometric ab holds.

God help me.  I was still feeling my abs from yesterday's workout.  The last 10 minutes were strictly core work alone.

I hated it.  I hate Bootcamp.  With every fiber of my being.  The trainer even shouted over the blaring music that all 3 of his morning classes easily lost 3 pounds that morning.

Which is ironic, considering that's the amount I gained.

I was dazed.  Confused.  I just wanted this intense crap to end.  I wasn't sure I could make all the way to the end.

I look like I'm about to cry here.

I think I actually did tear up.  Either that, or the sweat got into my eyes, stinging them.

Someone told me I'm getting better at this whole Bootcamp thingy.  That I'm doing things now I wasn't able to do a month ago.  I kinda wish he'd shush that crazy talk already with the making of the sensible points.  Kinda makes me want to cut a bitch.

Easter is tomorrow.  Not too much of a big deal for us the way Noche Buena is.  Probably just go to my Mom's for a little bit and call it an early day.  On account of it being Walking Dead night and all.  Priorities, people.   Don't judge.

Some of you people watch Wife Swap.  Or The Bachelor.  So I don't wanna hear it.  :-)

P.S.  I'm not excusing my eating last week.  And I'm certainly not blaming anyone for it but myself for my actions.  Because I'm an adult, and at some point, you have to stop blaming your weight problem on a shitty childhood or a crazy mother.

How many more times do any of us have to hear about how difficult holidays are because of one reason or another.  Holidays are holidays, and repeating the same excuses and behaviors is destructive.  I'm not going to blame my parents for my eating - I'm 34 fucking years old.  It's head scratching when you hear a grown ass woman in her 40s trotting out the same crazy-childhood-stories about why her life is miserable and why every single holiday under the sun is so hard to deal with food wise.

Life is meant to be lived, not eaten.  Not obsessing over holiday-specific food and the like.

Anywho, might follow Jeanette's advice and enjoy the nice weather tomorrow and go for a quick run.  We'll see.  Not sure yet.

Anything special on the agenda for tomorrow for those that celebrate Pascua?  That's Spanish for Easter.

I need to take my Bootcamp-weary arse to bed now.  Yawn....

Friday, March 29, 2013

Friday Shenanigans.

Today was a great Friday.   Ima 'splain why.

Last Good Friday, my office closed early, at 2.  Which was a freak thing - we had NEVER closed early on Good Friday before.  Ever.

So this morning, I said to my coworkers, how awesome would it be if they let us out early.  I would've been happy with a dismissal of 3ish.  This is the email the Boss sent out at 10 this morning:

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, the office will close today at NOON."

I almost fainted.  For shizz.  Kinda loved it tho!

So I went to Trader Joe's to get all the healthy things, then to CVS to pick up a few more drug store things, then back home.  I did some laundry, and then decided to hit the early Bootcamp session.

Lots of fun Friday shenanigans.

Sweet Jesus.  Lots of pushups, core work, squats, bear crawls, shoulders & chest.  Pull muscles, I believe they're called.  Or push.  I can't remember.

Anywho, I worked my ass off.  Sweated a whole lot.  See?

Hot mess, can't deny this.  Why would I want to, right?  Hard work = hot mess, yo!

It's not my intention to look like I have crazy cat lady hair, but I'm totally rocking this here look.  Doncha think?  :-)

Anywho, WI tomorrow morning.  I'll be up.  Gonna take it on the chin.  And then do way better next Saturday.

No mas eating like an asshole does a body good.  I'm not kidding.

That's all I got.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Back to Bikram.

I went back to Bikram today for the first time in about 3 weeks.  It felt great.  But first, a quick update.

I'm down another 2 pounds from the 11 that I gained last week.  That brings the total down to 7, which means I'm still up 4.

Day 4 of no whole grains at all.   I feel fine.  Great, actually.  Apparently, there's something to be said about this not eating whole grains thing.  Of course, there's also something to be said about not eating like an asshole when you're away on vacation for a few days.

But I digress.

Ok, so Bikram tonight.

Can you believe I was actually kinda nervous about going back?  I'm not sure why.  I've been practicing for over a year, I know the postures, I know what's in the dialogue in between and during the postures.

Still, I felt like I was the new kid at school.

There were some new peeps up in there, including a newish instructor I had only taken 1 class with previously.  She was nice, I liked her.

I felt the pins & needles thing in my left foot during the standing series a lot.  I'm going to have bite the bullet and get that checked out.  I know it's some kind of strained or pulled nerve/muscle, but best to nip this in the bud.

I'm not even sure what kind of doctor to see for that.  A podiatrist?  Sports orthopedist?  No clue.  If you guys know, please to let me know, mkay.  Thanks.

Anywho, I worked my arse off, sweated like an oink, and felt great afterwards.

Whew.  I think I may hit the Saturday evening class.  I really needed the stretch and the meditation.  It felt so great, and I realized just how much I missed it.

So, I'm down another 2 lbs.  We'll see what happens from now until Saturday morning.

No more eating like an asshole.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


I have to remind myself, even if I have to hammer it in my head, how great I feel when I eat clean.

Jeanette - seriously, why do we forget this from time to time??  Grr.  No es bueno, not at all.

When I stepped on the scale Monday morning, I almost fainted from how mortified I felt.

I had derailed.  Crashed even.  When you see what I saw on the scale, trust me, you'd want to faint from shock too.

Some of that was PERHAPS water retention.  The rest was the result of shitty eating.

As of this morning, 5 of the 11 pounds are gone.  (Yes, I said 11.  I feel shame, disgust & horror.) I harbor no illusions that the remaining 6 will come off before my WI Saturday morning.  I know it won't, but man - I sure would love it to.

I had to take Mom to her cardiologist appointment.  I'm not sure when it became ok for my Mom & Dad to think that my life's sole purpose was to take care of them forever at the expense of actually being allowed to live it.  I suppose they think that because I'm not married & have no kids that I must just go to work, come home, sit around on the couch and stare at the four walls.  With no responsibilities or problems of my own, and able to just drop everything, including my life, for them.

I swear, it's like I don't have 2 other siblings.  I do, by the way.  I'm just the only one who didn't move away.  Sigh.

There's more to that story, but it's not completely appropriate for this space.  I just needed to get some of it out.  Too heavy for this space.

I come first in my life.  Sigh squared.

I had wanted to go to Bootcamp right after work, but couldn't because of this appointment.  So I had to hit the 8PM session instead, which meant coming home later than I had wanted.  SMH.  It was cardio leg day today, so lots of butt work, and lots of thunder thigh work.

I'm already feeling it in my ass.  I guess I deserve that.

Ok, so that took an unexpected turn.  I don't like talking about family shit because you guys - as much as I love ya - don't need to all the things that go on with that.   Too personal, too heavy.  And, you're only getting my side of things as well.  So, there's that.

Anywho.  I need to hit the sack.

Here's to the rest of the week and getting this shit right.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013


I'm someone who craves routine.  I need it.  I equate my everyday routine with being a sense of normality because it's the one thing I actually have any control over in my life.

Does that make sense?  There are so many things in my life that I have absolutely no control over, which is why I thrive on my routine.

Last week was so much fun!  I won't deny it, I can't deny it.  My first real vacation in about 5 years.  But I was way off, way out of my "norm," and I'm paying for it now.

I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and I was absolutely horrified by the number staring back at me.  Horrified.  Ashamed.  And I felt gross.  My body certainly didn't feel right.  And no wonder.

I didn't make the best of food choices while I was away, and I am fully copping to that.  Not proud of it at all, trust me.

It's spilled milk - A LOT of spilled milk that feels like it was fried in lard and then slathered in whipped cream- and it's done now.  Doesn't make it right, I'm not excusing it, (how could I?  I know destructive behavior is categorically wrong) but I am moving on.  What choice do I have, after all.  Euuw, I feel gross.

The last two days, I've cut out whole grains completely. I'm still consuming dairy vis a vi my Fage yogurt & green smoothie.  All of that subject to change.

I feel ... just a bit better now that I'm fully back in my routine.

Bootcamp tonight.  Freaking hard.  Lots of HIIT cardio.  The trainer certainly enjoys his Vsits, jump squats & bicycle crunches, lemme tell you.

Lots of sweating and soreness were involved.

What else is new.

So to recap: shitty food choices will make your body feel shitty, which will in turn make you feel shitty.  Period.

Done with that crap.

I sooooooo did NOT want to admit any of this, but it was my reality, I did it, and I'm not going to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen.

That's not personal growth, that's a child hoping her parents won't find out that she's the one responsible for the dent in the car.

I feel better now that that is off my chest.  So, onward & forward people.

Monday, March 25, 2013

And I'm Back!

I landed really late last night from my trip.

I had such a great time, I didn't want it to end, and I didn't want to come back home to reality.

"Snap back to reality, oh, there goes gravity..."

I hate reality.  It blows.

I'll be back to regular programming tomorrow.

Until then,  I leave you with this:

My license pics.

Take a gander at which one is the before and which one is the after/current.


Friday, March 22, 2013

A First Timer's Experience with Bikram Yoga.

Meet Cameron, one of my Twitter followers, fitness enthusiast, a very busy lady, wife and mom of 3 boys.  She decided last month to give Bikram Yoga a whirl, after seeing my tweets raving about it.  Here, she shares her first experience with it.

I'll be back next week from my well deserved and much too short trip.  Until then, please read.  Thank you Cameron!

I fear very little, especially when it comes to physical activity.  After all, I've run 3 marathons, completed a half Ironman and have even attempted sky-diving.  I am even signed up to do a full Ironman this fall. I love the thrill of a challenge, especially one that pushes me physically.   

Yoga though has always been an activity that I never thought I was built for.  I'm German and I have a higher likely hood of being an Olympic weight lifter than a Yogi.  But I am getting older and starting to move a little slower and wanted to try something that improved my flexibility and overall strength.  My friend, Alison, had offered a while back to take me to her Bikram Yoga studio.  I had dismissed it quickly but after reading CurvyFitGirl's tweets and blog about it, I thought, why not?

Well, today, was the day!  I had my laundry list of essential gear: yoga mat, 2 bath towels, 2 hand towels (there is a lot of sweat to wipe off), 2 jugs of water and the least amount of clothing possible without thinking I'd get a ticket for indecent exposure.  

The moment I walked into the studio, a memory flashed into my head of the first time I had visited Phoenix, Arizona in August.  The blast of hot air (yes it really is 105+ degrees) felt like it was choking me. I thought how am I going to do this for 90 minutes? I've been here like 30 seconds and I already want to run out screaming.  I told myself to calm down, set up my gear and just spend a minute adjusting.  The lights were down low and the instructor locked the doors.  Part of the etiquette is that no one enters after class starts and therefore, no one leaves either.  Feeling a bit like prison but I did not allow myself to dwell on that.

I just focused on the positions and my breathing -- always through the nose.  My friend said to hold back (she knows I'm competitive and go out strong) the first time around as she knew the heat would be an adjustment.  I found that after 20 minutes I wasn't panicked anymore as the movements were slow and deliberate.  There would be no "surprise" burpees to accomplish in the middle.  But boy, did the sweat bead up and run down every inch of my body like I'd run a marathon.  

I drank water as often as I could between poses which helped me get through the class and the first 75 minutes really went by quickly as I posed as every zoo animal like turtles, camels, cobras, monkeys, dogs.....just like Noah's Ark!

But the last FIFTEEN minutes was pure torture.  We were doing several moves where you stood up to do a move and then laid back down to rest. My body was starting to get dizzy and nauseous but the instructor said something that really hit me like a ton of bricks: "Yoga is meant to stretch your mind and improve your focus more than it is to stretch your body. You will be mentally stronger after this class, more patient and more able to conquer what the day brings you."  

Previously, I thought that it was only about pushing my body and I hadn't realized that my mind was what I needed to work on first and that the body would just follow.    There may just be something to this sweat-o-rama.  I may just go back tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

And The Calls Keep Coming.

I took today off to do last minute stuff before I believe.

I hit the 9AM Bootcamp session, worked my arse off, and sweated a whole lot too.

Can you see the sweat droplets on my forehead?

I came home, showered, packed more, fed my stomachs, and then....

And then I got another call.

And I almost fainted.

Long story short:  my weight loss story is being considered for People Magazine.  It's for their 100 Lb Lost Edition.

I still can't believe it.  I don't even have the words.

This kind of shit does not ever happen to me.  I know it's wonderful, I'm excited about it, but I'm still in shock!

I don't even know what to say....

I can't believe I'm even being considered for something like that!!!

Breathe, Kelly.  Just breathe.

This is going to be a great week!!

Monday, March 18, 2013

I Got a Call From WW Magazine!

Something told me to take a break today.

It might have been that I was just feeling plain beat.  Major deadline at work that was today, which meant that we could all finally take a breath.

It might have been the aggressive Bootcamp schedule I've been pursuing the last 5-6 weeks.

Whatever it was, today I decided that it was ok to take a break.

And a deep breath.

I decided that it's ok to look forward to my trip this week (more on that later.)

And wouldn't you know it?  Right around the same time that my Bootcamp class would be about half over, the phone rings.

WW Magazine wanted to talk to me about my submission in August to their Success Story contest!

Are you kidding??

So she asked me a few questions, and then told me that there was some information she would need via email.  I answered her back quickly with the information she had requested.

And now we wait and see.

I'm still in shock that WW Magazine called me.  Me, of all people??!!  I never win anything, not even raffles!  Would this count as something you would "win?"

Eh. I'm not sure, and you know what?  I got a call.  A lot of people don't even get that.

When the Universe is trying to tell you something, like it's ok to listen to your body and take a break, then you should listen.

And thank goodness I did.  I would've missed that call otherwise!

So I'm gong on a little trip this week.  A real vacation, which I haven't had in years.  And I'll be flying!  I leave Weds. so I'll be posting sporadically.  The last time I was on a plane, I was going to Ireland with BFF, I was 270ish pounds, uncomfortable as hell in my seat, and just miserable.  It felt so tight in that seat, I remember.

Now, there will be room to spare!  :-)

Holy smokes, WW Magazine freaking called me!!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Happy Green Day.

Eh.  St. Patrick's Day.

Kinda unimportant to me, also seems a bit... what's the word I'm looking for?  Useless?  Just another excuse for drunken debauchery for some people?

No offense to those of you that hail from Erin, the Emerald Isle.  Just think the drunken debauchery is so completely unnecessary.  Not to mention trashy.

I don't have a drop of Irish blood in me, so I'm not exactly certain how 2 Colombian parents decided to name their infant Kelly.  Mom told me that Dad named me.  My sister told me that my brother had a crush on a girl at school named Kelly and my parents liked the name, so that's why they named me that instead of something else.  Shrug.

Anywho, I did decide to wear my NY Jets green tshirt to Bootcamp, which is as about in the spirit for this day as I was in the mood to get in.

Holy Judas Priest.  I can't even begin to describe the sheer torture of what that man put us through today.

He's a big fan of combo moves, which makes sense, since they work total body.  (Duh, Kel.)  4 mountain climbers, followed by 4 pushups.  Ass to grass squats with over head punches.  Jab/cross while shuffling.  Sprinting jumps.  Uppercuts/hooks while bobbing & weaving.

That was just part of it.  The last 10 minutes alone were strictly abs.

I can't even talk about that.

Kill me.  I felt like I had been hit by a truck when it was all over.  My clothes were drenched, I was winded, and I thought I was gonna die.  I was in such a daze that I didn't take a sweaty pic, boo.  I left, got home, showered, then remembered.  So I have this instead.

523 calories of hell.


And that is how someone like me celebrates St. Patrick's Day.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  155 lbs.
This week's weight:  154.2 lbs.

I lost 0.8 lbs this week!  Happy Kelly.

Scale keeps moving down, down, down.  I love it.

6 consecutive weeks of weight loss.

This is the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life.

I can't believe it.  I'm really doing this.  This is really happening.

I hit the 10 AM Bootcamp session immediately after my meeting.  Holy sweet hell.

The instructor seemed a litte. . . angry.  Like, really really pissed.  He's never like that.  If anything, he's a bit too perky for my taste.  But today, he was definitely more Bootcamp-ish.  Very shrill, very bossy (yes, I know he's supposed to be like that.)

At one point, he yelled this to us:

"Move your fat asses and start sprinting!"

Yeah, today homeboy was no joke.  Straight up, intense fat burning cardio. Plyo alternating lunges, cross country moves, jumping jacks, sprints, high knees, knee repeaters, burpees, tuck jumps, crunches, Vsits, bicycle crunches, jabs, uppercuts, pushups, and touchdown squats.  Lots and lots of ass-to-grass squats.

460 calories of pure hell.  Judas Priest.

I raced home, refueled, showered fed my stomachs breakfast, then it was off to the Runner's Edge to get properly fitted for new running shoes.  I got a pair of Saucony and a pair of New Balance running shoes.  $200 well spent.

Although, it did break my heart to veery away from my beloved Nike.

Bootcamp is open tomorrow - it's normally closed on Sundays.  They're only open because it's St. Patty's Day.  I'll probably hit that up tomorrow.

And I finally realized what I injured.  Not my left hamstring, but it's the muscle to the left side of it.  It's still my thigh area, but not directly on my side.  Don't know what it's called, but I've been feeling it today.

Onward & downward.

Friday, March 15, 2013


Hey, this is gonna be a super quick one, so apologies in advance.

It's late (for me,) it's the night before WI, and I need to hit the sack in a bit.

I'm feeling really good about WI tomorrow - I am expecting to see another solid loss on the scale.

Happy Kelly.

So my left foot/calf is feeling better.  I'm no longer feeling it in my calf, just in my left foot.  Tomorrow, I get new sneakers.  Sheesh.  I don't even care how expensive they might be.  If it means preventing yet another pulled or strained muscle thingy, it'll be money well spent.


Bootcamp tonight was an obstacle course from hell.  High jumps on that box scared the caca out of me.  I kept thinking I would miss the top of it and break something.  The people there were so great, so supportive, so encouraging.  The second time through the stations, I made every single jump.


Sprints, push up planks, squat thrusts, touchdown squats, shuffles, jumping jacks, pull ups on the Equalizer, knee repeaters, abs, and bear crawls.

478 calories of hell in an hour - this is what it looks like.

It looks like a pile of dirty laundry.  And loving every single second of it.

You never know what you're capable of until you push yourself.

And you stop believing your own BS.

Because Leigh & Ileanna are both right - it is freeing.  Liberating.

On to WI tomorrow.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Side Effects.

Some things can happen to your feet/legs when your workout shoes are completely shot.

I have to get new sneaker/trainers/running shoes.

Last night, after Bootcamp, I started feeling a pins and needles in my left foot and slightly in my left calf.  So me, being the smart, rational, logical person that I am, immediately begin to think the worst.

Left side, heart side, Mom's heart history, etc....

I know, I shouldn't even type it, much less say it out loud.  Yes, I know it's foolish to jump to worst case scenario right off the bat.

In fact, I got more than a little angry with myself.  I was like, girlfriend, You're smart!  You know better.  Quit that shit!

I realized what I was doing.  Making assumptions - the WRONG assumptions.

In all likelihood, I probably just pulled a muscle or something.  It happens with the kind of regiment we do in Bootcamp.  Sheesh.

Tingling in my left foot out of no where and equating it with a blood clot is like someone saying they must have cancer and therefore, that's the reason why they're not losing weight.

Ooh, when I read that someone had actually written that, I shook my head in a very WTF kind of way.

I mean, seriously?

Don't throw that word around like it's nothing.  Especially when most everyone these days is connected to someone who's had cancer, or has had cancer themselves.  In my case, my Dad had prostate cancer and beat it a few years ago.

How could this person be so.....stupid?  For that reason, how could I be that stupid?  I was rationalizing just like that person.  Shudder.

Don't get me started.

Anywho, this weekend I will be going to the running store in Farmingdale to get properly fitted for running shoes.  I've never done that before, but it's worth it.

I am worth the investment of a comfortable pair of brand new sneakers.  And I'll take it just a bit easier in Bootcamp.

Right?  Si!

Rest day today.  I had a follow up with my dermatologist about those zit/cysts on my side that she drained 2 weeks ago.  Just as she suspected, just a side effect from mucho sweat/perspiration, no big deal.

Losing weight takes work.  And planning.  And owning up to your own bullshit.  Which means you have to admit when you're wrong.

I know ALL about that.

It does not come about if you truly believe your own denials.  I'm serious.  I know, because that was me, for a loooong time.

I leave you with a little something I saw on the interwebz.

P.S.  I made the chicken bites from the Eat Clean Diet website tonight.  Delish!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Past My Comfort Zone.

We have a new Pope.  With a little bit of sabor.

I kinda wished I cared a little more about that.  I'm sure my mother must be ecstatic about it, although she DOES maintain that the last real pope (as if there is such a thing) was John Paul II.


So.  Yesterday, I left my post with a little something about comfort zones.  If someone were going out of their comfort zone for you and because of you, would you feel really grateful or really guilty?

I'll get back to that in a minute.

I've been struggling with accepting Bootcamp.  I really have.

And I know why.  It's because I hate going out of my comfort zone.  And I am WAY out of it now.  And will be for the next 3 months.

I don't know how to get past it, I really don't.  This whole week, I've been walking out of there feeling angry, uncomfortable, and frustrated.

The rub is that I know its working.  How can that be a rub, you ask?  Because once again, it shows just how LITTLE I actually know about my own weight loss.  It proves over and over how wrong I've been the last several months.

The trainer is a nice guy, but I HATE that he doesn't leave me alone.  I don't take instruction well, because I'm a stubborn brat.  Awesome qualities to have, I know.

And like a 5 year old, (because I know that's how I've been acting about the whole thing) I can't stand it.

When I left Bootcamp today, I just felt....spent.  Tired, sore, and spent.

In my head, I'm telling myself to get the hell over it.  409 calories burned.  And sore in places I never get sore in.  Like my hamstrings and sides.  Today was lower body.  Lots and lots of lower body.

A really good friend of mine is going way out of their comfort zone for me.  I appreciate it, I'm grateful for it, and I can't help but feel more than a little guilty about it.

I guess that's the mark of a true friend though.  Having a friend that would just drop everything for you - including their own insecurities - if you asked them is really rare.

So I'm learning my lesson here.  Or at least I am trying to accept it.  Which is if I can just continue to push past my comfort zone a little bit more, I'll get to a really great place.

And I'll be a better person for it.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tough Tuesday.

Quick, fly by post today.

But first, thanks for all the nice encouraging comments about my progress pics from yesterday.  Read them all, and really appreciate them!  And you guys too, of course, which goes without saying.  :-)

Today was a tough one for me.  I'm crazy busy at work, pretty much glued to my desk and my computer.  Which I totally hate because that puts me in a crappy mood.  What else is new.

Bootcamp was packed yet again tonight.  So instead of stations, we just did a whole bunch of mat work.  No partners or anything.  So push ups, planks with punches, jump squats, kettle bell swings, alternating single leg lat rows, alternating single arm squat/press, touchdown squats, Russian twists, situps, high planks, elbow planks, mountain climbers, jumping jacks, sprints, and high knees.

I wanted to die.  It sucked.  I didn't bring my HRM because I forgot, again.


I'm going to leave you with this to ponder.  It's something I've been thinking about lately.

If someone were going WAY out of their comfort zone for you and because of you, how would you feel?  Would you feel really grateful, or really guilty?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Meh Monday.

This morning, I took measurements.  It's been a month to the day that I started Bootcamp.

And guess what.  1 inch lost around my waist, 2 inches lost around my belly button - where my stomach folds over from the freaking loose skin, and 2 inches lost around my hips.

I hate Boot camp with a passion.

I love the results.  Love/hate.


See a difference?

I was having a pretty good day.

Even though I woke up later than usual today.  I hustled, and still got to work on time.

The plan was to go to the 6PM Boot camp class, but things changed.

Apparently, Victoria's Secret never got my payment.  I paid my bill in full in cash at the local store.  It was not "processed."  Great.

Since I wanted this crap taken care of immediately, and since of course I couldn't find my receipt, I hustled down to the store, spoke with a supervisor who was very helpful, and got a copy of the paid receipt. Long story short, I have to mail a copy to them, even though it was their fuck up, and then it'll be taken care of.  I hope.

This put me in a bad mood.  Not in a "I went to an Indian buffet, had 3 Tbsp of curry sauce which made me gain 3 pounds kind of bad mood."

Why would you go to a place like that if you're already struggling to lose weight?   Especially when you're having difficulty being disciplined even 95% of the time?  I don't get it.  Not that you shouldn't ever go out to eat, but shouldn't you try to make a better restaurant choice than an Indian buffet?

Hmm.  I be living in a glass house.  Moving on!

Hit up the 8 PM session instead.  Was still in a rotten mood.  Having to do a shit load of crunches, burpees, vsits & Russian twists did not make it better.  I was running late, as usual, so I didn't remember to bring my HRM.  The class was packed, more packed than I've ever seen it.  Strictly cardio tonight.  I wanted to die.

Smile is forced.  I left the class with the quickness, looking down at the floor.

I sound like a baby, and I know it.  Why exactly am I complaining?  It is helping me to get to my goal, right?  Maybe it was just that I had to deal with the minor aggravation of that damn credit card bill.  Stupid reason to be in a crappy mood.  Suck it up, buttercup!

Oh Mrs. Swan - thanks for suggesting I look in the cereal aisle for the wheat germ!   Sure enough, there it was, in a glass container, so I picked it up. I'm thinking I may add it to my smoothies.  I don't want to just use it once for a recipe and then never use it again, especially if it's good for ya.

Anywho, I am hitting the sack early so I don't wake up late tomorrow.  That would be no bueno.

Namaste, people.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Running & Major NSV!

I am not a runner.

But I can run a little more than I could a year ago.

I can put one foot in front of the other, and run a little better than I ever have before.

I did not want to go running today.  I was going to do a Tabata DVD at home.  But it was just too nice to be inside.  It was chilly, but sunny.  Not a cloud in the sky.

And, it's always a great idea to change up your fitness routine every now and then. (Right, Ileana?)  So I laced up my sneakers, bundled up, and headed out.

I didn't map out a route or anything.   I kind of went balls to the wall and winged it.  Which was fine.  My neighborhood is a nice residential area.  So I just ran around it, going up and down different streets.

I ran for about 45 minutes.  And I didn't feel like I was going to die.  I ran around a nearby park and decided to try a chin up on the monkey bars.

Major fail.  What a bummer.  That is something to work towards, I guess.

I power walked back to my place, keeping it active.  I burned 479 calories.

Came home, had my recovery snack, fed my stomachs some breakfast, then finished the dusting & the vacuuming.

I was planning on making these chicken bites from the eatclean website, but I was missing wheat germ.  I had every single ingredient minus that.  I went to Trader Joe's, picked up some things, but they don't carry wheat germ.  Went to the regular grocery store and hit up their natural food aisle - nothing.  It didn't occur to me until I was 3 minutes from home that I should've just hit up the local GNC or Vitamin Shoppe.

Of course, it was already past 6, and those stores were closed. I suck at thinking of these things.

I'll hit up Whole Foods tomorrow during lunch and buy it then.  Whole Foods should have wheat germ.  Right?

So here's something else I did during my failed sojourn to find this elusive wheat germ.

I did some shoppy shoppy.  Not a lot. I got 2 pairs of jeans from The Gap.  Bootcut & skinny jeans.

I'm convinced I don't look good in jeans.  They don't fit me right.  They're always too big in the waist, and too tight around my hips & very sizeable, very ample arse.  Genetics.  (Thanks Mom!)

On a lark, I pulled these size 8/29A (a for ankle length) and tried them on.


Holy freaking #@!#$!  No way!

That white button down shirt?  It's the same one that was tight as hell everywhere just a few months ago.

The jeans are tight, but ask me if I care about that.  They're supposed to be tight, they are skinny jeans, right?

A size 8.  At The Gap.  If I wasn't so shocked, I think I would've cried.

In my adult life, I have NEVER been a single digit dress size.


Talk about a major NSV!

And Ileana, that image you are imagining right now in your head is me eating my huge piece of deserved humble pie.  :-)  Mkay?

Walking Dead starts soon.  Can't wait!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  156.6 lbs.
This week's weight:  155 lbs.


Date & time stamped, mah peoples.  I'm telling y'all the troof.

So, perhaps my signing up for 3 more months of the Bootcamp was a good thing, si?

And, perhaps the limiting of the whole grains was a good thing also, si?

18 lbs away from goal.  And I'm only 0.6 away from my lowest weight.

I'll definitely be getting there next week.

And I also reached my mini goal of 155 lbs!  Super excited.

My next mini goal is 150 lbs.  I'm not going to put a time on when I'd like to reach it because everytime I try to do that, it never happens, and then I allow everything to go to straight to hell.  So, whenever I get there.  And it will happen.

Today was a rest day, but I busied myself doing all the things I could muster.  3 loads of laundry, cleaned my bathroom and kitchen, and did some food shopping.  I picked up some things to try out a few recipes from the Eat Clean website. Almond flour, wheat germ, chicken breasts, rice noodles, & artichoke hearts.  I think tomorrow I'll make the Crispy Chicken Bites.

I may post pics, I may not.  Lately when I see food porn, it just looks very unappetizing and unappealing.  It's something I wouldn't even give to the homeless.  Not much of a food porn person myself.  I just don't get it.   What's the point of posting 15 different pictures of a bowl of oatmeal, you know?

Anywho, I'm going to leave you with this wisdom I saw on the Facebook this morning.

Sound advice, people.

Stop eating the bullshit food.

It does work, if you follow it.  It will NOT work if you take liberties with it.

Nuff said.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Spoke Too Soon.

Apparently, I spoke way too soon about the snow.  I woke up this morning to all the things covered in snow, so I jinxed it.

Damn.  Shrug.

But, I don't even care about that.  I don't care about the snow.  Wanna know why?

This morning when I weighed myself, I saw a number I had not seen in a LOOONG time!

Happy Kelly.  Yes, I know the scale should not wield this much influence/power over me, but here's the thing.

When you're this close to goal - within shooting distance, like me - then yeah, the damn scale becomes that important.  And truth be told, it's always been important.

Anywho, let's just say I am really looking forward to WI tomorrow.  I can't wait!

Bootcamp tonight.  Ugh.  Lots of lower body & core.  I hate core work.  With the fury of a thousand burning suns.

Si.  No me gusta Vsits.  At all.  We also did some punching of the bag.  We did that the other night too, which explains why the sides of my back are sore.  431 calories burned.

I just keep looking more & more psychotic after Bootcamp.  Wish it weren't so, but there you have it.

Anywho, I'm feeling AWESOME about WI tomorrow.  I can't wait!

Bed is calling my name, people.  Hasta manana.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

So Much For That Blizzard.

We got no snow.  How about that?

They shut DC down completely, and they got nothing.  As I type, it's flurrying/slushing a bit right now, but it won't be anything close to the 8-12 inches they had been predicting.  Whatever.

I'm not complaining.  The last thing we need is more bad weather.

So, I decided to take the plunge with Boot Camp today, so to speak.  I signed up for 3 months.  So, let's see where this goes.

I'm not giving up Bikram completely.  I will cut back on it though.  Once a week, I'm thinking.  Twice, if I'm having a really crappy day and need the meditation.

So, we'll see.  Summer's right around the corner.  That bikini won't fit itself.

Not really sure if that last part made any sense.

Anywho, tonight was lower body cardio burn.

More like lower body hammering.  Judas Priest.

And what is it with this guy loving burpees so freaking much?  Ugh!

Lunges, ass to grass squats, jump squats, high knees, fast feet, Vsits, jumping jacks, and more shit I don't care to remember but I know it hurt like a mutha.  Like a maniac, I decided to do a quick run around the block first to get my blood flowing.  Don't ask me why.  I never run.  488 calories burned.

I look like a disheveled, hot mess.

I kinda love it.  Although I don't recommend this look for a night out on the town.  :-)

Last night, I passed out at 10:30.  I'm thinking that might happen again tonight, after some quick food prep for tomorrow.

Onward, people!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

When The Universe Is Trying To Tell You Something...

You better freaking listen.

I'll get to that in a hot minute.

I'm better, was feeling better last night, even.

I'm just tired, I guess.

And I am done with the PMS crap.  :-)

What I do feel is especially sore in my biceps and triceps after last night.  Mostly in my triceps.  Holy cheebus.

Oh, and I can't believe I forgot to mention something real cool yesterday.

I have a pair of brand new, size 8P work pants from Worthington (JCP brand, I think) that I've only worn 3 times, and they are skin tight on me.  Up until yesterday, that is. Yesterday  was the third time I've ever worn them.

Yesterday, I wore them.  Freshly washed & out of the dryer.  You know how tight freshly dried clothes can be, right?

Yesterday, not as tight.  More like snug.  Is it possible my gut stretched them out the previous 2 times I wore them?  It's possible, but I dunno.  I doubt it.

And the day before that?  I got my new license in the mail.  I've kept my old one.  I'm going to post side by side comparison pic of the two of them.  When I can figure out how to do that, since I can be a little computer moronic.  Hehe.

I can't believe what a difference there is.  I can't believe how much I've changed.  I love it!

Pic soon, I promise.

So about the Universe.

It's been trying to tell me something for a while, and I just haven't wanted to listen.  Big surprise right there, right.

It's trying to tell me that Bikram ain't cutting it no more.

It's trying to tell me that for now, Boot Camp be the way to go.

Tonight, the message was loud and clear.

I went to the 5:30 Bikram session with Chris.

I barely sweated.  At first, I thought it was because I had place my mat near the window, but that wasn't it.  I always have my mat in that spot.

And while there are still certain postures I still can't perform fully, I can feel that I've reached a certain level with it.  That's not to say I'll stop Bikram permanently.  I love it too much.  And it has helped me immensely.

So, I'm going to cut down on Bikram to once a week, and do Bootcamp the rest of the time.

Another super busy day at work, I'm beat.

Not much snow on the ground, if anything it's just raining now.  Shrug.

Anywho, I need to hit the sack early, so off I go.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Bad Mood.

I'm not even sure why.  Nothing happened.  Grrr.

Work has been crazy busy lately.  It's possible that's getting on my nerves, but that aint anything new.

Could be PMS.  Could be that I'm just a snot.  Could be.

I have a slight lower back pain that's kind of embarassing, which is why I haven't mentioned it.  It's easing up now.  Maybe that was part of it.

In any case, I was not in the mood to go to Boot Camp tonight.  In fact, I had already made up my mind to skip it & take today as a rest day.

Class started at 7.  At 6:52, I was still on my couch.  In full rage mode. Yeah, proly the stupid PMS.  This is the week for it.

At 6:52, I decided that if I didn't go, I'd feel like a loser slob who spends her time on the couch, regretting that she hadn't gone when she could've gone & gotten it over with.

No one ever regrets getting in a workout.

As usual, I was running late.  As usual, I forgot to bring my HRM with me.  It probably wouldn't have mattered, with how I was feeling.

I was still in no mood.  I got to hit things tonight, which helped a bit.  What didn't help is that I practically tore this poor guy's head off for no reason.  He didn't even say anything out of line, it was just the seed that tipped the scale.

I felt like a jerk immediately after, and I apologized to him.  He was good about it, he's the kind of guy that lets stupid shit slide off his back and then is over it.  I need to be more like that.

I could barely muster a smile.

I'm surprised I even took a pic.  I look like a hot mess.  Or I just smoked something illegal.  Shrug.

More back & upper body today.  My back, bis & tris were already sore from yesterday.  Today will make them want to scream.  Lots of pushups, pull ups, reverse flys, punching bags, and more stuff.

I talked to a good buddy of mine, and he talked me out of my bad mood.  Or down from it, as the case may be.  Thanks, man!

I'll be better tomorrow.  I'm already feeling better as it is.  I just need to get over myself and realize a few things.  Like how a lot of people would kill to be "only" 19 pounds from goal weight.  Or that they would love to be able to workout the way I do.  Or that they would love to have arm muscles and back muscles like mine.

I'm doing pretty good - I just need to remember to keep my eyes on the prize.  It's within shooting distance.  It's right there.

Tomorrow was supposed to be a rest day, but if the weather isn't too bad, I think I'll hit yoga.  I could use the meditation and the calming effect.

Sorry about the Debbie Downer nonsense.  Chin up.

Monday, March 4, 2013

New Week, New Experiment.

Well, not that much of an experiment.

Thursday & Friday last week, I had whole grains in the morning for breakfast, then no mas the rest of the day.  I had plenty of veggies & lean protein with legumes. Thursday it was black beans and Friday I added lentils with lunch.

Still cutting down on the dairy & fruit.  A banana in the morning with breakfast.  And I'm good with that.

I've been rereading The Eat Clean Diet for some ideas.  But I winged it today.  Lunch was 4 oz of grilled chicken breast, 1/4 cup of lentils with grilled peppers and asparagus, and roasted brussel sprouts.  Apparently I like brussell sprouts now.  And cabbage too, for that matter.

This week, whole grains in the mornings for breakfast with eggs, then lunch and dinner will be grain free.  Well, dinner is always grain-free for me anyway, (salad with chicken breast) has been for a long time now, so not much of a change there.

I'm thinking of adding a legume every other day with lunch.  I like canelinini beans & black beans.  I don't want to go too crazy, just a quarter cup with lunch every other day.  Different veggies that I don't always have, like grape tomatoes.  I reserve the right to change my mind about the legumes, tho.  Still just thinking about it.

How does that sound to you, Ileana?  :-)

I was going to go to yoga tonight, but since I hate Bootcamp with every fiber of my being I love the results Bootcamp has given me (and even I can't argue with results), I decided to hit that instead.

God help me.  I either leave that place cursing up a storm or frustrated to the point of wanting to punch something.  Sometimes both.

Frustrated because I know I'm being pushed beyond what I can do, pushed beyond my limits, and pushed beyond what my body is capable of.  Frustrated because sometimes I'd like to smack the trainer and tell him to leave me alone.  Even though I know this shit is working, which only points out how wrong I've been that even I can occasionally be incorrect, which only aggravates and frustrates me even more.

Cursing because I'm already feeling sore as hell.

So mature, I know.  Sucking it up tho.  Results don't lie.  And I can't either. So, I will be signing up for another month of this insanity.  I want results more than I want to piss and moan about it.  So I'm gonna suck it up & take it straight to goal weight.

Tonight was lots of upper body & core.  Pushups, jabs, crosses, upper cuts, suspended delt flys, the ropes, pull ups on the Equalizer, planks, bicycle crunches & of course burpees.

If I could go back in time and kill the person that invented or thought up burpees, I would.  That's justifiable homicide right there.

I was running late (what else is new), so I forgot to bring my HRM.  Didn't matter, still worked my arse off.  And I am already feeling the soreness in my shoulders.

Sweet cheebus.  Uncertain I'll be able to feel my arms tomorrow.

On another note, since the Northeast hasn't had enough bad weather luck this year, yet another storm is predicted to hit our neck of the woods this week.  Nobody seems to have a clue about it, so we may either get snow showers, rain, or 4-8 inches of the stuff.

Shrug.  No use getting all worked up about since the weather can't be controlled, and Mother Nature is going to do whatever she wants to do.  I have a feeling there will be gas lines & sheer panic in the grocery stores, as that's the new trend now in NY whenever a storm is set to hit.  I did all the things yesterday & today, so I'm all set if a foot of snow decides to make its way here.

And with that, I am off to do food prep for tomorrow and hit the sack early.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Sunday Things.

Ah Sunday. No me gusta Sundays.

It means I have to do things like cleaning house, tidying up, and food prep for the week.

It also means I have to make sure to start the week off on the right foot.

Bootcamp is closed on Sundays, so it was either workout at home or Bikram.

Bikram it was.  With super duper, extra ostentatious instructor.  Here is how he greeted me:

"Beautiful.  I love you.  What is your name?"

I shit you not.


Anywho, typical Bikram session.  Worked, stretched, poured sweat, etc.

I swear I don't always look quite that psychotic.  Or scary.  Hand to God.

Still experimenting with food intake, still feeling great about it.

And.  I am still open to all the things.  If it's clean eating, I'm open to it.

Except seafood.  Because I don't eat the seafood things.  I have this distant memory of getting sick from fish when I was a really little kid, and it scarred me for life.  Puking kind of sick.  Ergo, never touched the stuff since.

Gotta run, Walking Dead & bed soon.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  157.8 lbs.
This week's weight:  156.6 lbs.

I lost 1.2 lbs. this week!   Take a look.

Ok, so here's the part where I have to admit that some of you guys were right. (cough, cough, Ileana.)  Experimenting with food intake does me good.

Cutting down on the whole grains & dairy has helped.

Ileana, I've learned the hard way to never say never.  As I'm sure you have as well.  For the simple reason that you just don't know what will happen in the future.

So right now, I can't say "I'll NEVER give up eating _____" because I simply don't know that I never will.  A lot of things can happen.  I might decide to go to Paleo.  I might develop a gluten/lactose intolerance.   I might decide a lot of things.  You just never freaking know.

Look, there was a time when I said adamantly, "I'll never eat broccoli.  I'll never eat salad."  And guess what?  Guess what foods have become staples in my nutrition/food intake now?

Yup.  And Ileana, I gotta admit - I kinda do like this whole experimenting food thing.  Ok??  :-)

Oh, and apparently, I was a little too quick to voice my dislike for Bootcamp.  I took some quick measurements this morning before I left to start my day and compared them to 3 weeks ago.  I've lost an inch around my waist, a half inch where I have what I call my "the ring around my belly," and another half inch around my hips.

Yeah.  So there's that.  Maybe, just maybe, this shit is working.  I was losing inches even when I was in my self-proclaimed plateau that was NOT a freaking plateau because I was still losing weight.  Just not the amount I wanted to lose.  ;-)

Today was non stop from the second I got up to go to WI.  Went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, then to WI, then back home to get in a quick 45 minute workout, shower, change, eat breakfast to feed my stomachs, then pick up my Mom so we could go to my brother's house.

Quick warm up of 17 minutes on the inclined treadmill (it had been a while since that thing had been used), then The Firm Power Sculpt Workout with Allie del Rio.  I added in a quick 10 minutes of 3 circuits: skaters, ass to grass squats, and alternating leg dips.  386 calories burned.

It had been a while since I had seen my bro, SIL & the kids.  It was great seeing them.  My 14 month old nephew is getting so big!  He's a big mush, so freaking cute.  And my niece - freaking love that kid.  My SIL commented to me that I was shrinking.  I appreciated that, it was nice hearing.

And yes, I realize it validates everything that everyone was saying, and I just didn't want to believe nor accept. Sigh.

I really, REALLY don't like this whole admitting I was wrong you guys were right thingy.

Anywho, my brother speaks to my niece only in Spanish, my SIL is Russian so she speaks to her in Russian, and my niece has no problem transitioning to English at any time.   I freaking love that.  She can speak 3 languages easily, and has no problem speaking English with her little friends when she goes to preschool.  :-)

On tap for this week:  more food experimenting, and more practicing my patience.

Onward & downward.

I so fucking got this.

Friday, March 1, 2013

It's NOT a Plateau!

Let's be honest.  Five weeks of consecutive weight loss is NOT a plateau.

A plateau, as I understand it, is either staying the same or losing and gaining the same 2 pounds every week.

It's NOT a motherfucking plateau I be experiencing right now.

It is slow weight loss.  But it's still weight loss.

And yes, I know it's not just about how hard you work out or how many calories you burn during a work out.

It's also about building lean muscle mass (see my arms lately?) and eating healthy, nutritious food.

I'm not getting rid of my HRM, but I'm also not going to place so much emphasis on it as I have been lately.

Bootcamp tonight.  My arms & entire upper body are in pain right now.

I will not be able to lift my arms over my head tomorrow if I need to.  Lots of push ups, lots of tricep dips, boxing moves, fucking burpees, Vsits, crunches, planks, mountain climbers, those rope pull things, Spiderman planks (is that what they're called?), and I can't even remember what else.

366 calories burned.  Lots of sweat.

Like a deer in headilghts.

WI tomorrow.  It'll be another loss.  I am confident.

Thanks for all the recent hits on my blog, peeps, lurkers, and haters alike.  ;-)