Friday, May 31, 2013

Random Things Friday.

My, my.  Seems many of you have opinions on the trainer thing.  I didn't intend for it to turn into a debate, but what the hay?  I'm running out of things to blog about anyway.

I'll get to that in a second.  First, here are some random things.

Random text from bro:  "I'm taking the series 7 Exam and I'm buying the materials second hand.  Can you go meet the guy at a DD or Starbucks and pick up the things for me?"

Typical bro.  Love him to death, but sometimes he just doesn't think.  But it's so NY, isn't it?  If we were Italian, this would be so stereotypical.

"Did you talk to the guy about the thing?"

Straight out of the movie Analyze This, I'm telling ya.

Text from bro the next day:  I'm having the guy snail mail me the materials instead.

Mayhap he thought it wasn't a good idea to send his youngest sister to meet some strange dude at some random coffee place?

Apparently, my Dad has now reverted back to being a kid.  He broke a glass pot cover that was in the drying rack, spilling glass all over the floor.   When the aid came to the house the next morning, she freaked out because not only was there glass, but random cereal pieces on the floor.  The commotion caused the bottom cabinet doors to open, exposing the cereal boxes, which the dogs then dragged out with their mugs and teefs.  Damn dogs.  As if they're starving to death.

She asked him if he broke the cover, and he denied it.  At first.  (He didn't make eye contact, which is his tell.)  She gently asked him about it again, and he admitted it, hanging his head in shame.

She asked him why he denied it.  Know what he said?  Because when my wife comes home tomorrow and find out about it, she's going to get really mad at me.

Oh dear.  Since when did my Dad become afraid of my Mom?  Since when is my Dad afraid, period?  Sad puppy.

Mom gets out of Shady Pines tomorrow.  This will be interesting.

Yes, I do protein shakes.  In the afternoons, usually.  In that time after lunch but before dinner.

Why are ppl interested in what I eat?  I'm not all that interested in what I eat 99% of the time.  Shrug.

Anywho.

This is the cute dress I wore to work today.  My friend Whitney gave it to me last year when she outgrew it.  She only wore it twice.


I just noticed my feet are cut off.  Eh, no biggie.  It's from Banana Republic, size 8.  And yes, I had to safety pin the front for modesty's sake.   I was at work, after all.

I love fuschia, it's one of my signature colors.  I love the whole pink/fuschia/red/purple color scheme.  Just love.

Now.  About the trainer.  I'm kinda the person to shy away from confrontation, but I will face it only when absolutely necessary.  Tonight it was fine.  Instruction only, none of the touchy feely stuff.

We had to buddy up again after the intense warm up.  My buddy was this sweet lady named Marissa, or Mari for short.  It was pull muscle night, lots of lat/thigh/back work.  One of the moves we had to do was called dead weight. One of us had to lay on the floor like dead weight while our buddy pulled us up while holding our hand, working the lats and back.  I took pity on her when she had to pull me up.

"Sorry, I'm kinda heavy."  She was kind enough to roll her eyes and say that I was light as a feather.  The sweat from the warm up was stinging my eyes, making them teary.  I think she thought I was crying because she asked if I was ok. It did look like I was crying though, I'll give her that.  And if I was light as a feather, then she felt like absolutely nothing when I had to pull her up.  She was just trying to be nice.


Epic mess.  This humidity is making my hair even more epic.  You should see it when it's all loose post workout.  It looks like Diana Ross at that concert in Central Park when it was pouring rain.  Talk about train wreck hair, I gots it!

Mom comes home from Shady Pines tomorrow!  Have I mentioned that already?  The dynamic between her and the aide will be interesting.  The aide has the patience and demeanor of a saint, and my Mom has gotten a bit tougher in her old age.  Although, I have the impression that this whole thing has humbled her somewhat.  And probably depressed her a bit, too.  We'll see.

WI tomorrow.  I'm feeling just eh about it.  We'll see.  That's probably not a good omen, but I'll take it for whatever it is.

At this point, while the number still does matter, I can't discount or shortchange the physical changes my body has been through in the last few months alone.  I refuse to let go of that.

Why am I so talky tonight?  Why am I so scattered and all over the place?

I guess I have some stuff on the noggin, but what else is new.

Good Friday night, people!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Bad Habits.

I have this bad habit of going way too long in between eating.  It's something I've been noticing about me lately.

I go hours & hours without eating, and then all of a sudden, I get this terrible headaches.

That's what happened to me today.  Didn't have breakfast til almost 11 AM, and by then the pain in my head was unbearable.

I just don't get hungry in the mornings til later.  I can't eat when I get up, even though I know I should have a little something.  Just not interested.

I ate something real quick, then had 2 Advil.  It seemed to help.  I know there's something about glucose/blood sugar levels involved, and I also know that it's a bad thing when that stuff gets too low or too high.  I need to do something about that, just not sure what.

My morning coffee seems to hold me over well until the headaches start, but I can't be doing this forever.  No bueno for me.

It went from spring/winter to summer overnight.  Today was crazy hot and humid.  My hair frizziness went to epic porportions, I kid you not.  And then it's supposed to cool down to about 75ish degrees, from what I understand.  If the weather report is accurate, which it never is.

Bootcamp was Cardio Leg Day, Part Deux.  Jesus Christ, I won't be able to stand tomorrow without being in major pain.

No sweaty pic, I forgot my damn phone at home like a moron.

Not sure how to handle the Bootcamp trainer thing.  I don't want to be a total asshole about it since I think there is a possibility I'm just making way too big a deal about it.  Shrug.

I am all over the place today. as if you couldn't tell.  It's been a strange week for me.  Feeling a bit disjointed and discombobulated.  It was definitely the long weekend.  It always messes me up and then I never know what day it is.  I swear I walk around like I'm in a daze!

Grr.

At least it's Friday tomorrow.    And payday.  Thank goodness for small miracles.

And with that, I am hitting the sack.  And probably turning the AC on for the first time this year, too.  Crazy humid!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Pictures of the Nest.

Here ya go, Mrs. Swan:


Living room wall.  Apparently, I'm really into the scroll motif.  Even my furniture legs has this design.  Frames, shelves and candle sconces all have the scroll motif.


Wall art from Target.  I love the fiery reds/oranges/and yellows.  And the pictures just flow together even though the one on the right is completely unrelated to the other three.


Red/orange ceramic tiles and mirror.  It gives the wall a nice fiery splash of color.  I meant to hang the tiles on the right a bit lower than I did, but whatever.  It'll stay this way until I move or buy another place.

These certainly won't wind up in a fancy schmancy design magazine, but I don't care.  It's my little space, decorated how I wanted it to look.  And at least now it looks like a home instead of someone just biding her time.

Who knows if I'll still be in NY a year from now?  I'm open to moving and relocating.  People do it all the time, so no biggie.

I certainly did not mean to wax poetic yesterday.  I'm not sure where that came from.  Well, that's not entirely true.  This is the week to be all hormonal & PMS-y.  So, there's that.  ;-)

Anywho, today.  Not much else to report, same ole, same ole.  Although, it appears Bootcamp trainer is an ass man.  I was wearing my brand new Skittles colored sneakers today, and he came over to me and said, nice kicks!

And then he kinda smacked me on the ass a bit. Hmm.  A little too touchy feely.  Later, he had us doing reverse crunches, and he noticed my form was off.  I wasn't lifting my butt up all the way.  So he took his index finger, placed it on one of the cheeks, and told me to lift higher.  I slapped his hand away.

Don't fuck with me today.  I'm not down with all the touchy feeliness stuff unless I invite you to do such things.  Which I did not.  Homeboy doesn't have an open invitation to that shit, yo.

I'm probably making way too much of a big deal about it, as usual.   Like I always do.  I need to cut that shit out.

Cardio leg day.  Nuff said.  It was brutal.


T shirt was soaked.  Hard work and all that.

Thinking of decorating my bathroom next with some floral wall things.  I'm leaning towards Hydrangeas, since they're one of my favorite flowers ever.

And that is all I got.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Nesting.

I think I'm nesting.  Don't laugh.  I'm being serious.

Let me tell you what I've been up to this weekend.

Saturday, after WI, I met up with my friend Danielle.

Sunday morning, I hit the 60 minute Bikram session. One of the ladies there, Carol, asked me if I had lost any weight recently.  Made me smile a little.  I told her I had, to which she told me I looked great.  And "tiny."

Inward squeal.

Sunday and Monday I'm not sure what came over me, but I started decorating my living room/dining area.  About freaking time, since I've only been living here 18 months.  I had just been putting it off and off, and then I read another blog who's writer has hoarding tendencies that made me get up and start doing some things.

I hung up wall art, photos, frames, shelves, candle sconces and a mirror that perfectly matches the wall art I bought.  For this girl who's not handy at all and has never really done that stuff before, I can tell you my chest was puffing with pride.  Lil bit.

Who needs a guy to do things like that?  (Seriously, I need to give myself more credit.  And it's not that hard.  Anyone can get a level and hammer a damn nail through the wall.)

So I think for whatever reason I'm nesting.    Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me because I'm kinda missing an important variable in that particular equation.

The very sweet Karen told me on Twitter that she thinks I'm going through the next phase of my progress.  "Birth in reverse," were her exact words.

Hmm.   Maybe?  Maybe it's possible.  Maybe my body and my mind are trying to tell me that I've been so wrapped up and so consumed in losing the weight that I've been neglecting some truly important things in my life, things that have always been important to me.  Like making my home look like an actual home instead of playing house.  Like maybe I'm ready to embark on different things now.   Like maybe I need to concentrate on other aspects of life without completely neglecting the health part.

Maybe I know exactly what the Universe is trying to tell me and as usual, I just don't want to hear it because I'm not ready.  Or maybe I am ready and I just don't even know it yet.

Maybe I just need to shut up already because maybe I'm overthinking everything, as usual.

Anywho.

Food and workouts are still right on target, and I have been on plan.  This is TOM week, so that would explain the hormonal/nesting behavior.  Although the nesting thing is new, it's something that had never happened to me before.  Not sure what that was all about.

Yesterday I did a quick Firm Express DVD, and I added 20 minutes of HIIT cardio/strength training.  Shoulders and glutes are crazy sore right now.  Freaking love that feeling.

Today was a rest day.  Kinda needed it.  The weather is just gross out - it's done nothing but rain today.  Supposedly, the weather is supposed to turn around pretty quickly, but we'll see.

So.  I'm nesting.  WTF is that about?  Interesting.  When I figure out what that's about, I'll fill you in.  I'm kinda slow on the uptake lately.

Work today was kinda brutal.  It always sucks coming back from a long weekend or a vacation.  Oh man.  Here's hoping tomorrow won't be quite as bad.  Boo.

Hitting the sack.  I needs my sleep.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  151 lbs.
This week's weight:  148.6 lbs.

I lost 2.4 pounds this week!

The proof:

I left my meeting after 20 minutes so I could go home, change & head to Bootcamp.

Whoa.  Just whoa.  Trainer redeemed himself from last week's debacle.  He made us work for it.  By doing lots of freaking core work.  I HATE CORE WORK.  With a mother fucking passion.  It does nothing for my stomachs.  Loose skin ain't going away.

Umm, but I was also convinced that Bootcamp and Paleo weren't working either, which only proves I know squat about what goes on.

Lots of core, lots of HIIT cardio, lots of squats, pushups, boxing drills, plank punches and plyo kicks.

I had the trainer take my body fat percentage.  He uses that Omron thingy.  I think that's what it's called.  My body fat is at 29%, according to this thing.  OMG, I wanted to cry.  I'm almost 30% fat!!??!  Jesus Christ.  So much for having muscle.   And so much for resetting my weight goal.  It's going to stay at 137 - for now.

Trainer was good about my reaction, he said ideally under 30 is good.  Women tend to carry more fat naturally than men, etc.  My BMI was at 25, which apparently falls into the "normal" range.

I'm no longer obese or overweight.  And sometimes, that simple fact blows my motherfucking mind.

I had planned a low key day since the weather insists on being a snot.  I had to check in on my Dad, check in on the dogs, and get some laundry going.  My friend Danielle texted me asking if I wanted to hang out.  Mani/pedis, an eyebrow wax for me, and coffee at Dunkin Donuts followed.

We caught up, gossiped, chatted, and just had a nice time.

No donuts, muffins, or Munchkins were harmed/consumed during this hangout session.  :-)

I did try their sweetened tea which I didn't care for.  After a few sips, I was done with it.  Should've just gotten a decaf coffee or something, but eh.

May just do short posts tomorrow & Monday, nothing epic.

I am going to try to enjoy what's left of the weekend.  But a lot of that depends on the freaking weather.  We'll see.

Hope you guys have nicer weather than me!  :-)

Friday, May 24, 2013

So This Weather....

is pretty depressing.  It's freezing, raining, and very windy.  It's sad puppy at the vet depressing.  I'm not kidding.   This is pretty much everyone in NY right now.


 Mucho sad.  Mucho freaking adorable.  I bet he still has puppy breath, too.   One of the girls I work with texted me this a while ago.

I remember last year at Memorial Day weekend it was crazy hot.  I think I was already working on my tan at the beach.  Guess that'll have to wait a while.

Good news is we got out of work early.  5PM Bootcamp for me.  OMG, pull muscles day.  My arms hurt.  Biceps & triceps are on fire.   So are my obliques.  Lots of V-ups, bicycles, arm work, and some more things I can't remember right now.

Half asleep.

Thanks for the comments yesterday - much appreciated! I know goal is more about a feeling than it is a number, any number.  I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't love to be a 4 or a 6. I totally want my ass to look tight in some jeans, nothing wrong with that.   It's hard to explain except this way.   When you spent a majority  of your 20s and part of your early 30s in 24s & 26s, you'd understand.  But I would also LOVE to lean out more, and get a tad more muscular and toned - especially in my lower body.  Upper half is doing ok, judging by what people have been saying to me recently.  So that means, in my mind anyway, that goal for me would be on the "heavier end" of the bar.  Which I'm ok with.  I wouldn't mind weighing a tiny bit more because I had more lean muscle mass instead of fat.

Does that make sense?  Not sure if I'm explaining that right.

Jeanette -Barely 5'4 too, but you look so much taller.  And you are way lankier than me, with them long legs!  My legs are kindy stumpy compared to yours!  Tis ok, though, I forgive ya.

Natalie - I do go and play once in a while, I just don't always talk about it.   My definition of playtime will differ a whole lot than other people's definition of it.  All good, yo.  We're all different with different opinions for a reason.  :-)

About the body fat test Norma - Bootcamp trainer doesn't use calipers.  He uses a mechanism where your sex/height/weight info is plugged in, you grasp it with both hands on either side and hold it out in front of you.  I forget what it's called, but he does that for all members Saturday mornings if we want to.  I'll do that tomorrow.  Even with calipers though, I wonder how accurate the reading would be.  My understanding is that they use an area around your midsection for the measurement, which is exactly where I carry most of my loose skin.  Hence the reason I call that area my "stomachs" because of that damn ring of wrinkly skin around my belly button.  Looks like I've got 2 stomachs instead of one.  Eh.

WI tomorrow, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.  Not even thinking about the scale now, and it's making my life easier.   I think the Paleo/clean eating thing contributes a whole lot to the easiness factor, which is great.  Takes a lot of the thinking & obsessing out of the way.  For me, anyway.

And with that, I am off!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

"You're Already There."

So this morning, I was chatty Cathy on Twitter.  For about 15 minutes, because then I had to actually do the work thing.

Two ladies were having a weight loss/maintenance discussion.  One has maintained her incredible weight loss (200 pounds the old fashioned way) and one has not.  The latter admittedly never learned the proper maintenance tools and never had the proper support.

Which totally sucks.  And it got me thinking.  Why the heck is maintenance so freaking hard?  Because by all accounts, everything I've read, everything I've ever heard has told me that maintenance  is 100 times harder than actually losing weight.

Both ladies agreed losing the emotional weight is a much, much harder process than losing the physical.  This is the entire reason my interest was piqued.  Why? Why why why?

Once you get to maintenance, what else is left, right?  Everything that got you fat/overweight/morbidly obese in the first place.

And that is some heart wrenching shit.

I plateaued/maintained in the high 150s for almost an entire year, so I have some experience with "maintenance" (if you even want to call it that) but I don't consider it genuine experience.  Because I wasn't at my goal.

I wasn't there yet.  (Still not, in my opinion.)

I wish I was there already.  And I said that on Twitter as well.  Sarah said this to me:

"Kelly, I'll let you in on a little secret.  You're already there.  :-)"

Mind blown.  Simple words, and it was as if the meaning of life was just revealed to me or something.  Coming from a maintainer.

Am I already there?  I don't feel like I am yet.  That fat girl mentality is still there.  Granted, I'm in the best shape of my entire life.  I'm smaller than I've ever been.  EVER.  But is Sarah right?  Am I already there?

I am now questioning my ultimate weight goal.  Do I go for another 6 or 7 pounds and then declare that my goal?  Sarah did say that most people, including herself, don't see their lowest weight for very long.  Fluctuation is normal, and I knew all that.  I think I knew all that, anyway.

So, now I'm unsure.  I mean, I've always said and thought to myself that the low-mid 140s would be ideal for me, considering how short I am.  So do I make 144 my goal?  Crap.....

I know I need to see how I feel once I get within that range.  See how I feel at 144 or 145.  I think I'd much rather be a comfortable size 6 at 144ish than a size 8 at 137.   Currently, at 151 lbs., I'm a tight size 6, big size 8.  The size 8s I was wearing today were practically hanging off me.

Nice problem to have, right?  :-)

It's a 6ish pounds, not 26.  I know it's not a colossal change, and I'll probably need to be there a while in order to make a decision.

Bootcamp, cardio leg day, and it was hard.  Hella hard, if you will.  Glutes and hamstrings will be feeling it tomorrow.


I have a lot to think about.  And it won't happen in a week or a month.

I'm already there.  I'm not sure why this has affected me the way it has.  But it has.  Whoa.  Just whoa.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Quickie.

As in, quickie post.  Not anything else.  ;-)

I ate breakfast late, was still full by the time lunch time rolled around, which led to me picking at my food during the day.

I didn't have my usual protein smoothie, so I went to Bootcamp on pretty much an empty stomach.  Driving home from work, I felt a little nauseous/light headed.  I had a tablespoon of crunch almond butter with a tiny bit of honey when I got home.  Not nearly enough sustenance, I know.  I think the humidity today coupled with light eating really, really affected me.

It was hot inside Bootcamp, which compounded the lightheadedness.  I felt like I would've passed out, but the central air decided to kick in right then.  I had to take a breather and guzzle some of my water.  Talk about a boneheaded move.  I'll never eat that late of a breakfast again.  It was practically second breakfast time when I finally did feed my stomachs.

I don't even want to talk about the class tonight.  Good Lawd, it was a harder circuit than yesterday!  The same type of obstacle course was our warm up, minus the skaters.  Mountain climbers on the XTrainer.   Squats and punches using a resistance rope.  Walking lunges.  Moving arm planks, squat thrusts, and single legged burpees.

Screw you, single legged burpees.  Seriously.


I'm in a lot of pain in this photo, and as we speak.

I made sure to have protein the second I got back, and I was already feeling better by then.  Good thing the lightheadedness was fleeting.  Not a great feeling at all.

Mom got her stitches out today, and she's being discharged from Shady Pines on the 31st.  I think she's more than ready to be home at this point.  Doctor said everything was looking good, and she's even slightly ahead of schedule.  Thank goodness.

Food prep, and a little scouring of easy crock pot recipes tonight, then I'm turning in early.   I found one for chicken breasts that originally called for them to be pan seared then oven roasted, but I think I'll do it in my crock pot instead.  This is the recipe right here.  Looks super simple and hopefully tasty.  I'm going to use boneless, skinless chicken thighs and add some brussell sprouts.  I have these seasonings and spices in my cupboards all the time, so it's super convenient.

Nite!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Rednecks & Arms.

Today was that party I told you guys about last week.  For the attorney that didn't even want this shindig.

Last week, he went into the office manager's office, and I heard him tell her flat out that he did not want this party to happen.  He told her he thought it was foolish.   But it was already too late, because things had been planned - against his better judgement and against his wishes.

How terrible, right?  Poor guy didn't even want it.

At least he tried to make the best of it.  He showed up, as did everyone even though no one wanted to, and the whole thing lasted about 35 minutes or so.  The odd thing is that the Boss sent out an email saying the office would be closing at 4, in honor of the guy's birthday.  I just hope this doesn't mean we won't get out early on Friday now.  I'll find out on Friday.

I was able to hit up the 5PM Bootcamp class instead of the later 7PM one, and I'm so glad I did!  It was tough as hell, and I am so glad I got that crap over with earlier than usual.

He had us doing an obstacle style circuit today.  Push muscles day.  Oy.  I will not be able to lift or move my arms at all tomorrow.  I love working my arms, but this workout today was just insane!

Lots of chest flys, push ups, weighted punches, shoulder presses, arm shuffles using the Equalizer, tricep dips, bicep curls, and tricep kickbacks.  And of course, insane cardio thrown in just for shizz & giggles.

My shoulders are on FAHRRR!

I look worn out here.  It was so hot inside Bootcamp today.  I have a feeling he kept the AC low on purpose.  It was already 90 degrees out, and like a maniac, I decided to walk and not drive there today. Considering how close I live to Bootcamp, it's practically a sin to drive.  So I hoofed it there and back.  Sweet Jesus.  The front of my tank is completely drenched in my funkiness.

Ooh, do you notice something else?  My freaking awesome camouflage weight lifting gloves!  They arrived today, and I jumped at the change to flaunt them.  This is them up close.


Redneck transformation in progress.  I love them.  LOVE.

Why I am suddenly in to all things redneck, I am not certain.  Why I suddenly want things in camo, I do not know.  (Well, maybe I do.)  But there ya go.

I'm not sure if I have redneck arms though.  Is there such a thing as redneck arms for a girl that was born & raised on Long Island?  Meh.

Last night's post had been rattling around in my noggin for a while.  It was just a matter of being able to transcribe rambling thoughts into a coherent post on screen.

Paleo works for me.  For now.  I always have maintained my right to tweak, and to change food intake as I see and feel necessary.  Right now, I feel good about it.  Six months from now, who knows how I'll feel.  Tis good.

Monday, May 20, 2013

If you want to lose weight...

Please do not look to blogs.  Do not look to weight loss bloggers.

They've got no clue.  No, seriously.

They can only tell you what works for them.  They know absolutely nothing about you or your life or what's going on with you.

I can only tell you what it has been like for me.  And I can tell you that it has sucked.  And it has been great.  It has been hard.  And lately, it has been easy.

I am a much different person now.  I have grown.  Albeit kicking and screaming, but I have grown.  I've turned to new things.  Even when I didn't want to.  And especially when it meant changing everything I thought I knew about my own weight loss and what I thought was healthy food.  (Good bye for now, whole wheat pasta and steel cut oats.)

I had to accept I was never going to be one of those lucky people who lost 100 pounds in a year.  Nope, not even close.

I had to stop making excuses.  (You mean I can't blame my upbringing/cultural background/school bullies/being called names?  That is some BS, yo!)

I had to start eating differently.  (Dude, I'm not doing Paleo!  I'll never be able to give up cheese!)

I had to start doing new things.  (I freaking HATE Bootcamp.  The scale has barely budged since I went Paleo.  But I'm down 2 dress sizes since February.  So obviously, it must NOT be working.)

I had to grit my teeth and do the work.  (I do not want to be on plan this weekend.  Weekends are hard for me.  But how much more do I want a great WI next week?  Sigh.)

I had to accept I was wrong.  More than once.  About a lot of things.  I'm still finding how wrong I've been about what I thought was right.  This one hurts what little pride I have left.  I'm NEVER wrong.  (Woman, please.  Even I want to smack myself upside the head after reading that last one.)

But.  It is so, so so so so so freaking worth it.

First Responders in Oklahoma - you guys rock!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Note to Self.

Note to self: If you're going to sign up for an 8AM Bootcamp class, do NOT wake up at 7:45.  Set your alarm the night before.  Make time for coffee, at least.

Apparently, I am a total asshat without morning coffee.  A real snot, if you will.  I got up, saw the time, and got dressed and ready with the quickness.  No coffee.

You do the math.

I walk into Bootcamp, and people are saying good morning to me.  The look on my face is one of still being half asleep, I'm not kidding.  One of the guys, John, said, "Man, Kel, you're a real pleasure to be around in the mornings."

Oh, the snideness.  How I love, even though it was directed right at me.

"Bro, I ain't had coffee yet."  (Said in total bitch ass, whiny tone.  God, I am just awful.  Shame.  I feel shame.)

John:  "I haven't had coffee yet either, and I'm just happy to be here.  Happy to be awake to see another day!"

The snideness.  I mean, what's not to love about it?  He said it in the kind of way that you could only laugh at, because it truly wasn't mean spirited at all.  So I smirked and loosened up.  I mean, honestly, I'm not getting anything good out of being such a snot.

Workout was tough.  I think the trainer felt bad about how he phoned it in with us yesterday.  Trainer dude also noticed my horrible demeanor this morning.  Sorry man!

Lots of pushups, lots of jump squats, suicide runs, boxing drills, burpees, and way too many planks.

Went straight to Dunkin to rectify caffeine situation and to pick up breakfast for Dad.  He's a fan of everything bagels - I just wanted a fresh cup of hot coffee.  Situation rectified, and not a second too soon.

Note to Self:  Do not put stuff on FB where your SIL can see it, tell your brother about it, who in turn tells Mom about it when they visited her yesterday at Shady Pines.

Sigh.

I made the asinine mistake of saying something on FB about Lika getting out.  My SIL saw it, and you already know the rest.  So Mom knew about it when I called her today.  I didn't tell my brother about it,  so the only way they could've known about it is thru FB.

So much for avoiding that coronary.  Well, can't do anything about it now.  Lesson learned.

The lemon chicken from yesterday came out bland.  It called for a packet of dry Italian dressing mix, which I didn't use.   It had sugar and xantham in it - what the heck is xantham anyway?  So I just substituted all the spices for garlic & onion powder, salt, pepper & Italian herb seasoning.

I think I'll just stick to the recipe word for word next time.  I'll just add a dash of sea salt to the chicken and call it a day.

Today I whipped out the crock pot and the liner again (love those crockpot liners!) and made meatballs & Italian veggies in tomato sauce.  I added fresh chopped garlic, onions, green and red peppers, black olives, artichoke hearts, and chopped zucchini.  A little salt and pepper to the tomato sauce, but no bread crumbs in the meatballs (93% lean beef with olive oil, garlic & onion powder, salt & pepper.)  I wanted to keep it as Paleo as possible.

The result was delish.  Mmm, so much better than the chicken.  Lots of veggies to bulk it up.  It was enough for 3 servings.  Mmm...

I need to use my crock pot more.  Karen tweeted some great Paleo friendly recipes today, and I'm totally checking it out.  Thanks lady!

Ooh, and I saw one for low carb, Paleo friendly General Tso's meatballs on Pinterest, but I'll just substitute chicken for the beef.  They give Paleo friendly substitutions for the soy sauce and sugar, so I'll definitely be doing that this week.  Or this weekend.

Laundry needs to be folded and put away.  It never ends.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  151 lbs.
This week's weight:  151 lbs.



No loss.  No gain.

I'm zen about it.  Wasn't great, but it doesn't suck either.  In reality, I phoned it in this week.  Sunday was the salt fest and going off Paleo did not help.  No binges, nothing like that, but after Sunday, I phoned it in.  The one good thing is that I realized it that when I do phone it in, I can still maintain.  So, there's that.

The plan this week is to do what I had been doing the last 3-4 weeks, excluding this past one.  Paleo.  Eating fresh, nutritious meals and snacks.  Tons & tons of water.  And not doing Bootcamp all half ass. Not doing anything half ass, come to think of it.

Speaking of Bootcamp, trainer dude was not his usual, over the top workout self.  I think he left it on the floor of the 9AM class, and had nothing left for the 10AM class.  I sweated a whole lot more than yesterday and put it in a really good effort, but I noticed people commenting about the difference in him.  Eh, we're all allowed an off day every now and then.  He can't always be "on" I suppose.  None of us can be like that 24/7.  Still a pretty good workout, just not as intense as it usually is.

Ileana, that cranwater drink you told me about is doing wonders for my skin.  I add the juice of one lemon to it, and a bag of decaf herbal tea in a 64 ounce water container and drink that all day.  On top of my usual water intake.   Seems to be working for me.  :-)

Went to check in on Dad, heat him up some lunch and check on the dogs.   Dad and fur creatures were doing fine.  It's just not the same without Mom there.  Another week and a half until she gets out of Shady Pines, I believe.  She's getting better every day, thank goodness.

Oh, and Paula, I didn't mention this, but yesterday on the drive back to work, after I had dropped Lika off safe & sound back at the house, I cried.  In the car.  Because I was just so relieved that she was safe and back home.  They really do become family, don't they.

After lunch, I decided to do some shopping.  Apparently, I never hit the "submit order" button on my online order like a dummy, so it never went through.  Only me.  No biggie, I just went to the NY & Co. store in the plaza a few minutes from me.

I scored these in a size mother fucking six:

Royal blue cropped pants.  Please excuse the color combination.  It looks like rainbows mated with Skittles and this is their love child.

Ask me if I give a fuck about it right now.  I'm in a size freaking SIX!!!!!

They are a bit tight around the thunder thighs and the child bearing hips.  Ask me if I care.

So I didn't lose an ounce this week.  Ask me if I care.  :-)

I bought tops in a size small, in nice pretty colors which I didn't take pictures of, but I will at some point.

I love color now.  I love lively and vibrant prints.  I never used to.  Now that I'm smaller, I want to dress in clothes that have splashes of color.  I still LOVE me some basic black, no doubt about it.

I'm experimenting with my crockpot this weekend.  Tonight, I made lemon herb chicken from a recipe I saw on Pinterest.  I changed it a little, using garlic & onion powder, red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper instead of the dry Italian dressing mix it originally called for.  And a tablespoon of butter.  You can find the recipe here, in case anyone is interested in trying it out.

Tomorrow, I'd like to make meatballs in sauce.  I have 93% ground beef, so now I'm just searching for a decent recipe to add some flavor to it.  I have diced tomatoes, and a small can of regular tomato sauce.  I'll probably sautee up some peppers and zucchini to give it some bulk.  We'll see.

I need to use my crockpot more.  I'm scouring recipes as we speak.

My Bootcamp is having a special 8AM class tomorrow and they're donating all proceeds to a local AIDS charity.  I'll barely have time for coffee.   But at least I get the workout over and done with early.  This should be interesting.  Hope he's more on his game tomorrow.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Heart Attacks and Shoulders.

Fridays are supposed to be the most awesome day of the work week, can we agree on this?

This morning, I get a phone call at work from the local shelter close to Mom & Dad's house.

"Hi, Kelly?  This is so-and-so from the shelter.  Do you have a dog named Lika?"  Pronounced Like-a.

Pit in stomach.  "Yes, I do.  What is this about, exactly?"

Dude:  "Well, two ladies found her in the middle of the street and brought her here to the shelter.  We got your phone number from the microchip information you registered when you had her chipped.  Now, she's fine, she's actually playing with the volunteers, but we do need you to come over and pick her up."

Sweet Jesus.

Heart attack narrowly avoided.  Not by much.

If anything had happened to the dogs, here's what would've happened:  Mom would've left Shady Pines when she's got about 10 days left, or she would've had a heart attack.  Possibly both.

Those dogs are her babies.  She asks about them MORE than she asks about Dad.

SMH.

The shelter is less than 10 minutes from my firm, and I had to tell the Boss (who was in a much better mood today, thank God for small miracles) how I had to step out for a few minutes.  The bemused look on his face was priceless.  Dude, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

When we got the dogs, I still lived at home, so all the owner information is under my name.  Good thing too, because the shelter would ONLY release her to me, and I had to show them my ID.  The lady/aide looking after my Dad went to the shelter to pick her up, but they wouldn't release Lika to her because she's not the owner.

This is the damn puppy dog that caused all the rucus this morning.  We have Yorkies, and the cartilage in Lika's ears never fully developed, which is why they are not pointy.

The "puppy ears" make her more cute.  One of the volunteers was playing with her when I got to the shelter.  Lika perked up when she saw me, and that tail started wagging like crazy.

The volunteer admitted that she would've adopted her if I hadn't shown up.  That's when I realized a few things.  1. We got really lucky that nothing happened to her - like an accident, like someone absconding with her.  2.  There are still some good people, good samaritans still left in the world.

She must've manuevered her way out from underneath the gate.  I stacked a few bricks to close up the gap.  Luke stayed put, luckily.

Damn dog.  Nearly causing me to hemmorhage.

We've decided Mom never needs to know about this.  Like, ever.

I was disappointed in my Bootcamp performance tonight.  I got there 10 minutes late, missed the most intense part of the warm up, and sweated just a bit.  I wasn't drenched like I normally am.

Part of the circuit tonight included buddying up  to do opposing biceps/triceps.  My partner was a nice lady.  She said she noticed my shoulder muscles were popping.

No pic, just wasn't feeling it.

WI tomorrow, and I feel ok about it.  Not concerned, not super confident either.  I'm not sure that's a good thing.  We'll see.  I have a feeling I'll be down a little, nothing spectacular.

And with that, I must hit the sack.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Random Thoughts.

STRENGTH TRAINING. SINCE DAY 1.

Broken record now ending.

So, today started out really great, then it kinda sucked in the middle, then it ended better.

I had this $25 gift from Amazon that I decided to use this morning.  I'm suddenly a huge fan of all things camo (this Long Island girl is bringing out her inner redneck), and I scored an awesome pair of camo & pink weight lifting gloves.  For free with the card.  Can't wait for them to arrive.

It is becoming painfully obvious that the clothes I have now don't fit me right.  Too big in the waist, they sometimes fall low on my hips when they're not supposed to do that.

So I decided to do just a bit of shoppy shoppy.  Just a bit.  I love NY & Co.  Specifically, I love shopping their online clearance section.  And using promo codes to keep the price of my shopping cart down.  But the best part?

Getting shit in a size motherfucking 6.  SIX.  I'll say it again.  SIX!!!!

And small.  Tops in a small and pants in a 6!  Holy Jesus.

It feels so great.  Greater than the taste of any cupcake or alcoholic beverage of your liking.

Boss Man was in a foul mood.  And he gets super nasty to people when he gets like that.

Everyone played the "let's avoid him at all costs" game.  Kinda sucks when you actually do need to work for him and interact with him.  I'm not exactly certain what the issue was.  Something about the new billing system implemented in January all of a sudden not working properly.  He went off on one of the attorneys in front of everyone, which is so rude and uncalled for.  So awesome having to walk on freaking eggshells at work.

Whatever.

Bootcamp was more randomness.  The trainer likes to be a little too touchy feely with the ladies.  Not inappropriate, just more annoying than anything.  But, he's a nice guy, and his workouts are awesome.  I was putting on my fitness gloves and I'm wearing a tank top, which shows the guns.  He walks over to me and says, Looking good, nice arms, and your waist is shrinking!  Something along those lines.  It was nice, I thanked him, then as I'm struggling to open my water bottle, he says:

"Here, let me help you with that.  You're not strong enough yet."  It was a joke, no biggie.  Total smart ass, which I can appreciate completely.  Because, I'm a smartass, too.

More legs.  More core, and some shoulders for good measure.  Glutes & thighs were screaming today.  Holy hell.

Beads of sweat along my forehead.  Love.

I'm also loving rainbow/Skittles colored sneakers lately.  They're everywhere, and I love colorful things.  I must have them.

I also must master the crow posture.  Balancing your body weight on your hands requires a strong core (which I don't have) and upper body strength like there's no tomorrow (which I'm working on.)

Lots of randomness today.

No rhyme or reason to it.

Oh, and if you're new here - the name is Kelly. That is the name that appears on my birth certificate.  Or you can call me Kel.  That works too.  Miss CurvyFitGirl if you're nasty. (Don't mean a thang...)

Be good!  Lift heavy!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

LOLS and Jello Legs.

LOL of the day:  Today at work, the office manager passed out an "invite" for next week.  Apparently, one of the attorneys is having a milestone birthday next week.  He's turning 50 or 60, I'm not sure which.  So there will be an office party in the conference room.

And here's the kicker:

"Cupcakes and pizza will be served."

Seriously?

Seriously.  Is the party for a 5 year old or for a grown ass man?

My reaction was this:

Are you kidding?  Will there also be a magician?  Perhaps a puppet show later, or balloon fights?

I do happen to love most things redneck nowadays, but my dry, sarcastic NY sense of humor was in full swing at this particular moment.  I said that to Robin and Tara (2 girls I work with who also thought the "menu" was ridiculous) and they both promptly burst into laughter.   Tara suggested getting a clown with an obnoxiously big red nose.  But seriously, why not get a cake instead like everyone else in the world gets for a "birthday party."  They're probably going to get pizza from that awful joint right next door to the office, and cupcakes from Crumbs, which opened close by last year.

Pizza and cupcakes.  Heavenly menu for some.  This is for a 50 or 60 year old man.  Way to be classy and mature.  Honestly.

The attorney is one of my firm's partners, so we're all obligated (required) to go.  We have to freaking go.  Oh, and the start time for this little shindig is 3PM.  Right after most of us have lunch and have already eaten.  Weird, right?

I'm still rolling my eyes.  So I'll just do what I always do anytime the office has a "party."  I'll go, stand outside the conference room, and just pretend that I'm there.  Most of us do that since none of us want to touch the crap food the office always winds up getting.  Office etiquette dictates some kind of appearance, and I do happen to like the attorney.  He's a nice man.

Leg day at Bootcamp tonight.  Sweet Jesus, I cannot feel the lower half of my body.  My hamstrings are already sore as fuck, and my nalgas are in pain.  I won't be able to walk, sit down, or get back up without looking like a total fool tomorrow.  Stupid trainer with his tough ass (literally) workouts.  My legs are jello right now.


He played a lot of old school 80s hip hop & freestyle music tonight.  God, I love TKA & Lil Suzy.  Their jams were underappreciated and off the hook.

And, you cannot go wrong with a lil Rob Base (the one who knows about things!) & Salt n Pepa.  Just sayin.

Pizza & cupcakes.  I can't even right now.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Lists.

Meh, lists.  I'm choosing not to make it bigger than it should be.

Would've been nice if someone from that company had contacted me before using my image though, but I digress.  Anywho.

My back, biceps and glutes are only just starting to not be sore anymore.  From workouts on Thursday, Friday and Saturday of last week.  Unfreaking believable.

Today was more upper body.  Push cardio.  Kill me now, please.

Core work, Russian twists, boxing drills, agility training, and more upper body.  Bicep curls, upright rows, using the resistance cord, and kettle bell work.

My biceps and shoulders will be rocking tomorrow.


Not much of an appetite today.  I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  At least the cravings are lessening now.  I'm about 48 hours removed from the crapshow that was all that salty junk on Sunday.  So, it is getting better in that regard.

I've been getting asked a lot about my arms.  I feel like a broken record.  People, I've been strength training since Day 1.  It's not rocket science, I honestly have been using weights since Day 1.  Cross my heart.  Small ones, then I pyramided up as I lost more weight and got stronger.

Lately with Bootcamp, I've been using my own body weight (gasp!) for strength, and he will make us use weights on occasion.   Speaking of the trainer, today when we were doing upright rows with the band, he came over to me and said, "C'mon now, you can get that elbow higher."  Leading with the elbows is the first rule of thumb when performing upright rows correctly.  I think.

He pushes us even when we think we've reached our limit.  He's kinda annoying in that way, but I know he's supposed to do that.  That's why we pay him.

That's why I've been seeing the results lately.  I so hate admitting that.

And with that, I must hit the hay.

More tomorrow.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Cravings and Dead Weight.

Today started earlier than usual.

The appointment to get my car's bumper replaced and repaired was today, at 8 AM.  And as usual, I was running late.  Again.

I swear, I'll be late to my own funeral.  I got there at 8:30.

Not a big deal, but I had planned on getting to work a little earlier than usual today.  It is ridiculous how crazy busy I've been lately.  Well, better busy than idle, right?

It'll be at least a week until I can get my car back.  Hopefully, it'll go by quickly.  I already miss my girl!  LOL.

I was feeling very snacky today.  I just wanted everything in sight.

I wanted chips.  No chips.

I wanted cheese.  No cheese.

Ditto crackers with cheese.

Damn cravings.  I know where it's coming from.  I know it's from yesterday.

I'm internally rolling my eyes at myself.  It's just so...... stupid.  Because I knew and I do know better.  All that salt, no wonder it's cravings central over here.

It will pass.  But not soon enough for me.  The cravings are hell, and they suck major donkey balls.

That's what I get for grazing on trigger foods.  But, no mas.

Speaking of trigger foods, have you seen how Oscar winner Mo'nique has completely transformed herself by laying off the garbage and trigger foods?  Damn, girl!

Saw it on FB, and I couldn't believe it.  Good for her!  

I bet she feels great letting go of dead weight.  That was something else I was thinking of today (I swear my mind goes 100MPH all day long.)

Losing dead weight.  Relationships change, friendships change, friends come and go, and it's unfortunate.  But it happens.  Happened to me.  And I saw it happen with my old, former super obese boss that I had in high school and college.  She lost weight and "lost her mind," as one former co-worker put it.  Ditched the husband, took the cats, and moved on with her life with a new guy, new husband, had kids - and finally became a dog person.  (Because, that's the most important thing, not the fact that she lost more than 100 pounds all on her own and completely turned her life around.  She's a doggy person now.  Hehe.)

Dog people are good people in my book.  :-)

Bed be calling, yo.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day.

Hope you all mommas had a special day.

I spent today with mine and the rest of the family at my brother's house.

I started the day with the 60 minute Bikram session this morning.  Felt great.

Then onto to my bro's, where they had quite a spread.

I broke Paleo today, with some grazing that included pita bread and tortilla chips (gasp!)  Not great at all.

Why?  I have no answer.  I did some mindless grazing today, which is not acceptable.  Nothing close to a binge, but definitely not even close to being on program.  Some chips here, pieces of pita bread there. There was grilled chicken, beef kebobs, roasted baby lamb, rice, salad, grilled asparagus and eggplant.  I had chicken, salad, asparagus, and 3 bites of the baby lamb that was awesome.  I picked up lunch at the Persian Grill in Roslyn Heights and then schlepped it to Westchester.  Mediterranean food is the bomb.  I don't know how they make the lamb taste so good.  It's probably slathered in butter or something.

And yet, I still grazed mindlessly.  Sigh. Done & over with now.  I'm not wallowing or looking for attention.  I'm just writing about it, letting it out, and accepting that it's done & over with now.

I will not allow one bad meal to derail me from getting to my goal.  I will not start Monday.  All fat girls start on Monday.  I am starting now.

It was so great to see Mom, and see her doing so well.  She's coming along pretty well in her recovery, and I'm grateful for that.

She seemed to be in better spirits, which she'll need to be in if she wants to heal as quickly as she can.  It was good for her to get out of the recovery center.  A change of pace seemed to do her a world of good.  :-)

Back to the grinding work week tomorrow.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  153.6 lbs.
This week's weight:  151 lbs.


Whoa there, lowest weight ever!  Nice to freaking see ya!  What's going on?

Lookee that, no scale, no daily weighing, no constantly stressing the eff out over it - and dropping lbs like there's no tomorrow all of a sudden.  I haven't had a 2 pound loss in a long time.

Feels kinda nice.  :-)

All that time wasted on pity parties and wallowing and looking for condolences and attention, I could've just been doing THIS the whole time.   You know, like, real work.  Like cutting out the junk and eating real food.  Like doing the right things instead of knowingly doing all the wrongs things and then whining & complaining about it pathetically.  SMH.  Spilled milk now.

More running around today, so I went to WI, didn't stay for the meeting again (next week I will), hit the Stop & Shop next door, back home to put the stuff in the fridge and to grab coffee and change for Bootcamp.

Insane.  Insane.  INSANE class this morning.  I'm still recovering from it hours later.  I'm not kidding.  HIIT cardio, body weight strength training, mixed in with a little Bachata AND cumbia.  I know the trainer is Hispanic, but I figured him for Dominican, for some reason.  I might be mistaken about that.  He set the studio music to this playlist that was off the freaking hook - which included a little cumbia.  Except when he shouted at us to cumbia, he looked like was doing the salsa instead.  He works out with all 3 classes he teaches Saturday mornings, like a maniac.

He was in the front of the room, in front of the mirrors, doing what looked like salsa.

Oh, o, homeboy, I don't think so.  Not getting away with that when there's a Colombiana in the room who was born, raised, & weaned on vallenatos and cumbia.  Cumbia is Colombian, in case ya'll didn't know.

So I said to him, "You're doing salsa, not cumbia."  He barely looked at me.  "It's cumbia."

I was in a great mood from WI, and I've just been feeling so much better lately, so I decided to be a smart ass. (Shocking, I know.)

"Pero si la cumbia se baila asi!"  Showed him wazzup.  Hehe.

It was all in good fun, he was a good sport about it.  Normally, I keep my mouth shut in class & just do the workout, but today I thought I would change it up a little.

No pic, because I was too worn out, too sweaty, and too dazed after it was over to think straight.

I checked in on Dad & the dogs and visited with him for a bit. Two more weeks until Mom comes home.

Rainy & thundery here, but it seems to have stopped for now.

And with that, I am off!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Guns And Pants!

Last year, when I dropped a whole bunch of pounds in a pretty short amount of time, I did a whole lot of shopping.  I bought clothes on clearance from Old Navy and NY & Co. - especially pants - that were too small at the time with the plan of fitting into them later that year.

That never happened.  Until recently.  Until this year.  Until like, today.

I was looking through my closet this morning for my work clothes when I saw two pairs of pants bought last year that I have never been able to wear.  A pair from Old Navy & a pair from NY & Co.   The Old Navy pants were in a size 6P.

I decided, on a why-the-hell-not kind of moment, to try them both on.  The Old Navy ones I had to maneuver myself to get into.  They fit over my hips & thighs and I was able to button & zip them up.

If you have to maneuver yourself and do a little hopping and jumping to get into them, then my belief is they don't fit just yet.

No pic, because I felt like a salchicha/chorizo in those things.  Maybe another 5-7 pounds or so.  It's ok.

Then.  I saw the NY & Co. pants.

Hot pink.  With a satin-like finish.  Hot pink is one of my favorite colors.

I had scored them online on super clearance.  Here's the confusing part.  I think they're mislabeled.   Don't shake your head at me, lemme 'splain first.

I ordered them in a size 8, the price tag which was still attached up until this morning said size 10, and both clothes tags in the pants themselves said size 6.

See?  I submit Exhibits A & B as evidence.




THEY FUCKING FIT.  LIKE A GLOVE.

Well, hello there, guns!  :-)

Holy sweet fuck - could I really be a 6????

They're clearly mislabeled because obviously they can't simultaneously be a 6 and 10, so which is the correct size???   I don't know.  Motherfucker.

It's fine, no biggie.  The point is, these didn't fit me at all last year, and now they fit like a motherfucking glove.  Happy Kelly.

Bootcamp tonight was almost an exact replica of last night's upper body workout.  More pec flys, upright rows, plank rows, bicep curls, French presses, and overhead presses.  He did add ribcage pullovers, to change it up.

I won't be able to feel my arms and shoulders tomorrow.  DOMS is setting in as we speak.


WI is tomorrow, and I am feeling totally zen about it.  Confident.  I'll see a loss, I know I will.  I'm curious, but I'm not DYING about it like I was last week.  Last week I was practically jonesing.  This week, it's easier.

I'm good.

I wasn't good for a long time (hence why I wasn't losing weight nor inches) but I am now.  It's an awesome feeling, getting smaller.

Even though, you know, Bootcamp & Paleo are so NOT working for me.  So NOT doing a damn thing for me.  No es cierto, Ileana?  ;-)

So.  No mas denial, no mas delusion, no mas self sabotaging thinking I'm being "healthy" or what have you.  

I want to get to goal already.  This is THE year.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Race Bling.

Well, frost my devil's food cake.  THIS showed up today!

My race bling!  Winged running shoes, a la the Greek god Hermes.  Although he had winged sandals, as I recall.

Nice to see people coming through on doing stuff they say they will do.  :-)

Bootcamp was harsh tonight.  Legs & core with some upper body.  He had us use dumbbells tonight, which he normally does not do.  So we did pec flys on the floor with leg raises, lunges with overhead shoulder presses, dips with wide bicep curls and hammer curls, plyo squats, deadlifts, upright rows, French presses, lat rows, pushups, plank rows (God, I hate those) and cardio segments (shuffling, speed rope intervals, and sprints.)

Whoa.  Harsh.


I will be in pain tomorrow.  The good kinda pain, tho.  The kind where you say to yourself, "That hurts, but fuck that feels good!"  ;-)

Paleo is going good, as is the no scale thing.  I'm happy to admit that not weighing daily is getting easier.  I get curious, don't get me wrong, but it's not gnawing at me the way it was last week.  And about Paleo - sometimes, I do miss cheese, but I get over it pretty quickly.  It's just cheese.  No biggie.

Every day it gets better.  A little better.

I'm in a different place now.  I can feel it.

And you know something?  It feels fucking good!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Compliments.

Much better day today.  I was receiving good news throughout the day.

First:  Congrats to my friend, buddy & Fitbloggin roomie Brooke hit her goal tonight at WW.  Homegirl's lost the equivalent of a US Marine.  I'm not kidding.  Girlfriend's lost 175 freaking pounds!

And she did it the good ole fashioned way - eating less, working out, gritting her teeth and hard fucking work.  She trusted the process when it took her an entire year to lose 20 pounds.  The last 20 pounds, if I have that right.

I'm so, so freaking happy, thrilled, and proud of her.  She deserves any and all accolades thrown her way.  :-)

I talked to Mom today.  She is comfortably settled in at "Shady Pines" and she actually kind of likes it there.  Her leg and knee are still slightly swollen, but she's being taken care of 24/7.  I believe the staff is putting her through 3-4 hours of PT daily.  Which is exactly what she needs.  That is a huge load off my mind.  Especially since she sounded so much better.  She'll be there for 3 weeks, since that's all that Medicare will cover.  It's much better than her being home with no one to supervise her and ensuring that she is doing her exercises.

More good news that I'll be sharing soon.  I'm superstitious, and I want to make sure it's set in stone and written in blood first.

Bootcamp tonight.  Oh Bootcamp.  I'm leaving that place with bruises and popped blood vessels now.  I'm not kidding.  That's how hard the trainer works us.  I woke up yesterday morning with a bruise on my upper left thigh, and I haven't the slightest clue as to how that happened.  Yesterday, we had to hang suspended from those shoulder things while performing knee raises to work the lower abs.  Which resulted in red marks which I'm assuming to be popped blood vessels on both shoulders.

Damn.  My body's being beat down left and right, apparently.  Anyone knowing where to look would assume I had been in a fight or something.

It was a hard session, but pretty damn good.  Intense, as usual.

Someone, anyone, please explain to me the purpose of burpees.  WHY?  Why must do I these things every single time at Bootcamp?  What do they work?  Besides my damn nerves.  Please.  Someone, anyone, explain the function of these things to me.  Please & thank you.


You can't tell from this pic, but that tshirt was soaked in funkiness from collar to hem.  Talk about getting the fuck up out of my comfort zone.  Aint no choice when it comes to Bootcamp.

Not that I'll be complaining about that anytime soon.  (Ok, maybe I will from time to time when I feel like being a whiny asshat.)  After the final stretch, one of the girls there walked up to me, and said this:

"You've been doing so well here.  You've lost so much weight since you started!"  (Gives me smiling look-up-and-down.)

Me:  "Oh, well, thank you!  It's probably more inches lost than actual pounds, tho.  But I appreciate your saying that."  (Bad habit, trying to shite all over a genuine compliment. Why do I continue to do this?)

Her (I think her name is Jen, for the simple reason that EVERYONE's name seems to be Jen round these here parts)  "Hey, that's ok, too!  I'll take losing a pant size anyday.  'Course, it's nice when the scale moves down, too.  Right?"

We chatted a little, and of course I forgot to ask her what her name was, non-thinking fool that I am.  I think I'll stick with Jen, for now.  Her name is probably something like Christine or Lisa or something that isn't even close to Jen.  Oops.

Oh, and the trainer greeted me today with, "Hi, skinny!"  (Imaginary fist bump.)

It was a good day, Ice Cube style.  :-)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Bleh & Better.

Today was a bleh day that ended on a good note.

I felt off, I felt sluggish, and I just didn't feel quite like myself.  I've been feeling that way since my Mom had her first surgery the beginning of April.  It's been hard, it really has been.  It's no fun waking up in the middle of the night, stressed out about this.  That's happened twice in the last few weeks.  I just haven't said anything about it.

I think about and worry about things that are out of my control.  (As usual.)  Like her recovery, like how much pain she is in, like when she'll get out and how it'll be when she gets out - things like that.  Theoretically, I know it does me no good.  And I would tell anyone else in my shoes the same thing.  It's not helping.  It won't help her recovery.  And it's just bad, plain and simple.

And to make matters worse, I didn't have much of an appetite today either.  Which is really not good, and I know this.  It only means bad things, and I am trying, fighting to NOT make it worse.  At 5 PM, I had had a hard boiled egg, a chicken sausage link, banana, 4 oz of grilled chicken with broccoli and cauliflower.  Tons & tons of water all day, over 100 ounces.

So when I got home from work, I was starving.  I normally have a protein smoothie around 4, so I threw in frozen raspberries, scoop of whey protein powder, a tablespoon of Trader Joe's natural crunchy peanut butter and almond milk in the blender.  It was something to put in my stomachs so I wouldn't start gnawing at my fist.

Work today did not help.  Not that it ever really does.  The Boss noted I seemed distracted lately, and that aint good, either.  If you're Boss is calling you out...

So, if that isn't a sign for me to just suck it up and buckle down, then I don't know what is. A deadline I was responsible for was missed.  It can be fixed, and it was, but it should never have happened.  And that doesn't happen under my watch.  This was such an aberration because I'm on top of the things I'm responsible for at work.  Always.  Normally.  But the slip up happened, and there is still no excuse for it.

One missed thing can lead to another, etc, and I sure as hell won't allow that to happen.  Time to grow up, and just accept that  everyone has stuff going on in their lives, but it does not mean it affects your job performance.

And I'm done talking about work now.  I don't want to literally take work home with me.

Bootcamp was a welcome distraction, if you can believe that.  I didn't want to go, but I knew I had to.  Cardio push day.  Lots of shoulder work and just upper body work in general.  More boxing drills, too.

During one of the drills, the trainer was walking around, and when he got to me, he shouted,

"Que cuerpito!"

Yeah, that happened.  Not sure if anyone heard it, because the music was blasting.

SMH.  Almost inappropriate, but amusing at the same time.


Sleepy eyes.   I did actually feel a little sleepy afterwards.

I was walking out of Bootcamp and did a double take when I saw this one block over.


It looked obnoxiously bigger in person.  To me, anyway.  I think the picture doesn't do it justice.  It just looks so out of place here in Long Island.

The day got better tho.  I got an email from the race coordinator of the 5K I ran last month, promising me she will be putting my medal in the mail herself tomorrow.  I had sent her a follow up email, asking what gives?  She apologized (again) and then swore she'll be sending it to me tomorrow.  We'll see.  I'll believe it when it's in my possession.

Bro also sent me some adorable pictures of my niece & nephew, which made me smile.  I'm too lazy to upload & post right now, so maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

And with that, I am hitting the sack.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Pics!

Oh hello there, size 8 EIGHT cropped pants from JCrew!  How's it going??

These were so super cute I had to own them.

Size fucking 8!!  They fit like a glove, I couldn't believe it!  The girl in the fitting room said JCrew sizes are big, so I had to "size down," as she put it.  Which kind of irritated me, because I'm already in between sizes as it is.  I grabbed a 10 & an 8, tried on the 8 first, and then didn't even bother with the 10.

Love.

And just because I felt like more pics, I bring you this:

I'm closer to the mirror in the left pic, I know.

I didn't realize that when my friend fused the two together.  So I don't know if you can see a difference, because I can't.  I never see a difference, but that's just me.  I do see the outline of my stomachs still showing tho.

Rest day for me today.  Back to the grind tomorrow.

Mom finally went to "Shady Pines" today.  She was able to walk with the help of a walker, and so they moved her to a place in Westchester, in Croton-on-Hudson, about 10 minutes from my brother, and 45 minutes from my sister.  It'll be about 45 minutes from me as well, depending on traffic.  She'll be there for Mother's Day on Sunday, which really sucks, but she MUST get better.  That is the number one most important thing.

Size 8 in JCrew.  Holy moly.  I think I'll try Express in a few weeks and see what I can fit into there.

And how did the Bulls beat the Heat tonight??  WTF???

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Stick with the Plan.

So I'm at Trader Joe's the other day, and I saw package of frozen, grass-fed Angus beef burgers.  I thought, why not.  These Angus grass-fed burgers have been fed grain, bred by elves, blessed by fairies, lovingly caressed and nurtured by wood nymphs, and blah, blah, blah.  Hehe, Jeanette.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  :-)

I had one yesterday, and it was really good, but a ton of fat in it.  It was 80/20, so I'll probably limit that particularly beef to once a week, or every 2 weeks.  I had it with sweet potato "fries" that I threw in the oven, and some asparagus.  Mmm.

This morning, I had to check in on Dad, make him a quick breakfast and coffee before I headed to the 10 AM 60-minute Bikram session.  I really like the 60 minute class.  I'm done in an hour, and it's more intense.  There's more to a quick flow to it unlike the regular 90 minute classes.  Which is perfect, because I do need to change up/tweak.  And it's a great stress reliever, for me anyway, to just stretch and sweat out all the toxins.

I didn't struggle nearly as much as last week when I was suffering from that damn sugar hangover.  No headaches, no nausea, just had a tiny bit keeping up with the flow.  Which I know is normal, since it was only my second class.  I'm ok with that.

Lots of sweat, no sugar yuckiness, all good in my book.

I went back to check in on Dad, and since I was there, I thought I'd bring my laundry and take advantage of the free laundry facilities at their house.  I didn't plan on staying very long, but I had more dirty clothes than I had anticipated.  And there was nothing Paleo-friendly at their house, so I had to improvise a little.  I decided to get steamed chicken breast and steamed broccoli from the Chinese place that's close by.  Not a great choice, but I was starving.  And I was starting to get a headache, too.  The food had no flavor to it, so I dipped my fork tines in the sauce that was on the side to make it not taste like paper.  Filled up on a ton of water after, too.  Not so bad, but not ideal.   And not my first choice either.

Dad is ok, just lonely.  The dogs miss Mom too, which is kinda cute and sad at the same time.

I was thinking today that it's taken me my entire life to finally realize that once you pick a plan, whatever kind of food plan you want to lose weight, and you ACTUALLY STICK to it, you will freaking lose weight.  Like Paleo.  If you choose to do the Paleo thing, stick with it, actually work the plan, and you will lose weight.  No cheating, no mass slip ups, it will happen.

Cross my heart.  :-)

Unreal that you can go your whole life thinking you can skirt around an issue, and still expect results.  Don't work that way, peppermint.

It's only taken me 34 years to make that realization.  What?  I told you I was slow on the uptake!  :-)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

WI Results.

Last week's weight:  155.2 lbs.
This week's weight:  153. 6 lbs.  Down 1.6 lbs.

Oh hi there, lowest weight of my adult life.  Nice to see ya!  :-)

Ok.  So.  Maybe, just maybe, cutting out the daily weighing MIGHT have helped.  Maybe a little bit.  And maybe, just maybe, I am so full of bullshit right now with that statement that even I can't believe I said it.

Fine, Universe.  Loud & clear.  AGAIN.  For the millionth time.  Because apparently, I'm a little slow and half-witted when it comes to seeing things.  Mkay, Ileana?  :-)

Two days ago, I was CONVINCED that my version of Paleo wasn't working.  And neither was Bootcamp (yes, I went there again.)  I didn't feel any different, didn't look any different, and wallow, wallow, whine, whine..... OMG, it was the end of the world.

Honestly.  Someone bitch slap me.  Even I think I deserve it.

Segue - Chubby, when you made that snide remark about how you're not a fat chick doing the frivolous lawsuit thing, I almost spit out my water!  I actually snorted, hehe.  :-)

I didn't stay for the meeting, as I had to run to the store, get back home, have my cafecito, change, and then get to Bootcamp.  Saturday mornings are always insane, fat burning cardio day at Bootcamp.

Sweet Jesus.  I don't even know how I made it.  Some people are crazy enough (or fit enough) to take back-to-back classes.  I can't do that yet, but I'm considering doing it at some point.  Maybe just one day a week.  I figure I'll try it once and if I pass out or come close, then no go.

I was covered in funkiness within 5 minutes.   I'm not kidding.  I think I had Crisco dripping from my ankles.  Lots of boxing drills & combos, plyo jacks, planks, bicycle crunches, V-ups (I freaking hate those things) pike presses, jump squats, pushups, dips, and kick squats.  Holy Lord.


I'm not sure why I'm doing "ceiling eyes" here.  I thought I was looking at the lens.  My bad.

Went to check in on Dad.  Poor guy is lonely, and he really misses Mom.  Sigh.

So what did this week teach us, kids?  You don't need the gadgets.  Per se.  I've moved away from my HRM, moved away from the damn scale - albeit kicking and screaming - and guess what?  I actually survived.  Whoda thunk, right?

I still use my measuring spoons, cups and food scale, as I do believe those two are useful tools, as opposed to the gadgets/electronic devices.  You need to know how much of something you're eating.

And so it goes.  Downward, onward and forward.

Friday, May 3, 2013

No Creative Title.

So, apparently, I'm not the only one who internalizes.  ;-)  Good to know.

As for the thigh gap - to be honest, I hadn't noticed.  It's teeny, tiny, but ok, it's there.  I think.

WI is tomorrow, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.  Maybe I'll be surprised.  Maybe I'll be disappointed.  Who knows.  I'll find out soon.

So we had thought that Mom would be able to go to Shady Pines tomorrow, but unfortunately, the doctors won't sign off on her release just yet.  She's not pushing herself the way she should be, so that is why she'll be staying at least through the weekend.  Until she can go through x amount of hours of PT, she can't leave.  So, that is the situation.

She's got to push herself.  No one can do it for her.  Sigh.

Bootcamp tonight was pull muscles/cardio.  Crazy insane.


Shoulders are popping.  We had to do dips tonight on the Equalizer, and my triceps and biceps will be hurting tomorrow.  Pain so good.

And with that, I need to hit the sack.  Fingers crossed for tomorrow.  :-)


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Internalizing.

I internalize everything.  EVERYTHING.

This is one of my biggest flaws - probably my biggest.

I overthink everything and then make everything all my fault.

Anyone else do this?  I can't be the only one.  More on that later, in another post.

I went to see Mom today at the hospital after work.  My sister had brought my Dad to visit her, too!  I was really shocked, since he's pretty much housebound, except for doctor's appointments.  But it was good for him to get out of the house, and it was good for him to see my Mom.  He misses her, although I don't think he'd ever admit it.  He's old fashioned  & way old school.

It's funny that the orderly and the nurse helping my Mom in the hospital with her PT were both Colombian, like us.  I swear we're everywhere.  LOL.

She's a tiny bit more alert, but in a whole boat load of pain.  And still being as stubborn as ever.  Unreal.  But that's her.  That's Mom.

I missed the 7PM Bootcamp because of I was still in the hospital.  Seeing her was more important to me, but that doesn't mean I couldn't hit up the 8PM session, which I did but don't normally like to do.  Especially since it was Leg Day, Part 2.  My ass is and thighs are crazy sore right now.  It's not even right, yo!

-
Somewhat full body pic, but not really.  Thought I'd change it up a little.

Anywho, she may or may not be moved to rehab tomorrow, but we don't know.  Her numbers/levels weren't great, but they were improving slightly.  The doctor has to sign off on her release, otherwise, she stays in the hospital.  So we'll see.

Still not looking at the scale. Making me crazy, but this is a good test.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Nothing To See Here.

I don't have a whole lot to say.

Mom still wasn't in a room when I called her this afternoon.  No rooms were empty, so she was still in recovery.  And kinda loopy from the pain meds.  Boo.

Long day at work, but at least this week is almost over.

6PM Bootcamp.  My left outer thigh was crazy sore from yesterday.  All those freaking lunges, dips, and bear crawls.  I'm telling you, that stuff just aint right.

Today was more legs.  Because, why not.  And mas core.  V ups, bicycles, windshield wipers (I hate these with a passion - zero lower ab strength) and burpees.

 I've got to be honest about something.  This whole no scale thing is freaking killing me.  I'm absolutely dying to sneak a peek.  Dying.  And this is why I put the thing in the car, all the way outside in my parking spot in the parking lot.

Brooke & Dacia are doing this with me.  My Fitbloggin roomies.  :-)  God help us all.

And other than that, I got nothing else.  Except that I internalize everything, so I probably do have more things,  but I just don't know how to go about writing it out yet.

Bed is calling me.

Get up, go to work, work out, eat healthy, sleep, repeat.