Thursday, March 27, 2014

Thursday Thoughts.

Back to basics around these here parts.  Going well, thank goodness, and my head is clearer.

The scale is going back down as we speak.  I don't know how much longer I will continue the daily weighing.  It tends to make me crazy, and then I get obsessed over it.  Which of course stems from my obese days and my disordered way of thinking about food.  Sigh.

Something else that's also been helping?  Bootcamp.  Ever since my trainer called me out (his saying that I had lost my focus was way worse than saying I looked fat - I could feel the disappointment in his words), I'm back in vigilance mode.  Back to planning and prepping my meals.  Back to tracking everything.  Back to working out on a consistent basis.  Which is how it needs to be since this first year of maintenance is so critical.

As an aside, and this has nothing to do with anything I was just talking about - Jeannette, I can totally give you a run for your money on the crazy hair.   Today, the frizz was EPIC.  I'm talking crazy cat lady hair.  The only things missing were 3 or 4 cats hanging from me like The Simpsons character.  I'm not kidding.  :-)

Back to the topic at hand - I've been talking to Sarah a lot lately about maintaining.  Since she's been holding off 200 pounds for almost 10 years, I know she's an excellent resource of knowledge and information.  One of the things she's told me is that I MUST learn to live with food.  Bad choices are all around us - we have to learn to deal with the food that is around us and move on.  Especially since we won't always be able to control what goes in and out of our environments.

Ugh, the control issue.   That's an entirely separate post.  :-(

In the end, it is just food.  And it only has the power over us that we choose to give it.  Dealing and living with food without going off the rails comes over time.  It does not happen for us right away, especially those of us who have dropped a ton of weight.  It comes with time and practice.

What works for me is being consistently Primal/Paleo.  My protein smoothies are not strict Paleo, because of the Designer Whey Protein powder I use.  And of course, the half n half in my morning cafecito.  Other than that, I know if I stick to the plan, I feel better, my body feels great, and my clothes fit me like a glove.  As it is, certain work pants are fitting tight.   No bueno, so I'm glad I was able to cut the crap before it got entirely out of hand.

I'm up about 10 pounds from my lowest.  I can feel it, I can.  And it's noticeable.  To me anyway.  And no, it is so not muscle, mkay?  It's the direct result of BS eating, not caring about the BS eating, and not moving.

I'll post a weigh in update on Saturday.  Which reminds me, I got a note from my doctor stating that a higher weight was acceptable for me.  I handed it in to the receptionist at Weight Watchers last week.  It'll take a lot of the pressure off and give me a wider range.  When you lose a ton of weight, the healthy weight range should be more than 2 or 3 pounds above or below your chosen goal weight.  Every successful 100 pound+ loser I know has told me that.  Which admittedly, are 3 or 4 people.  But since they know their stuff and have maintained their weight loss for a while, I'll take their word for it.

Now you:  If you've lost a lot of weight, what is your healthy weight range?  5 pounds? 10?  More?

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Note To Self.

So you've been skirting around eating Paleo/Primal lately.  And it's starting to show.  To the point where even your trainer called you out on Saturday for having lost your spark.  "You're a role model, Kel," is what he said.

And sometimes, that's what it takes to turn yourself around and cut it out already.

Being a role model is an honor and a privilege.  It's not something anyone should ever take for granted or take lightly.

So.  It ends.  The nonsense eating, the feeling deflated because of one single plastic surgeon, the blaming it on a tough winter - it's done.

And she's back.  :-)

(Japanese Proverb)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

My First Plastic Surgery Consult.

I took the day off from work on Tuesday and went into the city.  I had my first ever plastic surgery consult.  I wasn't nervous at all about it.

I surprised myself by that.  I guess I was ok with not knowing what to expect.  Either that or the importance of the appointment itself hadn't hit me yet.

But I left disappointed.  The doctor, who was a man, was very polite, very professional, and very clear and concise in his explanations.  He was patient in answering all of my questions (and I had a LOT of questions) but in the end, I just didn't feel that we clicked.

And it didn't help when he pointed out that I would "need a lot of work done."  I'm the first to admit that I've completely wrecked my body having ever gotten that heavy, but man, that was harsh.  Harsh to hear.

I left there feeling bad about my body.  When I should've felt the complete opposite.

I've had friends tell me to shop around.  That is so important to find the right doctor that you connect with.  And maybe I'll do that.  But not now.

And, it would've been nice if he had said something like I would look awesome afterwards.  Or that after all my hard work to get the weight off, I deserved this.

None of that happened.

It was just very textbook and clinical.  Not a bad thing, but not for me.

Plus the fact that apparently, my health insurance in all likliehood would not cover the procedures.  Yes, procedures.  It would be a huge financial responsibility without health insurance covering it (up to $15K, possibly more.)  He said that the midsection would be one surgery, and the thighs would have to wait because you can't have skin pulling in opposing directions.  Something about the blood flow and tissue there.

I had wanted to have both done in the same day to get it over with, but he wouldn't do that.

I left the office struggling to fight the tears.  I was soooo disappointed.  When I got home, I canceled my other consult that I had scheduled with a different doctor.  And then I read the rest of my library stash.  I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.  Not exactly a cheery novel to read on the heels of such bitter disappointment at the doctor's office. But I loved the book nonetheless.

So now, I'm debating on even getting a second opinion and going to see another plastic surgeon.  I know I should shop around and not let one doctor dictate how I go about this.  But man, that was harsh.  I need to work on not being so darn sensitive all the time.

But I don't know.  Even if I found a great doctor tomorrow, I don't exactly have an extra $15K laying around.  So, for now, I remain uncertain about doing it.

Never say never though.

Thursday, March 13, 2014


I'm here!  Can ya'll see me???  *Waves

(Since when am I the person that says "ya'll?"  K has been having an influence on me, evidently.)

Monday night, I finally got to speak with Beth, whom I am presenting with at Fitbloggin!  It was great talking to her.  We clicked right away, and I am super excited about our discussion.  There's not a whole lot out there about maintenance or getting to goal, and this is something we both feel should be talked about more.

As an aside, it's a small world.  Her mother grew up in Syosset here on Long Island, which is not too far from me at all.  Beth is from CT.

After talking to her about her own skin removal/plastic surgery, I decided to FINALLY bite the bullet and start making doctor appointments.  Yesterday, I scheduled my first consult, and I literally just finished scheduling my second consult with a different doctor.

Right now, I'm still in the planning phase, and Beth reiterated that it is super important to click with your doctor.  Sarah told me that as well.

I have to remember that nothing has been decided yet, and therefore, I shouldn't be as nervous about it as I am now.  These are just preliminary consultations.  But I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that I know the consultations are the first step in this process.

Beth and Sarah both told me having the plastic surgery were the best things and the best decisions they ever made.  The pain is not permanent, and the results they got were worth of every single second of pain and discomfort.

My only concern is having someone around to help me out.  As you know, Mom & Dad have their own health issues and are therefore not an option.  We'll see.  This is definitely a con.

I wouldn't feel right asking a friend to take time off from work to help me post-op.  And my brother lives an hour from me, with 2 little ones at home, so again, not really an option.

And my health insurance would cover this as long as it is medically necessary and they receive all medical documents.  Pro.  Definitely a pro.

Work hasn't been quite as crazy this week, and I'm giving thanks to the work gods because of that. Phew.

So the process begins on the skin front, and I'll keep you updated.  Both consults are scheduled for next week.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Some Pics From my Weekend.

Friday night, one of the trainers from Bootcamp was spinning at a local lounge/club, and a bunch of people from Bootcamp were going.  I rarely go out during the week, and I haven't been to a club since college (I'm dating myself), but I threw caution to the wind this time.

Why not, after all. 

I didn't really want to go especially since it was a tough pull muscle day at  Bootcamp earlier, but I said I would go to show support.  And I thought it would be fun.

Turns out I was right!  I had a great time, dancing, hanging out with some of my favorite ppl.

With my friend Lori.


At WI this week, I was up a few pounds.  A little indulgence here & there, but nothing I regret.  I'm out, living life.  Being more social and digging my way out of my shell.

A lady at Bootcamp remarked to me the other day that it looked to her as if I've dropped several dress sizes recently.  After thanking her, and telling her that she is now my new favorite person ever, I told her that the scale hasn't budged a whole lot - if anything the damn machine has gone up.  But the inches keep coming off.

Remarkably.  I'm not entirely certain how or why that is happening, but my only guess is that I'm packing on more lean muscle mass.  And I kinda love it a whole lot.  It means clothes fit better, and it means I am shrinking.   What girl doesn't love that, right???  I sure as heck do.

So that got me thinking.  I'm debating getting a doctor's note from my doctor stating that because of my muscle tone, my healthy weight range should be slightly higher than is the norm with Weight Watchers.  We'll see though.  My leader told me to wait to see how my next WI goes this coming Saturday.

Either way, I'm going to seriously consider it.  I'm stronger now, I'm more leaner now than I was a year ago, and the scale has barely moved.  I think it's a smart move on my part, because I know the scale is not always indicative of health.  And it does not take into account muscle tone.   Especially mine.  My arms have gotten way leaner and slightly more muscular in the last year alone.

Now for my lower body to play catch up, and I'll be all set.  :-)

What do you think about the scale?  Are you at the point in your weight loss journey where you are relying solely on the scale, or have you moved past it?

Thursday, March 6, 2014


Hey everyone!

Heather from Half Size Me interviewed me in January as a follow up to the podcast I did with her last year.

You can check it out here!

And because it's been a while, here's a pic of me & some of my favorite peeps after we finished a grueling workout session at Bootcamp.  Britt & Chris, I love these guys!

Have a great day!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Ask Yourself: What is Holding You Back?

I get it, I really do.

For years, I made excuses.  About why I got so obese.  About why I couldn't do anything about it.

In my mind, they were not excuses.  They were valid reasons as to why I couldn't better my situation.

Even now, I make excuses.  About why to skip this workout or why to put something I normally would not eat into my shopping cart.

They don't happen as much as they used to, but every now and then, they happen.  Because I am not perfect.  Not now, not back then, not ever.

I had to ask myself:  what is holding you back, Kel?  Why are you still stuck?

What could you do differently?

Well, my back hurts.

I'm too tired because I didn't get enough sleep.

I don't want to work out outside because I'm to embarrassed.

Reasons or excuses?

Please watch this video and then ask yourself honestly:  what is holding you back??

If this doesn't make you run out of the house in your gym gear, I don't know what will.

No words.