Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Second Surgery.

Mom's second surgery is done and over with.  And she is ok.  Apparently the femur was fractured.  Her knee and leg will be in a brace 24/7 for the next 6-8 weeks.  She'll be in the hospital til Friday, then she goes to "Shady Pines" for inpatient rehab.  The surgeon was recommending at least 2 weeks, but the 3 of us will push for an entire month.  We'll see.  Everything depends on how she heals.

I took the day off from work, so I hit the morning Bootcamp session.  I needed to go in the morning because I knew I would NOT be in any kind of frame of mind to go after seeing my Mom in the hospital.   It's a stress reliever, I'm not kidding.  Plus, I'm so glad I went in the morning and got it over with too, you know?  60 minutes of heart-pumping, kicking my ass workouts at Bootcamp have done wonders for me, even if I was late to the party in that particular recognition.

The other trainer was there, which kind of annoyed me especially since he was a bit of an asshole at the start of the class.  He got better and shaped up though.

Massive push cardio day.  Lots of chest, shoulders, thighs, glutes, and more stuff I can't even remember.  Oh, burpees.  Right.  Because God forbid there should be a day when we don't do burpees.  Sigh.


I look like I'm barely awake.  In reality, I had been up for hours.

Speaking of hours, we had to wait hours and hours to see Mom afterward.  Everyone wanted to leave at that point, it had been such a long day.  I got to the hospital around noon, and my bro & sister had been there since 10 in the morning.  We didn't get to see her til past 5.  The surgery started late, they had to prep her, then after the surgeon spoke to us, they took her for an Xray.

I suspect he's worried about a lawsuit.   The femur was fractured, which he insisted could only have been the result of a fall.  Mom swears up & down she did NOT fall.  The doctor suspects she did, and was too embarrassed to admit it.  It's possible.  It's also possible that perhaps he didn't do a great job the first time around, and is covering his ass.  I don't know.

The important thing is, it's fixed now.  And she'll get better.  Si Dios quiere.

Major segue that has nothing to do with Mom.  This is what I had for dinner tonight.

Wilted baby spinach sauteed in olive oil with chopped garlic, artichoke hearts, black olives, and grape tomatoes.  Protein is 4 1/2 ounces of steak tips and the chicken thighs (2 ounces) I roasted in the oven the other night.  It was so good!

At the hospital, I had to get something to eat because I was starting to get light headed. I didn't plan on having to wait hours & hours to see Mom because her first surgery was so quick and we were able to see her right away.  The choices in the cafeteria were abysmal, as I suspected.  I chose chicken salad on a bed of lettuce, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

It was gross.  I had about a quarter of it, but it was enough.  I tried to finish most of the salad.  And I filled up my 32 oz water bottle twice at the hospital.

Anywho.  Sorry for the scattered posting.  My brain is on auto pilot right now.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Rest Day and Some Cool Things.

I had intended to work out at Bootcamp today.  I have a Dayrunner where I like to document my workouts, so I know when to take a rest day.

I hadn't looked at since last week, so I opened it up, looked through the past week, and noticed that I had worked seven days in a row.  With no rest day.  No wonder I felt tired.

And if you think I'm bullshitting, just take a look at this:

The sign on the wall at my Bootcamp.  This aint no joke.

So instead, I did some house things, like laundry.  Tomorrow is Mom's revision surgery.  My brother, sister & I are taking the day off from work tomorrow so we can be there when she wakes up.  

And from there, after a 3 day hospital stay, she goes straight to physical rehab at Shady Pines.  (It's not really called Shady Pines, I'm just using the joke my brother did.)

Cool Thing #1.  While I was putting the clean clothes away, I found a pair of 3' inseam, booty yoga shorts that had been my nemesis a year ago.  I try them on every once in a while, just to see if there's a difference in the way they fit.  I'm always crestfallen when I see my flaws and imperfections peeking from underneath.  Like the loose skin on my inner thighs, for example.

The bane of my existence is that damn loose skin on my inner thighs & stomachs.

Tonight.  I tried them on.  And the reflection in the mirror wasn't horrible.  I actually felt good about what I saw.

Yeah, the loose skin was still there, but not as noticeable as it had been previously.  And the shorts weren't tight.  Win.

Cool Thing #2.  On a why the hell not kind of lark, I thought it would be fun to submit my weight loss story to Shape Magazine.  I'm a subscriber to the mag, I like their page on the Facebook, and when I have time to read it, they've got some really great workout ideas that I've incorporated in my own workouts before.

I don't expect a call back or whatever, it was just for fun.  If they contact me, added bonus.

Anywho.  I'm not worried about Mom's surgery tomorrow.  I think I was more worried about it the first time around than I am now.  I'm pretty confident she'll be fine as long as she follows doctor's orders.

If you guys pray/meditate or what have you, please send positive thoughts & well wishes her way.  That never hurts, and they'll be much appreciated.  Thanks!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Note to Self.

There's something to be said about hanging out with great people and doing fun things that have nothing to do with food!

After we had dinner, (roast herb crusted chicken on the bone, baked baby carrots, dark green salad with spinach, arugula, cherry tomatoes with olive oil & lemon juice) someone, I forget who, suggested we play a board game or cards.  The only games Wendy & Carlton had were Cranium and Scrabble.  They didn't even have playing cards!  No Uno cards, no Monopoly, nothing.

Strange.

Gale had wanted to go for a walk after dinner because it was still pretty nice out, so us three girls decided to go on a mission.  There's a CVS that down the block and across the street from Wendy's condo, so we decided to walk there to look for games.  I had mentioned that I had gotten most of my board games at Rite Aid, so we took a shot at looking there.

The only thing CVS had was playing cards.  Nothing else.  So on the walk back, I suggested to the girls a quick trip to the Rite Aid that's close to both of us.  Too far to walk there, so Wendy drove us there.  She picked up Uno cards, Clue & Monopoly.

After a quick round of Uno (I freaking love that game!), we had dessert, which was tiramisui cake.

I made the awful decision to have a piece.  Awful.

About 10 minutes after I had had enough of it, I got up from the table to use the bathroom and immediately experience a head rush.  Which turned out to be a major sugar headache/brain freeze from that cake.

Holy sweet fuck.  I have NEVER had a headache that bad in my whole life.  It lasted the rest of the night.  I even sat out from playing Monopoly, because with the headache came fatigue.  Wendy remarked that I looked as if I could fall asleep right on the spot.  Even drinking a whole bunch of water in an effort to flush all that crap out did not work.

After severely limiting my sugar intake, it was no wonder that happened.  But man, what the heck was I thinking??

I woke up with the headache banging this morning, too. Wow.  Jesus Christ.

Just thinking about it again is giving me a freaking headache.

Never again.  NEVER EVER AGAIN.

Jeanette, I'm curious, when you went to your friend's party the other week, and had that small cupcake, did you experience the sugar headache?  Or did you not have the cupcake?  I can't remember now.

Bleh.  Lesson learned, the hard way.


Note to Self:  You are doing Paleo, which means no mas sugary things.  Such an awful feeling afterwards, and so not worth it.

Note to Self:  You are worth so much more than a cake, cupcake, brownie, cheesecake or any other freaking dessert.  Mkay?


I decided to hit up Bikram this morning after I checked in on Mom & Dad.  It was a 60 minute session this time, which meant that there was more of a "flow."  It was more rapid, more fast paced, and included less savasanas in between the postures than in the 90 minute sessions.

It felt so great to be back.  Although I struggled with this one, since it was my first 60 minute class.  And I still had that damn headache.  I had to sit out of the second camel posture.  I almost passed out during triganasana (triangle), and today was just hard.

Soaked from head to toe.

It felt so great to detox & cleanse.  I felt a little better once I got home and ate a little something and showered.

At the store, I picked up baby spinach, almond milk, boneless skinless chicken thighs, salad, and cherry tomatoes.  I roasted the chicken thighs in the oven and seasoned them with Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning.  Fat trimmed off, and the meat is so tender it was falling off the fork when I was putting it in my tupperware container to cool.  Mmm.

Sorry no food porn.  Maybe tomorrow I'll snap a quick pic of my lunch, since that's what I'll be having, along with some roasted brussel sprouts.  I'm thinking of sauteeing some of the baby spinach with rinsed off, canned artichoke hearts and garlic cloves in a little olive oil.  I've never made that before, but  I saw a post on FB about it and it sounds so good!

Relaxing the rest of the night.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  156 lbs.
This week's weight:  155.2 lbs.

Down 0.8 lbs.


The scale is not in the house, I put it in my car this morning.  It's just easier this way.

I have to admit, I'm a tiny bit disappointed with my WI.  I really thought it would be more.  Shrug.  I'm going to move on and talk about something else now.

Insane cardio fat burning this morning at Bootcamp.  Ugh.  It wasn't even right, the sheer torture we went through.  The trainer is insane, but he comes up with these insane workouts for a reason, I know...

Pretty epic.  I'm not even trying to pretend that I'm not a hot mess.

Wendy invited me to dinner at her place tonight.  One of her high school/college friends, whom I know slightly from our college days, is coming over too.  She's a sweet girl.  Wendy asked me specifically if her menu would be ok with me.

Isn't she freaking awesome?  She's real supportive, and it truly made me appreciate her even more.  I told her I'm doing Paleo, and she didn't know what that was.  I gave her the 411, and she said she was making roasted herb chicken and a dark green salad with some roasted veggies, too.

Gale was coming over earlier to have appetizers - cheeses, crackers, and breads.  So she suggested I stop by after they were done with that & all the things were put away.  I love me some cheese, and again - how freaking awesome is she that she understands I can't be around that because of my zero self control?

My zero self control is another issue entirely.  My issue that I must work on.

And with that, I am off to do all the social things.  :-)

Friday, April 26, 2013

Signs.

Daily Mom update: surgeon took one look at that knee, expressed intense concern, and scheduled surgery for Tuesday.  The knee is twisted, both her legs are swollen, and he thought it was because she had fallen.  No fall, but we suspect the obvious - she did too much, too soon, she didn't go to rehab, etc.

This time, the surgeon flat out told her she will be going to inpatient rehab straight from the hospital.  No passing go, no collecting $200, no get out of jail free card.  I'm not even angry or frustrated anymore.  Just worried.  Which I know will not get her better.  My brother & sister are stepping up to the plate, we all just have to suck it up and pull together.  The next few days leading up to Tuesday will be hard, since she's under strict orders to be as still as possible.  He put her bad leg in a brace, so now it's immobile.  Which basically means she'll be confined to bed.  Hard, but not completely impossible.

And scene.  Now I understand a little more why people have more than 1 kid.  Sweet Jesus.

On a brighter note, the weather seems to have finally turned a corner.  It's chilly in the mornings, but it's been warming up during the day and staying sunny.  Nice weather always helps.  Lord knows we could use it.

The no scale thing is going ok.  I'm getting it out of the house, though.  I understand now why some people don't even allow a scale in their homes.  When you're putting all this emphasis on its importance, no wonder they refuse to have one.  I think in the beginning, when a person is first starting out on losing weight, yeah, you should have one.  But as you get closer to goal, like when you're at where I am, I think it's ok to not have one.  I think it's ok to just weigh once a week.

And I can feel a certain sweet lady of Cuban descent reading this and just grinning from ear to ear.  Probably thinking, "FINALLY!!"  Am I right, Ileana?  ;-)

And tomorrow, when I WI & post the results, I know that not only will I be thrilled, but she will be too.  The signs be all over the place!  They be everywhere!

Anywho.  My Paleo eating is still going strong.  With the exception of the tiny bit of half-n-half I have in my morning coffee, it's good.  No whole grains.  No dairy except aforementioned half-n-half.  Nothing processed.

Real food.  Whooda thunk that eating cleaner would, you know, be so freaking good for you?  It takes a little research, a little tweaking, a little understanding, a little bit of thinking, and yes - just a bit of effort, but it freaking works.  And it's so worth it!

More signs.

Today was pull muscles toning at the Bootcamp.  Speaking of signs, I could see the upper part of my rib cage/upper torso bone through the tank top I was wearing in the front mirrors today.  We were doing jumping jacks as part of the 25 minute warm up.  Our warm ups are someone else's workouts.  That's a poster/sign (again) that's mounted on one of the walls.  I'll take a pic of it tomorrow.


Epic hot mess.  But I'm getting my shit done.

I'm really looking forward to WI tomorrow.  I've got a super great feeling about it.

You must act as if you already have the thing/s you want.

I know exactly what I want.

I know exactly where I want to be a year from now.

I know I'll be there, too.  The signs are all pointing to it.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Getting Cosas Done.

Today was kinda interesting.  And this is going to be a bit scattered, so apologies in advance.

Lots of cosas going on.

Mom isn't getting better.   Tomorrow, my brother & sister are driving down and taking her to the doctor's office in the city.  It's becoming painfully apparent that she needs to be in an in-patient rehab facility.  ASAP.   The sooner, the better.  So the plan is to do an "intervention" of sorts.  The doctor will take one look at her swollen leg, another look at her other swollen leg, and hopefully strongly recommend in-patient treatment.

And if he doesn't recommend that, they're going to drive her straight to a rehab facility anyway.  We're all at our wits' end about this.  The physical therapist called my brother and said she couldn't perform any more PT because she felt it might make that leg worse.  There was also an incident today involving an interview with a potential health aid, who promptly left 5 minutes after arriving.

So, we're putting our foot down.  No more of this.  Rehab it is.  And if she doesn't like it, that's just too fucking bad.

You know when you're so stressed out about a situation, when you're feeling put under a tremendous amount of pressure, and you need to release it somehow?  And you find that release via something comical?

That's what happened today.  My brother is so fed up that he said, "I don't care what the doctor says, tomorrow, I'll be driving her from the doctor to Shady Pines my damn self!"

We both laughed so hard that we snorted!  And by Shady Pines, he meant rehab.

We both needed that.  I'll let you all know tomorrow how that goes, because there gonna be some drama.  It's for her own good, though.  I'm just real sad that it had to come to this at all.

Lots of cosas going on right there.  Good Lord.  Bootcamp was Day 2 of Leg & Core Day.  Christ, it was hard.  My nalgas are sore as hell.


I'm surprised through all of this that I haven't turned to my old friend - food.  I've wanted to, believe me.   I couldn't tell you that the thought has crossed my mind sparingly, but that's all it's done.  It hasn't manifested into something physical.  By some miracle.  I guess that's growth, right.  Or something.

When I posted that muscle pic on Facebook yesterday, Wendy texted me this: "OMG, you looked tiny in the FB pic you posted."

Love her.  We had coffee just 3 weeks ago.  I think it was 3 weeks.  Anywho.  I couldn't have changed or gotten smaller in 3 weeks.  Maybe.  Dunno.

The signs all indicate that WI on Saturday will be a nice one.  A good one.  And the signs all point to the no scale thing lasting a while.  Weekly WI on Saturday mornings are it.  No more daily weighing.  I think I may leave the scale at my parents' house.  Or the trunk of my car.  Just out of the house.  Enough of the mind fuckery.  Can't be having that.

And that is how you get things done.




Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Guns.

Welcome to the gun show, ya'll!  We got fun & games...

Taken at Bootcamp tonight.

It feels nice that maybe, something might perhaps be working.

I haven't peeked at the scale at all, and that has been freaking hard.  Like, crazy hard.  Just another bad habit that needs to be kicked to the curb, I guess.

Can't ban those guns.  And I'm thinking I don't need a license to pack heat.  Although, you never know.  ;-)

Leg & core day at the Bootcamp.  My ass is already sore.  Lots of lunges, squats, kicks, high step ups, dips, mountain climbers, burpees, reverse crunches, and windshield wipers.

Ow.  Major pain.  Lots of burn.


I look very tarrred here.  As in, tired.  Hmm.  Moving along.

Weight Watchers Magazine emailed me again today.

They are now considering me for their November/December issue.  They wanted some current, "after" photos.  I submitted the arms pic above, and the one of me in the black tank top that's at the top of my blog.   It was great timing receiving that email when I did.  I needed some hopeful, good news.  We'll see what happens, but I am keeping my fingers crossed.  How awesome would it be, right?

Make today count, people!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

NSV's Galore!

Oh hi there, size small boatneck tee from The Gap.  Nice to see ya!

Peeking through the 3/4 sleeves?

That's my arm definition you see poking through.  What?  *Pats self on back.

Don't hate.  I've been working my ass off.  Tooting my own horn is allowed sometimes.  Mkay?

And because one NSV ain't enough (I know some hate the term, but just stay with me here) I thought I'd throw this one in, too.

Who can balance their weight on their hands holding onto two side-by-side Equalizers?

*This girl.  :-)  That happened at Bootcamp tonight.



Picture the hand balance grip in men's gymnastics when on the parallel bars.  I was basically doing this, but instead of extending my legs straight out, I was tucking my knees up into my chest and then down.  Feet never touched the ground, I was supporting my weight strictly on my hands.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining that move correctly.  Apologies for that.  There must be a correct term for that move.  Vertical knees, I think?  Anywho.

That was tough.  My arms were already sore from last night's Pull Muscle workout.  Tonight was cardio push muscle day.   I can't even explain properly the kind of hell it was.  Damn.  Even the two muscle dudes that were there were struggling tonight.  Sweet Jesus.

But you know, nothing's been working lately, because the damn scale likes to be a douche bag every now and then.  ;-)

I've been thinking of upping my protein intake again, but there's some kind of math involved with how much I weigh, and how much I strength train, and how much something or other I can't understand because I always sucked at math in school.  I'm the girl that was never able to figure out what Y equaled in Y = mx + b.

That just brought back nightmares.  Sorry about that.  *Shudder.

Ok, I'm ending this one the way I started it - on a high note!  Keep on truckin!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Relief.

Thanks for all the supportive comments, ppl!  I truly appreciated them!

Especially one lovely blogger who sent me a very caring email today.  Thanks, girl!

The Universe has given us some light at the end of the tunnel.  Both Mom & Dad came to the realization in the last 12 hours (shocking, I know) that they need someone there.  An aide.  Mom was ok with it, Dad had not made his peace with it as of last night.  So I don't know if she talked to him about it or what, but he's fine with it now.  And now it's just a matter of people getting back to my brother regarding having someone placed for them.

And with that, I was able to finally breathe a huge sigh of relief.  Staying strong when dealing with two stubborn people was tough, but you just do it, you just deal.  Right?   Self destructing is not and can not be an option.  Ever. Breathe....

I've been feeling real tired today.  Big surprise there.  But with this great news, I truly felt as if this huge weight had been lifted right off.  So, so relieved.  It must've been very hard for my Dad to admit that he and Mom need help.  I can't understand how hard it was and is to give up a part of your independence. But, he did realize it, and he did admit, and that is the only thing that matters.

Bootcamp tonight was brutal.  Lots of upper body work.  He literally worked us to the finger tip.  He had us doing pushups from our FINGERTIPS.  On our toes.

I can do full form push ups now.  Not a lot of them, but I can do them.  That, my friends, is called motherfucking progress.  :-)

We used the Equalizer to do pushups, pike presses, overhead shoulder presses, tricep dips with one leg raised (these almost killed me, holy hell) and chest presses.  Kettle bell swings, mountain climbers, and of course, burpees were mixed into all of this, too.  Russian twists with a 10 lb medicine ball means core will be sore as fuck tomorrow.

The result is that I left the class assured that I will not be able to lift my arms up past my head tomorrow.  I'm not expecting a massive need for that, but you never know if there should arise a need for me to wave my arms crazily in the air like I just don't care.  Just saying.


When even your hair sweats causing it to puff up like Monica's hair in that episode of Friends, you know you worked your ass off.

And the collar of my tshirt is drenched in my own funkiness, which you can't really tell.  It felt really good to sweat my frustrations out.

So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Mom had to learn her lesson the hard way, but it's done & over with now.

I'll keep you all updated.  Thanks for the concern - so appreciated!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Pressure.

Where did this weekend go?  How is it already Sunday night?  Why do I have to go back to work tomorrow?

Ugh.

I got up early and was an abundance of energy from the start.  I cleaned the house, did 2 loads of laundry, then headed out to Trader Joe's to get all the things.

When I got home, my brother called me.  Mom is not recovering the way she's supposed to be.  Both her legs are swollen now.  Because she's not doing what she should've been doing all along.

She hasn't been elevating her leg.  She hasn't been doing the exercises.  She's been overcompensating for the pain in her right leg/knee by putting too much weight on her left leg.  So now, she's almost bed ridden.

Shuts eyes.

I knew this would happen.  I dreaded it, didn't want it to happen.  The day she decided to come home from the hospital instead of going to rehab, I told my brother this would happen, and when it did, the 3 of us would be left to handle the mess and pick up the pieces.

Getting angry and frustrated with her and my Dad won't help the situation.  She needs an aide, and she knows that now.  Her way did not work, and she has learned her lesson.  (I think.)

But what bothered me was how she asked if I could take time off from work to help her.  No, I can't do that.  I can't lift her up if the situation ever arises, and I don't have the luxury of days and days off.  Before her surgery, I remember distinctly the two of us having this conversation, and she was indignant about not needing my help.

But when I called her today, she and my Dad both asked me anyway.  They did not ask my sister, nor did they ask my brother.

Just me.  And it got my blood boiling.  It's ok with them to lay all this on me, but not on their other 2 kids? Have I missed something?  Am I suddenly an only child?

I've often wondered when will it be ok with them for me to have a life, a family of my own separate from them.

I often feel that if I did have my own family, I'd still be expected to drop my kids the second they called.

Because they are not putting this kind of strain and pressure on my brother and sister, and they never have.  Which really angers me.

But, it's done.  We're going to see about getting them an aide, and if my Dad doesn't like it, that's just too bad.  Because none of us can do it.  Dad has flat out stated he doesn't want any help unless it's coming from my mother (who can't even stand up on her own) or from me.  Too fucking bad, that ain't happening.  Me taking care of them won't put food on my table or get my bills paid.

My brother & sister are in the process of making phone calls to agencies and their church to see what help can be offered.

It's hard to want to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

It's hard to care about someone and their well being when they don't seem to care about it themselves.  It gets harder because they seem to have no grip on reality - on the reality and the gravity of their situation.

I know a few bloggers that last statement would apply to.  But their lack of a grip on reality ain't my problem.

I'm not happy I was right about Mom.  I'm frustrated it had to come to this at all.  I hate seeing my Mom like this.  Why couldn't she have just listened?  She would've been out of rehab by now and in a lot better shape.  And then when I say I'm ready to wipe my hands of this, I'm the one that sounds like a cold hearted bitch.

I'll see what I can do but I'll be damned if they try to put an extra ounce of pressure on me.   I've dealt with that for all my life, but I'm not taking a second more of it.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  155.6 lbs.
This week's weight:  156 lbs.

I gained 0.4 this week.


I was pretty pissed off and aggravated as hell about it.  In a moment of temporary insanity and aforementioned aggravation, I considered this may be it.  My "happy weight" (I hate that fucking term with a passion.)  For the record, I don't believe whole heartedly in that term.  And for me, anything in the 150s is pretty fucking far from my happy weight.

I knew it was all just bullshit and anger talking.  Mucho anger.  I gave up cheese for this bullshit?

And then I knew it was the Universe trying to tell me what I had already known since yesterday:  It's time to ditch the scale.  As in, my scale at home.  I had allowed the WI to affect me for several hours.  And it almost ruined my day.

So.  There it is.  For the next week, no more scale.  And then I'll take it from there.

A gain of 4 ounces almost ruined my day.  One WI almost ruined my day.  Ridiculous.  I was being ridiculous.  Talk about nonsense.

I went to Bootcamp dragging my feet.  I was still in a pretty foul mood.  It was ultra fat burning day.  Lots of HIIT.  Lots of sweat.  Lots of fat hopefully my stomachs, hips & thighs.


Met up with a friend at a nail place and got our nails done.  We talked, we bs'ed, we hung out - it was nice.  We walked around the local mall, window shopping and doing some actual shopping.  I had an Angels Reward so I got some cute stuff at Victoria's Secret and called it a day.

It is something how the Universe works.  Ain't it?

Gearing up for the coming week.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Tossing The Scale.

One of my biggest flaws is how much I get into my own head.

I tend to over think things, over analyze things (shocking, I know) and I have this annoying habit of questioning everything, I jump to the wrong conclusions constantly.

I was thinking about the theme to my post yesterday, about how uber important it is to keep things as simple as possible.  That doesn't have to apply to weight loss, of course.  It can apply to the most mundane of everyday things.

Weds. we had to do jump squats on the trampoline as part of our circuit.  I wrote that I thought I would break that thing.  In truth, I knew I wouldn't. Duh.  The reality is of course I'm a lighter person now.  A different person.

Lighter.  Whoa.  That is some shite, ain't it?  There's a huge difference in how I feel now, at 155 lbs., than when I was 270+ lbs.  And you know what?

It feels great!  I feel fucking great!  I mean, I look like a completely different person.  At 270+ lbs., I was struggling to pore myself in to size 24-26 pants.  Now, I'm a tight size 8, loose size 10. (Don't get me started on the in-between sizes thing, that's a whole other post.)

Single digit dress size.  Holy *#$!.

Remember how I cried last week?  Cried like a little bitch because clothes that were super skin tight on me previously weren't anymore?

Don't underestimate how great feeling thin/skinny/fit/strong/SMALL feels, people.  If you were never able to walk into any department store and confidently know anything in said store will fit you, then you're in for a blast.  I fall into that category of people, save for the summer after college when I was skinny for about 5 minutes.

My beloved WW leader Carol, who passed away from the evil that is cancer 3 years ago, would say:  "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

I know people have issues with that statement, all I can tell you is that for me, it feels fucking awesome.  Do I have fat days every once in a while?  Yes, I have fat days every once in a while.  Do I get super frustrated when the scale is acting like a douche? Yes, I get frustrated when the scale is a douche.  Do the good days outnumber the bad?  Yes, the good days outnumber the bad.  Do I feel awesome if I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see my shoulder/tricep muscles?

You bet your ass I do.  Those muscles represent blood, sweat, tears, and motherfucking hard work.

So today it occurred to me that maybe I should hide the scale for a week.  Some of you lovelies have suggested I do that.  Hmm.  That would be a huge step for me. It makes me nervous tho.

But.  I'm gonna do it.  Starting tomorrow.  After my WI tomorrow morning, scale be bouncing for a week. I'm scurred. Its an addiction that keeps me in check.  It's an addiction that does me no good also.

And that was my "come to Jesus" moment today.  God help me.

8PM Bootcamp session tonight was mostly upper body.   Push ups.  Rope pulls.  Planks.  And burpees.  I think the burpees gave me rug burn on my right forearm.


WI tomorrow.  Let's see what happens.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Keeping It Simple.

Let me clear up a little something about my eating Paleo.  And the sense some of you are making, with all your good points.

So.  This whole food intake can be tricky business.  Depending on the person/personality involved.  It's better to keep things as simple as possible and not start fucking around with things like Paleo "desserts" that are not on plan.

Now, I know Jeannette, who's been at her goal weight a while and eats Paleo about 99% of the time (do I have that right, or am I just making shit up?) will make things like protein Paleo muffins to take along with her on long hikes with the puppy dog.  The difference is she doesn't try to dress up former trigger foods by making a Paleo version of them.

P.S.  That little pony is freaking adorable!  Want!

The one thing I do miss is my Fage 2% Greek yogurt.  It's something I had with my breakfast in the mornings, which haven't changed much save for that particular exclusion.  Two hard boiled eggs, 2 hard boiled egg whites, a chicken sausage, a banana, and cranberry/lemon juice water.  I drink over 100 ounces of plain water a day.

I liked the yogurt because of the protein in it and because it helped keep me full.  Or maybe it's that I'm missing the sugar sweet fruit flavors.

Now, while I noticed that the damn scale acts like an asshole sometimes, I am making improvements in other ways.  Like losing inches.  Like gaining more muscle tone.  Like fitting into smaller sized clothes.  Ileana pointed out that Paleo is working because of all these things.  You & your making sense and all the good points.

And I've got no argument or comeback for that.  AGAIN.  Because dammit, I be wrong and I sooo hate admitting that crap.  :-)

No more headaches.  At least I didn't have any today.  I've read it can take up to 10 days for the body to adjust to cutting out certain foods.  But everyone's body is different, everyone's reaction will be different or longer.

Today was a good day.  The scale was down a tiny bit.  So again.  It seems to be working.

Why is it so hard for me to grasp that?  And why do I get all sheepish/upset about things working more than anyone on the planet?  LOL.

I guess its just hard to let go of certain things.  Or I'm just stubborn.  Who knows.

Again, just keep it simple.  What's so freaking hard about that?

We had to buddy up at Bootcamp again tonight.  And it was leg day, part 2.  Kill me.  He had us doing wide squats with kettle bells, static lunges, pulsating lunges, Russian twists, fucking burpees, walking lunges, jump squats, and high kicks & knee repeaters hitting a target.  The best was when we had to drag our buddy across the room using our own body weight.  Buddy was on sliders in a low squat, and we had a fitness strap around our waists that the buddy was holding on to.  Well, the hand straps anyway.  Yeah, that was interesting.  My buddy was this tiny little sweet thing, who told me verbatim: "Man, you're strong!"

Like!   :-)


I'm not really sure why I have a shite eating grin on my face, but I do.  So there you go.

Keep it simple, stupid.  So why is that so freaking hard?  Because God forbid I shouldn't overly complicate things.

Looks like eating Paleo will be in my life for a while.  Could be worse.

Onward!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Back to Grinding.

By now, I'm sure most of you have seen that very iconic photo of the man in the cowboy hat wheeling that poor victim to safety.  Do you know the man's story?  Why was he there?  Google it.  It's all over the web.

I'll leave it to writers more eloquent than I to reveal his story.

Good people - heroes - do exist in this chaotic world.

The world keeps spinning, and life goes on.  Whether we want it to or not.  So I went back to the grind.  A bit of routine never hurt anyone.

Glutes, thighs & abs were all still very sore from Bootcamp Monday.

Still.  48 hours out.  This Bootcamp shit is no joke.

And today was leg and core day.  God help me.  Lots of pulsing squats, concentrated lunges, single leg deadlifts, dips, and of course burpees.  Lots & lots of fucking burpees.  But there was more.

He made us do cross legged jumping jacks.  On the trampoline.

I haven't been on a trampoline since I was a kid.  If ever, come to think of it.  I was scared to do it at first.

I swear to God I thought I was going to break that fucking thing.  In my head, I'm still the girl in my before photo.

In my head, my body is still fat, even though I know it's not.  Even though I know I'm not fat anymore.

When does the mind catch up with the body?  Does it ever?

No, the trampoline didn't break.  I wonder if there's a weight limit on those things.


I think I'm going to do Bikram again - but just once a week.  I need the meditation.  The last few weeks have kinda sucked, which is why Bikram is and has been so important to me.

The scale, as of this morning, is stuck.  Which got me thinking that I might just do this Paleo thing for 30 days, and incorporate something back into my food intake.  Maybe my Fage yogurt.

I'm blaming Paleo for the scale not moving because it couldn't possibly be that I'm under an enormous amount of stress lately.

Nope.  Not at all.

Anywho.  Try to make someone laugh today.  And if you can't do that, at least try to make them smile.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Something Good.

Took a rest day today.

My brother came down to visit Mom today, and he brought Sonia with him.  My nephew had a little bit of a fever, so he stayed home, that little munchkin.

We tried to talk to them about getting some kind of aid to help them out during the day.  And as usual, the offer for help was met with resistance.  It is beyond frustrating.  I've had enough.

Mom seems to be doing ok, and I just hope that she's doing her PT exercises.

I got an email from the race organizer about the 5K I ran last week.  Apparently, I placed first in my age group!  Which means I get a medal, yay!

I guess I should've stuck around after the race last week to get it.  Huge my bad.  After work, I went to the boathouse at the beach where the local high school crew team practices & works out to get it, but no luck.  The race organizer hadn't dropped them off yet, even though she did say they would be available from 4-6 tonight.  I got there shortly after 5.

What  a pain.  I could've used a shiny new medal.  Just some kind of good news in the wake of what happened up North.  Not a big deal, the race organizer emailed me and apologized for the inconvenience.  She'll mail it to me.

Anywho, that's all I got.

Not very interesting, I know.

This too shall pass.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Boston...

I don't know what to say now.

What the fuck, man?

What the hell is wrong with people?

I got a text informing me about the explosions at the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

The video that keeps airing on CNN of the detonation is just horrific.  Eerie.

Dani was running the marathon today.  Something she had worked for & trained her ass for.

I panicked when no one was hearing from her.  She wasn't picking up her phone, nor answering her texts.

I sat at my desk at work and couldn't stop shaking.  I was numb.  I tried to cry, to release in some way.  And nothing.  No one heard from her after what seemed like an eternity.

Then.  I got the text from her.  And the tears started.  Tears of motherfucking relief.

She is miraculously ok.  By the grace of God or the Universe or the higher power of your beliefs. Her wife Tori was very close to the finish line when it happened, and again, miraculously she is ok.  Tori's ears are ringing, but nothing else.

If that's all that happened to her, then so be it.

This isn't right.  This isn't right.

Another attack.  Another tragedy.  Another attempt at grasping the unthinkable.

How do you begin to understand the unfathomable?

Who would do this?  Why?  What's the point?

At this time, nobody seems to have a clue.  No one's claiming responsibility, no one's in custody or under arrest, no information is being released.  My guess is that there is/are suspect(s), but they can't release that to the media just yet.

So we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm angry, I'm heart broken, and I'm aggravated at the thought of this being a possible terrorist attack, domestic or foreign.  Mostly, I'm just a myriad of emotions right now.

Seriously.  What the fuck????

Boston.  I am thinking of you.....

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Just Another Sunday.

I'm coming to terms with the notion of eating Paleo.  I'm doing Paleo (with the exception of my half & half in my morning coffee.)  That still sounds a tad bit weird to me, but whatever, I'll get over it.   Right, Jeanette & Karen?  ;-)

So.  This Sunday started out with a morning run after my ritual coffee.  I didn't want to go running, but I also didn't want to workout inside because it was a really pretty morning.  Sunny & breezy.  But I still wasn't feeling it.  And about 15 minutes in, I had to stop for a walking break.

I didn't want to, as I felt like I disappointed in myself for doing that, but I did.  For about 5 minutes.  Then I continued on before it turned into a longer walking break.

And then I turned down a side street that led to a steep hill.

Crap.  Huffing & puffing.  I needed to stop again, I really did.

Then I saw this elderly Chinese lady that lives in my complex.  She walks everyday the weather allows it.  She does Tai Chi in front of my building.  She has severe arthritis in her back/spine, where she's hunched over.  A humpback.  She's got to be in her 80s & it wouldn't surprise me one bit if she were 90 or older.

And yet she walks every single day.  Slowly.  But she walks.

So tell me again - what the fuck was my excuse?  Exactly.

I passed her, and I looked over my shoulder to give her a small smile & a quick "Good morning."  She looked surprised.  Since we here in NY don't greet total strangers ever.  Because, they may be psychos or muggers.  This is why I was completely shell shocked when I went on my trip to the Deep South & total strangers were greeting my left & right!  The heck?  Didn't their parents ever teach them never to talk to strangers?  ;-)

So I soldiered on.  Gritting my teeth & biting my lip the entire time, but I ran for 45 minutes, got my workout in & done with early, and was so glad when it was over.

I don't know if you can see, but the neckline of my tshirt is completely soaked in my sweat.

3 loads of laundry & vacuuming done. While I was putting away the clothes, I came across a pair of St. John's Bay brown cargo pants that I bought last year & have never worn.  They're a size 8.  I've never worn them because I couldn't get them to zip up.  At all.

On a lark, I thought, why not?  So I stopped cleaning & tried them on.  And they fit like a mother fucking glove!!!  They weren't skin tight, I was able to breathe & move comfortably in them, and they fit like a mother fucking glove!!

I was so happy, I actually cried.  For real.  I cried like a little bitch.

I fished out 3 more pairs of pants that didn't fit me last year (why did I buy shit that didn't fit me?) and tried those on too & they fit too!  2 pairs of workout capris that were skin tight & super uncomfortable when I got them that no longer are, and a pair of cropped work pants. Fit Fit FIT.  LOVE.

Just another Sunday in my world.  Another bitchin' Sunday, I may say.

My world no longer includes living in denial in a child-like, fantasy created by my own bullshit.

Give me reality (no matter how hard it is or how much it may suck sometimes) any day of the week.  Because reality means I can wear smaller, SIZE 8 clothes.  :-)

Yup.  Just another Sunday.  :-)

Saturday, April 13, 2013

WI Results & Touching That Body.

I'll 'splain in a sec.  First things first.

Last WI:  156.8 lbs.
This WI:  155.6 lbs.


I was expecting a gain, so I'll take it.

I left the meeting to hit up the 10AM Bootcamp session.  Ultra fat burning cardio today.  After the usual 25 minute warm up, we did some pretty intense HIIT sessions.  All involving the floor ladder.  Plank jacks, fast feet in & out, hop scotch, suicides, and sprints.  In & out of the damn ladder.

So after one of these things, I think it was the hop scotch, I'm sprinting back to the other end of the ladder, and the trainer (who is a nice guy, but insane with the drills he tortures us with) when he lifts both hands up to give me a double high-5.

When I'm all sweaty & gross, and even my hair is sweating, I REALLY don't like to be touched.  That's why I always pass on the brief massage he gives members during the final stretch.  No me gusta. So alright, I slapped him 5, and I kid you not, this is what he said:

"Damn girl, look at that body! Someone's gonna want to touch that body!"

Hand to God, he said that.  The music was blasting, but ppl done heard what he said.  That made me raise my eyebrows a little bit.

Just another day, right?

I was going to retort with, "Some dude HAS been touching this body, yo!" But I'm totally of the belief to keep it classy when possible.  Except for when the occasion calls for dropping eff bombs left & right.  Then nothing is off limits.  ;-)



I brought Mom & Dad a supermarket haul since she's going to be homebound for a minute.  She looked like her old self.  A physical therapist came to their house today and put her through the exercises that she'll have to do throughout the day.  She said the pain is tolerable, and her leg/foot is swollen.  All normal, I'm hoping I'm wrong about this in-home PT thing.  I really do just want her to get better.

Anywho.  I'm thinking about going for a run tomorrow.  Or I might do my Tabata DVD at home.  I haven't worked out at home in forever since I made the committment to stick with Bootcamp.  We'll see.

Oh, and the other driver's insurance company finally got in touch with me.  About freaking time.  I'm hoping to get my car issue resolved this coming week.  Fingers crossed.

Make today count!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Last Chance Workout.

Mom is home.  Yup, she's home.  Apparently, the doctor & hospital felt it was ok for her to do in-home outpatient rehab.

I think it's a horrible idea.  A year from now, she's going to need to have both knees done because she didn't rehab this knee properly.  She's an adult, and she elected to go home.   Nothing I can do about it. She's in denial of the reality of her situation.  We'll see.

Which kinda mirrors my own situation regarding my super morbidly days.  I was a "healthy" obese person.  I was fat, but I was "fit & healthy."

That's a blog post for another day.  I've got major issues with that whole myth.  And trust me, I got LOTS to say about that.  Another day.

Anywho.  At least I'll be able to sleep in my own home tonight, in my own bed.  So there's that.

I canceled my Bikram membership today.  It hurt a little bit, but I'll just pay for single sessions if I want to go in the future.  For right now, this is the right call.  Bootcamp is giving me results, and as much as I hate it, I cannot argue with results.

I'm losing inches, which is great, but the damn weight is stalling.  Earlier in the week, I thought I'd have a nice loss, but with Mom's surgery, not sleeping, making sure Dad's not alone at night, driving back & forth.... blah blah blah, shut up with the excuses, everybody has shit happen to them and their families.  That's just a wordy way of saying stress weight (a pound) is a pain in the ass.  

Especially when it chooses to attach itself to MY ass.

Oh man.  I know it's due to stress and not because I ingested a pound of lard in the last 24 hours.

Lard.  Hehe.

Alright, facing the scale tomorrow no matter what.  It may pleasantly surprise me, who knows.

Bootcamp tonight was lots of pull muscle/cardio.  Ouch.

Tshirt was soaked in my own funkiness.


So, WI tomorrow.  Ready.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Yet Another Drive By.

Spoke to Mom first thing, and she actually sounded like her ole self.  Almost.  She's definitely not as woozy (thank the heavens), and tomorrow she gets moved to rehab.

Apparently, being stressed to the hilt will make you not only sleep less but eat less too.  Which is no bueno.  This morning, I was wide awake at silly o'clock (4:45 AM, which is inhuman, if you ask me) and I couldn't fall back asleep.

The next 7-10 days will be trying.  My biggest fear is that when Mom gets back home from rehab, she will try to do too much too soon.  A girl I work with's mother had her knee replaced last year, didn't rehab it properly, and now she's got to get BOTH knees done.

Yup.  That of course is worst case scenario, and obviously I'm hoping that won't be the case with my mother.  So we shall see.

Anywho. Super quick since I need to get going to my Dad's.  Cardio leg day at Bootcamp.  Need I say more?



Looking all kinds of confused. Even a little drunk.  I wish.  I kinda love it.  Hehe.

That's all I got for now.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Some Great News!

Thank you, Universe.   I really needed you today.

I received another email from WW Magazine, completely out of the blue.  They are now considering me for their November/December 2013 issue.  So fingers crossed!

I was finally able to view the police report for my car accident online.  Nassau County PD has a new rule now due to the legislation (thanks, Albany!) where you can ONLY access it online.  They no longer give out paper copies.  All to cut down on costs & expenses.  Whatever.

So the ball is rolling on getting my bumper replaced.  Finally.

Mom is recovering, but she's still in a whole boat load of pain.  That's to be expected, unfortunately, since she's about 36 hours post-op.  I really don't like seeing her in so much pain.  It breaks my heart, and I just wish I could snap my fingers and make the pain go away for her, and get her completely recovered.  Boo.

It's going to get better.  It's going to be ok.  Mom will be ok, and she's exactly where she needs to be in order to get better.

It helps that my sister & I are doing our part.  When my brother gets back, it's his turn, which he knows because we've talked about it.  Phew.  He better step up.  Anywho.

Cardio core & leg day at Bootcamp today.  Kill me now.  Right now.

V ups, V sits, bicycles, lunges, jump squats, bear crawls, burpees, side lunges, dead lifts lifting our buddy, and some stuff I can't even remember anymore.


You can't tell, but my tshirt is soaked.  So was the back.

Awesomeness.

No dairy is going good.  I'm kinda surprised by it, but hey - I'll take it.

It's Weds., and I'm already feeling pretty confident about Saturday WI.  It'll be good.  I need it to be good this week.

Universe, please send me more good!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Mom's Surgery.

Thank you all for your well wishes, prayers, and healing vibes!

She is fine.  Thank God.

I've been up for a while.  I didn't get much sleep last night, so I had no problem getting up at the ass crack of dawn to take Mom to the hospital.

I made sure to get her checked in, registered, and then I sat with her for a few minutes before she was shooing me out.  "You've got to go to work, mijita!"

The nurse that checked her in was Colombian and extremely nice, which I took as a great sign.

Surgery started promptly at 8:30, and was done by 10:50.  Her surgeon called me himself, and he was the nicest man.  I was pleasantly surprised by his call, but I'm guessing that's standard procedure post-op.

I went to see her after work, and I was able to talk to her before then.  She sounded very woozy, completely unlike herself and I didn't like hearing her sound that way.  :-(

My sister came to check on my Dad, which was good.  We talked briefly about what we were going to do about caring for him.  She's going to work remotely from Mom & Dad's house during the day, then I get to have night duty.  Fine with me.

Rest day today because today felt like it was a zillion hours long.  The important thing is Mom is ok, so is Dad, and they're both being looked after.

That's all I care about.  Everything will be fine.

Huge sigh of relief.

Back to the workout grind tomorrow.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Starting the Week Off Right.

So let me tell you how my day started.  It's a doozy, I'm not kidding.

I'm driving to work this morning and an ambulance starts coming perpendicular to my lane.  There's a major section of hospitals/medical centers near this particular cross street/traffic light.  So cars start slowing down and stopping completely, me included, when I felt someone rear end me.

Awesome.  8:45 on a Monday morning.

I am fine, the other driver was fine, but my car not so much.  Part of the bumper is detached now from my car but it's not dragging on the ground.

He admitted fault and apologized right away.  We were both adults about it, and he kept apologizing.  We pulled over into a nearby parking lot to get out of traffic, and he called the cops.  The police report is filled out, everything was done correctly and on the up and up, so now I'm just waiting for his insurance company to call me.

It was more emotionally jarring than anything physically.  I feel no pain, nothing hurts, I can turn my neck and shoulders fine, etc.  No big deal, but the timing sucks.

Then again, when is it ever a good time to get into a car accident, right.

I was in a daze for the rest of the day.  I had no appetite, really.  Which really surprised me.  Because my first instinct in any crisis has only ever been to eat my feelings.  Anywho.

Mom's surgery is tomorrow, she'll spend 3 days in the hospital, then she goes to an in-patient facility for 7-10 days from there.  I know my mother, she's going to want to get home as soon as possible. But I also know she'll listen to the doctors. (I hope.)

I know I've been making it a bigger deal in my head than it needs to be.  I think I'd feel better about it if not for her pre-existing heart condition. But she'll be in one of the best heart hospitals in Long Island.

P.S.  Any positive thoughts/vibes/prayers would be truly appreciated.  :-)

It was such a nice day here in NY that I chose to walk to Bootcamp instead of driving.  A quick 10 minute walk, the weather was just perfect.  It really was.  Lots of pull muscles today.  Lots of lats, pull ups, bear crawls, rope pulls, bicep curls and a whole ton of intense cardio in the warm up.

Sweet Jesus and everything else that is holy.  My arms and shoulders and the sides of my back will not be happy with me tomorrow.

Like a deer caught in freaking headlights.

I'd say it's pretty appropos considering this morning's events.

Ileana, don't you worry!  If I ever got down to a size 0, which is NOT my goal as I'd prefer to be a very fit, slim & trim size 4-6, I'd still have my ass, hips & thighs.

The junk in this trunk ain't going anywhere.  And I'd rather have curves and a shape than a flat ass and no silhouette.  I love that I have an hourglass!  Mkay?  :-)

The Universe is trying to tell me that some important things.  Namely, that I must believe it will be alright.  Because I do believe in certain things, which is sometimes, things really do happen for a reason.  Sometimes, you meet people at certain times in your life for a reason.  And sometimes, you have to be forced to see for yourself just how strong and resilient you really are.

I am made of much sterner stuff.  We all are.  Now go forth and continue on with your sheer awesomeness, people!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Impromptu 5K.

So on Friday, I noticed that there was a local 5K around here for early this morning.

8AM start time.  I registered, picked up my race packet last night after dropping Mom off, and I made sure to be up extra earlier than usual for a Sunday morning.

The 5K was in Manhasset, with some of the proceeds going to the local high school crew team.  And so I got up, changed, had coffee, then was out the door at 7:30 sharp.

Impressive.  Apparently, when I need to get up at the ass crack of dawn on a Sunday, I am capable.  Who knew?

Which probably explains why I'm running out of steam on this post, with sleepy eyes.

Anywho, my official race time was 30:58.  It would've been a tad bit better if not for those two huge, very steep hills that were in the course.

Note to self:  before signing up for a 5K, check the race course first for any steep hills!

It was a beautiful morning, chilly, but sunny and bright.  And the great news, other than my time, is that I was up and done with my workout before 8:45AM!

A size 8-10 is average sized, apparently.  I really wish my damn hips & thighs would shrink already.

Anywho.

"And she's a Jets fan!" exclaimed the nice lady whom I asked for a quick pic.  LOL.  I live in Giants country - we Jets fans are few & far between.  On account of us always having a losing record & all every year.

I am sore.  Majorly sore.  The sides of my back, where the bra line is, sore as hell because of all the punches/jabs he made us do in Bootcamp yesterday.  My glutes were already sore, but the race is only going to compound that feeling.  And don't even get me started on my quads.  Good Lord, you'd think I've never worked out a day in my life before.

Cinderella things when I got home.  Food prep for the week (it's gonna be a long week), laundry, dusting, and general tidying up of the things.

I'm beat.  Hitting the sack.

I hope you all followed Jeanette's advice and were able to head out and enjoy the nice sunny weather.  It's finally starting to feel like Spring!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

No WI.

Didn't get to WI today.

It was a choice between WI or going to Bootcamp. (I'll explain in a sec.)  So I chose Bootcamp.

Bro called last night & asked if we could get up to Westchester sooner. It meant leaving earlier & shuffling some things around.  So be it.

I weighed myself this morning, and I fluctuated between the same as last week or a half a pound down.  Eh.  It was a wash.  I should've just gone real quick.  As usual, your girl was running late.

Bootcamp was straight up fat burning cardio hell.  I ever tell you how much I hate fucking burpees?  Dios mio y senor mio.

Note to the over zealous lady in the front of the class:  Shouting "Wepa!" in the middle of Bootcamp does not make you hispanic.  It just makes you look and sound even more like a blancita.

I was poring sweat, my core was on fire (the man also loves his damn V-sits & planks.  God damn planks.  Lots of glute & shoulders action today, too.  Donkey kicks, walking lunges, push ups, jabs, spinning squats, and spinning arms.  Ooh, pain.  Arms & ass took a beating today, literally.


You can't see it clearly here, but the sweat was poring down my face, neck, and chest.  No joke.

Mom seems to be in denial about her knee replacement situation.  She seems to think that she'll have surgery, be in the hospital for 3 days, then rehab for 2 weeks, then she'll be good as new and able to resume her normal, everyday activity level.  Sigh.  I talked to my brother about it, who then informed me that he & his family are going away for a week the day of her surgery.

Kill me now.  They booked this trip 3 months ago.  And what I haven't said about my mother is that she went & scheduled this surgery without telling us about it til afterwards.  She didn't bother to ask the people that would wind up helping her if it was ok with them to uphaul their lives for a few days to take care of my Dad & look after him while she's in the hospital/rehab.  She never said she was considering surgery, ever.  Never said it was a possibility. Dad's got Parkinson's, for those who didn't know, and he's slowly becoming more & more immobile.

I feel like she lives in a bubble.  If it doesn't affect her, then it doesn't affect anybody.  Oh, and no one else has stuff going on in their lives either.  End of rant, cut it out K.

So my brother said he'd help out when they get back, but the fact that he's going away left me with a really bad taste in my mouth.  It's not his fault, Mom chose to schedule this crap on the DL.

So, it is what it is.  I've decided I'll check in on Dad at lunchtime, and after work.  I'll need to let the dogs out, and he will too.  I won't be sleeping there, I'll be sleeping at my house.  I love them to death, but I matter too.  And it's ok to have a life apart from them.  I'm entitled to have a life apart from them.  I need it.  Especially now, when things are happening in my life that I've always wanted and have fought so freaking hard for.

I leave you with this cuteness, and I will end this on a much needed light-hearted note.


"Tilly Kelly, can Eeyore get his nails done with us?"  Heart tug.

(She's trying to say Tia Kelly, but it comes out Tilly Kelly.  Love.)

Friday, April 5, 2013

Day 2 of No Dairy.

I'm better with it today.

No headaches, which is great.

I am having a tiny bit of real half-n-half in my morning coffee.  Other than that, nothing.  No cheese (like a dagger through my heart!) and no real milk.

Again, this is not permanent, I just need to get the last of the weight off already.  I do plan on incorporating some stuff back in (in smaller amounts than I used to have them, like the whole grains & some dairy) once I'm safely in maintenance mode for a while,  but not anytime  in the near future.

So I headed to Bootcamp, and to my disappointment, not only was the trainer not there, but the workout was almost an exact duplicate from yesterday's.  Grrr.

I have a bruise on my left knee.  I've got a feeling that happened during the endless burpees from yesterday.  And yes, they were endless.  Bootcamp sure does love their freaking burpees, I'll tell ya that.

Eh.  Nothing I could do about that.  The other trainer did substitute the boxing drill for straight up HIIT cardio.  Nothing special.  But I did notice that  I was disappointed not to see the regular trainer there.  Which is surprising, because while he's nice & all, I'm not exactly sure if I like him.

I think I just don't like the constant "Whoo!"  Reminds me of Rebekah in The Firm DVDs.  She's so damn perky I kinda wanna hit her.

Anywho, I sweated my arse off.


Incoherent expression.  Not sure what just happened there.

Tomorrow, I'm taking Mom to Westchester to see those babies.  I love my niece & nephew.  Oh yeah, my bro will be there too.  LOL.

I am hitting the hay.  Night!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

No Dairy - Day 1.

So today is Day 1 of No Dairy.

I've cut out the Fage yogurt that I have with breakfast, and I've substituted Blue Diamond Almond Milk  for regular lowfat milk I put in my smoothies.

And no cheese.  Haven't had cheese in the house for weeks now.  I'm ok with this.

I'm going to give it at least a week, and see how it goes.  This isn't by no means permanent, as is the no grains thing.  For now.

I reserve the right to change my mind about both things at a later point in time.

Anywho, that's what's going on right now.

My Bootcamp was closing early tonight, which meant no classes past the 5PM one.  I had to rush out of work a few minutes early to catch it.  I missed the first 10 minutes of the warmup (My warmup at Bootcamp is your workout!) much to my dismay.

The place was having a party at some joint in Queens I'm not familiar with to celebrate their 2 year opening anniversary.

More lower body today.  Oh my.  He put us through a really tough obstacle course, complete with crawls, tire runs, and and pulling our buddy while they were sitting on that sled thing.  My buddy was a taller lady who looked slightly more heavy than me.  She turned to me when it was my turn to pull her, and she said, "I'm sorry!"

We both laughed, it was kinda funny.  I said no worries.  She told me I felt light as a feather on the sled.  :-)

And my glutes and thighs are feeling it even more today.  Judas Priest.

That aint even right, ppl.

Is it normal to experience headaches when you're cutting certain things out of your everyday food intake?  I've been feeling that today.  It might just be a stress headache over life crap.  Not sure.

Day 1 of the no dairy thing is in the books.  And apparently, I really like almond milk.  I'm really surprised by that, but better I eat/drink things that I like the taste of rather than eating things that taste like paper.

That's all I got for now.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Much Better Today.

Apologies for the venting yesterday.

I normally like to keep that kind of stuff at bay.  And off the interwebz.  But I felt better last night.  And much better today.

Jewlz, I got the Truvia at Trader Joe's.  It just made my stomach feel really strange, upset really.  I can't describe it.  Eh, no big deal.

Mrs. Swan, my older sister and older brother are both married.  She has a daughter in her 20s, and he's got 2 kids under 5.  Both live far - he a county away & she lives 2 counties away.  I'm the only one who's not far away.  Lucky me.

So, much better attitude today.  I feel good with the no dairy thing.  I went and bought Almond Breeze original, unsweetened milk.  Took a sip, and I actually liked it.  Which really surprised me.  I'm going to use it in my protein smoothies.  :-)

I had a much better day at Bootcamp today.  The class was small.  And it was tough.  He put us through a tough one today.  Cardio leg day.  Kill me.

Bear crawls, crab walks, walking lunges, burpees, jumping jacks, pulsating squats, curtsy dips, high kicks, and jump squats.   There was probably more, I just can't remember it all.

Glutes are feeling it already, not to mention my thighs.  Good pain.  Feel the burn, right?

I remembered the pic!

I've noticed that I haven't been taking my Polar HRM with me to Bootcamp.  That was unintentional, but I'm ok with not wearing it.  Isn't that strange?

It's all about the tweaking of the things, right Ileana?  :-)

Ok, I need to wrap this one up.

Bed time will be early.

Thanks for all the supportive comments yesterday - they are much appreciated.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Drive By Post.

Super quick one today.  Sorry about that.

I'm only just now no longer in a mood.  Not from lack of sleep because of some dumb cat.  More family stuff that only I am allowed to deal with.

Because my mother has chosen me to be the one that she calls constantly, forgetting that she's got 2 other kids.  (Be nice, Kelly.  Be nice.)

She acts like a complete invalid even though she's not.  She wants people (read: ME) to hold her hand when she is perfectly capable of doing simple things like driving 15 minutes and 2 towns over by herself to the doctor's office for a necessary, pre-op appointment.  Never mind that I work full time, have X amount of vacation days to take to chauffeur her to these appointments, my own place that I'm responsible for, and in some cases, a life of my own.

SMH.  Breathe, K.  Just breathe.   Some people would give their left arm to act as chauffeur to their mothers.  No big deal if she expects you to drop everything, like your own responsibilities and your life, every time she calls you.  No big deal that she doesn't ever expect that from her other 2 kids.  Never mind that she doesn't call her other 2 kids as incessantly as she calls me to piss and moan and complain over every single thing in life.

Love my Mom, I really do, people.  Please don't misread what I'm saying here.  I just wonder when it will be ok with my folks to have a life that's separate from them.  Like, God forbid, a husband and my own family.  Because apparently, it's ok with them for my brother & sister to have lives of their own.  Just not me.

Bootcamp tonight.  Almost didn't go.  Was in a foul mood, more hormonal than I've ever been in my life, and I just wanted to stay home.  We had to partner up, and one of the ladies bailed early.  Leaving me to partner with the trainer, who was more Red-Bulled than usual.

Not a good combo.  I somehow made it through the class with a sour puss, which is NOT something I want to do.

No sweaty pic tonight, I didn't even remember to take one because my head is in the clouds.

No dairy starts tomorrow.  I feel a headache coming on.

I'll be better tomorrow, folks.  Already starting to feel a bit better.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Note To Self....

It is ok to take a rest day if you've worked out 7 days in a row.

Especially if there was a damn cat in heat last night right by your bedroom window that woke you up at 4AM.

Note to self - work on your feet/toe mobility in order to prepare for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.  And refine your crossbow shooting skills ASAP.  You're learning something from watching The Walking Dead, right?  Heehee.

I was so freaking tired today.  I felt like I was moving in slo mo today.

It didn't help that TOM is this week, as in today.  Bummer.  So now I'm feeling all bloated and no bueno.



Saw this on the interwebz.  Seemed appropriate.

I have to remember that I've worked my ass off to get to this point.  It's easy to forget.  Especially on a day like today, when I'm walking around in slo mo and my mind is going a mile a minute, thinking about Mom's SX, siblings that don't want to or can't help too much, how different my life could be a year from now, or where I'll be a year from now.

And now I am hitting the sack, because that's just too deep this late.  And I'm hoping there won't be any cat sexy times outside my window tonight.  Because if there is, God help me, I will use my cross bow on that damn thing.

Mess with my sleep and Ima go ape shit on your ass.   :-)

Nite!